


Out of the Blue

by mayghaen17



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adoption, Age Difference, Attempted Abortion, Depression, Discussion of Abortion, Divorce, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, In-patient therapy, Oral Sex, Postpartum Depression, Pregnancy, Premature Birth, Public Sex, Romance, Secret pregnancy, Suicide Attempt, Therapy, Trauma, True Love, Unplanned Pregnancy, attempted adoption, hidden romance, secret romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:34:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 100,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24803968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayghaen17/pseuds/mayghaen17
Summary: Hermione expected her divorce. It was everything else that happened afterwards that was unexpected.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Theodore Nott, Hannah Abbott/Ron Weasley, Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger/James Potter, Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks
Comments: 283
Kudos: 509





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a Muggle AU in which there is absolutely no magic.
> 
> Fancast for James Potter is Garret Hedlund  
> Fancast for Sirius Black is Benjamin Barnes  
> Fancast for Remus Lupin is Tom Hiddleston  
> All other characters appear as they did in the movies and/or real life depending on age

****

**ONE**

_**Friday, 5 June 2020** _

Divorced.

Hermione downed another shot as the word reverberated through her mind yet again. It had been official for all of three hours, in which, she'd had twice as many shots. The letter had arrived via courier to her office just as she was gathering her things to leave for the day. She thanked her lucky stars it arrived on a Friday. She knew it was coming, that today marked the end of the five to seven business days they were quoted when they originally filed.

As she signaled the bartender for another shot, someone slid onto the stool beside her. "Make that two." Her head lifted at the familiar voice and found James offering a sad smile her way.

"Thank you," she said, her voice light.

He nodded, his gaze flickering down to her left hand. "Took it off already?"

She played with the empty shot glass before her. "It was an heirloom," she muttered. "I knew how much it meant to Molly. I would have felt awful keeping it."

They both nodded to the bartender and picked up their shots. They lifted them towards each other, a small _clink_ sounding between them before they downed them at the same time. James shuddered as he set the glass down on the table. Hermione smiled at his reaction; had her tongue not been numb to the burning taste already, she would have done the same.

"At the risk of making it worse, are you alright?"

She gave a thin smile and a short nod of her head. "We knew it was coming," she said quietly. "We should have never let it get this far." A sigh escaped her lips as she leaned over the bar, her chin resting on one hand while the other played with the cocktail napkin. "We were better off as friends."

"Is that why you're here, drinking alone while Ron's over at Harry's?"

Despite her best efforts to numb herself to her misery, his words twisted at her heart. Realistically, she knew that while the three of them had always been friends, Ron and Harry had been friends first. A part of her wondered if she wasn't forcing herself to remain friends with Ron just so she could keep Harry in her life. After all, he was married to Ron's sister. If anyone was going to be phased out of the group, it would be Hermione.

She sighed and turned her head in her hand to look at him. "I'm not alone."

His eyes darkened ever so slightly and Hermione found that there was a bit more blue in the hazel of his eyes than she'd ever noticed before. "I suppose not," he replied, his voice lower than it had been when last he spoke. "Though I'm sure you'd prefer the company of someone more your age group."

She couldn't stop the laughter that slipped past her lips. "You're not that old, Mister Potter. I've heard the stories about the old days. I'm sure you can catch up to me."

He grimaced at first, though a smile played on his lips. "Mister Potter?" he repeated, his mouth contorting as if the words were sour on his tongue. "That was my father's moniker," he added. "James, please. And I don't know if I could catch up with you, love. You've had one giant head start."

"Chicken," she muttered with a smirk.

Mischief and amusement lingered in his gaze as she turned to order another shot for the two of them. They toasted each other again, but this time, as the burn worked its way down her throat, she felt the rest of the shots catch up to her bladder. With a sigh, she set the glass down next to the others and turned in her seat with the intention of getting to her feet.

Sitting, she hadn't felt the effects of the alcohol, but standing made the amount coursing through her system quite apparent. She miscalculated how far down her legs actually had to go to reach the floor and stumbled in the process. With a yelp of surprise, she reached out and grabbed hold of the first thing she came into contact with; James.

His hands were firm on her waist as they kept her up. But it wasn't his hold that was making her turn as red as Ron's hair, it was where one of her hands had landed. It was on his upper thigh, extremely close to a certain other part of his anatomy. One that she could feel-

"I'm sorry!" she gasped, scrambling away from him. She cleared her throat and cast her eyes down to the floor. She tried to excuse herself to the bathroom, but when the words left her mouth, she wasn't sure it was coherent. She left regardless, practically running through the steady crowd to the back of the bar.

She relieved herself immediately, but continued to sit there far longer than necessary. Her elbows dug into her thighs, making her legs go numb as she cradled her head in her hands. The heels of her palms pressed against her eyes, as if trying her hardest to make the incident go away. Even when she did make her way to the sink, she couldn't find the strength to go back out there and face him. The embarrassment was still there, flushing her face as she stared at herself in the mirror.

It was a knock on the door that forced her to fake some courage. She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders despite the quiver of her bottom lip, and reached for the door. But instead of another patron needing the loo, she came face to face with James. His eyes searched hers to the point where she thought she might drown in his gaze. And when she saw the flicker of lust beneath the concern, she threw caution to the wind and made her move.

She could deal with her poor life choices in the morning.

Right alongside her hangover.

He must have had the same idea because they met in the middle. He kicked the door closed behind him as he reached for her, his hands landing on her waist as they had been before. Hers landed on his chest, her fingers curling around his shirt. His lips were hot on hers as they stumbled, stopping only when her back collided with the tiled wall. Her arms came up to wind around his neck, her fingers threading through the his ever unruly hair.

His hands left searing trails of fire wherever they touched. She moaned into his mouth as he hiked up her skirt. He wasted no time curling his fingers around her knickers, breaking the kiss long enough to drag them down her legs. She stepped out of them as he stood once more, his lips finding her throat to let her catch her breath. She clawed at his trousers, desperate for release.

Her hand wrapped around his length the second he was free. He hissed against her throat, drawing a moan from her as he nipped a bit harder than before. Her thumb swiped over the head of his cock, collecting the moisture that had gathered there and spreading it further with each pump of her wrist.

He didn't let her touch him for long. She whined when he pulled her hand away from him, but the noise quickly turned to another moan as he lifted her up. Her legs wrapped around his hips and with one powerful thrust, he filled her core. They swallowed each other's moans of pleasure as he reclaimed her lips. He only gave her a second to get used to the way he stretched her before he pulled back nearly all the way, just to slam into her once more.

Hermione had one arm around his shoulders, the other cupping the back of head. When he moved his lips back to the crook of her neck, she held him there. Her hips moved in rhythm with his as he brought her closer to the edge. His hand dipped between them; the pad of his thumb brushing over her clit. She jerked against him, tossed her head back, and shattered. He wasn't far behind her. When she came down from her high, his hips had begun to stutter and the frenzy of his thrusts slowed as he reached his own release.

They remained where they were for quite some time. Her thighs quaked around his hips as her inner walls continued to spasm, trying to keep him there as long as possible. Her fingers thread through his hair over and over again as his lips continued to press against her skin. But as he slipped from her body, the moment seemed fade and reality began crashing down around them.

"James-"

"I'm sorry," he whispered against her skin. "I just came to check on you-"

"Take me home," she rasped.

Hermione never clarified, but was glad she hadn't needed to. He simply took her hand and led her from the bar. As they pulled up to the house she was just as familiar with as her childhood home, she was surprised to find her nerves hadn't gotten the best of her. Not even as he came around to open her door for her or take her by the hand again. Not as he led her through the halls and up the stairs.

If he was worried about misinterpreting her definition of home, he never let it show as he pulled her to him and laid his lips back down over hers. Instead of the frenzy that had overcome them earlier, they took their time in undressing one another. And once all their clothes were at their feet, he picked her up again to carry her to the bed. There, he laid her upon it as if she were made of glass. Whatever came of this, they could discuss later. Much later. For now, Hermione was lost in the intensity of his gaze as he placed his hands beneath her thighs and pushed them up. She barely had time to register his intentions before she felt his mouth on her, lapping up the remnants of their first encounter.

When Hermione came again, she knew it was only the beginning. Of what, she wasn't sure. Only time would tell.

* * *

_**Seven weeks later...** _

Hermione had no idea when it was that they had collapsed into exhaustion. She only knew that she hadn't been asleep for long when the early morning light woke her. It had taken a moment for her to realize where she was and why everything looked so familiar. And when she had turned to see the person curled around her back was none other than her best friend's father, she panicked.

Memories of the night before returned all at once, like a stampede of elephants to her brain. Once everything had settled, she weighed each of her options. Decision made, she did her best to extract herself from him and scrounged around for her clothes. She was quick to pen a note, thanking him for his company, and left it on the pillow she had been using before taking her leave.

She had hailed a cab to take her back to the bar where she had left her car. It was when she got behind the wheel of her own vehicle that she panicked; not quite sure where to go. After a fair bit of deliberation, she drove to her parents house. Despite her and Ron having come the mutual decision to sell the house they had purchased together and split whatever profit they made, if any, she couldn't go back there. Even if he had more or less moved to the Burrow.

That first week that followed the finalization of being divorced, Ginny had helped her get her things from the house. By the end of the second week, the only thing she had to return for was when the place sold. And it did, a month later. During that time, she stayed with her parents. She had been searching for a place to live, a task that proved to be more difficult that she originally thought.

It was the worst time for her to come down with something. The first day, she chalked it up to food poisoning. It was what she got for listening to Luna and trying Thai for the first time. But her friend wasn't sick and it persisted into the next day. The second day was worse than the first, but she was adamant that it was nothing. The third day, it began to lessen, but the nausea was worse than the actual vomiting.

It was the fourth day that she dragged herself to the clinic.

It was the fourth day that her world changed forever.

Hermione had gone straight home after receiving the news from the clinic. They had loaded her up with a slew of reading material, all of which was still crammed into her purse. She had gone straight to her room, the one she had used during her childhood, and sat against the headboard, hugging her knees to her chest. She hadn't even begun to process everything when Ginny's text came through.

At the reminder of Harry's birthday celebration, Hermione's stomach lurched and she ran, barely making it to the toilet in time to empty her stomach. If it was anything else, she would have called and cancelled. Not only would she have to suck it up and put on a brave face on to deal with Ron, she knew _he_ was going to be there as well.

It wasn't as though she had been avoiding James since she'd left the comfort of his bed in the wee hours of the morning. Not exactly, anyway. Life had just gotten busy. It wasn't as if their paths would normally cross anyway. She groaned as her forehead fell against the porcelain, knowing that was all about to change.


	2. Chapter 2

**TWO**

_**Saturday 1 August 2020; seven weeks** _

Loaded up on nearly every remedy her reading material said were tried and true methods, Hermione pulled up to Harry's house. She sat in her car for a moment, trying to take slow, even breaths to keep the nausea at bay. She looked at all the cars around the house so far and while she recognized most of them, none of them belonged to James. Not sure if that was better or worse, Hermione got out and made her way to the house.

She was greeted by a round of cheers and found herself sucked into a series of conversations, as per the norm. It took her a bit to make her way through the sea of people throughout the house. Occasionally, her path would lead her close to Ron, but after a few awkward encounters, she made sure to steer clear of him.

She found Harry in the little backyard with Remus and Sirius. The trio were around the grill with beers in hand. "Harry birthday," she said, stepping up to kiss his cheek. "Quite the turn out."

His cheeks flushed despite his chuckle as he tipped his bottle at her. "I'm glad you're here."

"I wouldn't miss your birthday," she replied, waving off Sirius' offer for a beer. "Though I have to warn you, I probably won't stay very long. I haven't been feeling well these past few days."

He brought a hand up to his cheek where she had kissed him and narrowed his eyes. "Nothing contagious I hope?"

She chuckled and shook her head. "I definitely wouldn't have come if it was contagious."

He sighed and gave her a nod. "Will you at least stay until we cut the cake?" he asked.

She swallowed hard, the scent of meat cooking had her stomach churn already. "I'll try my best."

He smiled, but she saw it falter as three pairs of eyes slid past her towards the house. The way they stiffened combined with the hairs on the back of her neck prickling, she knew who it was that had come out to join them.

"Hey," Ron said, giving her a soft, lopsided grin.

"Hi," she returned. It took every bit of will power not to just turn and leave right then and there.

"Can we talk?" he asked. She gave a nod and followed him around the side of the house, stopping only when they were sure their voices wouldn't carry. "I hate this."

"Me too," she whispered.

"I know we said we could go back to being friends, but I didn't expect it to be this bloody hard," he said, raking a hand through his hair.

She nodded and gave him a thin smile. "I'm sorry-"

He shook his head and turned sad eyes on her. "Please don't start apologizing again. None of this is your fault. We just wanted different things. It's okay that it didn't work out, but I don't want to lose you. I hate not being able to tell you things."

"I did love you, you know," she whispered. "Once."

"As did I," he said, drawing her into an awkward hug. "We'll get through this, Mione."

She nodded against him as she breathed in the familiar scent of cinnamon that used to calm her down. At the moment, it pushed her nausea overboard and she wrenched herself away from him. She wished that she had been able to explain why she was moving away from him so quickly, but if she opened her mouth, she knew it wouldn't be words that came out.

She hurried into the house, intent on seeking out the half bath on the ground floor. But she only made it to the kitchen. The moment she crossed the threshold into the room from the back door, she found herself face to face with James. She barely had time to register the look on his face as she dove for the trash can and emptied the limited contents of her stomach into it.

Hermione was mortified as she spat the last of the bile into the trash. Even more so when she moved, only to find James beside her. He had a damp washcloth in one hand and a glass of water in the other, both of which were extended for her to take. She met his gaze as she nodded briefly and then turned towards the sink, keeping her back to him. She wiped at her face, rinsed her mouth, and then took a few slow, steady sips of her water before turning around.

"Thanks," she murmured, tipping her glass towards him before taking another sip.

"How long have you been here?" he asked, his eyes scanning over her for signs of having over indulged.

"Not that long," she assured him. "I've been sick for a few days, but I wanted to be here." She swallowed hard, her tongue feeling like cotton in her mouth. "I didn't want anyone to assume I was avoiding them."

"Been leaving notes on other people's pillows?" he asked, a bit of harshness to his tone.

"James-"

"There you are!" Sirius exclaimed, stepping into view. He clapped a hand to James' shoulder and smiled. "Took you long enough to get here." His eyes shifted from him to Hermione, narrowing slightly at the way she trembled.

"I'm fine," she assured him, waving him off as she took one last sip of water before placing the glass in the sink.

"You sure?" he asked, cocking one brow at her. "You look a bit pale." He studied her further. "You didn't look like that few minutes ago when you went to talk to Ron."

"Give us a minute, will you?"

With another look between the two, Sirius nodded and took his leave of the kitchen. Hermione wasn't sure what to say and instead of trying to fill the silence, she made her way to the trash can. As she started to pull the liner from the can, he was there, his hand covering hers, bringing her to a stop.

"Hermione-"

"I'm pregnant."

She hadn't meant to blurt it out quite like that. Especially not here. Not surrounded by friends and family. Not in his son's house.

She could see the inner cogs of his mind screeching to a halt as he went completely still. She didn't care that this was his reaction; she had been similarly shell shocked when the doctor at the clinic had come in to congratulate her. It was as though she had lost all of her five senses at once. She still couldn't remember how she had made it home through the daze she'd been in.

Desperate to get out of the house, she pulled her hand from beneath his and bolted from the kitchen. She had barely made it to her purse by the door when she felt someone pulling her to a stop. She looked up, startled to see Ron at her side. She pulled away from his touch and shook her head. "Not now, Ron. I'm sorry."

His lips pressed together in a thin line as he stepped back and held the front door open for her. She didn't even bother to look behind her to see if James would come after her too. Without a glance back at the house at all, she drove away.

* * *

James had called her five times since she had blurted her news to him in Harry's kitchen. He'd left her one voicemail and a few texts, but she was still surprised when he showed up to her parents' house later that evening. He smelled of beer and barbecue, something that she was sure her stomach would object to. Seeing as how she was alone, she invited him in, but neither sat. Instead, they stood a few paces between them, facing one another, but staring at the floor.

"When-" he started, his head shaking. "When did you find out?"

"Recently," she replied, her voice fairly unsteady. "I never meant for you to find out like that. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it myself. When it sank in a bit more, I was planning on coming to talk to you."

He nodded along with her words as he rubbed at his chin. "You're sure it's mine?"

She balked at that statement; her spine straightening as anger flared through her. "As opposed to who, exactly?"

He gave a low shrug. "Your ex husband?"

She snorted. "It's been nearly six months since anything of that nature has transpired between Ron and I," she informed him. "And despite our little mishap, I don't make it a habit to jump into bed with someone for a night."

He had known her nearly all her life. Since she, Harry, and Ron had met in primary school. He had met the one other boyfriend she had had in high school, the one before she and Ron gave it a solid go. He knew she wasn't like that and it hurt to have him standing there, thinking it anyway.

"You left," he said after a bout of silence.

"What would have happened if I stayed?" she asked.

"Well, we'll never know now, will we?" he countered.

"I left a note," she said. "If you had wanted to talk, you could have reached out to me."

Silence washed over them once more for a bit. Hermione leaned against the arm of the couch, her hand falling to her stomach as it rolled again. She saw the way his eyes tracked the movement, but as hers lifted to study his face, his never left her stomach.

Bitter laughter rose from her throat as she wrapped her arms around her chest. "Part of the reason Ron and I didn't work out was that we didn't see eye to eye on having children. He wanted a big family like the one he grew up in and I wasn't sure I ever wanted them at all."

"Do you?" he asked after a moment.

Hermione's gaze drifted up to his slowly, her head tilting to the side. "Do I what?"

"Want it."

Her breath caught in her throat as she froze. "Do you?"

"I don't think I'm in the right headspace to give you an answer," he said, taking a hesitant step towards her. "Nor are you to make one for yourself."

"James-"

"It doesn't have to be made right this second, Hermione. But it is one that I would like for both of us to discuss when the shock wears off." He was standing before her then, taking her hands in his and drawing her to her feet.

And even though she nodded, allowing herself to be pulled into his embrace, she knew she had already made up her mind. She was recently divorced and living with her parents. Not to mention that she wasn't where she wanted to be in her career. Never mind that the father of her child was her best friend's father. It was already going to be harder than she thought to keep the secret to herself that she'd slept with him, let alone being forced to tell everyone when she got too big to keep it to themselves.

But she would grant him the time he asked for so they could both give their options a fair bit of research.


	3. Chapter 3

**THREE**

_**Thursday, 13 August 2020; nine weeks** _

They met up more than a few times over the course of two weeks. They discussed every option that was available to them. They both tried to steer clear of one in particular, but when their conversations began to circle, he was the one to bring it up. She could tell that he wasn't overly fond of the idea, but he was willing to put aside his own beliefs to make her happy.

_"Are you sure?"_

_"I've already raised a kid, Hermione," he said, though there was sadness in his eyes. "And if you're not ready, I'm not going to be the reason you keep it."_

He had gone with her to her next appointment where they spoke to the doctor about how that process worked. After getting all the information they needed, they moved on to the clinic where they were seen almost right away for a consultation. By the time they left, she had scheduled the procedure for the following week. She even made the arrangements to give herself a four day weekend from work and booked a room at a hotel to recover. Adult or not, her parents would never approve of this if they knew.

James had also taken off of work to make sure he was there. He planned to wait in the lobby and then drive her to the hotel when it was over. She had assured him he would be free to leave after that, but she knew he would stay awhile. She imagined she would be on quite a few painkillers and it wouldn't matter one way or the other.

When the day came, she sat next to James in the lobby, her legs bouncing where she sat with nervous energy. When they called her name, she went, glancing around the corner one last time. The nurses led her into a room and let her change into a gown. When they returned, they gathered her things and placed them into a bag. The doctor then came in and went over what to expect one last time before the nurses began to prep her for the procedure.

It was as Hermione watched them set up; a few minutes before they were to put her under, that she panicked. She began to imagine the life she would be giving up. She wondered what her son or daughter might look like. What the sound of their voices would be. Would they pursue a higher education; maybe become a doctor like the one that joined her in the room? Or would they go with something less traditional and pursue something they were passionate about? A million questions began to fester and when the nurse asked if she was ready, she told her that she had changed her mind.

She dressed as fast as she could with tears in her eyes and trembling fingers. She signed a few forms, that way there was record of her declining the procedure after all. And then she was running. She didn't even stop in the lobby when James called her name. She just kept going until she reached his car.

"I can't do this," she sobbed as he caught up to her. "I thought I could, but I can't."

"You don't have to. There are other options."

She shook her head. "Every option is equally depressing," she snapped. "I can't just have it taken from me or pawn it off on someone else because we made a mistake." She sucked in a frustrated gasp of breath and leaned against the car, her hands tugging at her curls.

"There's still time to decide on the other options," he said, his voice tight. "Whatever you choose to decide, I'm not going anywhere, Hermione."

"We need to get out of here," she whispered, looking up at him.

"I know just the place," he said with a smile and opened the passenger door for her. Once he was in the driver's seat, they were off.

* * *

Last time they had pulled up to the Potter house, Hermione had been more than eager to get inside. This time, she sat in the driveway staring up at the exterior, anxiety mingling with her nausea. "We can go somewhere else if-"

"It's fine," she interrupted, tugging at the handle to let herself out. She followed his lead, making sure to stay several paces behind him. A distance that was a little hard to maintain when he hung back to hold the door open for her. She nodded her thanks and stepped over the threshold. Years of calling this her second home allowed her move about the halls with entirely too much ease. It wasn't until she had the kettle in hand that she realized she hadn't asked first.

He chuckled from across the way, a box of tea bags in hand. "Please," he said gesturing at her. "Act as you normally would."

She smiled slightly before turning towards the sink and filling the kettle. Once it was on the stove, she moved to take a seat in one of the chairs, pausing slightly when he held one out for her. "Thanks."

He slid into the seat next to her, leaning back with one arm slung over the back of it. "Do you regret it?"

Her gaze slid to him slowly. "Well I wouldn't call it my finest hour," she muttered. "But no, I don't. Do you?"

His lips twitched as he shook his head. "I really was going back there to check on you," he said softly. "You were gone an awfully long time."

"I was mortified," she said, stretching her legs out onto the seat next to her. "I nearly fell and my hand-" She closed her eyes, but it was too late to stop the blush from flaming her face.

He cleared his throat and she heard the squeak of the chair as he adjusted himself upon it. "Yes, well, I'm old, Hermione, not dead."

Her eyes opened and found his immediately. "I'm aware."

She could tell by the look on his face that he wanted to say something, but he thought better of it when the kettle began to whistle. He waved at her to remain seated and went about putting everything on a tray before bringing it back. She sniffed at the cup he set before her, eyeing the bag already steeping inside.

"Ginger with three tablespoons of honey always used to help Lily," he said, taking it upon himself to add the honey.

"Thank you," she said, taking the spoon on the tray to mix it all up.

He fixed his own cup and they both took their first sip at the same time. "I know this is awkward, but we really should talk about it."

She nodded in agreement as she settled back in her chair again. "I can't go through with an abortion," she said firmly, though more for her own benefit than his. Her fingers tapped at the cup she kept in her hands. "And I don't know if I would have the strength for adoption. I think I would come to regret it.

"Ron was ready to start right then and there. I wanted to wait. I wanted to be more set in my career. To make sure I was financially stable and secure. I know children aren't cheap and we had plenty of time." She took another sip of her tea. "Now...I just got divorced, I'm at a dead end at my job, and I'm a twenty-four-year-old who now lives with her parents." She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. "I'm the furthest thing from ready right now."

His voice was soft when he spoke. "I'm fine with whatever you choose to do, Hermione." He reached over the table for her hand, smiling when she didn't shy away from his touch. "I just want you to know that you won't be alone. This is a mess _we_ made together. If you think it would be better to let someone adopt our child because they can't have one of their own, I'll support you. If you choose to raise them, I'll support that too. I'll pay whatever you need for child support and I'll never fight you on custody."

Hermione's breath quickened. "Either way, there's going to come a time where we're going to have to tell people the truth."

"You can tell them whatever you want. If you don't want anyone to know it's mine, I'll support you behind the scenes." He laced his fingers with hers, his thumb swiping along the back of her knuckles. "And for the record, I would be doing this even if you weren't my son's best friend."

She groaned, but found herself smiling despite the flush to her skin.

"You don't have to decide today, love," he said as he leaned forward to press his lips to the back of her hand. Hermione's grip tightened for a second as their gazes clashed, but the moment was broken by the sound of his ringtone. "I'll take you home whenever you're ready," he said before getting up and stepping out of the room to answer the call.

She nodded and watched him disappear. The moment she was alone, she brought her hand to her mouth, her lips pressing against her skin where his had been. For a second, she let herself reminisce about the night that led them here. But she caught herself before it went too far and called the hotel to cancel her reservation. There would be no need for it now.

* * *

James had dropped her off at her childhood home about an hour later. She had gone straight upstairs to take a nap, completely exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster of the day so far. When she got up, the scent of whatever her father was cooking for dinner had wafted up to her nostrils. Hoping she could keep this meal down, she made her way to the kitchen to greet her parents.

She was happy to see that the chicken marsala her father made not only went down smoothly, but seemed to stay put. For now, anyways. Conversation flowed between the three easily and she found herself thinking they would make fantastic grandparents. It was no secret that they had always longed for a day when she granted them that title. She just wasn't sure how they would take it now, knowing one of their friends was the father.

It was after dinner as they set up a board game in the living room that the mood shifted. She had come back from the bathroom to hear the receptionist from the clinic on the machine. She wasn't sure what astonished her more, the fact that they still had an answering machine or that the clinic had called the house instead of her cell. Either way, they were confirming the cancellation of her follow up appointment since she didn't go through with the procedure.

Both of them stared at her with questions in their eyes and the words flowed from her lips before she could stop them. The horror on their faces reinforced her fears. Not only were they upset that she would even consider abortion an option in the first place, but that she never planned to tell them. The only saving grace was that she had enough sense not to reveal the father was James. She just made sure to inform them it wasn't Ron. A fact that only made things worse given their views on that sort of thing.

After a shouting match that led to a lot of words all parties involved were sure to regret, Hermione raced to her room and began to gather her things. It didn't take long, given most of her stuff was still packed from having thought she would have found another place by now. They didn't even try to stop her as she stormed out. And when she sped off, she had no clear destination in mind.

It wasn't really a shock when she found herself parked in front of James' house. She lingered in her car for a moment before slowly making her way to the front door. She heard him shortly before he was there, inviting her in. "What's wrong?"

Her tears came first this time, worsening when he gathered her into his arms. When the sobs subsided, he led her into the living room and listened to her recount what had happened at home. "I didn't know where else to go."

"You can stay here as long as you like," he said.

"I shouldn't have cancelled that hotel."

He shook his head. "I have two perfectly good guest rooms that would love to actually host a guest," he said, holding out his hand. "Go freshen up, pick a room, and I'll get your things."

"James-"

"You're not going to win this argument, Hermione. Please don't try."

She took a deep breath and nodded, having fought enough for one night already. "Just until I find a place."

She saw the glimmer in his eyes, but chose to ignore it. "As long as you need."


	4. Chapter 4

**FOUR**

_**Saturday, 29 August 2020; eleven weeks** _

Hermione sat at the table in the little cafe, sipping at her cup. Each time the drink slipped over her tongue, she grimaced. It wasn't that the tea was bad, it was that it wasn't as good as when James made it. A strange fact to consider, given everything going on, but that didn't make it any less true.

It had been a strange two weeks since moving in with him. For the most part, they didn't see each other much during the week. Their work schedules were similar in that they worked long hours; leaving early and getting home late. Though they had started taking turns on bringing takeaway home for dinner. On the weekends, she spent most of it curled up on the guest bed, fighting off the nausea. The vomiting had stopped, but the nausea seemed keen to linger until the end of time. She hoped that what she read was true and that when the second semester started, her hormone levels would stabilize and she wouldn't feel this way forever.

It was a lovely surprise when she woke up on her third Sunday there and felt more like her old self than she had since succumbing to the first signs of morning sickness. It was ironic that it fell on the same day she had agreed to meet up with Ron since running away from him at Harry's birthday. And when she saw him finally enter the café, she smiled and waved him over.

Out of habit, she reached to embrace him, but stopped herself halfway. She wasn't showing yet, but she had been staring at herself in the mirror long enough these days to know the curve to her belly was prominent enough that someone might feel it if they were close. Especially if the tightness of most of her clothes were anything to go by. The hesitation made for an awkward half hug that they both pulled away from quickly.

Ron cleared his throat and took his seat. She gestured to the cup before him. "Thanks," he said, taking a drink. A smile touched at his lips as he set the cup back down. "You remembered."

She snorted. "We've been friends since we were little, Ronald. That's been your order since you were allowed your first sip of coffee."

He relaxed a bit at that as he took another sip. "How have you been?" he asked.

It prompted a cordial conversation, one that lasted for quite some time. Hermione felt more at ease than she had in weeks, though, it also left her feeling sad. She missed him. Missed their easy conversations. Missed the way he laughed and the way his eyes lit up when she laughed with him. She missed his friendship most of all. There would always be love there, but any romance attached to it was long gone.

She felt bad for evading certain questions and feeding white lies where necessary. One day, she hoped that she could have a completely honest conversation with him, but until she figured out what she was doing, that day was still far off. She even kept up the guise that she was living with her parents while searching for a flat.

"Why did you run?"

"I wasn't feeling well," she replied. "I had a stomach bug that started a few days prior. I left because I didn't want to get sick all over you. I barely made it to the kitchen."

The amount of tension she saw release from his body made Hermione relax a bit as well. "I thought-"

"I know," she said, smiling softly at him. "I'm sorry I didn't come to you sooner. Life's just been…"

"Yeah."

There was something in the way he averted his gaze that told Hermione there was more he wanted to say. "Ron…" she prompted.

"I'm seeing someone."

Her fingers had just curled around the handle of her cup when he spoke. The second his words reached her ears, she froze. "Oh."

He inhaled sharply and raked a hand through his hair. "It's new," he said. "Started right before Harry's birthday, but I wanted you to hear it from me."

"Is that why you wanted to talk to me at his house?"

"Yes and no," he said, the corners of his lips twitching up slightly.

Hermione was more surprised over the guilt she felt at having kept a much larger secret from him rather than the smidge of jealousy. "Do I know her?" she heard herself asking.

His head tipped to the side as if trying to figure out the best way to answer. "You might remember her from school." She inclined her head and lifted a brow, waiting for a name. "Hannah Abbott."

Hermione got a flash of mousy brown hair and plain, delicate features, but nothing specific came to mind. She smiled at him and lifted the cup to her lips. "I'm happy for you."

"You are?"

"Of course, Ron. All I've ever wanted is for you to be happy. Even if it's not with me."

"What about you?" he asked.

"What about me?"

"Anyone special catch your eye lately?"

It took every ounce of willpower not to drop a hand to her stomach or react any other way. Instead, she simply gave him a shrug and clamped down on the image of a certain housemate that threatened to form in her mind's eye.

Ron mistook the nature of her silence and gave a soft smile. "You'll find someone," he assured her. "And when you do, we should do a double date."

At that, she laughed.

* * *

Every time she used the upstairs hall bathroom, it reminded her that she needed to find a place as soon as possible. It was far too strange to experience all the memories of having been in here over the years as she looked in the mirror and thought of more recent ones. Especially the ones of when she was younger. One in particular came to mind as she stared at the expanse of the counter while she brushed her teeth for the night.

She, Harry, and Ron had been playing hide and seek. She had tripped over something in the hall and crashed landed onto a toy. She couldn't remember what it was, only the pain that followed and the way James had ripped open the door to the master bedroom, scooped her up, and deposited her on the counter. There had been a fair bit of blood oozing from a cut, but he had remained calm. He had cleaned her up before putting on a BandAid. When he was finished, he had scolded her, but sent her back out to finish the game anyway.

Her heart skipped a beat and it stole the breath from her lungs. He had been an amazing father figure in her life. He had loved his son more than his own life and sacrificed everything to make sure Harry had wanted for nothing. Even when times were tough, James had always been there.

Hermione finished rinsing her mouth and then stared at her reflection, her eyes sweeping down until they landed on her stomach. They had an appointment with an adoption agency coming up in a few days. She had had mixed emotions about that option, ones that only strengthened as time drew nearer. She heard him when he said he had already raised a kid; that he didn't have the energy to do it again. But she also saw the look in his eyes whenever the topic of giving their child away was brought up.

It was never the question of if he would make an amazing father; she already knew he would. It was whether or not she could cut it as a mother.

As she lost herself in the what-ifs, she placed her hands on the gentle swell of her belly. She turned for a profile view, eyes still glued to her stomach as her hands roamed. It was the first time she had allowed herself to feel; both physically and emotionally. For the most part, she hadn't wanted to think about it because it was too hard; too real. But now, as she stood there stripped down to her bra and knickers, she couldn't do anything else.

Sensing a shift in the air, her gaze flickered up only to meet James' in the mirror from where he stood in the hallway. He held it for a moment, but then cleared his throat and looked away. "Sorry, I-"

"It's okay," she interrupted, turning to look at him instead of his reflection. "My fault for leaving the door open." Not that it was anything he hadn't already seen.

"Still," he replied, his gaze returning to her stomach.

"Is it noticeable?" She smirked as she watched him realize slowly that she had spoken. "I feel like it's smaller than the pictures I keep finding, but that it's still noticeable."

He swallowed hard as he drifted closer, stopping once he reached the threshold and leaned himself against the door frame. "That's really a trick question."

"How so?" she asked, her hand roving over her skin.

"To give you an answer would imply that I've been looking."

Hermione couldn't help the quiet laughter that fell from her lips as she took in the sight of the blush creeping up his neck. "It's okay if you look, James," she said as she stepped towards him, reaching for his hand. She held his gaze as she guided his hand onto her stomach, lingering for a moment before she dropped her arms to her side.

It took the span of a few breaths before his hand relaxed against her. His touch ghosted over her skin, the sensation sending a shiver down her spine. Her lashes fluttered against her cheek as he inched closer, his forehead coming to rest on hers. Her gasp was weak as she felt his other hand flatten against the small of her back, spreading an inferno through her body.

And when he stepped away, the loss of his touch chilled her to the bone. She stood there, trying to regulate the pace of her breathing as he reached for her robe hanging on the wall beside the door. She took it from him without a word and cinched it around her waist. Only then did he step back so she could follow him into the hall.

"How was your talk with Ron?" he asked as they stopped outside her room.

"Much better than the last one," she said softly.

"That's good," he replied. "Think the two of you will be able to be friends one day?"

"I'm sure some days will be harder than others, but we'll get there," she said with a smile. "He told me he started seeing someone." She couldn't help the chuckle that came next. "Said that if I meet someone soon I should let him know so we can go on a double date."

The look in his eyes silenced her laughter almost immediately. "Is that something you're wanting?"

"A double date with my ex husband?"

She saw the way his jaw clenched. "A date in general."

Hermione narrowed her eyes at him slightly as she tipped her head to the side. "I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I'm not really in the best position to start dating right now." She shook her head and placed a hand on her hip. "Recently divorced, knocked up, and no place to live doesn't really scream desirable." She laid a hand on his forearm and smirked up at him. "You're free to…date or whatever if you want."

It was his turn to narrow his eyes at her as he replied, "As if a middle-aged widower with a second child on the way is any more of a catch."

She patted his arm before removing her hand altogether. "What a pair we make," she said with a smirk. "Goodnight, James," she added, turning to take a step into her room.

It was his fingers circling her wrist that kept her from going any further. His chest pressed tight to her arm, his other hand coming up to move her hair off her shoulder, the tip of his finger brushing along her skin, making her shiver. His lips then moved closer to her ear and a in a low, husky voice that would haunt her dreams throughout the night, he whispered, "Goodnight, Hermione."


	5. Chapter 5

**FIVE**

_**Friday, 4 September 2020; twelve weeks** _

The following week was quite eventful. It had started out with a meeting at work, complete with singling her and her team out for not being up to par, and a warning that if it persisted, they would be looking for work. Then there was the doctor's appointment that James couldn't get out of his meeting to attend with her. In reality, it shouldn't have mattered as much as it did that she went alone, but it had been the first ultrasound she had been able to see clearly and it was strange. She was glad that he was able to come to the adoption agency with her the following day. She would have not been able to attend that meeting alone.

That week also had brought about the beginnings of her second trimester. As grateful as she was for the decrease of her nausea overall, it brought a few problems of its own along for the ride. It was bad enough that her breasts hurt too much to wear a bra, making her life miserable most days, but she was running out of bras that actually fit. To make it even worse, those weren't the only garments that were quickly becoming too small for her. She had quickly gone from a closet full of options to wear to having five outfits she had to cycle through.

Hermione had already resigned herself to the fact that she would have to go shopping over the weekend, but seeing as it was her least favorite activity when she wasn't irate and easily overcome with emotions, she wasn't looking forward to it. And if the way her coworkers had been avoiding her as much as possible were anything to go by, she knew she wasn't in the best of moods.

And by Friday night, her mood had escalated when her usual methods of relaxation seemed unavailable to her. She couldn't have alcohol. There were a slew of sleeping agents she couldn't take. She wasn't even able to focus on any of her books; something that always helped to ease her mind.

It was why James had found her sitting at the kitchen table, head tucked into her arms, a cold cup of untouched Chamomile tea next to her, wearing a thin, oversized T-shirt, and a poor excuse for lounging shorts. "Hermione?"

"Do you have another pregnant girl living in your other guest room?" she asked, her voice a bit harsher than she intended. She shook her head as she lifted her head and sat back in her chair. "Sorry. It's been a week."

She could tell by the look in his eyes that he was trying to suppress a laugh. It was the same look Harry made. The comparison made her groan and avert her gaze. When she did look at him again, she found his eyes were roving over her; from the expanse of her bare legs to where she was certain he could see the outline of her breasts where the shirt pulled. "Where did you get that shirt?" he asked, a strain to his voice.

She looked down, plucking it forward to read the logo. "I stole it from Harry," she said after a moment. She recognized their alma matter on it. Ron had played on the same team, but when she had packed her things, this was the only one she had been able to find. But as she looked back up at James, she found her throat had gone dry. "Why?"

"That's not…" he shook his head and rubbed at his chin. "It's not Harry's."

Furrowing her brow, she tilted her head down and took a closer look. Sure enough, she caught sight of the year on the banner across her chest and the breath left her lungs. She distinctly remembered the day she'd come to acquire it. They'd been here, in the kitchen, making _something_ and it had gone horribly awry. Probably due to the alcohol. Harry had led her upstairs to the bathroom where she peeled out of her soiled clothes and he had stuck his hand through the door to give her something clean to wear instead.

She'd never noticed that it hadn't belonged to him in the first place until now.

"Do...you want it back?" she asked, her hand wrapping around her abandoned tea cup.

His gaze flickered to her chest for a moment, a brilliant shade of crimson blooming up his neck before he shook his head. "No," he said after a moment. "Keep it."

She nodded and watched as he turned his back to her, rummaging around in the fridge for something to drink. "You know what I don't get?" she started, unable to tolerate an awkward silence. "Why people always talk about the joys of being pregnant. It's been twelve weeks and I've been non stop throwing up for what feels like all of them. Nothing fits me anymore so now I have to shop and I'm irritated all the time."

James set a fresh glass of water down beside her and smiled. She could still see the pinkish tint to his skin from a few minutes before as he sat in one of the other chairs. "Having been down this road once already, I'm not commenting on any of that."

"Was Lily this much of a mess?" she asked cautiously.

"She had her moments," he replied.

"But?" she pressed, not liking the glint in his eyes.

"She had more bad days than good, but she always said that not even a week straight of holding Harry could compare to how it felt to have him growing inside of her."

The wistful tone of his voice combined with the adoration and sorrow in his hazel eyes made Hermione's heart skip a beat. "Sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"It's fine, Hermione," he said, taking a drink. "She's been gone for two decades. I can talk about her without falling apart."

She nodded and took a sip of her water. "Was there anything that worked for her?" she asked. "That helped with the bad days?" She was open to any advice he had to offer since her resources were limited to the internet and books.

"A few things come to mind, but there were two that helped the most. One of them being a massage."

"Really?" Curiosity was dripping in her tone. Ron had only attempted to give her a massage once. It had been alright, but she'd never asked for more and he had never offered. The thought of strangers touching her in that regard had always made her iffy at best.

He nodded. "I made sure to give her one every day."

They smiled at the same time. "And the other?" The way his eyes darkened slightly was enough of an answer for her. It made her shift in her seat and avert her gaze yet again. "Oh," she whispered.

"I could do the same for you."

Her gaze snapped up to his, not sure what to make of the glimmer in his eyes. "The massage or…"

Her heart skipped a beat as the intensity of his gaze ignited the fire south of her navel again. "Whichever," he replied with a casual roll of his shoulders.

She hummed, her lips curving upwards. "I'm not used to strangers touching me."

He chuckled as he got to his feet, stopping directly behind her. His hands came to rest on her shoulders and she forced herself to relax. "I hope you don't consider me a stranger. Current circumstances and all," he said as his fingers began to knead.

Hermione felt the tension ebb from her body as his touch made her melt. She had already learned how skilled he was with his hands; she shouldn't have been all that surprised that he was good at this too. "You're not a stranger," she said, sinking back as she continued to relax. "But in light of everything, I can't help but feel weird around you." She craned her neck so she could look up at him briefly. "Don't you?"

"I try not to," he said, his smile light as she turned to sit straight again.

One of the questions that had been swirling in her mind since the incident currently resided on the tip of her tongue. The words were out before she had decided whether or not she really wanted an answer. "Did you ever think of me like this before that night?"

His hands stopped moving, answering her immediately. She heard him take a shaky breath from behind her and she could hear his anxiety when he spoke. "Will you think less of me if I say yes?"

"That depends," she said, tilting her head to look at him again. "How old was I when you started to…notice me?"

A smile played at his lips as he peered down the bridge of his nose at her. "I would love to answer with something noble, like when you became legal, but I'm afraid not. It was when you came back from your summer holiday in Paris; the one between sophomore and junior year."

She hummed and shifted in her seat again so she could take another sip of her water.

"I told you before; I may be old, but I'm still human. You were attractive, but I was never planning on letting myself have more than that initial thought. Especially with you and Harry being so close. Least of all when you were underage."

She slid off the chair and stood to face him, smirking as his gaze dropped to her chest for a fleeting moment. She crossed her arms and he reached up to rub the back of his neck, sending an apologetic smile at her while his cheeks turned rosy.

"If it makes you feel better, I always thought you were rather attractive," she said, her features softening. "Even for an old man."

He chuckled as he raked a hand through his hair. "I assure you, I got better with age."

She shook her head as she smiled at him. "On that note, is there any chance I can convince you to run out for ice cream?"

"Did you eat dinner?"

"I will when you come back from the store."

He narrowed his eyes, though they were laughing with her. "Ice cream isn't dinner." One of her brows lifted as she started to laugh. But when her lips parted to reply, he held up a hand to silence her. "Keep that thought to yourself and I'll go to the store. Deal?"

"Deal," she said. "The more chocolate, the better."

"Anything else you need while I'm there?"

"No, but if I think of something, I'll call," she said, stepping up to place a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you," she whispered, not having realized what she'd done until she was pulling away. "For the massage."

She saw the apple of his throat bob as he inclined his head. "Anytime you need one just let me know." He grinned slightly. "Or if you want to try the second thing."

She stilled; her eyes going wide.

"I'm kidding, Hermione," he said with a shrug. "Mostly." He added a wink and strolled past her, leaving her in the kitchen with wide eyes and a shiver down her spine.

* * *

Hermione hadn't lingered in the kitchen too much longer after James had left. She had gone into the living room where she wrapped a blanket around her lower half and turned on the television. She was in the same spot she had first settled into when James returned. She was delighted to see that he had bought the good stuff and lifted a brow when he held up two spoons and joined her on the couch.

Together, they polished off the container and lapsed into a comfortable silence while they watched a movie. And when he offered her another massage, Hermione accepted without hesitation and moved to the ground to sit on a pillow with her back against the couch between James' knees. It wasn't long before the emotional drainage of the week and the magic of his touch lulled her to sleep.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed, but when she blinked her eyes open, she found that she was moving. It took a moment for her to realize that James was carrying her up the stairs to her room and she simply smiled to herself as she burrowed her face against his chest. He set her down gently on her bed and paused to brush the hair from her face. His fingers lingered on her jawline for a moment before he leaned in and pressed his lips to her forehead.

"Goodnight."

"Night," she whispered back, watching through hooded eyes as he took his leave, shutting the door with a soft click behind him.


	6. Chapter 6

**SIX**

_**Saturday, 5 September 2020; twelve weeks** _

Hermione had already made peace with the fact that her shopping excursion was going to put her in a sour mood for the day. She was, however, glad James' massages had relaxed her as much as they had otherwise she was sure the day would have been worse. She had forced herself to take it slow, starting at one store and working her way around the shops to get what she needed. The most frustrating thing was that she seemed to need everything.

If there was one thing Hermione hated more than shopping for clothes, it was spending money. It didn't matter what it was on, if it was outside of the bare necessities, handing over the cash or swiping her debit card felt akin to slicing her hand open for a few drops of blood. With each dollar she spent, she felt her future place of residence slipping further and further out of reach.

It hadn't helped at all that towards the end of her day, she had walked by a shop with all the essentials for children. If she ended up going the route of raising her child, she was already a third of the way done with her pregnancy. She was behind from what all the books had said. She hadn't purchased a single item.

What really set off her panic was the fact that it didn't matter that she hadn't purchased anything yet. It wouldn't matter so long as she hadn't even found a place for herself to live. As generous as James had been thus far, she hadn't planned on taking advantage of him for this long, nor would she continue to do so. And living there just for the sake of raising their child seemed more ludicrous than anything.

Having skipped lunch and coming to regret it, Hermione made sure all her purchases were secured in her trunk before driving around to find something that didn't make her want to vomit. She was particularly fond of eating meals in public by herself, but she was nothing if not prepared. Aside from her purse, she had brought in one of the new books she had purchased that day, so while she sat down for dinner, she could read.

As she was finishing up, she messaged James, asking if he wanted her to bring anything home for him. He never replied back before she paid her bill, nor did he answer his phone. It left her with a strange feeling in her gut. It wasn't as though he was supposed to answer her whenever she reached out to him, but it wasn't like him to not respond either.

When she turned down the street leading up to his house, a thought occurred and it made her wary of going home right away. It was fleeting, the jealousy that coursed through her veins at the idea that he had actually met someone and brought her home while she was away. But she had remembered the look in his eye when they talked about it and quickly shoved those thoughts away.

Still a bit on the cautious side, she gathered as many bags as she dared to carry, leaving a few behind for later, she made her way to the front door and unlocked it with her key. As she passed by the living room, the sight of Sirius on the couch sipping a beer made her squeak with fright. Instinctively, she moved the bags in front of her stomach, hoping he wouldn't pay too much attention to the labels.

"Hermione?" he questioned, taking in the sight of her. "What brings you by?"

"I… Uh…" She swallowed hard and gave a nervous smile. "I live here."

Sirius nearly choked on his beer. He sat forward, brushing some spittle from his mouth. "I…was not aware of that," he said, getting to his feet. "When did that happen?"

"A couple weeks ago."

His eyes widened for a moment before they narrowed, scrutinizing her. "Weren't you at your parents' place?"

"We got into a disagreement about the divorce," she said, forcing a smile. "Again."

"Ah," Sirius replied, giving her a knowing nod. It was no secret that the Grangers were a very devout couple. It was the only reason they had never been as active with the other families. Hermione was just glad they never kept her from being friends with Ron and Harry. Their families got along so well that she was always afraid of being left out because her parents didn't approve of a lot of things. "The old man treating you okay here?"

Her laugh was genuine as she smiled at him, relaxing a bit. "He doesn't leave chocolates on my pillow like the hotel would have, but otherwise he's been pretty good to me." She gave a small shrug and shook her bags. "I should go put these away before my arms go numb."

"Do you need help?"

"No, no, that's okay. Thanks though," she said as she took off towards the stairs. She had barely set her bags on the floor next to her bed when she heard the familiar voices of James and Remus waft up the stairs. She stood there, debating if she should even bother to get and get the rest of her bags from the trunk, when she heard her name being mentioned. With a sigh, she dashed to the hall bathroom, checked to see if her clothes would give away her condition, and then made her way back downstairs.

She gathered from the strange expression on Remus' face as she waved to him that either Sirius or James had filled him in on the situation. "You guys carry on," she said, holding up her hands. "I promise, you won't even know I'm here."

She wasn't really surprised to find that James had followed her out to her car. "Sorry, I forgot to tell you they were coming over tonight."

"It's your house," she said, smiling at him as she gathered the last few bags; all of which he took from her without hesitation. "If you planned a guy's night, that's fine. I bought a bunch of books so I'll be set to hole up in my room for the night."

He frowned at that. "You could always join us."

"And decline every drink, making sure to keep myself covered, and try to ignore how weird it looks that I'm living here?" She shook her head. "No thanks." She paused mid step as a chill crept up her spine. "You know it's only a matter of time before everyone else finds out now, right?"

It was clear from the look on his face that that had not occurred to him until she said it. "We'll deal with it when we have to," he said, his voice quiet.

She nodded and led the way back into the house. After going inside, she took the bags from James and turned to the other two in the living room. "Enjoy your night, gentlemen," she said, nodding to everyone before disappearing up to her room.

* * *

Hermione wasn't sure what time it was when she finally got out of bed to use the bathroom. She had read until it hurt to keep her eyes open, but as she had put down her book and crawled into bed, sleep suddenly abandoned her. So she had just laid there, staring up at the ceiling. But as usual, when it finally started to pull her under, her bladder roared to life and demanded to be emptied. Based off everything she had read, if it was giving her this much trouble already and was bound to be worse, she was not looking forward to it.

She slipped out of her room and down the hall to the bathroom. She hadn't been paying much attention, but from what she could tell, it sounded as though the guys night had ended. Whether or not that entailed Sirius and Remus having gone home, or passed out downstairs was something she would discover tomorrow.

As she exited the bathroom to head back to her room, she caught sight of something moving in her peripheral vision. She let out a soft squeak, one hand rising to cover her mouth while the other pressed against her racing heart. In the darkness, she made out James' face and sighed with relief.

"Sorry, love. Didn't mean to scare you," he said, his words thick with alcohol and the need for sleep.

"It's okay," she said, her voice breathy.

"We didn't keep you up, did we?"

She shook her head and smiled. "Not at all," she replied, taking a deep breath. "My lack of sleep is for entirely separate reasons."

"Anything I can help with?"

There hadn't been. Not until he asked. Not until she saw the way his eyes trailed down her form in the darkness, taking in the sight of her wearing only his old lacrosse jersey. She had knickers on, but they were covered. That familiar ache began to flare to life between her thighs when his gaze reconnected with hers. She cleared her throat and smoothed her hands over the swell of her belly. But as much as she wanted to say yes, and cave to her hormones, she shook her head. "It's late. I'm sure I'll fall asleep soon."

"You sure?" he asked, closing the distance between them.

He was close enough that she could feel the heat rolling off of him. His scent permeated her nostrils in a way that only made the ache below her navel intensify. "You've been drinking."

"Not that much."

"James..." She had every intention of saying no, but the words were out before she could stop them. "Are Sirius and Remus downstairs?"

She heard the sigh escape his lips as he shook his head, one of his hands coming up to rest gently on her hip. "Hermione-"

It was too much of a risk; in general, let alone with his best friends still in the house. Not to mention she could smell the beer on his breath. The last thing she wanted to do was repeat her past mistakes with alcohol fueling either one of their decisions. So instead, she extracted moved away from him with a whispered, "Goodnight, James," and slipped back into her room.

* * *

_**Sunday, 6 September 2020, thirteen weeks** _

Having only gotten a few hours of sleep due to her mind continuously wandering to the man across the hall, Hermione got up earlier than she would have liked. She changed out of the jersey, putting on one of her new outfits that was not only modest enough around three grown, hungover men, but would hide her bump as well. After freshening up for the morning, she made her way down to the kitchen and started cooking for four.

There wasn't much in the fridge, another glaring reminder that neither one of them had gone to the grocery store in quite some time. Then again, the fact that there were only eggs and toast made it easier to ensure that she wouldn't ruin anything. If either of the men wanted something else, they were free to make it themselves. Though she was sure none of them would say anything.

It was when she was scooping some of the coffee grounds into the machine that someone joined her. With her back to the archway, she couldn't see who it was, but she recognized James' voice when he spoke. "Did you get any sleep?"

"A few hours," she replied, not even bothering to pause what she was doing. "You?"

"Same," he said, his voice still gruff with sleep. "You didn't have to do this."

"I know," she said, turning to see him leaning against the counter close to her. "But I was going to make some for myself so I figured why not." She programmed the machine and moved over to where she had laid out the eggs before beginning to crack them into the bowl. "We need to go to the store."

"Write me a list."

"I can go," she said softly.

"Together?" he suggested.

She hesitated before moving onto the next egg, but found herself nodding without looking his way. "Sure. Once the other two Stooges leave."

Neither one of them said anything; not even when he took over preparing the toast while she stuck to the eggs. And just as the coffee pot beeped to let them know the brew was ready, Sirius was the first one to join them. "Is this what it's like living with a woman?" he asked, making a beeline for the coffee.

James chuckled. "Guess you'll have to settle down and find out for yourself."

Sirius chuckled before fixing his cup to his liking. Before he moved to the table, he stopped by Hermione and gave her shoulder a light squeeze. "Thank you, Kitten. Everything smells delicious."

"You're welcome. Hopefully it helps with the hangover. If the amount of bottles in the living room is anything to go by, I'm sure you're all bound to have one."

"Guilty," Remus said as he joined them. "We didn't keep you up though, did we?"

She laughed quietly as she whisked the eggs together in the bowl. "I barely heard any of you," she assured them.

Remus nodded as he made himself a cup of coffee as well and then before she knew it, the four of them were sitting around the table, sharing a meal together as if it were the most natural thing in the world. If Hermione was being completely honest with herself, she quite liked the domesticity of it all. And just as that thought occurred to her, her eyes connected with James' across the table and she could tell that he was thinking the same thing, if only for a moment.


	7. Chapter 7

**SEVEN**

_**Wednesday, 9 September 2020; thirteen weeks** _

Since Sirius and Remus had found out she lived at James' place, she knew it was only a matter of time before one of them let it slip to the rest of their friends and family. Though she had been hoping for a bit more time, she still considered three days to be longer than she anticipated.

Hermione had gone home after work Wednesday with the knowledge that James was staying at work late and didn't know exactly when he would be home. So it was after she changed into her lounging clothes and had started browsing for something to be delivered, that the sound of the front door being unlocked left her confused.

"Ah," came Harry's voice as he rounded the corner into the living room. "So it is true."

She smiled guiltily at him. "Was it Sirius or Remus?" she asked.

"Does it matter? It should have been you," he said, crossing his arms as he pushed the frames of his glasses up his nose. "Why didn't you come to me when something happened with your parents? You know damn well I would have let you stay with Gin and I."

She sighed and set her phone done on the arm of the couch, adjusting the pillow in her lap just in case. "I know, Harry, I do. I just…" she shrugged, cursing herself for not having thought of what she would say, knowing this day would come eventually. "I didn't want to impose on you. I didn't want things to be weird when Ron came to visit."

"Mione-"

"It was completely by accident that I wound up here," she said, trying not to laugh at how accurate that statement actually was. "You know how my parents are. They just kept making little comments here and there until it escalated. I just grabbed my stuff and left. I ran into James at the bar and he refused to let me spend money on a hotel." She smiled up at him and watched as he sighed. "I'm still looking for a place; I don't want to take advantage of him for too long."

For a moment, Harry's eyes narrowed as he studied her. "Have you eaten yet?"

She shook her head and lifted her phone to show him her interrupted search. "If you want, I can order enough for two."

He thought about it for a moment and then nodded, a grin on his face. "Been awhile since we camped out in the living room like this. Let me call Gin."

As he stepped away to call his wife, Hermione placed their go-to order from their favorite Chinese place. When he returned, they spent a fair bit of time bickering about what they were going to watch. Once it was decided, they settled onto the couch, side-by-side and started to catch up. It was nice to talk to him like this, making her wonder if all her worry was for naught.

And when the food was delivered, Harry spread it out over the coffee table and stared at her in horror. She simply shrugged as she dug in. "I'm used to ordering for three," she said, averting her gaze.

His hand fell on her shoulder and gave a light squeeze. "You know that no matter what, I'll always be your friend, right? That I was never going to choose either of you?"

"I know," she said, her voice tight. "I just… You two were friends first and I-"

"We were friends for a few months before you crossed our paths." His head tipped to the side as she looked at him. "I'll always be there for you, Hermione. No matter what. You know that, don't you?"

She swallowed hard, hoping that was still the case when the truth came out. She gave a curt nod and reached out for his hand. "I'll try not to be so much of a stranger from now on," she promised. "Can we eat now? I'm fucking starving."

He laughed and nudged her shoulder with his as they loaded up their plates and dug into their meal. Hermione let herself enjoy the moment, wondering if this would ever happen again. If he would still want to be her friend after. But with every bite of food she took, the guilt began to manifest. And when James came home later to see them side-by-side on the couch, sharing a round of seconds, their eyes meeting for a second, the guilt only worsened.

* * *

Harry had stuck around for a bit even after the movie was over. James had come down after they had finished cleaning up. Harry had called for him, telling him that he was leaving for the night. He invited the both of them over for dinner that upcoming weekend and they both agreed on the spot. And when Harry took his leave, Hermione didn't linger in the kitchen before heading upstairs to get ready for bed. If James was bothered by her departure, he didn't say anything about it. Instead, he had simply returned her nod and watched her walk away.

And just like the past four nights, this one was no different. No matter what she tried, she couldn't fall asleep. Instead, she was forced to watch as the time on her phone continued to tick by slowly. The only thing her mind continued to focus on was the offers James had given to help her sleep and the fact that she had nearly taken him up on the second one Saturday night. The thought that plagued her the most was wondering if the night would have turned out differently had Sirius and Remus not been passed out downstairs.

It was around one in the morning when she rolled onto her side, clutched her pillow to her face, and gave a frustrated sigh. She had been so happy to be rid of her first trimester nausea and vomiting, but now that it was replaced by an overactive libido, she would gladly trade. It was what kept her up at night and what ultimately got her out of bed and quietly opening her bedroom door.

She hesitated for a moment before she crossed over the threshold and made her way down the hall. She paused again outside of James' door, staring at it while she debated the pros and cons with herself. Her hand rose with the intention of knocking quite a few times, but each time she found a reason not to. With a deep breath, she shook her head and turned away from the door, but she never got further than a single step before he was there, his fingers curling around her wrist.

Her breath caught in her throat as his fingers slid down until they twined with hers. "You okay?" he asked, his voice thick with sleep.

She nodded as she angled herself so she was facing him directly. "I can't sleep."

He gave her hand a light squeeze before placing his other hand on her hip, drawing her closer to him. His forehead rested gently against hers, lingering for only a moment before his lips found hers. His kiss was hesitant, feeling her out to see if this was what she wanted. She nodded against him, her voice barely above a whisper as she said, "I need you."

It was the invitation he had been waiting for.

His kiss was slow and sweet as he gently drew her back into the room. She felt every tug of his lips on hers spread through her body like wildfire. It left her tingling from head to toe. By the time they made it to the side of the bed, she was breathless. He sat her on the edge of the mattress and then reached down for the jersey, slowly lifting it from her body and tossing it to the floor beside them.

A whine left her throat when, instead of touching her, he guided her to lay on her back. Before he joined her, he hooked his fingers around the waistband of her knickers and tugged them down her legs. They joined the jersey on the floor and then James was hovering above her, bodies molded perfectly in the cradle of her thighs. He still had his shorts on, but she could feel his erection pressing against her in full.

Where her mind was screaming at her for a quick release, James was determined to draw out the experience for her. He took his time in kissing her, leaving no corner of her mouth left untouched. As he braced himself on one forearm, his fingertips ghosting along her jaw, his other hand came up to palm at her breast. She moaned loudly as he rolled her nipple between his thumb and forefinger. While it was no longer painful to have anything touch her breasts, they were far more sensitive now than they had ever been. It was a wonder that that stimulation alone hadn't pushed her over the edge.

As it was, his lips left hers in favor of beginning his descent. It seemed as though he was determined to sample every inch of her skin. She cried out and arched her back as his lips closed over the same nipple he had been toying with. He kept his suction light, using his tongue to keep her muttering a string of incoherent pleas for more.

And more she got.

So focused on the attention that he was paying to her chest, she hadn't felt his other hand gliding further down her body until she felt him brushing through her folds and swipe across her swollen clit. She couldn't recall a single time where she had been so worked up over the simplest of touches, but she rolled her hips, chasing after his hand when he pulled it away.

He shook his head against her, his teeth gently clamped around her nipple. "James…" she whispered, her voice desperate.

"Relax."

She wanted to berate him; tell him that it was impossible to relax with how much need was coursing through her system, but when her lips parted to speak, all that came out was a whimper.

He nuzzled each of her breasts gently before dragging his lips towards the top of her stomach. Her heart fluttered in her chest as he lavished the swell of her belly with tender kisses. That alone helped her body relax despite the slow motions of his knuckle circling her clit. Her head tilted back against the pillows as one hand fisted the sheets, the other clutching at his hair as he continued moving further south.

And yet, even as his lips danced across her skin, leaving behind a trail of fire, he avoided the part of her that craved attention most. Instead, he positioned himself between her thighs and kissed them, working his way down one side and up the other. By the time two of his fingers did slip inside of her core, all she could do was sigh with relief. Her inner walls clutched so fiercely, trying to draw him in further and keep him there. His thumb kept brushing slowly against her clit while he curled his fingers and set a torturously slow pace of pumping them in and out of her.

She could feel the coil winding tighter low in her cut. She knew it wouldn't be long before it snapped and set her free. She tried her best to not fight for her release, to do what he asked of her and relax, but it was hard. Especially when he spread her nether lips apart and latched his lips around her clit. She cried out then, the sound echoing around the room and carrying down the hall through the door they had left open.

He hummed, sending vibrations shooting up her spine that had her back bowing off the bed. Both of her hands were clawing at the sheets as she squeezed her eyes shut and let the pleasure he was giving her drive away her thoughts. The tip of his tongue flicked across her clit as lazily as his fingers continued to move in and out of her. Yet each stroke was like a jolt to her system as the coil continued to wind itself up.

And just when she thought she couldn't take it anymore, that it was too slow, the coil snapped.

Hermione's mouth fell open as moan after moan left her lips. Pleasure unlike anything she had ever felt before coursed through her system, making every part of her come alive. There was nothing but white displayed behind her eyes and for a moment, the only thing she could hear was the sound of her own heart as it worked in overdrive.

James' ministrations never let up, making sure she got the most from the pleasure he gave her. His fingers were still curling inside her core, his tongue lapping up the evidence of her arousal. She started to squirm, trying to get away from his touch as her body became overly sensitive, but he held firm, quickly bringing her to her second release. It hit her faster than the first one, but this time, she heard herself calling out for him as she lost herself in the void of pleasure he pushed her towards.

When she could see something other than the stars bursting behind her eyelids, she saw James pulling himself into a kneel between her thighs. He was staring down at her as he licked his lips, one hand coming up to wipe at the shine on his chin. It wasn't until the tip of his cock nudged her clit that she realized he had already maneuvered his way out of his shorts. They both moaned at the contact and he wasted no time in pushing her thighs open as much as he could before leaning forward.

He placed one hand on her hip, the other reaching down to grasp his cock and brush it between her folds. Her hips lifted up, eager to feel him inside of her again. He chuckled at the action and lined himself up. He hissed as he sank into her core, taking his time to let her stretch around him as he filled her to the brim. After a moment to adjust, he pulled out of her to the tip and pushed his way back in again.

As with the rest of their encounter thus far, he kept the pace slow and sweet. It allowed her to feel every inch of him going both in and out. She felt every ridge, every twitch; every minute detail that added to the sizzle of her skin. She wanted nothing more than touch him, but her hands refused to relinquish their hold on the sheets. Instead, she kept her eyes open and on his, letting the heat of his gaze add to the slow rise of her third release.

Even as relaxed as she was, she was determined to draw this one out and experience it with him. She could tell when he was close from the way he picked up the pace ever so slightly. His fingers dug into her hips a bit more to hold himself steady. What did them both in was his thumb brushing across her clit. A steady stream of pleas and cries fell from her lips and before she knew it, she was falling apart one last time.

He came right along with her, delivering a few more slow, but deep thrusts before his hips stuttered and eventually stilled. He was hovering over her, his hands placed at her sides, arms shaking. He continued to twitch inside of her and with her own unsteady hands, she reached up and cupped his face. He lowered his forehead to hers for a moment and then rolled off of her.

He propped himself up on one elbow, drawing her onto her side to face him. His hand grasped her faced and then sank back into her curls to pull her close. She ignored the way their combined releases slid out of her, making a mess of her thighs and the sheets beneath her. Instead, she focused on the way his lips felt against hers; of the way she could taste herself on his tongue.

She wasn't sure who it was that pulled away first, or when she had turned so that he could curl up against her back. All she knew was that when she woke the next morning, his face was buried in the crook of her neck and his hand was twined with hers atop their child growing inside her belly.

For just a moment, she let the thoughts she had been ignoring take over her mind. And as she drifted back to sleep in his arms, she couldn't help but wonder; _what if?_


	8. Chapter 8

**EIGHT**

_**Saturday, 12 September 2020; thirteen weeks** _

It was the moment she left James' room so they could get ready for work that things started to get awkward between them. She could feel it when they were around one another in the kitchen, getting their coffee. Before, they had settled into a routine, one that she didn't even have to think about to make sure that nothing went awry. Afterwards, both Thursday and Friday they were off. They continually knocked into one another. Thursday morning, they collided and she knocked the coffee grounds all over the place.

Thursday night had been even worse. He had brought dinner home for them, as per the norm, but they had eaten in complete silence. Every time she would look up from her plate, he was staring down at his, a look of worry and unease across his face. The moment she was finished, she cleaned up after herself and went upstairs where she spent the night behind a closed door.

Friday she had gotten up a bit earlier than usual so she could get coffee on the way to work and bypass James altogether. And on the way home, she had grabbed something through a drive through and scarfed it down in the parking lot. Despite having seen his car outside, she didn't see him at all that night.

By Saturday morning, she had had enough.

Not only were they both adults, ones that had gone down that road once before, they were expected to have dinner at Harry's that night. She wasn't about to walk into her best friend's house with an air of uncertainty between her and his father. Especially not when Ginny was the most intuitive person she had ever know. It would take one look with those big blue eyes of hers and she would just _know_.

It was as Hermione was coming out of the bathroom, a robe cinched around her as she finished toweling her freshly washed hair that she saw James emerging from his room at the same time. They both paused in the hallway and gave each other a nod.

"I think we should-"

"We need to-"

They had started speaking at the same moment and stopped when they realized what the other was saying. They both smiled at one another and seeing him relax a bit, helped the tension ebb from her shoulders as well. "Do you have plans this morning?" she asked.

He shook his head. "Am I about to?"

Her grin widened as she nodded. "I think we should talk."

James sighed as he rubbed at the scruff on his chin. "Yeah," he muttered. "I think so too."

"I'll be down in a bit," she said before slipping into her room and closing the door softly behind her.

Since she wasn't planning on doing her makeup or styling her hair until much later, it didn't take her long to get ready. She pulled on a pair of dark grey leggings and a pink tunic that had a modest neckline. She was glad that she had bought a size bigger, but it was already stretching across her chest in a way that told her she might get one more wear out of the top. At least the midsection was loose enough that it hid her belly nicely.

It was as if her breasts were the only thing growing. At this rate, she wouldn't have to worry about anyone noticing anything other than the expansion of her chest. They had certainly drawn James' attention more and she recalled Harry's gaze drifting once or twice the other day.

Letting her hair air dry after running a quick brush through it again, she gathered up the files from the agency and made her way downstairs. James was in the living room already. He was sitting with one elbow propped up onto the arm of the couch, his hand stretched out across his forehead. He must not have heard her come down because he jumped when he felt her curl up into the other corner of the couch, her back to the arm.

His gaze dropped to the files she placed in her lap. "I narrowed it down to a few couples," she explained. "I just want your opinion on them before I call the agency."

He gave a curt nod before raking a hand through his hair.

"But first, we should talk about the other night."

His tongue darted out to wet his lips. "Anything in particular, or…"

"We're adults," she said after his voice trailed off. "Two consenting individuals who had already crossed that bridge once before."

He stared at her for a moment, the corners of his lips lifting slightly. "I know," he breathed, sitting forward so his elbows were on his knees, his hands tucked under his chin.

"Would it help if I moved out?"

His attention snapped towards her so fast it made her dizzy just watching it happen. His eyes were wide for a moment before they narrowed and he turned in his seat. "Absolutely not." He shook his head and the look in his eyes made her breath quicken. "You're not going to waste your money on a hotel just because…" his hands waved between them as he continued to shake his head. "We'll figure this out."

"But-"

"Do you _want_ to leave?"

Her lack of hesitation surprised her as she uttered a simple, "No," under her breath.

His shoulders seemed to sag with relief at that. "I like having you here," he said, his voice soft. "It doesn't have to happen again if it makes you uncomfortable."

Hermione could only sit there and blink as her chest rose and fell with shallow breaths. It wasn't that sleeping with him again had made her uncomfortable, it was the desire to do it again…and _again_ that did. But she was too slow in voicing that to him and she saw the moment he misconstrued her silence.

His jaw clenched and there was a slight furrow in his brow, one that he rubbed at for a moment before pointing towards the files, inclining his head in askance. She nodded and watched as he took them from her. "These are the ones you've narrowed it down to?" he asked, voice wavering slightly.

She nodded, her tongue feeling as though it were made of lead. "I'm partial to the one in the middle," she said quietly. "Just depends on your views for same-sex couples."

He pulled the one from the middle and opened it up. He thumbed through the file, nodding as he went. "I could care less about that stuff," he said after a moment. "Looks like they've been married for five years and wait-listed for three."

"One of them works as a broker for a banking firm and the other one is a doctor," she said, adjusting herself on the couch. "At least I think so, I might be mixing up files." Even though she had brought only five down, there were at least twenty upstairs in her room. Not that she had anything against the couples or the few single people looking to expand their families, it was something about these five files that made her feel more at ease with the idea of adoption in general.

He shook his head. "No, that's right." James shut the file and placed it on top the others. "If it feels right to you, I see no reason not to pick them." He rubbed his hands along the tops of his thighs and sighed.

She cleared her throat before she spoke. "I'll call the agency on Monday and they'll set up the first meeting."

"Keep me posted," he said, pushing himself to his feet. He paused at her side to give her shoulder a gentle squeeze, but when he left the living room, he went left instead of right. When the sound of the front door reached her ears, she flinched.

* * *

James hadn't come back until it was nearly time to head over to Harry and Ginny's. He had cut it so down to the wire that she had given up on their idea to carpool altogether. She had tried to push the anxiety from her mind, but no matter what she did it was all she thought about. Which made her last minute efforts to ensure no one could tell she was pregnant all the more frustrating.

Realistically, she was far smaller than average for how far along she was. She had spent far too much time comparing bump sizes from Google images. Even the doctor's assurance that everyone carried differently, Hermione still worried. It made her all the more desperate to talk to her mother, but was too stubborn to go over and apologize for the way they had all left things.

James had found her standing in the middle of her room, clothes strewn about. She was still wearing her same leggings from earlier, but it was only her bra that she had paired with it at the moment. It was obvious to both of them that he was having trouble looking anywhere but at her chest, but Hermione was too close to a meltdown to care.

"I just went shopping and already things are too tight," she said, trying her best to remain calm. "I know it isn't just my stomach that's supposed to get bigger, but this is ridiculous."

She narrowed her eyes at the twitch of his lips. He brought his hand up to rub at his chin as he said, "I wouldn't go so far as to call it a problem."

If she had been capable of rolling her eyes any harder, she was sure they would have gotten stuck that way. "Typical," she muttered, snatching up the closest shirt to her. She tugged it down over her head and stared down at it. It remained on for only a few seconds before she yanked it off and tossed it behind her with a sigh of frustration and watering eyes.

"Hey," he said, voice light, as he crossed the room and reached for her hand. "Just take a deep breath."

"James, it's-"

"Relax," he ordered, his voice akin to the one he had used a few days prior in the dark of his room. She shivered as her body recalled the rest of the scenario quite vividly. She closed her eyes as he stepped behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. "I know things are strange, but if something's bothering you, you can always talk to me." The breath of air from his sigh tickled her ear. "You know that, right?"

She nodded, keeping quiet for a bit as he kneaded her skin, easing the tension in her body significantly. "You left."

He stilled, but only for a moment.

"Was it because of the adoption?" she asked. "I want us to be on the same page for this stuff, James. It's your child too. If you want to-"

"It wasn't that," he interrupted, though Hermione had trouble believing it. His hands slid down her back, moving so that his fingertips could ghost down the ladder of her ribs. He stopped with his palms flat against either side of her belly, his nose pressing into the crook of her neck.

Hermione froze, not sure what to do in that moment. A part of her told her to pull away, assuming that nothing good could come of this. Yet the other part of her wanted to place her hands on top of his and accept it. To see where life took them and embrace that path with open arms. But she didn't get to decide either way. Instead, he pulled away, leaving her with a chill sweeping up her spine.

He returned a moment later, pressing a cable knit dress into her hands. "I'll be downstairs when you're ready," he said, leaving her more confused than when he had departed earlier that day.


	9. Chapter 9

**NINE**

_**Saturday, 12 September 2020; thirteen weeks** _

The ride to Harry and Ginny's was silent except for the radio playing softly in the background. Hermione kept her attention focused on the things passing by outside the window while James was far too intent on staring out the windshield. The one time she did glance over at him, his knuckles had turned white from how hard he gripped the wheel. Knowing there was nothing she could do about it, she had simply sighed and looked away once more.

When they arrived, she stared up at the house and took a deep breath. She wasn't in the right headspace for this sort of thing, she knew that, but it was far too late to turn back now. James continued to sit there with her, offering as much support as he could through the awkwardness between them. And just when she thought she was going to lose the battle of her overactive emotions, his hand slid over hers. He laced their fingers together and gave her a light squeeze, one that she returned immediately.

After a moment of drinking in the comfort he offered, she turned to thank him with a smile. He gave one to her and jerked his head backwards, signaling they should go. With a surprising amount of effort, she forced herself to let go of his hand and stepped out of the car. Side-by-side, they walked up to the front door and crossed the threshold a moment later.

Harry was sitting on the couch, sipping at a beer. He looked up from the television and smiled at them before getting to his feet. He greeted his father with a hug and then pulled Hermione to him as well. Much like her hugs of late, she kept herself from being pulled too close. Though she was sure, given how oblivious to everything Harry truly was, he wouldn't have noticed one way or another.

Ginny, on the other hand, was the one that she would have to be careful around. Something that Hermione had less than five seconds to figure out as the woman came in from the kitchen and threw her arms around Hermione immediately. Try as she might to keep herself back, she was no match for Ginny. Determined as ever when she felt her friend's resistance, she pulled her in tighter. Hermione knew the moment Ginny felt something was off and when she pulled back to say hello, she didn't miss the way her blue eyes flickered down to her stomach and then back up to hers, filled with questions.

Hermione scrambled to remain indifferent as Ginny moved on to greet her father-in-law. They exchanged their pleasantries and small talk, all the while, Hermione tried to ignore the way Ginny kept stealing glances at her.

"Beer?" Harry offered, looking between the two of them before a bout of silence could wash over them.

"Sure," James replied while Hermione simply shook her head, politely declining the offer while resisting the urge to rest her hand on her stomach.

"You guys watch the game, we'll get 'em for you," Ginny said, beckoning Hermione to follow her to the kitchen with a tilt of her head. "Did you want something aside from beer?"

"Water, please," she said as she watched Ginny get the bottle opener and pull the cap off of two bottles. "I'll take these," she said, wrapping her fingers around the necks of the bottles with one hand before leaving the kitchen almost too quickly.

The sight of James and Harry side-by-side on the couch nearly made her trip over her own two feet. They both sported the same dark, unruly hair that could never be tamed. The shapes of their faces were nearly identical, as were the builds of their bodies. Even the way they were sitting was comically alike. The only difference was that Harry had green eyes like his mother instead of James' hazel irises and that James went the route of contacts whereas Harry preferred glasses. Even the look they gave her was not only the same, but given at the same time.

But only one of them made her shiver.

"Thanks, Mione," Harry said when she passed the drinks out to them and then motioned for him to give her his empty one.

She nodded, eyes flickering between them. "Anything else you two need?"

Harry chuckled around the bottle as he tipped it to his lips. "We're good, thanks. If you don't get back in there, Ginny's liable to burst. She's been dying for someone to gossip to about something or other all day."

Hermione rolled her eyes and stepped away, cheeks burning as she noticed the way James' gaze dropped to her backside in the process. Whether he meant to or not, it stirred something inside of her and brought a flush of warmth across her face. It wasn't until she was in the kitchen, mostly out of view from the living room, that she took a breath and downed half her glass of water.

It wasn't as though she was ever going to be ready for Ginny and her penchant for speaking bluntly, but her words still made her choke on her water.

"That's not my niece or nephew in there, is it?"

Hermione wiped at the liquid that had missed her lips entirely and set the glass back down on the island counter. "No," she muttered, figuring it would be better if she didn't feign ignorance.

Ginny stared at her for a moment and then turned to stir something on the stove. Hermione's shoulders slumped; she had just _known_ that Ginny would be the first to find out. She was _always_ the one to know things before anyone else. "Harry told me what you said, about feeling like you might lose us in the divorce," she said, turning back to Hermione. "You know that's utter bullshit, right?"

Hermione could only nod as she stared at her friend.

"Who else knows?"

"James," she replied, her voice quiet.

Ginny nodded again and sipped at her own beer. Her eyes wandered down to her stomach and then smirked. "Figures you would be one of those skinny bitches. I have a feeling I'll be like my mother and be three times your size from day one."

The laughter her comment spurred surprised her, but she was glad for it.

Ginny smiled at her and lifted a brow as Hermione wiped a tear from the inner corner of one eye. "So are you going to tell me or am I going to have to pry it out of you?"

Hermione sighed, knowing there was no way out if now. "What do you want to know?" she asked.

"Everything, obviously," she said, moving around the kitchen to prep the salad.

"Promise you won't tell Harry?"

Ginny snorted as she tossed things Hermione's way so she could help. "You have my word, Hermione. If anyone finds out, it won't be from me."

She nodded and took a deep breath. While they worked side by side in the kitchen, Hermione told her what had happened thirteen weeks ago, tweaking a few details here and there. Until they decided otherwise, the other contributing half of her child would be described as a random bloke at the bar. One that she hadn't even so much as learned the name of or considered exchanging phone numbers with.

"So how did you come to stay with James, then?"

Hermione felt a little better being able to tell her the real story, thought it made her feel guilty again about not having talked to her parents in a few weeks. "I went to the clinic to have an abortion and-"

"Alone?" Ginny snapped, eyes wide with alarm. "Hermione, you should have-"

"I know," she said, desperately wanting to tell her that she hadn't been alone. "I was terrified, Ginny, but being there was a mistake and I couldn't go through with it so I left." She took a deep breath, her eyes flickering towards the living room without her permission for the briefest of moments. "And that same day, my OBGYN left a message on the landline rather than my cell about the follow up. You know how my parents are with that particular topic. We fought and I left."

"I'm sorry, Hermione. Have you spoken to them since?"

She shook her head. "No. I keep thinking about it. It's been hard, not having someone to talk to about things."

Ginny's smile was light as she reached for Hermione's hand. "You know you can fix that, right?"

"I know," she said with a loud sigh. "I'm just being stubborn."

"You don't say," Ginny mused.

Hermione snorted. "You're one to talk."

They laughed together and Ginny shook her head. "So what happened after?"

"I intended to stay at a hotel, but I just kept driving. I ran into James; I'm not even really sure where we were, honestly, but I broke down and he told me I could use a guest room for however long. Even after I blurted out my whole predicament."

Ginny hummed with approval as she stared at Hermione. "It makes sense that he took you in," she said, turning towards the oven to pull out the casserole dish. "You're basically Harry's sister."

Hermione froze, her stomach churning as the guilt swept through her like a tidal wave. It took all of her resolve not to take off towards the bathroom. And just when she thought she would just empty her stomach in the trash can like she had the last time she was in this room, Ginny was asking her more questions. Hermione forced her lips to move; forced words to come out of her mouth.

By the time they sat down at the table to eat, Hermione couldn't bring herself to even look James in the eye. She went the entire rest of the evening both avoiding and ignoring his gaze. It wasn't until they bid Harry and Ginny goodbye for the night and climbed back into the car that Hermione dropped the façade.

"Ginny knows," she said as he pulled out of the parking spot.

His attention snapped over to her, staying at the stop sign for longer than necessary.

"Not about us," she added quickly. "Just about the baby."

He nodded, but she saw the way he tensed. She filled him in on what changes to the real story she had made, that way, if asked, they would be on the same page.

"You're sure it's okay?" she asked, getting the distinct feeling that it wasn't.

His nod was stiff. "I told you in the beginning you could tell people whatever you wanted, Hermione. I'm not about to go back on my word."

"James-"

"It's fine," he assured her, his tone thick with finality, forcing her to drop the subject altogether.

After that the silence that had surrounded them on the way to Harry's returned. It lasted even as they made their way into James' house and ascended the stairs. And when Hermione hesitated outside of her door, hoping to talk to him, he continued without pause, shutting himself in his room without so much as a glance her way. With a heavy heart, Hermione followed suit, but no matter how strong she tried to be, she found herself sobbing into her pillow until she finally drifted off to sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**TEN**

_**Monday, 14 September 2020; fourteen weeks** _

Hermione had stayed in her room for most of Sunday. Only coming out to use the bathroom or grab something to bring up to her room to eat there. Each time, she would listen for any sign of James. Each time, she would only leave her room if there weren't any. Whether he was doing the same and avoiding her, she wasn't sure. All she knew, was that for an entire day, she couldn't even tell she lived with someone else.

Monday morning, she emailed the adoption agency with her pick and a desire to set up a meeting. She had heard back from them as she was sitting down to eat her lunch. She agreed to Wednesday afternoon and as soon as her break was over, she made the necessary requests to ensure she only worked a half day so she could make that meeting. The hardest part was debating whether or not she wanted to type everything in a text or just suck it up and call James, a hunch telling her she would get his voicemail anyway.

In the end, she opted for a text. She had barely hit the send button when it came up marked as read, but by the time she was clocking out to go home, he still hadn't replied. Choosing not to let it affect her, she placed her phone back in the outside pocket of her purse and drove to get something to eat before going home.

But even when she made a few unnecessary pit stops just to prolong the inevitable, he wasn't home when she arrived. A knot of worry twisted in her gut. She pulled out her phone, frowning when there was nothing there. She debated for far longer than necessary before she shook her head and put her phone away. He wasn't hers to keep track of. He was an adult, entitled to his own life. He didn't owe her an explanation for anything. With a heavy sigh, she went upstairs to take a shower, hoping the hot water would relax the tension in her shoulders that had been mounting since Saturday morning.

Not wanting to be cooped up in her room forever, she threw on her lounging clothes and went back down to the living room. As the hours ticked by, marked by each passing rerun of old shows that weren't holding her attention, her worry continued to grow. Despite it, she kept weaving in and out of sleep, waking at every little noise with a jump. When she finally did hear the front door, she thought her heart was going to beat right out of her chest.

James strode by the living room, doing a double take at the sight of her on the couch. He stilled, his head tipped to the side. "You're still up?"

She was off the couch, hands on her hips, words tumbling forth before she could stop herself. "Where the hell were you?"

It was clear from the expression on his face that he had not been prepared for this reaction from her. Granted, it had caught her unawares as well. His gaze roamed over her, concern taking over for his surprise as he studied her. "Did something happen?" he asked, taking a step closer to her. "Are you alright? Is the baby-"

She pushed his hand away and took a step back as the smell of alcohol permeated her nostrils. "We're fine," she assured him. "Nothing happened." The scent of stale beer hit her again and she swallowed hard. "You're drunk."

He continued to stare at her, assessing her for any signs that something had happened in his absence. "Stayed late," he said after a moment. "And then went to the bar."

She snorted, crossing her arms over her chest. She wet her lips, watching as his gaze dropped to follow the action. She rolled her eyes and shook her head at him. "Does Wednesday work for you?"

"What?" he asked, his gaze slowly dragging back up to hers.

"For meeting with the potential adoptive parents," she said, head tilting slightly. "Did you actually read my message or just ignore it after opening it?"

He was taken aback by the anger in her tone. "I read it," he said, a hand coming up to scrub at his chin. "Wednesday is fine."

"Good. I already confirmed. We can meet there." He simply nodded and they stood there, staring at each other for a moment before she sighed. "I'm going to bed."

As she took a step towards the stairs, he stepped into her path, his hand finding hers with a surprising amount of ease. "You're cross with me."

"No," she said, keeping her hand lax. "I was worried about you. There's a difference."

He let out a soft chuckle as he brought their joint hands up between them. He laid his lips across the back of her knuckles and hummed. "I opened your message, read it, and then got called away from my desk. I'm sorry I forgot to reply to you." In one fluid motion, his hand was no longer twined with hers, instead, he was cupping the back of it and pressing his lips to her palm. Slowly, he moved to the heel of it. The touch of them against the inside of her wrist made her shiver.

"James…"

"I can make it up to you," he murmured against her skin, his other hand curling around her hip to pull her close.

"You're drunk," she whispered.

"I know," he breathed, his voice husky. "Never stopped us before."

Hermione yanked her arm away from him and stepped back, ignoring gooseflesh that arose. "You're drunk," she repeated. "On a Monday."

He didn't reach for her again, but she could tell from the way his fingers twitched at his sides that he wanted to. "I know what day it is, Hermione," he said, his voice low. He did step forward at that, but she held her ground. He didn't touch her, but his lips did fall close to her ear to say, "You're not the only one having a hard time with all of this."

And before she could even wrap her mind around what he had said, he was moving past her. She turned just to see him finish ascending the stairs and once again, the sound of the door made her flinch.

* * *

_**Tuesday, 15 September 2020; fourteen weeks** _

Hermione woke to the smell of breakfast being cooked and drool running past the corners of her mouth. The heavenly scent of savory food wafting up from the kitchen had her on her feet and getting dressed for the day. She didn't even care that she was up before her alarms had gone off. It was only when she made it to the bottom of the stairs that she remembered the encounter with James in the living room upon his return. And unless someone had broken in just to cook them both breakfast, she knew that by going into the kitchen meant facing him.

Her stomach decided for her, rumbling again, this time making her wince. So she took a deep breath and stepped into the kitchen.

James was just setting two fully loaded plates down on the table, mugs of prepared coffee already waiting. He smiled sheepishly at her and gestured for her to take a seat. She hesitated for a second before taking slow steps towards the seat she intended to take, his parting words echoing in the back of her mind.

_"You're not the only one having a hard time with all of this."_

She sat down and stared at her plate for a moment before looking up, her eyes following him as he took a seat next to her. "Are you trying to apologize to me with food?"

The corners of his lips twitched as he brought his coffee mug to his lips. "Is it working?" he asked after taking a sip.

She picked up her fork and loaded it with a mouthful of scrambled eggs. "Perhaps."

The moment of silence that followed was from both of them taking their first bite at the same time. When they were finished, they exchanged a wary look and a thin smile. After a moment, he put his fork down and reached across the table to take her hand in his. "I fucked up yesterday, Hermione. There's really no way I can say I'm sorry that will make up for whatever that was last night."

She shook her head, but didn't pull her hand back. "I'm sorry too."

"For what?" he asked, eyes going wide with surprise.

"For acting like a nagging girlfriend. I shouldn't have blown up at you like that. I know it's not like that with us. That I don't have any right to demand to know where you are every second of every day."

It was too early for her to understand the look in his eyes when she finished speaking. However, it was only there for a fleeting moment, making her wonder if she would have understood it even with a more functioning brain. "You were worried," he said, his voice soft. "You have every right to worry about me, especially when I don't come home. I would have been a nervous wreck if it had been the other way around. I won't keep you in the dark anymore."

"James-"

"I really did intend on replying to your message," he pressed on, effectively silencing her. "I just forgot. And when I was finally able to leave the office, I thought about calling you, but I didn't. Things are still weird between us and we're still trying to get used to one another." He sighed and gave her hand a squeeze. "It's been a really long time since I've had anyone at home to worry about me. Someone that I have to hold myself and my actions accountable to."

"You don't have to do that."

"I do," he insisted, letting go of her hand so he could take another bite of his food. "You being stressed about my whereabouts isn't good for either of us." His eyes dropped to her stomach. "For _any_ of us."

Knowing she wasn't going to win this argument, not that there was really anything to be won, she nodded and picked up her own fork. "I don't have to know where you are every second of every day, but a head's up if you're not coming home would be nice."

"I can do that."

Silence settled over the two of them as they continued to eat, though it was far less awkward than before. It lasted until they had eaten their fill and he stood to clear their plates away. She got up despite his protests and began to help him clean. It was almost time for her to go, but a part of her wasn't ready to leave quite yet.

"You know you can talk to me too, right?" she said after putting the last dish on the drying rack. "About anything."

He stood with his back to the counter, one ankle crossed in front of the other. He nodded as a hand came up to scratch at the scruff on his chin, the other beside him, wrapped around the edge of the counter. He nodded, but said nothing, keeping his gaze staring out towards the table in front of him.

"What you said last night," she started, wrapping her arms around herself, hands sliding up her biceps as though she were cold. "If you're having second thoughts about any of this, I need you to tell me."

"My stance on everything hasn't changed," he said, his attention slowly turning towards her. "I just never thought I would be in this position again, given my age. I sure as hell didn't think I would ever put _you_ in this position. I know the options, I know that we're making the best of our situation, but…" He reached up to card a hand through his hair, making even more of it stick up at odd angles. "I'm sorry I got us into this mess, Hermione. And I'm sorry that I keep making it worse."

"It wasn't just your fault you know," she said, her eyes narrowing. "We made this mess together."

He pushed off the counter to face her head on. "It was purely coincidental that I ended up at that bar with you that night. I just keep thinking what would have happened if I had gone to my usual haunt. Or if I hadn't gone to check on you."

"If it hadn't been you, it would have been someone else," she said after a moment, her gaze dropping to the floor. "And then I would be in this alone."

"You're wrong," he said, his fingers curling gently around her chin to tilt her face back up to his. "You wouldn't be alone. You would have been able to tell your friends and family the whole truth. They would have been there to support you through it all. Instead, you're left with only me and I'm sorry for that."

"I'm not," she whispered. "You've been nothing but supportive, James."

His smile was sad as the tips of his fingers slid along her jaw before he withdrew his touch altogether. "I'm glad you can still say that after what happened last night."

This time, it was Hermione that stopped James from walking away by wrapping her fingers around his wrist. He didn't turn to look at her right away, but he didn't pull away from her touch either. "You were drunk-"

"That's not an excuse," he interrupted, sorrow plain as day in his voice.

"I never said I was taking it for one," she argued, her hand sliding down so she could lace their fingers together. "But I forgive you either way." He did look at her then, his lips parting to say something, but she was faster. "I don't want alcohol to be what draws us together anymore."

She could feel the tingling sensation at the base of her spine; the beginnings of a shiver at the way his eyes darkened slightly. "Alcohol wasn't what led you to my door the other night," he stated, his voice deeper than she had ever heard it before.

"No," she breathed, her voice cracking slightly as he reached out to pull her closer. "It wasn't."

Her lashes fluttered against her cheeks as she found herself being drawn into his embrace. The warmth that enveloped her made her shiver and she clung to him to keep herself from falling. But as he buried his face in the crook of her neck, lips pressing against her skin, she caught sight of the time and bit her lip to stifle a moan.

"I have to go," she whispered, allowing herself a few more seconds before extracting herself from him.

They stared at one another for the longest time, neither one sure where the other stood, but interested in the turn of events breakfast had brought. "I'll get dinner on the way home," he said, stepping away first.

She cleared her throat and nodded. "I'll see you tonight then," she said and in a moment of bravery or recklessness, she wasn't sure which, she stepped up to him so she could press her lips to his cheek. "Thanks for breakfast," she murmured and then tore herself away to get her things. The smile on her face and the blistering ache between her thighs lasting throughout her day.


	11. Chapter 11

**ELEVEN**

_**Wednesday, 16 September 2020; fourteen weeks** _

Even though James' office was further from the adoption agency than hers, he had still beat her there. Her meeting before lunch had run a bit long and she kept staring at the clock, debating if she shouldn't just duck out and deal with the consequences later. But she was saved from having to have a one on one with her boss when the meeting finally ended. She scrambled to get her things and rush to her car, forcing herself to drive the speed limit even if she was late.

James had been in front of the building, leaning against one of the pillars, face tilted towards the cloudy sky, eyes closed in thought. The sight had made her pause and when James realized he was being watched, he caught her wetting her lips. Her entire body flushed as she looked away, but not before she saw the glimmer in his eyes as he moved to hold the door open for her.

She blamed it on his bloody apology breakfast the day before. Their awkward tension had shifted into borderline flirtatious; something akin to how they had been before she found herself knocking on his door in the wee hours of the morning a week prior. Mostly, she blamed her hormones and did her best to try and ignore them until she could figure out the best way to deal with them.

They checked in with the receptionist and then sat in the lobby, waiting to be called back to one of the conference rooms. The longer they sat, the more she worried at her bottom lip, the more her right foot tapped with nervous energy as she plucked at the hem of her shirt. James' hand had barely settled on top of hers to lend her some support when they were summoned.

They were alone when they arrived and after being offered some water, their mediator, Katie, left to bring in the couple. When Katie returned a few minutes later, she had a couple far too striking to be real in tow. Hermione stared between the two of them with wide eyes and parted lips as they shook hands with her and James before they all took their seats once more.

For the most part, Katie led the conversation. It turned out the agency kept a list of questions that were most commonly asked of the birth parents and of the adoptive party. Hermione and James both answered as honestly as they could, telling them straight away if there was something in their history they weren't entirely sure of. Theo Nott, the doctor of the pair, asked a few more in depth questions of his own which neither of them minded.

As snarky as the banker, Draco Malfoy was, Hermione quite enjoyed the banter he provided to the conversation. The impression she got from both of them was sure to be a lasting one. Especially when it came to the tender looks and unspoken affection they doted up one another whether they realized it or not.

Katie explained to them that they were welcome to exchange contact information if they wished. That they were welcome to meet up and speak outside of the agency if that was important to them. She also went into further detail about the different levels of adoption, ranging from open to closed. By the time everyone parted ways, her mind was overloaded with information.

Knowing that, James led her to a little café across the street, but didn't speak until they had sat down. She picked at the bento box he had made her get and sipped at her tea. "I liked them," she said after a moment.

"Seemed like they would make great parents," James replied.

She hummed as she sat back in her chair. "Are we making the right choice?"

He was silent for a bit longer than she anticipated; his gaze focused on the cup in his hands. "My answer to that hasn't changed, Hermione."

"You haven't given me an answer at all," she replied, causing his gaze to lift to hers. "You just keep saying that it's up to me and that you've already raised a kid before. That doesn't tell me how you feel about this one," she said, pointing to her stomach. "Is it because of our history?"

The smile he gave her was thin at best as he sighed. "It's not just because of our history, Hermione. Even if were strangers, I still wouldn't know what to do in this situation." He lifted his cup to his lips and drank deeply, looking at his watch as he brought the cup back down.

"Well maybe we should-"

"I have to go," he said, abruptly cutting her off and getting to his feet. "I need to get back to work. I'll get dinner tonight."

She shook her head, choosing to let it go, knowing that there was really nothing she say to make it easier. "No, it's my turn. I'm craving spring rolls again."

He smirked, but if he wasn't in the mood for Chinese takeaway for a second night in a row, he said nothing. Instead he reached over to place a hand on her shoulder, gave it a good squeeze and then took his leave. Hermione watched until he disappeared from her sight and settled back once more in chair, letting her mind sort through the information she had just been supplied.

* * *

**_Saturday, 19 September 2020; fourteen weeks_ **

Hermione had every intention of dealing with her raging hormones by herself. She had even been debating all week on whether or not she should purchase a vibrator to help her get off. But she had talked herself out of it more than once, already finding it mortifying enough to touch herself knowing James was right down the hall. And it wasn't that she was afraid he would hear her, it was just that the house held too many childhood memories. With the situation being as awkward enough on its own, she didn't feel the need to add to it.

But if she didn't find an outlet for her pent up sexual frustration, she was liable to snap.

Deciding against an inanimate object left her with two choices. The first of which would take some effort. It would require for her to meet someone new. To establish a relationship with someone that was only for sex and that would only be while she was pregnant. If it had been just the first part, she knew anyone she asked would more than likely jump at the chance. It was the type of man who would be okay with the second part that made her hesitate. Even though she was pregnant, she wasn't keen on the idea of someone getting off to that fact. Nor was she keen on the idea of sharing her body with someone while playing hostess to something they didn't help create.

That left her with her second option; James.

While on one hand, it wasn't anything they hadn't done before, there was still a part of her that was afraid. Afraid of what it meant for the future. What it would mean for them. She would be a fool to think that things hadn't already changed, that each time they came together in a moment of need, it made it that much harder to return to normal. It had only happened twice so far and already so much had changed.

It was something Hermione had been thinking about all week, weighing each option against the other until the ache in her head was greater than the one between her thighs.

That following Saturday, having already RSVP'd for a coworker's bridal shower, she declined Harry and Ginny's offer to do something for her birthday. This year, more so than any other year, she wasn't in the mood to celebrate. With her and Ron still on the fence of friendship, the cold war with her parents, and her current condition, a quiet night sounded perfect.

While the bridal shower was fun, it had done nothing to keep her mind from the thoughts that had been plaguing her all week. Especially when she had to decline all the mimosa concoctions, being forced to stare longingly at the drinks in the hands of everyone else. If there were any birthday she wanted a drink for, it was this one.

Having seen James' car when she parked hers, she knew he was home. She hadn't mentioned that Harry and Ginny had tried to make plans, nor had she mentioned her birthday at all. She knew that he had been to many a celebration for her over the years, but whether he remembered, she wasn't sure. Nor was she going to get upset if he didn't.

The first place she went after walking in the front door was the kitchen for a glass of water. It was on her way to the cabinet that she paused mid-step and did a double take at the sight on the table. In the center was a cake from the local bakery, small enough for two people. Next to it was a card with her name scrawled across the front of the envelope in James' handwriting. She drifted towards the table, reaching for the card. It was a generic one with a prewritten message and he hadn't added more than a few lines before signing his name at the bottom. Regardless, it was more than she was expecting and it brought on a fresh surge of hormones. Right along side a slew of emotions she wasn't prepared to deal with.

Setting the card back down, she turned and made her way to the living room, her initial desire for a glass of water long forgotten as another took its place. James was sitting on the couch, beer in one hand, eyes on the television. His gaze lifted to hers at her approach, a warm smile on his face. "Happy birthday."

She nodded her thanks, intent on not losing focus. His eyes darkened as she continued towards him, his brow lifting as she took the bottle of beer in his hand and set it down on the coffee table. She lingered there for a second, taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly. She didn't hesitate then, to turn towards him and crawl onto his lap, knees on either side of his hips. His hands were on her immediately, the heat of his touch making her shiver. She cupped his face between both of her hands and lowered her lips so that they brushed over his when she spoke. "Is your offer still valid?"

His grip on her sides tightened as he pulled her flush against him, allowing her an intimate feel of his arousal against her core. "It was never off the table, love."

The words were equally exhilarating and terrifying, but nevertheless, it was exactly what she wanted to hear. It gave her the strength she needed to firmly press her lips against his and swipe her tongue along the seam. He didn't hesitate to part his own lips, his tongue right there to greet hers. And where last time, he had been about taking it slow, this time, he was just as eager for release as she was.

It took a fair bit of maneuvering to divest themselves of their clothes, including getting off of his lap. She made quick work of peeling off her knickers and yanking her dress over her head. Both garments fell to the floor in front of the couch, joining his shirt. She helped him work off his trousers and the moment he kicked them from his ankles, he grabbed her by the waist and drew her back over his lap.

His hands went right to the clasp of her bra as his lips attached her neck. She ground her hips down over him, moaning as his length parted her folds and nudged at her clit. She continued to writhe in his lap, whining at how good everything felt. Not in the mood for foreplay at the moment, she reached down between them and wrapped her fingers around his shaft, eliciting a groan from him as he nipped at her throat.

She gave him a few good pumps before she pushed up with her knees and lined him up with her entrance. With one hand on her hip to steady her, the other cupped one of her breasts and lifted it so he could close his mouth around her nipple. As his tongue laved the stiff peak, lowered herself down, taking him into her body inch by inch until there was nothing left to take.

Her fingers sank into his hair, cupping the back of his head, keeping him in place while the other gripped at his shoulder. The sounds they made ricocheted off the walls in a lewd duet. He continued to worship her breast, alternating between his lips, teeth, and tongue while kneading her flesh. She rolled her hips in the meantime, working her way up to a pace that was comfortable.

She tugged at his hair, pulling his head back. A loud _pop_ rent the air as his mouth lifted from her skin. She leaned in to hungrily capture his lips, kissing and tasting him with a frenzy as she increased her pace slightly. As his hand at her hip slid down between them, the pad of his thumb finding her clit, her whimper turned into a hiss, one that was punctuated when he caught her lower lip between his teeth and tugged.

"That's it, love," he panted, moving so that his cheek slid across hers, his breath tickling her ear. "Come for me."

A shudder cascaded down her spine, making her tremble from head to toe. And no sooner had it registered that their previous trysts had been silent, that she quite liked the thrill the words provided, she reached her breaking point. Her head tipped back and her vision went white as she let out an incoherent string of noises that made her glad they were in a house, not an apartment.

And he didn't relent. He continued to thrum away at her clit until she was mewling in his lap, leaving her barely any time to catch her breath from one orgasm to the next. Just as she started to crest, he pulled his hand away and used both of his to grip her hips tightly and took over, thrusting up into her with reckless abandon. Before she knew it, she was crying out for him again, her entire body teeming with pleasure.

And it wasn't long before his movement quelled. He had brought her down and hit deep, his face buried in the crook of her neck as he grunted through his release. She could feel him twitching as he emptied himself inside of her, a lazy smile on her lips as her inner walls fluttered around him, determined to milk every last drop he had to offer.

As the highs of their tryst began to recede, neither one of them seemed keen on moving. Even as he softened and slipped out of her body, causing them both to sigh, she stayed right where she was. Her hands roamed freely about her body, the gentle caresses allowing her to relax even further. Her hand continued to tease at his hair, relishing the softness beneath her fingers as his lips continued to press languid kisses against the column of her throat.

"If I hadn't gotten knocked up the first time, do you think we'd still be doing this?" she asked, still a little breathless.

James stilled for a moment, placed a kiss to the spot behind her jaw, just below her ear, and then moved his head back so he could meet her gaze. "I don't know."

Her palm slid along the side of his face as she tipped her head to the side. "You were upset with me when you saw me again."

He sighed, guilt flashing in his eyes. "I didn't know how I would react; how _you_ would react when we crossed paths again," he replied. "I just remember waking up alone after a really good night. Reading your note didn't help me feel any better or worse about any of it."

She hummed, having felt the same way about leaving the note. Her thumb slid across his bottom lip as his one of his hands settled along the side, his fingers brushing against her breast. "What about now?" she asked. "Or after the baby is born? Do you think we can go back to how it used to be?"

"Is that what you want?" he asked, his thumb grazing over her nipple, causing it to pebble once more.

"I don't know," she said, repeating his earlier answer. "Why does everything have to be so complicated?"

The look he gave her was wistful. "At the risk of sounding like a broken record…" he replied, voice trailing off into a light chuckle as his hand moved slightly. "I don't know," he breathed, rolling her nipple between his forefinger and thumb again, making her press her lips together, though it didn't stop the sound of her whine from escaping.

"Maybe we don't have to figure it out right now," she said, her voice barely audible. Her breath continued to quicken as he gave her nipple a slightly harder pinch. "What if we just took it day by day and deal with it later?"

Hermione knew she wasn't thinking clearly enough to dissect the logic of that plan and find its flaws before presenting it. She just didn't care. Especially when his other hand had skimmed its way across her skin and disappeared between their bodies until it found her core. She jumped slightly, moaning as his fingers brushed her clit. She was still swollen from her last orgasm, not to mention the fact that their combined releases had begun to trickle out of her slowly. But he didn't seem to care as he gathered some of it from her core and brought it up to tease her with ease.

"Later," he rasped with a nod of his head.

With that, they had entered an agreement. One that, as she shattered for him again, they knew only existed to prolong the inevitable discussion they were both too scared to have now.


	12. Chapter 12

**TWELVE**

_**Thursday, 1 October 2020; sixteen weeks** _

It was strange being home in the middle of the day on a Thursday. Hermione had had her sixteen week check-up and instead of only taking the morning off, she had just decided to take the entire day. Her only regret was that she hadn't requested Friday as well. And while she had been alone in James' house before, there was something about being there midday that was strange.

It was the first time she found herself missing the house she had shared with Ron. Mostly she missed the bathtub. It had been _months_ since she had been able to just soak in a tub and let the heat of the water relax her muscles. Even James' nightly massages weren't as good as a luxurious soak. And it was when she standing in the guest bathroom having turned on the shower that she recalled the bathtub in the master suite.

For a moment, she considered going to use it, but then thought better of it. But with every garment that she pulled off of herself, the harder it was to resist the temptation. With a quick glance at her the time on her phone, she came to the conclusion that since he wasn't due to be home for at least another four hours, she would have plenty of time to use the tub. If she still felt the need to, she could tell him afterwards.

She left her clothes on the floor of the bathroom as she turned off the shower and pulled her robe on. She left it untied as she made her way towards James' room at the end of the hall. Her hand hesitated on the knob at the sensation of feeling like a kid sneaking into her parents' room to try and peek at the Christmas presents.

The only reason she had ever approached this room was to tell him that she needed him. And so far, even after the incident on the couch, that had only been a few more times over the span of the last two weeks. With a bit of courage, she twisted the handle and stepped one foot over the threshold. Having only been in this room during the night, typically with a limited light source, she took the opportunity to get a good look around. She told herself that so long as she only looked at things that weren't tucked behind the closet door or in dresser drawers, it wasn't snooping.

As it turned out, James wasn't one for clutter. It seemed that wherever Harry had gotten his messy gene from, it wasn't his father. The thought made her smile as her eyes scanned the top of the dresser. There was a little black jewelry stand where he displayed his watches. Next to it was a little dish where he kept tie and wallet clips as well as cufflinks and a few other accessories.

Other than that, there were only photos. One was of James as a kid with who she knew to be his parents. She had only seen a handful of photos of them over the years, mostly because there weren't many. They had passed away just after Lily and James were married, meaning Harry never got to meet them. The next one was of James and Lily on their wedding day. Her eyes lingered on Lily, taking in the sight of her in a lacy white gown that made her hair redder than Ginny's.

Her eyes moved to the last photo, one that featured Harry as a child. She knew from having seen this one before that it was his first birthday; the last photo they had taken together as a family. It was only a few months later that a blood clot from an old injury had let loose and while one day she was happy and healthy, the next she was gone. She smiled at the photo, one hand reaching out to trace the figures against the glass, the other hand on her own stomach, wondering if she would ever have a photo like that.

Having snooped enough for one day, she slipped into the bathroom and sighed heavily at the sight of the tub. She turned on the taps and while she waited for it to fill, she did open the cabinets below the sink, looking for anything that would make the experience better. She wasn't surprised when she came up empty. She took a moment to go grab what she had, hoping he wouldn't mind his bathroom smelling of roses for a bit. It wasn't her favorite thing to use, but maybe if she was able to talk him into using the tub on a more regular basis, she would stock up on the good stuff.

The moan that escaped her lips as she lowered herself into the tub took her by surprise. She laughed to herself as she adjusted into a comfortable position and then tipped her head back over the edge. The tub wasn't deep enough to cover herself to the neck, but it felt heavenly all the same. It wasn't a shock that her breasts were more or less exposed depending on how much movement she made.

It was surprising to see the swell of her belly from time to time. She looked down, her hands running over the curve. She was still smaller in stature, her doctor said on average, most people that looked like her were in the ten to twelve week range. But being smaller than the average woman made it easier to conceal for longer, meaning she had more time to put off telling everyone. She knew the day would come eventually seeing as how her coworkers had found out at the beginning of the week. It was one of the reasons she had been avoiding her friends and family.

It had come as a disappointment when she received a text from James just before the appointment saying that he couldn't get away from the office. Especially when they were doing an ultrasound and she was able to hear the heartbeat for the first time. It was the only thing playing on repeat in her mind and she had kept a hand glued to her stomach in an attempt to feel it.

With the hot water doing its job of getting her to relax, sending her mind adrift in her sea of thoughts, Hermione let her eyes close. She wasn't tired enough to fall asleep, but it sure helped make the experience better. And soon, it was as though she didn't have a care in the world.

But as the saying went, all good things must come to an end.

No sooner had she started to feel at complete ease did the sound of a throat being cleared reach her ears. She jumped slightly, causing a bit of water to slosh over the sides and splash across the tiled floor. Her teeth sank into her bottom lip as she lowered herself as much as she could in the water before slowly turning her head to the side. James was staring at her, amusement shining bright in the hazel of his eyes, especially when they drifted down to catch a glimpse of her body in the water.

"I haven't seen you look that guilty since you and Harry broke my great grandmother's vase."

Hermione's eyes widened significantly before she smiled sheepishly at him. "What are you doing home?" she asked, wanting to bring the attention away from the fact that she was recalling the way he had scolded her and Harry something fierce that day. And how she was hoping he would scold her for this too, but in an entirely new way. "I thought something came up at the office?"

"It did," he said, the smile on his lips widening. "And when the issue was resolved, I told them I was leaving early. I knew you would be home and I thought it might be a nice surprise." He cocked his head to the side. "Though I will say this surprise is much better than the one I had planned for you."

Hermione smirked as she sat up a little, noticing the way his gaze dropped right to her chest. He had stopped pretending not to look at her when they were alone. And whenever he was within reach, he was always touching her. It was something she found she liked more than she thought she would. With Ron, he had his moments, but overall, he wasn't one for touch.

"What was your surprise?" she asked, pulling herself from her thoughts of his hands gliding along her skin.

He turned slightly, picking something up off the counter next to the sink. A shiver crept down her spine at the sight of the bouquet of roses in a variety of colors in his hand. She tried to remember that last time someone had bought her flowers and came up empty. Unfortunately, his amazing gesture was overshadowed by a rush of hormones that brought tears to her eyes.

"Oh no," she muttered, shaking her head as she saw the light in his eyes dim, wondering if he had made a mistake. "I love the flowers, James. Really. It's just…" she took a deep breath, trying to keep any of the tears from falling. "No one's ever done that for me."

His eyes narrowed for a moment before relaxing and offering a soft smile. "I'll never understand your generation's penchant for overlooking the small things."

She smiled, the tears finally going away. "It's a shame you don't have a vase for them." They laughed together as he set the flowers back onto the counter and approached, dropping to a crouch just outside the tub. "I really hope you don't mind I used your tub without asking."

"I would have said yes," he said, his hand resting on the edge of the tub, the tips of his fingers sinking below the water line. "You're welcome to use it whenever you want."

"You'll come to regret that," she teased. "I love baths."

He chuckled under his breath as his hand moved through the water until he was able to skim along the top of her breasts. "How long have you been home?"

She smirked again as she recognized that particular tone of his voice. "Not that long. I just got in." Her breath hitched as his hand dipped, his palm sliding against her nipple. "I was planning on soaking for a bit before washing up."

James nodded, his eyes darkening slightly as his hand continued to skim down her body beneath the surface of the water. After a moment, he leaned in to place his lips along her temple and then got to his feet. "I'll go find one of the vases that managed to survive the chaos that was you three and leave you to your bath. Do you want a book?"

"Sure, whatever's on my nightstand," she said, her body relaxing once more as he walked away. When he returned, he had both items as well as a fresh towel for her so she could dry her hands before touching her book. She watched as he filled the vase up with tap water and dropped the flowers into it. "I heard the heartbeat today."

He stilled before turning towards her. "I'm sorry I missed that."

She smiled up at him. "You'll hear it next time," she whispered.

He nodded, but didn't comment on it. Instead, he took a step closer to the door, pausing slightly to say, "Oh, and there's chocolate downstairs. Also part of your surprise."

"Is this what it's like to be wooed by someone?" she asked, a smirk on her lips. "In the movies those types of gifts always lead to a date."

He frowned just as he had when she had told him no one had bought flowers for her before. "Ronald never took you on a date either?"

"He did," she replied. "But only after I planned every last detail." She winced as she realized her words were a bit on the harsher side. "Not that he was bad," she said, trying to correct herself. "He was more goofy than romantic and we started dating so young that-" She cut herself off with a shrug. "Anyway, that's probably more than you wanted to know."

"Ron is a great kid, but I've always thought he wasn't right for you," James said, his voice softer than she had ever heard it before.

She snorted. "You're not the only one to have that opinion. I just wish I had listened to those that voiced it back then." She sighed craned her neck to look at him. "Thanks again for the flowers. And the chocolates. I hope you don't judge me for eating them in one sitting when I'm done here."

He laughed and shook his head. "Enjoy your bath," he said, leaving her alone to do just that.


	13. Chapter 13

**THIRTEEN**

_**Saturday, 3 October 2020; sixteen weeks** _

Just as she had told James she was going to, the moment she joined him in the living room after her bath, she devoured the box of chocolates he had bought for her. And despite insisting he have some, he only ate a few. She was just glad he didn't judge her. As the night wore on, they found they were content on the couch watching movies and ordering something to be delivered for dinner. When her yawns grew more frequent, they decided to call it a night. He went with her, kissing her cheek as they stopped at her door. She lingered in the hallway until he reached his room and after another shared look goodnight, they both stepped into their rooms and closed their doors.

As much as Hermione enjoyed the nights she shared his bed, she found she enjoyed nights such as these just as much. Of all the parental figures as far as her friends were concerned, she had always found James the most likeable. And getting to know him now as an adult she found that they got along better than anyone she had ever known. There was a certain ease that they settled into around one another. Ever since the tension had broken between them, they never found themselves without one topic or another to discuss. And when they didn't feel like talking, the silence was just as comforting.

She had gone to sleep wondering how she had ever managed to keep up her relationship with Ron at all. It wasn't until far too late that she realized he wasn't what she needed, but by then the pressure to make it work had sucked them both in. She knew she wasn't right for him either; that it was mutual and that they would both flourish now that they were a thing of the past.

The way James treated her was unexpected. It was the thing dreams were made of. It just left her wondering if she would find anything like this again; when she was ready for it. And as her thoughts began to drift into dangerous territories, she rolled onto her side and shoved her face into the pillow in the hopes of blocking everything out.

Friday had come and gone in a blur. It had been a busy day with one meeting after the next. She barely had time to eat lunch let alone sit down throughout the day. And if James' message was anything to go by, his day had gone about the same. He wasn't home when she got there, having also told her that he was going to be late. It still hadn't stopped her from being disappointed as she warmed up some leftovers and scarfed them down by herself in the kitchen.

She had gone upstairs with the intention of changing into her lounging clothes and going back to the living room to watch a movie while she waited for him. However, the next thing she knew, the sunlight poking around the edges of her curtains was waking her up. Disoriented beyond reason, she sat up, trying to remember having even laid down. She rolled her shoulders at the kink that had formed there. She groaned as she checked her phone, discovering it was far too early to be up on a weekend. So after a quick trip to the bathroom to relieve her bladder, she listened for signs that James was awake. Having determined he wasn't, she went back to bed and fell back to sleep faster than she anticipated.

When she woke next, it was almost noon. With another groan, berating herself for sleeping so late, she pushed herself out of bed once more. She dragged herself back to the bathroom where she started the shower before she could talk herself out of one. Afterwards, she brushed her teeth, brushed her hair, and slipped into her robe before going back to her room to throw on something clean. Settling for a pair of leggings and whatever dress she touched first, she made her way downstairs to find James making not one, but two sandwiches.

"Why'd you let me sleep so long?" she asked, sinking down into the one of the chairs at the table.

"First of all, I don't _let_ you do anything," he replied without looking at her. "And second, I've learned the hard way never to wake someone playing host to another unless specifically instructed to do so beforehand."

She shook her head, a smile gracing her lips. "Fair enough," she muttered, watching as he finished his assembly and began to put everything away before bringing the plate to her. "Thank you," she said, greedily bringing her sandwich to her mouth.

"Do you have plans for tonight?" he asked after having taking a seat across from her.

"Nope. You?"

Had she not been so intent on shoving the sandwich into her mouth in one go, she might have noticed the way he shifted in his chair and the way his face flushed a lovely shade of pink. "I was thinking it might be nice if we went out for a change."

She swallowed her last bite and downed it with the juice he and poured for her. They had only gone a few places in public together since she had moved in, most of them being doctor's appointments and the grocery store. Only once had it been dinner and even then, they had just opted to take it home rather than eat there. It was then that she saw the look on his face that realization dawned on her.

"Like a date?"

It was adorable, she decided, how he tried to play it off as something else. She had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling. "Not necessarily," he said, his fingers wrapping around his glass. "You're living in my house. It would stand to reason that we would go out to eat. Not everyone eats at home all the time."

She nodded, studying him as he shifted in his seat again, seeing that flicker of hope in his eyes. "James-"

"Hear me out before you turn me down, will you?" he asked, his hand coming up as a visual interruption. She held his gaze for a moment before she leaned back in her chair and nodded. "The other day, you told me that you hadn't really ever been on a proper date. That the man you were married to for a few _years_ never even did something as simple as bring you flowers for no reason." He shook his head. "That boy has no excuse; I've watched Arthur fawn over Molly since the beginning of time," he muttered, making Hermione smile.

"Yes, but-"

He held up his hand again, earning a huff from her, but she remained silent so he could continue.

"I know that you loved Ron; we all knew that. You got together when you were young and it lasted longer than it should have. This was supposed to be your time, Hermione. This was supposed to be your chance to meet the man of your dreams and build the life you wanted; the life you deserved. And instead, I came along and ruined that for you."

The smile he gave her was a bittersweet one, but once again, he spoke before she could.

"I know that it takes two to create a life and that you think if it hadn't been me, it would have been someone else. Someone you didn't know. But you'll never know that for sure because it _was_ me." He took a moment to clear his throat. "So I'm asking you to let me take you on a proper date. Just one." A smirk tipped the left side of his mouth. "Maybe it's a little selfish on my part, wanting to do this to ease my guilt, but I promise to make it worth your while should you accept."

Once again, Hermione find herself torn; two parts of her brain telling her how she should feel about this. On one hand, she knew that accepting his offer might just be what had them crossing over the line they were already on the edge of. On the other hand, accepting his offer might be the push they needed to stop tiptoeing around the line. She could tell herself all she wanted that sleeping together was just because of the hormones and nothing more. Accepting a date, even under the guise of friendship felt like forcing them to admit there was more.

Despite knowing all of that; despite her penchant for thinking through every aspect of her every move, she found herself throwing caution to the wind and nodding at him. "Well, when you put it that way…" she said, a smile stretching her lips. "How could I say no?"

His eyes brightened with joy as he grinned back at her. "You can't," he returned. "Which is good, considering I already have the whole thing planned."

Her eyes widened and she stilled for a moment. "What are we doing?"

"You'll have to wait and see," he said with a grin.

Not one for surprises, she sighed, but for the first time in her life, the idea of being surprised wasn't filling her with dread.

* * *

Hermione had cleaned up after their lunch since he had made it for them. Afterwards, they had moved to the living room where she sat on a pile of blankets on the floor, her back to the couch between James' legs so he could rub at her shoulders. When she was good and relaxed, almost ready to sleep again, she got to her feet. It was then that James informed her that he had a few things to do before their date that evening. He told her to be ready by five and that he wasn't taking her anywhere that had a dress code. After a lingering kiss to her cheek, one she got the distinct impression would have led to more had he not had somewhere else to be, he took his leave.

She had stayed in the living room, choosing to finish up the movie they had been watching before going upstairs to figure out how she wanted to appear for their date. He had offered her a proper date, but it was also their first one. Depending on what came of them in the future, this might be their _only_ date. She was determined to ensure she pulled out all the stops for it. To make him feel as special as she was sure he would try to make her feel.

With it still being a tad on the warmer side for the beginning of October, she had to find something that didn't need all the fall layers to hide her stomach. The chances of running into someone they knew were small, but she still wanted to be mindful of their real life while playing her role in this fantasy.

As she pulled out a few pieces from her closet, she thought back when she and Ron had first got together. And to Cormac, the one and only boyfriend she had had before him. They had lasted a whopping three months. She had been a Junior and he a Senior. He had taken her to his prom that year and dumped her that night when she refused to sleep with him. Looking back on it now, the only dates they had been on could hardly be labeled as such. It was more like glorified make-out sessions. She had learned very quickly that unless he had his tongue down her throat, he had no real interest in her.

To be fair, she had been trying to get Ron to realize that she liked him. He hadn't responded to her other attempts, so she tried to make him jealous. Looking back on that, she realized that alone should have told her they would be doomed from the start. But still, when she thought of her relationship with Ron, it did nothing but bring a smile to her face.

They had made it official that summer before their Senior year. Most of their time together outside of school was spent with Harry, Ginny, or any other combination of the Weasley clan. The only thing that really changed between them was that when they hung out, they did so with their hands laced together. It had taken them until the following summer to even start branching out into the sexual aspect of their relationship.

At the time, she had thought it was for the best. That since he was supposed to be her forever, there was no need to rush. Now, she knew that wasn't it. It was that neither one of them wanted to ruin their friendship, but they had gone and done it anyway. From the beginning to the end, every step they took felt like more work than necessary. Had she listened to her gut instead of her heart, she wouldn't have married him. She knew that now.

It was why she was terrified of her relationship with James. Her heart agreed with her gut, but it was the pressures of the outside world that had her head telling her it could never work. But tonight, she planned on forcing all three to keep to themselves so she could enjoy herself.

But when she met James downstairs right at five o'clock, she found all three had come to an agreement on their own accord. One that both thrilled and terrified her even more than when they didn't get along at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry...I didn't stiff you out of their date :) ...I'm just gonna make you wait until Tuesday ;)


	14. Chapter 14

**FOURTEEN**

_**Saturday, 3 October 2020; sixteen weeks** _

Hermione's gaze was fixed to the scenery that got less and less familiar with each mile they marker they passed. They had left the restaurant nearly half an hour ago, just as the sun was disappearing below the horizon. It was clear that James wasn't heading for home, but as they began to leave the city altogether, she turned her attention to James and cocked a brow.

"Where are we going?"

"I know you're a brilliant woman, Hermione. Surely you know the definition of a surprise." She snorted and went back to looking out the window. A moment later, she felt his hand reaching for hers, their fingers twining together. "Do you trust me?"

"Of course," she replied, a smile on her lips. "You've never given me a reason not to."

Even though she wasn't looking at him, she could hear the smile in his voice as he said, "Alright then."

Silence settled over them once more, but as he continued to drive, he kept his hand in hers. It was just shy of another half an hour before he finally turned off the main road in favor of one that he had clearly traveled before. It didn't look like much and she wondered if it was an actual road or if it was something he had had to discover. Regardless, the drive down that path only lasted a few minutes and as they followed the bend in the road, her lips parted in awe at the sight before her.

The path continued to curve, but he didn't follow it. Instead, he straightened the wheel and a few moments later, he brought the car to a stop. He let go of her hand to put the car in park and then gestured at the uninterrupted view of the city below them. She was sure that in the daylight, this wouldn't have been very impressive, but at night, it was breathtaking. After only having seen it for less than a minute, she had already decided it was her favorite view of the city yet.

She turned towards him, a smirk on her face. "What, was the drive in closed?"

His eyes narrowed, but there was laughter in his hazel depths. "Hey, it is much easier to make-out in the back seat of a car than it is the seats at the cinema."

She couldn't help but giggle at that, shaking her head as she turned her attention towards the windshield again. "Ah," she said. "Is that how you know about this spot?"

"I think I'll plead the fifth on that one."

"I'll take that as a yes," she said, her voice soft. "How many girls have you brought here? Or are you pleading the fifth on that too?"

"Just one," he replied, the tone of his voice changing to the one he used when he said anything in relation to Lily. "Two now."

Hermione's heart skipped a beat as she forced herself to keep her eyes on the city lights. Something stirred inside of her at the fact that he would put her in the same category as his late wife. She didn't feel their…whatever it was warranted something so sacred. She could feel his eyes boring holes into the side of her head, waiting for some kind of reaction.

"The view really is stunning from here."

"It really is." His breathy voice brought her hands to her stomach as a shiver crept up her spine. She got the distinct feeling they weren't talking about the same thing and it was causing a tidal wave of hormones and forbidden desires. Things that she had been trying her best to keep under control all day. "You should see it from out there," he added after a moment, the sound of his door opening allowing her to finally breathe.

She followed his lead, immediately regretting her decision to leave her scarf at home. It had been on the warmer side when they left, but had she known they were doing something outside, she would have brought it. But no sooner did she wrap her arms about herself did she feel something being draped over her shoulders. She looked down to see James' jacket and smiled as she sought his face at her side. "Thank you," she said, sliding her arms into the sleeves.

"There's a blanket in the trunk if you need it," he said, moving towards the hood of the car before hopping up onto it.

"How long are you planning on us being out here?" she asked, following his lead.

Despite his help, the moves she made to sit at his side were still awkward. "As long as you want," he said, his arm looping around her back, tucking her into his side.

Hermione leaned into him, telling herself that it was because she needed the warmth. Silence settled around them and she found the longer she stared at the city lights, the easier it would be to spend hours out here without even realizing it. She wet her lips as a question burned against them, demanding to be asked. "Can I ask you something?"

"Always."

"Have you been here since…" she struggled to say the rest, but his arm tightened around her, signaling that he understood.

"A few times," he replied. "Aside from the house, this was the only other place I could go where I felt close to her again." She felt his chest expand with a deep breath. "I haven't been back in years."

"Why show it to me?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. "Don't you want to preserve your memories of her?"

He didn't speak right away, just continued to hold her, his thumb absently rubbing circles against her ribs. "I'm more than capable of making new memories while holding onto the old ones."

She didn't miss the way he only answered her second question; her first one being ignored. She let it go though, knowing that if she were struggling with certain feelings, he probably was too.

"She would have liked you," he said after a bit, causing Hermione to stiffen. "If she were still here, she probably would have tried to get you and-"

"Please don't," she interrupted with a groan, pulling away from him. "It's bad enough Ginny referred to me as Harry's sister the other day, but I don't want to picture myself as your daughter-in-law should your wife still be alive."

She slid off the hood of the car with far less effort than it took to get onto it. She only dared a few steps away from the car as she was unfamiliar with the terrain, not to mention the lack of light. With her hands on her belly, she stood there, staring down at the lights. She knew it wasn't anything to get angry over, but it reiterated all the reasons that all they had done, all that they continued to do, was a terrible idea.

She had every intention of telling him that as she felt his presence behind her. As the heat of him at her back made her shiver. But as she turned to face him, her shoulder brushed his chest in the process. The simple touch made the words die on her tongue. Instead, she leaned into his palm when he brought his hand up to cup her face.

"I didn't mean to upset you," he said, the pad of his thumb swiping across the high point of her cheek.

"I'm not upset at you," she breathed. And she wasn't. She was upset that of all the people in the world that could make her feel this way, it was _him_. That no matter what route they chose to go, reality seemed destined to remind her that it would never work. "It's just-"

"I know," he muttered as he pulled her close. His hand sank into her curls, cupping the back of her head to keep it pressed against his chest. His cheek rested against her temple while his other hand moved idly up and down the length of her spine. "We'll figure it out."

She hummed, wondering if that were true. Currently, all they did was sweep their problems under the rug, pretending they didn't exist. With a deep sigh, she pulled her head back enough to look at him, a smile on her lips. "Thank you," she whispered, his brow rising at her. "For tonight. The last few minutes notwithstanding, this really has been a lovely evening."

"Has?" he asked, a playful quirk to his lips. "I wasn't aware that it was over."

The way his eyes dropped to her lips in combination with the way he lowered his voice caused her knickers to dampen beyond repair. "It isn't," she replied, stretching up to place her lips near his ear. "Take me home."

He was quick to turn, his lips sliding over hers. "As you wish," he murmured and then led her back to the car.

Had Hermione thought for one second they could have made car sex work for them, she would have made him pull over at least twice. As it was, his car was too cramped for that. Had she not been pregnant, she might have tried to give it a go. Then again, had she not been pregnant, she wouldn't have been in this situation. Either way, she was torn between being glad that she had experienced the beauty that was the lookout point and hating that it was so bloody far from home.

By the time they got home, she felt as though she were ready to burst with the need to come. She had been one more red light away from pulling his hand into her lap and having him touch her while he drove them home. And if the tent to his jeans was anything to go by, she knew he was in the same predicament.

It came as no surprise that she found herself being pressed against the door the moment it was closed. Or that his lips crash landed atop hers, his tongue slipping into her mouth, desperate for a taste. She was surprised at the restraint he showed. She could tell by the way he was hunched over that he wanted to press his body against hers. To feel her as they molded together in all the right places. But he held back, careful not to put any pressure on her belly.

They didn't linger near the door for long before she found herself being pulled down the hall to the stairs. There, a gasp left her lips as he gathered her into his arms, one arm around her back, the other beneath her knees. She locked her arms around his shoulders, her lips finding his neck with ease as he carried her up the stairs and into his room. When he set her down on her feet again, they made quick work of undressing each other.

Once they were stripped bare, he sat her down on the edge of the bed. She knew he meant for her to get on her back so he could press his face between her thighs, but she had something else in mind. Something she was still rather inexperienced with given that Ron almost never let her do it. Whether he just didn't like it or he didn't like _her_ doing it, she never asked. All she knew was that James had gone out of the way to do something special for her; to make her feel good despite her current situation. She wanted to do something to make him feel good too.

She saw the way his body tensed when her fingers wrapped around his length, her other hand coming up to rest on his thigh. She pumped him a few times, wetting her lips as she sought to gather just a bit more courage. It was the noise he made when she wet her lips that drove her forward. Her tongue darted out again, this time catching the bead of moisture that wept from the tip. The combination of sweet and salty against her taste buds had her leaning in in search for more.

The tip of her tongue circled along the edge of the head twice before she leaned in enough to wrap her lips around it. His fingers brushed along her jaw on their way to her hair. As she ran her tongue along the underside of his cock, he gathered her hair in one hand to keep it out of the way. His other hand returned to her jaw, his touch sending little shivers up and down her spine.

The fact that he didn't seem keen on rushing her despite how desperate they had been a few moments ago helped boost her confidence. The way he never tightened his hold on her hair or used his hold of her jaw to guide her in anyway spurred her into emboldening her moves. The groan that fell from his lips as she took more of him into her mouth made her thighs press together as her own need grew.

She moved her tongue along the underside of his cock and hummed around him as he twitched in her mouth. The hand holding her hair tightened just a fraction when she hollowed her cheeks, drawing even more of him past her lips. The muscles in his thigh beneath her hand began to clench as he groaned again.

"That's it, love," he murmured from above her as she pulled back to the tip, swirling her tongue around it before taking him in again. "Just like that."

She repeated the action, picking up speed with each bob of her head; each swirl of her tongue, the feel of him there making her moan each time he filled her. Above her, he continued his praise in broken sentences. As the whisper of her name turned from a mantra to a warning, she tightened her hold on his thigh, wanting to know what it was like to have him finish in her mouth.

But much to her dismay, the first spurt of his release hit her in the back of her throat and made her gag. Surprised, her mouth lifted off of him. His release continued to rain down, splashing over her chest where it dripped down to her stomach.

No sooner had he finished did she find herself being hauled to her feet. The hand cupping her face tilted it up so he could slant his lips over hers. She stilled as his tongue pushed its way into her mouth. She still had his essence on her tongue, but where he didn't seem to mind as his swept over it, using it to flavor their kiss.

Sensing her embarrassment, he continued to hold her, keeping his kisses light and sweet until she relaxed. Only then did he slide his cheek along hers and nip at her earlobe, whispering, "Your turn."

She shuddered, pulling away slightly, keeping her eyes closed. "Should we…" she gestured at his release where it lingered on her skin, unable to say the words.

He shook his head, a wicked gleam to his eyes; one that made her shudder. "Leave it," he said, his voice deeper than she had ever heard it before. He pulled her in for another kiss, this one searing her insides, right before he started to guide her back onto the bed again. Before she knew it, his face was buried between her thighs, easing the ache that had been building since she'd woken up that morning.

Hermione lost count of the times he made her come on his tongue, his fingers, or his cock. All she knew was that when she woke the next morning with their bodies completely intertwined, she knew was fucked in more ways than one.


	15. Chapter 15

**FIFTEEN**

_**Saturday, 10 October 2020; seventeen weeks** _

The week that followed their date was a simple one. The next morning, she had just finished emptying her bladder when he joined her in the bathroom. Instead of letting her leave to take a shower in the hall bath she had claimed as hers, he tugged her into his. It had set the tone for the rest of the day. The only time they left his bed was for the bathroom or to sneak downstairs for nourishment.

The work week had been a breeze. Their mornings had fallen into a flawless routine of him getting downstairs first to brew their coffee or tea and her coming down with just enough time to chat a bit before leaving for work. In the evenings, they continued their routine of alternating who brought dinner home. For the entire week, neither of them had to stay late. And in the evenings, well after dinner, they spent them together. Whether it was just reading, watching television, or sharing their bodies with one another; it didn't matter, so long as they did it together.

By the time the weekend rolled around, Hermione couldn't shake the feeling that their bubble bliss was about to be burst open. As of Thursday morning, the feeling of the other shoe about to drop started to follow her around, but it wasn't until Saturday that it really began to manifest.

The day had started off as any other, only this time, she had woken up alone. She had gone to sleep in her own room, having decided to call it a night shortly after eating dinner. James had gone out with a few of his coworkers after work. She wasn't sure when he had come in, but she hadn't heard him, nor had he deemed it necessary to wake her. After taking a shower and pulling on some of the few remaining articles of clothing that still fit, she went downstairs. She smiled at the sight of James pouring two bowls of cereal and took a seat at the table. "Good morning," he greeted when he came to set hers in front of her, his lips brushing over her cheek.

"Good morning," she returned, smirking at the fact that he remembered to put as little milk in her bowl as possible. Just enough to wet the cereal, not so much that it turned to mush after a few seconds. "How was your night?"

He shrugged as he made sure his cereal was thoroughly coated in milk before taking a bite. "Pretty typical," he said after a moment. "Most of it was spent bitching about the job while spending money we wouldn't have without it."

Hermione smirked; it was the same thing that happened whenever she went out with her own coworkers. She was sure it was like that with everyone no matter what job they had. "Did you have a good time though?"

"It was alright. I was never really one for spending that much time at bars. That was always Sirius' territory, not mine."

She chuckled at that. "Either way, I'm sure it was nice to get out for a bit."

His brow lifted as their gazes met. "Any plans on getting yourself out or was that your way of hinting you'd like more time alone?" he asked, a smirk on his lips.

She laughed with him as she took another bite. "It was rather nice not to wake up with an inferno at my back," she teased.

"I have yet to hear you complain, love."

She cleared her throat as the deep, breathy tone of his voice had her clamping her thighs together. "Anyway," she said, swirling her spoon around her bowl. "As a matter of fact, I need to go shopping. Again."

"That sounds…terrible."

"Tell me about it," she said with a smirk. "I hate shopping, but since my boobs won't stop growing faster than the baby, it's looking like I'll need to keep adding to my wardrobe."

At the mention of her breasts, his gaze dropped to them. She rolled her eyes at his blatant approval of the fact that they had nearly doubled in size. All her life, she had barely filled out a B cup. Now she was starting to overflow her new C cup bras. She had read that if she didn't breast feed, they would go back to normal or at least go down a little in size.

"I'm looking forward to them going back to normal," she muttered.

He wet his lips as his eyes met hers again. "Speak for yourself."

It was on the tip of her tongue to say something along the lines of that once the baby came and it was no longer theirs to care for, whatever it was between them would most likely end as well. That he wouldn't be in her life like that any longer. But she clamped down on her thoughts and took another bite.

"What are you doing today?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Harry asked me to help him finish the garage. Now that it's started to cool off, Ginny's been pestering him to get it done before it starts to snow."

Hermione snickered, recalling how Harry had decided to gut the garage and put it back together from scratch. There had been nothing wrong with it before, he had just been bored and Ginny refused to let him DIY anything around the house. Ginny had been complaining about the state he'd left it in since before she and Ron even announced they were getting divorced.

"You could come over with me. I'm sure Harry would love to see you and use you to keep Ginny distracted."

Having already tried to recruit Ginny for today so she didn't have to shop alone, she knew the red-head wouldn't be at home anyway. "She's doing something with Fleur today. It'll just be you and Harry." Her head tipped to the side at the way he stilled. "And as much _fun_ as it would be to spend all day in the same room with both of you, I think I'll be better off shopping."

"Maybe I'll call Sirius to help us," he replied, more to himself than to her.

She laughed. "You should probably spend some alone time with Harry. You know what they say about the older child getting jealous once the younger sibling arrives."

There was a smile on his lips, but only sadness shone in his eyes for the moment they remained connected with hers. Panic coursed through her system as the gravity of her words sank in. Had things been different, it wouldn't have been the worst thing she could have said. Had they not intended to give the child up for adoption or decided to tell people about them and move forward with a real relationship, it might have even been funny.

"I'm sorry."

He shook his head, trying his best to make his look as reassuring as possible. "Don't be," he said, his voice tight.

But as he got up, taking his half-eaten cereal to the sink to dispose of it, she got the distinct impression he was lying. A feeling that intensified when he left the kitchen without another word, the sound of his bedroom door shutting reaching her ears a few minutes later.

* * *

Having shared a strange goodbye with James when he left for Harry's, Hermione had tried to distract herself with reading something. The longer she stayed in the house, the worse she felt. So she started her shopping day earlier than she intended to and left the house before noon. At first, she wondered how she could ever turn it into a full day event, but when her stomach rumbled, signaling she had missed lunch, she was surprised to see that it was nearly time for dinner.

And she hadn't even gotten around to shopping for clothes.

She had gone to a few book stores, picked up more than she should have in case James let her use the bathtub again, and browsed countless other stores along the way without buying much else. Knowing that she wouldn't want to shop for clothes if she sat to eat a full meal, she opted for getting something to snack on and took a moment to sit on one of the benches placed along the store fronts. She told herself that dinner would be a reward for getting through the hunt for something that fit and flattered her new and ever-changing figure.

It was just as she was about to head into the first store that the other shoe she had been sensing for the past few days dropped onto her like a stone. She stopped at the sound of her name from a familiar voice and turned to see her former mother-in-law next to one of her former sister-in-laws. She swallowed hard at the sight of both of them. "H-hello, Missus Weasley," she returned, her voice cracking. She hadn't seen her since the divorce as her and Arthur had been on vacation visiting Charlie for Harry's birthday party. "Angelina," she added with a nod.

Molly waved her off with a smile, though the usual sparkle in her eyes when she saw her wasn't present. "Molly's still fine, dear."

She nodded, stiffening when Angelina stepped up to give her a tight hug. Just like with Ginny, Hermione felt the moment the other girl realized the roundness of her stomach wasn't just from eating ice cream every night. Though, to be fair, it was consumed almost nightly. Angelina pulled back, her face alight with glee.

"Is this why we haven't seen you around?" she teased, placing an uninvited hand on her belly.

Hermione forgot how to breathe when she saw it click for Molly. Her expression morphed into one of shock as her eyes landed on Hermione's stomach. "Life's just gotten a bit hectic," she heard herself say.

Angelina chuckled. "I can see that. How far along are you?"

"Seventeen weeks," she whispered, wondering if she were going to faint or not.

Molly's smile tightened as she did the mental math. "Congratulations," she said, her tone contradictory to her words.

"I have to go," she said, taking a step back, watching Angelina's hand fall back to her side.

Concern took over her brown eyes as she took a step forward. "Hermione, are you-"

"It was nice to see you both," she interrupted, turning her back to them so she could walk away. Her pace quickened with each step until she reached the fastest she could go without running. By the time she made it to her car, her entire being felt weak from anxiety. Just like she had known the day Sirius and Remus had discovered her living at James', it wouldn't be long before the rest of her friends and family learned that she was pregnant.

She had known from the moment she failed to go through with the abortion that it was only a matter of time before everyone found out. She had just been hoping for a bit longer before that happened. She had been thinking of the best way to tell everyone, but even her worst-case scenarios hadn't been this disastrous.

She broke down the moment she got behind the wheel of her car. Her keys were still in her purse since she knew she wasn't fit to drive just yet. When she had calmed herself enough to reach for her phone, she dialed for James, nearly dropping the phone in the process numerous times from the way her body trembled. She called him twice, neither of which she left a message for when they went unanswered. She considered sending a text, but after drafting it four different times, she reconsidered and tossed her phone back in her purse.

Knowing there was nothing she could do now, she wiped the tears from her face, took a deep breath, and tried her best to pull herself together so that she could go home. No longer hungry and her stomach still too upset to even attempt to eat if she was, she drove home. The closer she got, the more she couldn't decide if it would be better or worse if James was there or not.

But when she came home to an empty house, she realized very quickly she would have rather had him be there.

Forced to fend for herself, she tried her best to relax, but it wasn't easy. She spent most of her time pacing up and down the first floor of the house, wondering if anything would come of it tonight. And just as she started to wear herself out from her constant movement, her phone buzzed in her hand. The panic was quick to return as the name flashed across the screen wasn't the one she had been hoping for.

She ignored the call with a quick swipe of her finger across the screen. He called once more and she let that one time itself out. As she stared at her phone, wondering if he was going to call a third time, she jumped from the sound of a knock at the front door. Knowing exactly who it was, she hesitated before going to answer it. With a deep breath, she wrapped her hand around the knob and pulled the door open, watching as Ron's eyes immediately settled on her stomach.


	16. Chapter 16

**SIXTEEN**

_**Saturday, 10 October 2020; seventeen weeks** _

Hermione stepped back, gesturing for Ron to follow her inside. The last thing she wanted to do was have this discussion outside where the neighbors might overhear. He crossed the threshold and followed her into the living room once she closed the door behind him. They stood there for a minute, his eyes still glued to her stomach the whole time.

"It's not mine, is it?" he asked.

She knew he was asking just to have the confirmation. He might not be the brightest person she knew, but he wasn't a complete idiot. "No," she said, her voice soft despite the shake to it. "It's not. I would have told you right away if there's any possibility that it was."

His gaze snapped up to hers at that. "Were we at least divorced before-"

"Yes, Ronald," she interrupted through gritted teeth. "I didn't cheat on you."

He stared at her for a moment before he heaved a sigh and carded a hand through his hair. "I know you said you loved me once, but I can't remember a time when it was real, Hermione. I'm sorry that it took me too long to realize that I liked you back. Just like I'm sorry I didn't say something sooner when we realized we weren't right for each other. I know that you stayed with me for as long as you did because you were afraid our friendship wouldn't survive. I was afraid too. I tried to be the man you wanted me to; the one you _needed_ me to be for you. I really did."

Her already rattled nerves didn't stand a chance. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks and she placed a hand on her stomach instinctively. She wanted to tell him that he was wrong, that it was all wrong, but her tongue refused to cooperate knowing it would have been a lie.

"You could have told me, you know," he started. "If it was just me you didn't want kids with," he said, gesturing towards her stomach.

"I didn't do it on purpose!" she snapped. "I just wanted to numb the pain of officially being divorced. Regardless if we still planned on being friends or not, it fucking _hurt_!"

"Yeah, looks like you suffered quite a bit that night."

"Ron!"

"You told me you didn't want to have kids because you weren't ready. Because you might not ever be ready. How soon after we were divorced did you let some bloke-"

"That's enough, Ronald."

Both Ron and Hermione's face turned towards the sound of James' voice as he walked through the door. "This doesn't concern you, Mister Potter," Ron said, his voice tight as he tried to reign in his temper.

"If it's taking place under my roof, I'd say it concerns me," he argued.

"James-"

"He knew?" Ron asked, taking a step back from both of them.

"I have been living here for awhile," she said, keeping her voice as level as possible. She was putting all her effort into not reaching for James, desperately needing the comfort he was sure to provide.

Ron shook his head, a bitter laugh spilling from his lips. "How's that life plan you used to obsess over working out for you now?" he asked, his eyes burning with anger. "You have no place of your own, your own parents kicked you out, and now-"

"It's time for you to go," James said, stepping between her and Ron.

"Excuse me? Hermione can-"

"It's clear you're upset, but you don't have a right to be upset. She's not your wife anymore. She doesn't have to run her decisions by you now. If you're not going to be her friend in her time of need, then you have no business being here."

They stood there before her, eyes locked, hands clenched into fists at their sides.

"I think she can speak for herself," Ron said, looking around James' shoulders to meet her eyes.

She reached up and placed a trembling hand on James' forearm. It took a few second for him to turn her way, meeting her gaze. "Give us a minute," she pleaded softly. He gave a curt nod before leaving her alone with Ron again. "I never set out to hurt you, Ron," she said. "I made a mistake, one that came back to haunt me." A fresh round of tears streamed down her face. "I'm sorry. For everything you said before. We should have ended it long before we did. Maybe then you wouldn't hate me right now."

"I don't hate you," he replied almost immediately. "I'm just…" He took a deep breath and she closed her eyes as he added, "I just always hoped that one day I could have changed your mind. That I could show you how much I loved you despite having loved you too late." Tears slipped from between her lashes as she squeezed her eyes shut tighter. "I'm sure you'll make an amazing mom. Even if you didn't want to be."

She felt the air stir as he passed by her and she flinched when the front door slammed shut. She finally let the sob she'd been holding back loose and when she opened her eyes again, James was standing in the spot Ron had vacated.

"A mistake, huh?"

She reached up to wipe away the tears as she stared at him. "How else would you describe that night? We were in the bathroom of a bar for fuck's sake." She shook her head and wiped at her face again. "You even said it yourself. You were just coming back to check on me. I'm not blaming you," she rushed, holding her hand up between them when his lips parted to argue. "We both went for it at the same time. That doesn't change the fact that it wasn't a mistake."

"So all the other times were, what, exactly?"

"How the hell should I know?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at him. "Not that it matters. In a few months, the baby will be here and out of our lives. We won't have to worry about it anymore. I'll make sure I've found a place before my due date so that I'm out of your hair as soon as it's over."

She turned and grabbed her purse from the spot she had dropped it. "Where are you going?" he asked as she moved for the front door.

"I don't know," she said, keeping her back to him. "I just… I need some space."

"Hermione-"

But she was already on the porch, the door closing behind her on whatever it was he was about to say. She inhaled sharply, cutting off a sob as she hurried down the short steps to her car. She didn't hesitate or look back as she pulled onto the road. Nor did she have a clear destination in mind. It was a pure surprise when she parked and found herself in front of Harry and Ginny's house. Even more surprising was the fact that she didn't remember getting out of her car or knocking on the door. She only knew it happened because Harry answered it and swept her into his embrace. One that was ended far too soon and transferred to Ginny before they led her to the living room.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed by, but she had told them what happened with Molly and Angelina and how Ron had shown up after. The only thing she kept from them was the fight she'd had with James after. As it turned out, James had called them soon after she'd left, asking them to keep an eye or ear out for her. That Ron had confronted her and she'd taken off right after him.

After offering up the guest room if she wanted to stay, Ginny went to make sure it was ready, leaving her with Harry. She had wished it was the opposite because the look on his face was far too similar to the one James had and it made her cry again. He sat next to her on the couch, his arm around her back, tucking her into his side. If this were any other moment, she would have laughed hysterically, especially when he started to rub soothing circles into the small of her back.

Just like James.

"I can understand why you didn't tell Ron, but why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

"I wasn't going to tell anyone," she said, her voice hoarse from all the tears. "I was planning on having an abortion. But the day of, I sat in that chair and I just…" she sobbed again. "I just couldn't go through with it."

"You know we'll support you in any way that we can, right? Whatever you need after you have-"

"I'm giving it up for adoption," she interrupted, shuddering violently against him. "I picked a couple. I'll be signing the papers in a couple weeks."

He said nothing, just held her tighter.

"That's why I haven't said anything," she continued. "I didn't want anyone to make a big deal when I wasn't planning on keeping the baby."

He placed his lips to her temple and she couldn't stop herself from imagining a slightly older version of himself do the same thing. Not for the first time that night, nor the last, she was sure, she felt guilty over leaving James the way she had. She wished she hadn't left at all. Nearly just as much as she wished she didn't miss him as fiercely as she did right then.

Harry continued to hold her as she wept until there was nothing left. When she was nothing but a numb, empty shell, she allowed him to help her to her feet and thanked him before she followed Ginny upstairs to the guest room.

"I didn't think anything of mine would fit, so I got you some of Harry's things," she said, pointing to a pile of clothes at the foot of the bed.

"Thank you."

"It's the least I could do," she said, leaning her head on Hermione's shoulder. "I'm sorry my mother didn't keep her mouth shut and that my brother's an asshole."

The corners of her lips twitched the smallest amount at that.

"Get some rest, okay?" Ginny added before taking her leave for the night.

When she was alone, she stripped out of her clothes, folding them up and placing them on the dresser before walking over to the stack Ginny had provided. She swallowed hard at the sight of an old lacrosse jersey on top of the pile and lifted it up. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she read the date, discovering it was actually one of Harry's and not one of James' again. So she reached for something else, something that would have normally fit loosely, but now stretched around her chest. It fit, but it was on the cusp of uncomfortable.

Too tired to care, she crawled under the covers and lie on her back. With her hands on her stomach, she stared at the ceiling, wondering how long it would be before her mind shut off so she could actually sleep. Instead, it continued to wander. For a long time, she debated on getting her phone. She hadn't looked at it since she had ignored Ron's calls right before he showed up. If James had tried to call her or text her, she didn't know.

But she was too scared to find out. If she looked and there was nothing, it would hurt her more than she already was. It would imply that he didn't care or that he was angry. On the flip side, if he had tried to reach out, it would imply that he did care. Either way, the fact of the matter remained; he wasn't supposed to care. She wasn't supposed to care. There shouldn't have been anything between them to care about.

And yet, as she eventually did drift off to sleep, all she could think about was that she cared too much and she had to fix it before it was too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, yes, I know you all hate Hermione. Just be patient. We're almost at the turning point. There's just a bit more muck they have to go through first.
> 
> See you on Tuesday!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you guys don't actually hate her (or me by extension)! I love you all!

**SEVENTEEN**

_**Sunday, 11 October 2020; eighteen weeks** _

Not only were Ginny and Harry both up when she came downstairs the next morning, but they had breakfast almost ready. She had redressed in her clothes from the previous day and used her finger to scrub her teeth clean before freshening up. Her eyes still had that godawful stinging sensation that always happened after a long bout of crying and her body felt sluggish from having been dried out.

"You're practically glowing," Ginny said as she sat down at the island next to Harry.

"You're a shit liar, but I'll take it," she said, stealing Harry's glass of orange juice.

"Sure, you can have that," he mumbled as he got up to pour himself another one.

"You should probably look her in the eye when you talk to her," Ginny said, making Hermione choke on her first sip as Harry turned a violent shade of red.

"I wasn't-"

"You were," Ginny argued, a smirk on her face. "It's hard not to when they're so-"

"Guys!" Hermione snapped, folding her arms in front of her to hide her chest as much as possible. Harry made eye contact with her for a moment, both of them groaning and turning away immediately. "This is why I didn't move in here," she muttered, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"So you'd rather live with James?" she asked, her brow quirking. "I'm offended."

"I can't help how you feel, but I'm not moving again."

"This is just going to make him want grandkids," she said, pointing her spatula at Hermione. "It's bad enough my mother's always on my case, but-"

"Have you spoken to your parents about any of this?" Harry interrupted as he sat next to her again.

She shook her head, glad that Ginny took the hint and let her part of the conversation drop. "I probably should." It had been over two months since she'd moved out of her parents' house; since she'd spoken to them at all. Part of her felt bad, but part of her didn't since they hadn't reached out to her either.

"If you want, either one of us can come with you," he suggested.

She shook her head as she reached out for his hand to give him a gentle squeeze. "I'll go over there after breakfast. If it's alright with you guys though, I'd really like it if we don't talk about yesterday or the baby."

"Of course," Harry said, squeezing her hand back. "Whatever you need."

* * *

Just before she drove away, Hermione had checked her phone only to discover that it had died. Whether or not James had tried to reach out to her wasn't something the universe wanted her to know. Taking that as a sign, she took the familiar path from Harry and Ginny's house to her parents' neighborhood. Instead of going in right away, she sat in her car, waiting until she had gathered enough courage to go in and face them.

When she did go up to the front door, she paused, her hand resting on the knob. It felt strange to let herself in, but it would be just as weird if she knocked. Choosing to be polite about it, she knocked, stepping back afterwards as she waited for one of them to answer the door. It was her father on the other side and the moment he saw her, he pulled her into a tight embrace and called for her mother.

She was glad that their reunion was nothing like the emotional rollercoaster she had been put through the night before. They apologized for their behavior and for the fact that they hadn't reached out to her. She let it go; it wasn't as if she had reached out to them. When they asked her what she planned to do about everything, she told them about the adoption. Just as she had predicted, they weren't keen on the idea, but they more receptive to it than the idea of her having had an abortion.

She did _not_ , however, tell them that the couple she had picked was gay. She was in no mood for that debate.

After the heavy discussions were out of the way, she asked her mother all the things she had wanted to since she found out she was pregnant. According to her, she had also been rather small when carrying Hermione. They compared their strangest cravings and spoke of a variety of other topics. By the time she was ready to leave later that afternoon, she had learned a great deal and felt much better about how her pregnancy was progressing.

"Have you learned the gender yet?" her mother asked as she stood to leave.

She shook her head. "The doctor said they'll check at my next ultrasound, but I don't know if I want to find out." Knowing whether or not it was a boy or a girl would make it feel more real and Hermione didn't want to get attached.

Her mother hummed in response as she laid a hesitant hand on her Hermione's stomach. "Have you felt them move?"

"No," she replied, the disappointment in her voice coming as a surprise. "I've read that it can happen anytime after fourteen weeks, but usually it's when you're further along." She tipped her head to the side. "When did you first feel me?"

She smiled as she thought about it, her hand caressing the swell of Hermione's stomach. "I think I was in the same spot you are now. Eighteen, maybe nineteen weeks? I'm sure you'll feel them soon."

"Mom," she breathed, waiting until their gazes met. "I know you want grandchildren, but I'm not in a good place to be raising a child right now. You know that, don't you? That me putting them into the care of another couple is for the best?"

"I'm sure your father would agree with me when I say we would be happy to raise them. Just until you're ready and-"

She stepped out of reach, the motion putting a stop to that sentence. "It's my decision, Mom. Not yours. Not Dad's. We might not see eye to eye when it comes to it, but that's okay. We don't have to agree on everything."

"Just think about it," her father said, finally reentering the room to see her off.

Not wanting to start another argument, she simply nodded and then hugged them both before going back out to her car. She was glad they didn't offer for her to move back in. So long as James didn't decide to throw her out when she went to talk to him next, she would be fine. With a deep breath, she pulled out of the driveway and headed to the place she was still hoping to call home at the end of the day.

* * *

Unlike when she had arrived at her parents' house, she didn't hesitate to go inside. No sooner did she close the door behind her did she hear the creak of the stairs at the end of the hall. They met near the landing, but eyeing each other with caution.

"I'm sorry."

They smiled nervously at one another when they realized they had spoken at the same time.

"I'm sorry," she repeated. "For running out on you like I did last night."

"At least I was awake this time."

Her lashes fluttered against her cheek for a moment before she stared at him. "I still stand by what I said. It _was_ a mistake that night. One that we can't seem to stop making."

"What happened to taking it day by day?"

She shrugged, her nails digging into her palms to try and keep herself from crying again. "It's not working anymore, James." Her heart skipped a beat at the way his eyes darkened. "We can't keep sweeping our problems under a rug and hope we don't trip." Her voice wavered and she closed her eyes against the tears that threatened to spill.

"Hermione-"

"Say it's after the baby's born and we still find ourselves drawn to one another. How long do we wait before we tell people then? Do we continue to lie to them when they start to question the timing? When they start to realize that the child I gave up, the one I told them I didn't even know the father's name of, actually belonged to you?"

Her voice broke and she put her arms around herself, her palms rubbing at her biceps.

"There are only two options for us, James, and I can't see either of them working out. Either we tell everyone and risk losing them or we keep it a secret forever." She shook her head. "It's hard enough to hide it right now. I wouldn't be able to keep it going much longer. And when people find out-"

"You're not going to lose anyone, Hermione."

Her chin tilted up in challenge. "Just how do you imagine Harry reacting to the news that not only did we have a secret relationship, but I gave his half-sibling up for adoption without even telling him about it?"

James went still at that, his chest expanding at a much slower rate than before.

"You saw how Ron reacted," she said, her voice a bit lighter. "Harry is an amazing son to you and the best friend I could have ever asked for, but he will never forgive either of us if he finds out."

"So that's it for us then," he said. "We just end it here and now; walk away as though nothing ever happened?"

"Yes."

She saw in his eyes the moment his heart broke. It happened at the same time her own shattered in her chest. But where tears leaked from the corners of her eyes, he continued to stand there in a stoic manner. She could tell he wanted to push back; to tell her that she was making a mistake. That he didn't want that at all. But he just remained silent as he watched her cry.

"Would it be easier if I moved out?" she questioned, having asked that once before.

His jaw clenched before he spoke. "If you want to leave, Hermione, I'm not going to stop you." He paused to take a deep breath, his hand coming up to scrub at his face. "No matter what, you'll always be welcome to stay here for however long you need."

With that, he turned and began to ascend the stairs. Her entire body shook as she watched him go. He had only gotten halfway up when she called his name the first time, her hands coming up to splay across her stomach as she realized part of the movement she felt was coming from within. "James!" she called again, this time with more urgency than she intended.

He was standing in front of her again in an instant, his eyes searching hers with concern. "Is something-"

She grabbed his hand and placed it over her stomach as she felt it again. They both waited with bated breath and just when she started to doubt herself, it happened again. A smile broke out across her face as his expression softened. Soon, all four of their hands were on her stomach as they stood in front of the stairs, feeling the baby move within her.

When he leaned in, his forehead finding hers, she didn't pull away. Instead, she closed her eyes and allowed herself to enjoy his presence. Even when one of his hands found its way to her cheek and tilted her head up so his lips could brush over hers, she kept still. Not even when his whispered plea of, "Don't leave," nearly made her legs come out from under her.

In a soft whisper, she heard herself promise, "I won't."

They stayed there until the baby quieted down and they felt it move less and less. As much as she wanted to take back everything she had said, it wouldn't have changed the truth to any of it. And when they finally did move away from one another, it felt as though her heart was breaking all over again. It certainly was a cruel twist of fate that she felt more agony over ending something that had barely begun than when she had decided to end her marriage. That thought alone kept her up at night; right along with the one that wondered if she hadn't just alienated herself from the one person she shouldn't have.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you that are in my FB group, you've seen why I haven't posted the last two chapters. For those of you that aren't in there, I woke up Thursday morning to my father telling me my grandmother didn't have long. So we spent the day packing and that night, we were on the road. I spent 36 hours on the road driving from Arizona to Florida and within a few hours of getting there, she passed on. We made it just in time to say goodbye.
> 
> So I thank everyone for the kind words and the love/support during this hard time. I'll update when I can, but most likely I'm going to be taking a short break to spend time with family on my "vacation." I love you all!

**EIGHTEEN**

**_Friday, 16 October 2020; eighteen weeks_ **

The week that followed was the worst one to date. Not only were things beyond tense at home, things were just as bad at work. There was a rumor going around that the company was in trouble and a small number of other people in different departments had already quit. Each day, she went to work, hearing more names of people that were now former coworkers as well as other whispers about a sinking ship. Each night, she came home to what felt like a cold war. They still took turns getting dinner, but they ate in a strained silence. And aside from a few pleasantries exchanged when they first crossed paths, he rarely said anything else.

He barely even looked at her anymore.

Not that she blamed him. It was hard for her to look at him too. Every time she caught a glimpse of him, she found herself missing the way his lips felt against hers or the way his hands would start a fire as they trailed over her body. Occasionally when he spoke to her, she would close her eyes and remember the things he would whisper in her ear in the dark of night.

The few times that their gazes did meet or when she felt him staring at her when she wasn't looking, she knew he was experiencing it too.

Friday night, after trying to put on the jersey she had stolen long ago, she burst into tears because it no longer fit. When she got a grip of her emotions, she called Ginny and demanded she come shopping with her the next day. She agreed, just like Hermione knew she would, but she suggested that she come over with James in the morning since he would be working on the garage again with Harry.

With a heavy sigh, she wandered down the hall where she knew he was, having heard his door shut not too long ago. She didn't let herself pause before she knocked on his door. He opened it after what felt like a lengthy stretch of time. The mask of indifference on his face melted away at the sight of her red, puffy eyes, his gaze dropping down to her stomach for a moment.

She shook her head and offered a smile. "Nothing's wrong," she assured him.

"Hermione-"

She shook her head, a quiet laugh bubbling past her lips. "I promise. Just hormones. Since I never got what I needed last weekend, nothing fits now." She cleared her throat as his features softened; a semblance of a smile on his lips. "Ginny agreed to go with me, but asked if you could just bring me along when you go over there in the morning."

His nod was stiff. "I was planning on leaving at eight."

"I'll be ready then," she said, taking a step back. "Thanks."

"Night," he said, the door closing a second later, the sound bringing a fresh round of tears to her eyes.

* * *

_**Saturday, 17 October 2020; eighteen weeks** _

The car ride the next morning had been the most awkward fifteen minutes of Hermione's entire existence. The only thing that gave her peace of mind was that she wasn't alone in her suffering. The moment he parked the car, they were both out of it in record time. They exchanged nods as she went inside to greet Ginny while he stayed in the garage with Harry.

Hermione wasn't sure why she thought shopping with Ginny wouldn't last more than a few hours. They had ended up making a full day of it, going from one shop to the next and over indulging themselves with treats. Ginny said they needed to do more of it. That it was sympathy eating and she could get on board if Hermione needed a binging partner. And when it was time for dinner, she called Harry to see if he and James had eaten yet. When she learned they hadn't, and that Sirius was there too, they stopped to pick up dinner for all five of them on the way back.

It was a little jarring to see Sirius. He apparently hadn't been brought up to speed on her condition. To her relief, he didn't make a big deal about it. Instead, he just asked if she was alright and that if she needed anything, she knew where to find him.

After dinner, they all found themselves in the living room. She was sandwiched between Ginny and Harry, listening to the two of them and Sirius carry on the conversation by themselves. James chimed in here and there, but mostly stayed silent while he sat in one of the armchairs, sipping at his fifth beer of the night. Hermione had a feeling she would be driving them home.

While she was sitting there, their words filtering in one ear and out the other, completely unheard, the baby began to move more than it ever had before. So much so, that she winced and put her hand over the spot, her face pinched at the sensation it caused. It didn't quite hurt, but it wasn't exactly comfortable either. James was the first to notice, his brow furrowing as he leaned forward in his chair.

"Hermione?"

But it was Harry beside her that said her name. She shook her head and managed a smile. "Sorry, baby's moving. It's usually not this rambunctious, but-" she stopped again when it happened again, this time leaving her with a cramp-like feeling low in her gut.

"It?" he asked, a smirk on his face.

"I haven't learned the gender yet, so yeah," she said with a smile. "It."

"When do you find out?" Ginny asked, her eyes glued to Hermione's hand on her stomach.

She reached over, taking Ginny's hand and placing it over the spot where the baby was kicking. "Monday."

"What time?"

"Uh, eleven I think. Why?"

"Oh!" Ginny exclaimed, her face lighting up as the baby moved again. "That's so fucking weird."

"You can't swear around the baby, Gin," Harry warned.

"Yes I can. It can't hear anything."

"It can," Hermione corrected. "But it's heard worse from me."

"See?" Ginny teased, a triumphant smirk on her face to which Harry simply rolled his eyes. "I can go with you if you want some moral support."

Her gaze lifted, clashing with James' almost immediately. They had already discussed that he wanted to be there for that appointment, but she had no reason to turn Ginny down. He gave a casual shrug of his shoulders and looked away. Hermione's heart skipped a beat as she turned her attention back to Ginny, but not before catching the look Sirius was giving James from the corner of her eye. "Sure," she said, her voice cracking for a second. "I'll text you the address for the doctor's office tomorrow."

"What are you hoping to have?" Sirius asked, studying her in a way that made her uncomfortable. As if he knew something he shouldn't. When everyone went silent, he looked around. "What? Isn't that typical of-"

"She's not keeping it," James said, his voice gruff as he tipped the bottle to his lips, finishing off the last of it.

Sirius gave her an apologetic grin and a nod of his head. "Sorry, I just-"

"It's fine," she said, trying her best to ignore James. "I just can't do it on my own. The couple I picked are much better suited for parenthood than I'll ever be. They have their shit together and everything."

"That's good," he said. "I'm sure you've made them very happy."

She continued to smile, but didn't comment. She did, however, do a double take at the way Harry was staring down at her stomach after Ginny removed her hand. When he felt her eyes on him, he lifted his head, his green eyes searching hers for permission. "You can touch," she whispered.

He was quick to lift his hand, but hesitant to put it down. Hermione felt the pace of her breaths decrease as she waited for him to touch her. When he finally did, the baby was quick to move again; almost as if it had been waiting for him. As if it recognized the familial bond. She gnawed on her lower lip, her eyes beginning to water. He jumped a bit, but he was smiling down at his hand.

"This _is_ fucking weird."

"Told you," Ginny muttered with a nod of her head.

Without meaning to, she looked up again, her gaze landing on James. She swallowed hard as she saw the way he tried to mask the sadness as he stared at them from across the room. His gaze had barely lifted to hers before he pushed himself out of his chair and took his leave, the sound of the bathroom door down the hall closing reached her ears a few moments later.

If anyone else noticed that he seemed a bit off, Hermione wasn't sure.

It wasn't much longer after James returned that Sirius took his leave, bidding them all goodbye. It was an even shorter span of time once he left that she shared a look with James, coming to a mutual agreement it was time to go as well. Once they were outside, Hermione put herself between him and the driver's side door, holding out her hand for the keys.

"I'm not-"

"You are," she said, wiggling her fingers.

He sighed, clearly wanting to argue, but he caved, placing the keys into her palm and walking around to the other side of the car. It took a moment to adjust the seat, but the moment she was comfortable, she began the relatively short drive home. She had barely parked in the driveway before he was out of the car and walking up to the front door. She caught up after a moment, using his keys to unlock the door before handing them back over. He held the door open for her and followed her up the stairs before they broke off to their own rooms without saying a word.

It was a little while later, after she had changed into her sleepwear and finished her bedtime routine that she wandered downstairs for a glass of water before turning in for the night. She had just come out of her room when she saw him appear on the landing of the stairs. He paused when he saw her too, the both of them exchanging weary smiles at one another.

"Sorry about Ginny," she said after a moment. "I can cancel on her if-"

"It's fine," he replied, his voice tense. He rolled his shoulders as if forcing himself to relax. "It was going to be tough to leave on Monday anyway."

She nodded, not sure of what else to say.

Not that there was anything _to_ say.

So they just stood there, staring around the hallway, neither one of them ready to move away just yet. It was when her hand rose to her stomach, the baby moving yet again, that he was there, his hand falling into place above hers. His other one curled around her hip, pulling her close while his face settled into the crook of her neck.

"Stay with me," he murmured, his breath warming her skin.

"James-"

"Just for tonight." He pulled her even closer to him. "Please."

She had barely begun to nod before she realized they were moving down the hall towards his room. She was taken by complete surprise when his intentions became apparent. Instead of wanting her the way she was anticipating, it turned out he was seeking comfort of a different kind.

With their clothes still on, the blankets pulled over them, he curled up against her back. His lips pressed against her shoulder as his arm banded around her waist, hand splayed across the swell of her belly. Without a word, she placed her hand over his and settled back into him, taking all the comfort she could get. Before she knew it, she was fast asleep, wondering what the next day would be like since this one had been completely unexpected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And they do talk soon. I promise!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update just because I can :)

**NINETEEN**

_**Monday, 19 October 2020; nineteen weeks** _

James wasn't there when she woke the next morning. She discovered his absence when she stretched her arm out behind her, expecting to feel him, but touched cold sheets instead. She laid there, her nose buried into his pillow, until she could no longer ignore the sting of her bladder about to burst. Choosing to use her own bathroom, she closed his door softly behind her, locking the memory of their night together away.

She didn't see him for the rest of the day. Not even when the time for dinner came and went, leaving her to reheat some leftovers and eat it alone. She had sent him a text earlier that afternoon, asking if he was stopping by the store. She hadn't needed anything, but she needed the excuse to make contact with him. He had replied that he would stop on the way, but it would be quite a bit; to send him a list. She asked for the same thing she always did; ice cream. He didn't respond after that.

Her mother had called shortly after that, asking how she had been. They spoke for longer than they ever had on the phone. While their conversation was still on the strained side, Hermione decided it was a start. The more she reached out, the faster they could mend their relationship. And not long after the call ended, Hermione settled in against her headboard with a book in hand, intending to read through the night only to find herself waking up to her alarms for work the next morning.

Only the book was on the nightstand with the marker sticking out and she was tucked under the covers. She sighed heavily, hand pressing to her stomach as it gurgled something fierce. She had skipped dinner and was paying for it now. Instead of waiting for her next two alarms, she got up and readied herself for the day. Once downstairs she poured herself a bowl of cereal and started the coffee pot. She was on her second bowl when James came down, nearly ready to head out for the day too.

"Thank you," she said.

She was glad that he didn't try to pretend that he hadn't done anything. He simply nodded and proceeded to prepare his cup of coffee to his liking. "You're welcome."

She watched as he screwed the lid onto his travel mug and turned to leave. "James-"

"Not now," he said with a shake of his head.

"When?" she asked. "It's hard to have a conversation with you if you keep avoiding me."

He stopped in his tracks, but kept his back to her. "I'll get dinner tonight. We can talk then."

Her lips parted to say something else, but he was gone before the words could form on her tongue. She clamped her lips closed, pressing them into a thin line and huffed. Pushing her bowl of cereal away, she sat back in her chair and let her hands glide over her stomach. If this was only the beginning, she wasn't ready for what the rest of the day had in store for her. Not having a choice, she cleaned up, transferred her coffee into her own travel mug, and took her leave as well.

* * *

Having not really done any real work that morning as it was, Hermione left earlier than necessary to meet Ginny. Yet somehow, the red-head was still there before her. They greeted each other outside in the parking lot, only lingering for a few moments before the chill of the autumn air pushed them inside. There, she filled out the paperwork and then sat with her friend in the lobby, trying her best to keep the conversation going while they waited.

For as much as Hermione hated Ginny's intuition at times, sometimes she was glad for it. Today was one of those days. She didn't have to tell her that she was nervous for her to just know. She didn't have to say that she was scared for Ginny to reach over and take her hand. Most importantly, she never let silence take hold, keeping Hermione from drowning in her thoughts.

When her name was called, Ginny followed her to the back. They went into room for the ultrasound first and after taking her vitals, the nurse left. Hermione took her normal position in the exam chair, pushing her clothes out of the way for the gel. When she was settled, Ginny was right there at her side, twining their fingers together and squeezing her hand. The technician came in a few moments later and after exchanging a around of greetings, prepared the machine and slathered Hermione's skin with gel so cold, she shivered from head-to-toe.

"Are you wanting to know the sex?" the tech asked after having placed the wand to her stomach.

She had been asking herself that since she knew there was a possibility that they would find out during this visit. Originally, she hadn't wanted to. She thought it might be too hard; that it might make it too real. But Draco and Theo had asked to know ahead of time. They wanted time to put their nursery in order and decorate accordingly. Hermione swallowed hard and gave a nod. "Yes please."

The tech nodded, her attention turning back to the machine. Hermione watched the screen, her vision steadily beginning to blur. She hadn't remembered the last few ultrasounds being so clear. Last time there were outlines, grainy texture, and far too many shadows. Now…

Now there was a baby.

She could see arms with little hands and tiny fingers.

Scrawny legs with small feel and itty-bitty toes.

And a face with features so clear she knew it would remember it forever.

"Congratulations, Miss Granger, your son looks happy and healthy in there."

She nodded, her teeth sinking into her lower lip as she turned her head away from the screen. If she hadn't already been sitting, she was sure her legs would have given out from under her. As it was, her body began to tremble and she forgot how to breathe. Even when Ginny's hand squeezed hers again, she barely felt it.

Oblivious, the technician continued doing her job, tapping away at the screen and taking more pictures. "Would you like some printed out for you?"

"Yes please," she repeated, the words slipping out as if it were an automatic reply.

Finished, the tech wiped off most the gel before leaving the room again. Ginny helped her get the rest off and then Hermione fixed her clothes. Just as she finished, the doctor came in and went over a few things. Most of it was more of the same; that everything was looking good. That the baby- her _son_ \- was developing just as he should be. Without her usual slew of questions, the appointment wrapped up fairly quickly and she stopped at the reception desk to make the arrangements for the next one in three weeks.

With the little envelope containing her sonogram pictures tucked under her arm, she bid the staff goodbye and walked to her car, nearly forgetting that Ginny was there. She felt as though she was floating; her mind unable to settle down on any one thing. Already she had forgotten most of what the doctor had said. The only thing on her mind was that she was having a boy; a son.

"Hermione?" Ginny asked, her fingers snapping in front of her face finally pulling her back to reality. "Are you alright?"

"Fine."

Ginny knew better than to believe that, but given the circumstances, she knew better than to say anything about it. "Come on," she said, tugging her away from her own car. "Let's get some lunch."

"I'm not-"

"I am," she said, a smile tugging at her lips. "Come on, don't make me eat by myself. I hate that."

She tried to smile, but her lips didn't want to cooperate. She settled for a nod instead and slid into the passenger seat of Ginny's car, tucking the envelope into her purse, wishing that she had never seen it in the first place.

Though she had barely eaten anything at lunch with Ginny, Hermione still wasn't hungry when the time to eat dinner rolled around. Having arrived home first, not that it was any surprise given how things were going. She had intended to go up to her room and shut herself in for the night, but she stopped in the kitchen for a glass of water. She sat at the table while she sipped it slowly, staring at her purse where she could see the corner of the envelope sticking out.

Just as her arm started to move towards it, she heard the front door open signaling James had returned. Her arm dropped back down, resting on the top of her stomach, the bump now finally protruding out enough to do so. He did a double take at the sight of her at the table and paused, turning to face her. She never looked up; her eyes unable to move away from the envelope.

"Hermione?" he asked, taking a step towards her.

She was out of her chair in the blink of an eye, plucking the envelope from her purse a moment later. She swallowed hard and moved towards him, avoiding his gaze all the while. "It's a boy," she whispered, her voice hoarse as she gently pressed the envelope to his chest.

She waited until his hand came up to take the envelope, but the moment it was gone from beneath her fingers, she took her leave, going upstairs to her room like she had wanted to in the first place.

* * *

_**Friday, 23 October 2020; nineteen weeks** _

The rest of the week had felt like an entire year had passed instead of the days between Monday and Friday. Each day was harder than the next; the dread for the upcoming meeting at the adoption agency making it impossible to function. The closer it came, the more she panicked. Her reasons for wanting the adoption were still true, but having learned the gender of the life growing inside of her changed things.

She already knew that James was only on board with the adoption because it was what she wanted. That he didn't want to do anything to make her life more difficult. But she had seen the change in him too since Monday; could tell that he had seen the sonograms despite having seen them on the table when she went to the kitchen next. The tell was in his eyes whenever she caught his gaze. In the way he would avoid his gaze quicker than before.

How one night she had woken to the sound of a door being opened and realized it was the one to Harry's old room across the hall.

She sat beside James in the conference room at the adoption agency. Theo and Draco sat directly across from them with Katie at the head of the table. There was a copy of the contract in front of each of them as Katie went through it, page by page.

Hermione heard none of what was being said. All she could do was stare down at the contract while her hands pressed against her stomach and she gnawed on her bottom lip until the taste of copper coated her tongue. All she could think about was the sonogram she had presented them at the beginning of the meeting. Of the little boy in the photo, the same one that kicked beneath her hands no matter where they rested on her stomach.

The more Katie talked, the more her mind wandered.

Would he play lacrosse like his father? Like his brother? Would he need glasses like Harry? Would he take after her or James in looks? If so, would he look like Harry did as he grew up? Would he take after her when it came to a love of learning or would he be a wild child always doing the opposite of what he was told?

She nearly jumped out of her chair when James' hand landed on her forearm. It took a moment for her to realize where she was and that everyone was staring at her. She tore her gaze away from James, taking in the knowing look Draco and Theo exchanged with one another before turning sad eyes her way.

"I'm sorry," she heard herself whisper a moment before she slid her chair back so she could get to her feet. "I'm so sorry."

"Miss Granger-" Katie started

"I can't do this," she said, tears streaming down her cheeks as she Draco and Theo both gave her solemn nods. "I'm so sorry," she repeated before taking off from the room.

She went as fast as she could manage without tripping over herself, stopping only when she reached the elevator. She jabbed at the button repeatedly, knowing it wouldn't actually make it appear faster. When the doors did open, she kept her head down as the other passenger stepped out. She pressed the button for the ground floor the moment she stepped inside and then held the close door button. Just before the doors closed, James was there.

One moment he was pushing the emergency stop button and the next he was pulling her into his embrace and holding her up when her own body refused to do it for her. More I'm sorry's fell from her lips, though she wasn't sure if they were coherent or not. But all he did was hold her tighter and assure her that it was okay; that it was all going to be okay.

And when she pulled herself together a few minutes later, he pushed the button again; the pair of them ignoring the stares as they stepped out of the elevator and into the parking lot. As he drove off, she was glad that he had been able to pick her up from work and that she had taken the rest of the day off. She could worry about her car later.

When they arrived home, he took her hand in his before leading her to the couch. He left her side long enough to get her a glass of water, setting it on the coffee table after she took only a sip. It was only a few seconds later that she found herself being drawn into his lap after he sat down too. She clung to him, glad that this time, her tears were silent as she tried to figure out what came next.

* * *

**A/N: For those of you that are in my FB group, you've seen why I haven't posted the last two chapters. For those of you that aren't in there, I woke up Thursday morning to my father telling me my grandmother didn't have long. So we spent the day packing and that night, we were on the road. I spent 36 hours on the road driving from Arizona to Florida and within a few hours of getting there, she passed on. We made it just in time to say goodbye.**

**So I thank everyone for the kind words and the love/support during this hard time. I'll update when I can, but most likely I'm going to be taking a short break to spend time with family on my "vacation." I love you all!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO LOVELIES! I'M BAAAACK!
> 
> I've been home for a few days and now that I've caught up on all the chores I had to leave in the middle of, I'm back to my normal posting schedule of Tu/Th/Sa for this one.
> 
> Thank you ALL for your kind words and sending all the love and good vibes my way. It helped a great deal and I'll forever be thankful for you!

**TWENTY**

_**Saturday, 24 October 2020; nineteen weeks** _

It was the rumble of thunder in the distance that brought Hermione out of her slumber. For a moment, she couldn't place her surroundings, but the panic was quickly subdued by the feeling of James pressed against her backside. The steady pitter-patter of raindrops against the window in combination with his fingers dancing over her side lulled her back to a peaceful mindset.

She was still numb from yesterday; having spent the rest of the afternoon as a sobbing mess in his embrace. He had waited until she stopped, just before she went catatonic for the rest of the night. Instead he had brought her to the kitchen and made her eat something. They barely spoke, but she was just grateful he for his presence. Afterwards, as he led her upstairs, drawing her towards his room instead of parting ways, she didn't protest.

Much like all their other nights, he was quick to curl up along her back, wrap his arms around her, and pull her close. Hermione couldn't even recall closing her eyes or falling asleep, but there was enough light pouring around the curtains to show it wasn't nighttime anymore. Even if the storm was determined to keep the sun from shining completely.

Wanting to cling to the blissful ignorance sleep had provided to her mind, Hermione went for the only other thing she could think of to achieve that. She could already feel his hardened length pressing against her rear. She shifted her hips, the movement eliciting a breathy groan from him; one that warmed her skin. She reached one hand back in the confines of his embrace, her fingers slowly dipping behind the waistband of his shorts until she could wrap them around the velvet flesh of his cock.

He thrust into her palm, his arms tightening around her waist as his teeth nipped at her shoulder. "Hermione…" The restrained desperation of his voice had her fingers flexing around him. "This isn't-"

"I need you," she interrupted, the words coming out as more of a whine. "One more time," she added, rotating her wrist in time with his thrusts.

"One more time," he repeated, his breath warming her ear from having kissed his way up her throat. As soon as the words were would of his mouth, he caught her earlobe between his teeth and moved his from her waist, hand falling on her thigh. His touch burned as it slid up beneath her nightshirt, his fingers curling around the band of her knickers to make quick work of pulling them down. She lifted her hips enough so that they could be removed altogether and then kicked them down her legs once they reached a certain point.

When they were gone, he reached for her knee, drawing her leg back to drape over him, leaving her core exposed. Having had to let go of his cock, her nails dug into the skin of his hip as his fingers brushed through the folds of her nether lips, two of them slipping inside of her body without hesitation. The heel of his palm rubbed against her clit as he increased the pace of his ministrations. His lips were pressed firmly against her curve of her shoulder where he alternated between languid kisses and gentle nips.

It wasn't long before she crested. Her hips continued to buck against his hand, desperate for him to make her come again and again. Until she didn't even know her own name. It was when she felt the beginnings of her second one that he pulled away, quickly removing her leg from his and scooting further down. She adjusted herself, angling her hips as best she could towards the mattress. His hand gripped the flesh of her rear as the tip of his cock nudged her entrance. It took a few gentle probes to find the right spot, both of them letting out a sigh when he finally slid home.

She wasn't the only one not in the mood for something slow or sweet. While his thrusts weren't necessarily as fast as she would have liked, his angle allowed him to hit hard and deep. The way her thighs were pressed together, she was getting just the right amount of friction with each stroke, bringing her closer and closer to her second release.

He didn't stop when she came; didn't care that his hip would be littered with crescent shaped marks for the rest of the day. He just continued to rock in and out of her, tweaking his movements with each thrust. She tried her best to keep up with him, rolling her hips as much as she could given the angle of them. A sharp cry escaped her lips as he rubbed against her cervix, sending her into an unexpected third release. She could tell by his grunt against her shoulder and the way his hips stuttered mid-thrust that she had triggered his release with hers.

She could feel both of their bodies convulse as the last tremors of pleasure surged through them. Her inner walls clutched around his cock, drawing every last drop of his release. She would have stayed there all day, relishing the way he felt inside of her, but when her hips started to ache, she turned, pulling herself off of him. Not wanting to lay in the aftermath when it started to drip out of her, she slid off the bed and without a word, took leave of his room in favor of her bathroom down the hall.

* * *

After a quick shower, Hermione had every intention of staying in her room, curled up in bed with a book while the rainstorm carried on outside. Ginny, however, had other plans. Instead of having the rain keep her in a somber mood all weekend, allowing herself to wallow while simultaneously trying not to think about the what she'd done the day before, she was now shopping. Shopping for a party she had no intention of attending this year.

Yet another piece of décor was thrust in front of her face, snapping her out of her thoughts. She shrugged and gently pushed Ginny's hand away. "Sure. Looks good."

She could tell from her friend's uncharacteristic silence that she was trying hard not to be her usually bossy self. She was under the impression that Hermione had signed the adoption papers yesterday. That she was officially handing its life over to another couple in a few months. Hermione had yet to clue her in on the fact that that was no longer the case. She wasn't ready to admit to herself what backing out of adoption meant; she sure as hell wasn't ready to tell anyone else.

To distract herself from going down that road again, she grabbed a candle from the shelf and brought it to her nose. She pulled it away as fast as she could, her other hand coming up to shield her face as she tried not to gag.

"That's the third time you've sniffed that candle, Hermione," Ginny said, reaching out to lay a hand on her forearm.

She forced a smile to her lips and put the candle back down, turning to face Ginny. "I wonder if I'll ever like the smell of cinnamon again." She swallowed hard over the lump in her throat. "It's the only thing that will make me vomit without warning now."

Ginny blanched and slipped between her and the candles. "Then I really have to suggest you stop sniffing them. I would hate to have to leave you here because you made yourself sick," she said, a smirk on her face.

Hermione was surprised when her fake smile turned genuine; even if it was just for a moment. "I'll do my best to refrain," she said with a soft nod of her head. "But let me tell you, pregnancy brain is no joke."

Ginny snorted as she went back to looking at decorations for her and Harry's upcoming Halloween party. "The day you forget anything is the day hell freezes over."

Hermione rolled her eyes at that. "Must be pretty frosty down there then."

"Speaking of _down there_ ," Ginny said, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes as she dropped her gaze to below Hermione's waist, making her scowl. "I heard the second trimester can make you horny as fuck. How have you been managing that?"

Her thighs pressed together before she could stop herself; her core clenching at the memory of James having been buried deep within just this morning. She cleared her throat and looked away, knowing it was too late to hide her reaction. "It hasn't been that bad."

Ginny's bark of laughter drew the attention of the two women at the end of the aisle, making Hermione's face even hotter. "You do know who you're talking to, right?"

"Ginny-"

"Do you remember Oliver Wood?"

Hermione pinched the bridge of her nose as she nodded, knowing there was no getting around this conversation. "The lacrosse player, right?" she asked, though she remembered. He had been the captain of Harry's team; a Senior when they were Freshman.

"He's back in town; recently divorced too. He always did have a thing for you."

"Now's not-"

"When I invited him to the party next weekend, he asked if you would be there."

That caught Hermione off guard. She eyed Ginny suspiciously, making her grin widen.

"He perked right up when he heard you and Ron split."

"And I'm sure he'll simmer right back down when he sees me in my current state," she replied, her hands automatically coming up to rest on her stomach.

"If he's as into you now as he was six years ago, I'm sure he won't mind the tag along for a few more months. Besides, who knows, maybe someone a little older won't be bothered by that sort of thing."

Hermione's entire body seized, but she was lucky that Ginny chose that moment to pull something from the shelves. "How is thinking of something long term supposed to help me in the interim?" she asked, cursing herself for not dropping the subject.

"I said he was recently divorced, Hermione. I doubt he'll be looking for anything long term. And before you say that's not your style, I would like to point out exhibit A." She pointed at Hermione's stomach, earning a glare from across the aisle. "At least now you won't have to worry about getting knocked up a second time."

"I guess that settles it then," she said, crossing her arms over her chest. "I'm definitely not coming this year."

Ginny laughed, making Hermione want to stop her foot like a child. "Come on, it won't be that bad."

"Will Ron and his new girlfriend be there?" she asked.

Ginny paused to study Hermione's face before giving a nod, her grin turning to a full on smirk. "All the more reason to let Oliver hit on you."

Hermione shifted on her feet and took a deep breath. "I didn't ask so I could think about making him jealous, Ginny. That's not why-" she shook her head and sighed. "I haven't spoken to him since the night your mother told him about the baby."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Oh." Hermione shrugged. "I just don't-"

"Then come over for Harry and I. Please? You don't have to stay very long, but it wouldn't feel right to have a holiday without you. Besides, you're definitely not skipping out on the big ones, so wouldn't it be better to have the first one be Halloween and get it over with now?"

Even Hermione couldn't argue with that logic.

"Fine," she said after a moment. "I'll be there, but I'm not dressing up."

"Oh come on, it's Halloween! Can I convince you to buy a headband with kitten ears on it and let me draw on a nose and some whiskers? I'm sure you have an outfit of all black you can wear?"

"Only because I love you."

"That's what I thought," she replied, an arrogant smile on her lips. "Just wait until you see what Harry and I are going as," she said as she turned the cart down the next aisle.

* * *

Later that night, when Ginny dropped Hermione off back at James' house, she walked in to find him eating dinner on the touch. He set his plate down on the coffee table and moved to stand, but she gestured for him to stay seated. "Did you eat?" he asked. "There's more if-"

She shook her head and placed a hand on her stomach. "Oh god, no thank you. Ginny keeps ordering as though Ron's there and then guilts me into eating it." She gave him a small smile. "Thanks though. I think I'm just going to lie down for a bit. Probably turn in early."

He gave a nod, wiping his palms along his jean-clad knees. She stared at him for a moment before turning and taking a step towards the stairs, stopping at the sound of her name tumbling from his lips. When she faced him again, he was on his feet, a hand rubbing the spot between his shoulders. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She swallowed hard and wet her lips. "Yesterday or this morning?"

He shrugged as nonchalantly as possible. "Either one."

Her lips parted as she debated with herself on whether or not she was ready. Slowly, she gave a slight shake of her head and averted her gaze from his once more. "I don't know where to start," she said, a bit more distress in her voice than she would have liked.

He nodded back at her and offered a small smile. "Anywhere. I can-"

But they were interrupted by the sound of his phone from an incoming call. He pulled it from his pocket and sighed as he looked at the name flashing across the screen. He flashed her an apologetic smile and answered the phone in a tone she recognized as his work voice. She smiled back and after a moment of staring at him, not wanting to eavesdrop since it sounded important, she mouthed goodnight and turned to take her leave of the room.

It was for the best, she decided as she laid down onto her bed after closing the door. She wasn't sure she was ready to talk anyway. She still wasn't when she found herself at his door for later that night. It opened when she knocked, signaling it had never fully been closed in the first place. And when her gaze sought his, he was already waiting for her with the covers peeled back, wrapping them around her when she climbed into bed next to him a few moments later. Neither of them spoke as he settled in at her back, their clothes remaining on. She was asleep before she knew it and in the morning, she was gone long before he woke.


	21. Chapter 21

**TWENTY-ONE**

_**Saturday, 31 October 2020; twenty weeks** _

Over the course of the week leading up to Halloween, James and Hermione settled into a slightly new routine. It was akin to one they had established previously, but wasn't as effortless as it had once had been. Every night she found herself unable to sleep unless she was in his bed with his arms around her, chest pressed against her back. Aside from the morning following the failure that was the adoption meeting, their clothes had remained securely in place.

Some mornings she would be the first to wake, slipping out without a sound and sometimes it was she who woke up alone. And when they both crossed paths in the kitchen to get their coffee and go, they would greet each other with an occasional, "Good morning," muttered under their breaths, though mostly it was accomplished with a single nod of their heads. And in the evenings, it was the same. They still brought dinner home, alternating nights, but they would eat separately or in complete silence.

She knew it was a dangerous game; keeping everything bottled up, but she wasn't ready to talk about what happened. That by not signing the life of their child over to someone else changed everything, but there was a part of her that was still thinking. She couldn't help but wonder if it was just that she hadn't had enough time to think it through and that had been what caused her panic or if it was something else. The few moments that she did think about the future, she couldn't picture herself with a child.

Theo had reached out to her on Monday afternoon, asking if she needed more time or if her decision was final. He was sweet in the way he kept trying to assure her that he didn't want her to feel pressure of any sort, he just wanted what was best for all of them. He had told her that if she intended to raise her own child after all, he wished her only the best. She had replied and told him that she did in fact need more time and that she would be in touch when she had decided, but to look or another birth mom just in case.

She had _not_ told James about it. Telling him meant talking to him and talking to him meant facing all the thoughts she had been trying so hard to avoid.

So in effort to sweep even more of her problems under a rug that was no longer touching the floor, she went about the week pretending everything was fine. In fact, if there was ever a time for the apololypse that people loved to predict so much, she thought now was a good a time as any.

When Halloween rolled around a week later, it had gotten far too easy to pretend all was well.

She left James' bed earlier than she normally would. There wasn't any reason in particular, she had just woken with the sunrise and hadn't been able to fall back asleep. She'd gone down to the kitchen, eaten some cereal, and then took her time in the shower. It was after she got out that she received Ginny's message, asking in a tone that was more on the demanding side that she come over and help her set up for the party. Hermione smiled to herself and replied that she would be there relatively soon.

It was after that that she remembered what Ginny had said about Oliver. A small part of her was curious about him; from what she remembered he had a good head on his shoulders and was attractive. The rest of her knew that now wasn't a good time to start anything. If not solely for the uncertainty of whether or not she would have a tiny human to take care of in a few months or not, but her relationship with its father- _his_ father- was still up in the air too.

Currently, she was quite full in the drama department.

Even so, she found herself taking a bit of extra time on her hair that day and picking her clothes. Granted, with Ginny's request for her to wear all black, it didn't leave her with man choices. When her hair was dry enough, she pulled it back into a low, messy bun, letting whatever didn't cooperate float about her face as though it were intentional. She did her base makeup, knowing Ginny would fill in the rest, and then pulled on an all black skater dress. It had sleeves that came to her elbow, pockets in the skirt, and a decent neckline; one that would have been modest if her chest wasn't bordering on obscene.

Since it was staying chilly during the day too, she put on a pair of black leggings underneath and slipped into plain, flat booties that came up just past her ankles. Before she made her way downstairs, she grabbed one of her black scarves with a bit of silver thread woven in to accent it and the plainest jacket she had that still fit. Looking more ready to attend a funeral than a party, she left her room.

James was finishing up his breakfast when she walked in, grabbing a soda from the fridge to take with her. "Who died?" he asked.

She rolled her eyes, but couldn't help the smile that tugged at her lips. "My sanity," she said, looking down at herself. "How did you get out of going?"

"I hardly ever go. That's more for-" he stopped himself and cleared his throat. "For you kids than us old folks," he finished after a moment, a sheepish grin on his face.

She smiled back, shaking her head at him. "And what about you? Planning on staying home and passing out candy like all the other cool dads?"

"Funny," he muttered, leaning back, slinging his arm over the back of the chair. "Hilarious even," he added. "But I probably will stay home. My partying days are long gone."

She waited for there to be more, but when there wasn't, she gave a nod and took a step towards the exit. "Whatever you end up doing, I hope you have a good night."

"Usually I would say if you have too much to drink, call me, but I doubt that will be the case," he said, a light chuckle under his breath. "But if you do need me…"

"I know," she replied, her voice quiet as a shiver crept its way up her spine. Her head canted to the side as she smiled at him. "What, no curfew?"

"You can go now," he replied, raking a hand through his hair, the smile on his face widening into a grin. And after a few moments of hesitation, she nodded at him again and took her leave.

* * *

After five months of being pregnant, Hermione had _finally_ found its best perk. The majority of her time at Ginny's was spent on the couch, pulling the "I can't, I'm incubating a human life here," card. She knew one day in the future there would be hell to pay for it, but until such time, Hermione milked it. Between her time with Ginny and Harry as well as the lighthearted conversation with James before she left, for the first time in a week, she finally felt more like herself again.

Enough that she didn't even complain when Ginny used eyeline to turn her into a cat; whiskers and all. She wondered how she was going to keep the product from staining her nose and cheeks, but it was something she would deal with later. And when she donned the headband Ginny had made her buy the week before, she had to admit, she was glad she had _something_ in terms of costume for the night.

And as the guests started arriving, Hermione was in such a good mood that she had nearly forgotten about Ron.

He and his new girlfriend, Hannah, were one of the firsts to arrive. Hermione decided to be the bigger person and approach them first, her hand rising up between them for Hannah to take. Even seeing her up close and personal, she still couldn't remember her from school. Judging by the look in Hannah's eyes, neither could she. "Ron told me about you awhile ago and I'm glad to see that you're still together. It's nice to meet you."

Hannah's shoulders sagged with relief as she grasped Hermione's hand. "I've heard a lot about you. It's nice to finally meet you too."

"I promise I'm not going to the be the dreaded ex-wife," she said with a smile. "That being said, is it okay if I borrow Ron for a moment?"

"Oh, of course," Hannah said, unlacing their fingers. She stilled as Ron dropped his lips to her cheeks, turning them pink before he followed Hermione outside to the porch.

"Sorry…" he started, rubbing his shoulder as he nodded towards the door. "I just-"

"She's your girlfriend, Ron. I expect there to be kissing," she said with a smile.

He stared at her, his eyes full of guilt. "I'm sorry for the way I handled…" he gestured at her stomach briefly. "All of that."

She waved him off. "It's behind us, okay?"

He nodded, the apple of his throat bobbing as he swallowed hard. "Ginny tells me she might introduce you to someone tonight."

Hermione froze, her cheeks burning beneath her makeup. "She _told_ you?"

He grinned. "It was more of a 'this is happening, Ron! Don't be an asshole about it' type thing," he said, imitating Ginny in a way that made her giggle.

"Well, I would appreciate it if you didn't, but I wouldn't worry too much. I'm not exactly anyone's dream come true right now."

"Stop selling yourself short, Hermione. You always do that," he said, his voice taking on the tone it always did when he told her that. "You'd be surprised at who would want you, no matter what sort of shambles your life is currently in."

She tipped her head to the side, staring at him with narrowed eyes and a smile on her face. "Thank you?"

"That didn't come out right, but you know what I mean," he said, pulling her into a hug before she could protest.

When they broke apart, they exchanged a nod before he went back inside to find Hannah. Hermione lingered on the porch, sinking into one of the chairs to gather her thoughts. She hoped that if the truth ever did come out, that Ron would maintain his maturity. A part of her knew that wouldn't be the case, but she still held out hope. Her other thoughts turned to James as Ron's wisdom of _you'd be surprised_ echoed in her mind.

But she didn't get to dwell on it for long before Ginny was at her side, pulling her to her feet, telling her Oliver had arrived and she wanted to introduce them now so they had plenty of time to talk. Without a word, Hermione allowed herself to be pulled away and reintroduced to someone "new."

* * *

Having already stayed far longer than she originally wanted to, Hermione decide to leave around ten o'clock. Ginny didn't complain one bit, having been too intoxicated to really protest. And that alone was why Hermione was ready to go. Too many people were beyond drunk and not only was she envious of their ability to numb themselves, but she wanted to get home before the streets were filled with idiots thinking they were sober when they weren't.

As her luck would have it, the cars parked in front of her and behind her had gotten far too close, leaving her absolutely no way to get her car out of the space. She stood there, staring at the situation, debating if she should call a cab or if she should call James. She was saved from having to do either when Oliver approached.

"I can give you a ride home," he offered.

"Oh, uh…"

"I only had two beers," he assured her. "The last of which was over an hour ago."

She gnawed on her lower lip as her gaze flickered down to James' contact information she had just pulled up on her phone. "Sure," she said, turning the screen off so she could slip the phone into her the pocket of her purse. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, just tell me how to get there as we go," he said, leading her to his jeep and opening the passenger side door for her.

He had been friendly enough to talk to earlier in the evening, but the only thing plaguing her mind during their interaction was that he wasn't a certain someone else. Someone she refused to name. She was, however, grateful that of all the things they spoke of, the elephant that was her stomach was not one of them.

"I don't know how you managed to stay sane while being around your ex and his new girlfriend," he said as he began to drive.

"We ended on good terms," she said. "Just because it's not with me, doesn't mean I don't want to see him happy."

"I wish my ex and I were that civil," he said, lingering bitterness in his tone. "My divorce was quite the opposite from yours."

"I'm sorry to hear that. How long has it been?" she asked.

"About six months," he replied. "You?"

"Five," she said, patting her stomach; the ultimate way to keep track of _exactly_ how many days it had been. She didn't miss the way his gaze dropped to her stomach from the corner of his eyes. "And if you're wondering, yes, I'm also five months along."

"I wasn't…" he replied, his voice thin.

She laughed quietly and shifted in her seat. "It's fine if you were."

He nodded, but the rest of the ride was silent except for the radio. When he pulled up in front of James' house, he stepped out first to help her down from the jeep. "Nice place."

"Thanks, but it's not mine. I'm staying here until I find a place of my own."

"Ah," he said with a grin as he walked her to the front door. "It was nice seeing you again, Hermione. I know we didn't really know-"

"Oliver," she interrupted, an apologetic smile on her lips.

He nodded and took a step back from her. After a moment, he pulled out his wallet and handed her a business card with his number scribbled on the back. "I wrote it down when Ginny told me you would be there and I know you're not interested, but that's okay. I haven't met anyone else who just got out of a divorce, so if you need to talk, I'm a great listener. It can be hard when all your friends are his family."

"Thank you, Oliver. I appreciate that." She slipped the card into her purse and smiled. "I'll text you in a bit so you have my number. My ears are always open too."

"Goodnight," he said, tipping his head to her before walking back to his car.

She waved as he drove off, waiting until he disappeared from view before she went inside.

She was greeted by a low whistle as she passed the living room. It caused her to stumble as she came to a stop and turned to see Sirius and James drinking on the couch. Between them, there were too many bottles to count, including the near empty bottle of Jack on the coffee table.

Sirius nudged James with a sharp elbow to the ribs and tipped his beer at Hermione. "She's _pregnant_ and still has more game than you."

"Sirius-"

He rolled his eyes and stood up, swaying slightly for a moment. "I love the ears, Kitten. I always knew the nickname suited you. So," he said, clapping a hand on her shoulder as he passed on his way to the kitchen. "Who was the lucky bloke?"

"It wasn't like that," she answered, though she directed her attention to James. He refused to look at her, but she was afraid do much more in front of Sirius. Especially when he walked back into the room and plopped down beside James again.

"Sure, sure," he said with a grin.

Hermione sighed and shifted her weight. She was more than ready to get off her feet, already sour about the fact that she was only going to get bigger. She had long since taken back any complaint she had ever had about thinking she was too small in the beginning.

"Goodnight you two," she said, taking off towards the stairs.

The first thing she did was toe off her shoes. The relief she felt from that action alone nearly made her weep. The second thing was shrug herself out of her coat, followed by unwinding the scarf from her neck. It was when she began to gather the skirt of her dress that she heard her door open and turned to see she James in her doorway, a second before he spoke. "What happened to your car?"

"What?"

"You drove over to Harry's this morning, but he drove you home." His chin lifted slightly as he rubbed at the stubble there. "Why?"

"My car got blocked in and he was leaving at the same time I was." She crossed her arms over her chest and took a step forward. "Are you jealous?"

"Why didn't you call me?" he asked, his eyes flashing as he avoided her question.

"I was about to when he made the offer," she said, gesturing at him. "Even if I had called you, you were already in no condition to get behind the wheel."

"And he didn't have anything in his system? How well do you even know him? That's not just your ch-"

"Stop!" she snapped, hands gesturing towards the floor. "He can hear you!" she hissed under her breath. "I'm sorry you're jealous, that wasn't my intention. He was just being nice and offered me a ride home. And he was sober. I would've just stayed there if he wasn't. Or called a cab." She pinched the bridge of her nose for a second. "Can we talk tomorrow when you're sober? I'm tired."

He was silent for a moment before he muttered, "I'm not jealous."

Her snort was so loud, there was no way Sirius hadn't heard it. Unless he was already passed out on the couch downstairs. "How else would you describe your mood right now?"

He was the one to step forward, stopping when they were at arm's length from one another. "Well I wouldn't have to _be_ jealous if someone would make up their bloody mind about what they wanted."

That was not what she had expected tonight, nor was the way he reached out and pulled her to him, his lips crashing over hers. His mouth was rough against hers; lips tugging, teeth nipping, tongues dueling. The hand cupping her cheek slid back into her hair, pulling it from the band, but leaving the ears in place. The other hand started out at her hip, but quickly lowered to gather the material of her dress. It was when his hand cupped her core over her leggings that she pulled her head away, ending the kiss abruptly and pushed him away.

"What are you doing?"

"Hermione-" he started, reaching for her again.

She stepped out of reach and folded her arms over her chest. "Not now," she said, shaking her head adamantly. "Not like this. Not with Sirius downstairs where he could hear us!"

"And if he weren't here?" he questioned. "Would you-"

"Yes!" she snapped. "I…I'm ready to talk, but we can do that tomorrow when we're alone and you're sober. Okay?"

He stared at her in disbelief for the longest time before his body relaxed and he nodded. "Okay." He moved to leave, but lingered in her doorway, his eyes studying her again, almost as if he were afraid it were a dream. "Night."

"Night," she returned, moving to close the door once she heard him descend the stairs. After a moment to make sure he wasn't going to come back, she finished peeling herself out of her clothes in favor of her sleepwear and then going to the bathroom to freshen up. She did a double take at the makeup she had forgotten about, she decided to leave it for tomorrow.

And just as she suspected, since she was alone in her own bed, sleep became hard to achieve and when it came, it was anything but restful.

* * *

_**Sunday, 1 November 2020; twenty-one weeks** _

When she woke the next morning, she spent far too much time scrubbing at her face only to have the tip of her nose stained black along with the faint whiskers on her cheeks. After giving up, she stole downstairs and started the coffee knowing both men would be grateful for it when they woke. Just like last time, she decided to get going on making breakfast for them too.

Sirius was the first to join her, squeezing her shoulder after taking a sip of coffee. "If I were a smarter man, I would find myself staying over her far more often if I knew it meant someone to cook me breakfast in the morning."

"Perhaps you should stop sleeping with a different girl every week and get one that can do this for you for the rest of your life," Hermione fired back, tossing a smirk over her shoulder to him.

"Well aren't we feisty this morning?" She shook her head, but didn't say anything as she went about scrambling the eggs with a fork. She gathered from Sirius' whistle that James had joined them; not to mention the shift in the air. But it was his words that made her stomach flip. "Well look what the cat dragged in." There was a pause and then, "Or should I say, _Kitten_?"


	22. Chapter 22

**TWENTY-TWO**

_**Sunday, 1 November 2020; twenty-one weeks** _

Hermione felt as though all the blood in her system had up and vanished, leaving her about ready to faint. It was a struggle to breathe as her heart pounded against the inside of her chest. She turned towards James and upon seeing the black stains from her makeup smeared about his face, she knew it was too late. That Sirius had already put two and two together.

"I'm sure this ought to be good," Sirius said, his tone bordering on giddy. "No wonder you're always declining my invitations to go out," he said, giving James a wink.

"Sirius-" James started, warning in his tone.

"Relax, will you?" he returned, rolling his eyes. "I've had my fair share of younger women. Who am I to judge?"

Hermione put her hand on her stomach when the baby chose that moment to stomp around as though he meant to kick his way out. She reached behind her to use the counter to steady herself, but in doing so, knocked the bowl of eggs off of it. It fell to the floor, sending raw scrambled eggs and bowl fragments everywhere. Both men moved towards her; James to take one her hands in his, the other finding the small of her back to guide her to the table while Sirius went straight to the mess she'd created and began to clean it.

"I'm sorry," she whispered as he dropped into a crouch at her side. "About the bowl. I'll replace-"

"I don't care about the bowl, Hermione," he said as he squeezed her hand. "Are you-"

He stopped when she dissolved into a fit of laughter, his face contorting into a look of confusion. She had seen the marks on his face when he walked in; it was what had sparked this whole mess, but seeing again… It was too much. "Did you even look in the mirror this morning?" she asked, holding her stomach as the hysterics continued.

"Hermione-"

"To be fair, I've had my theories for awhile," Sirius interrupted, a light smirk about his lips when Hermione's gaze shifted over to him. He set the hand towel he had used to clean the floor in the sink and inclined his head at them. "I'll give you two a moment," he added before taking his leave, the downstairs half bath door closing a few moments later.

"I'm okay," she said, her voice light as she looked back at James. "We might as well just tell him."

"It's none of his business."

"It's not," she agreed, tightening her grip on his hand. "But I'd rather have him hear the truth rather than leave him to form his own thoughts. Wouldn't you?"

James took a deep breath and let it out slowly before giving a casual shrug of his shoulders followed by a nod of approval. He got to his feet then, his hand sliding away from hers. "How much do you want to tell him?" he asked, eyes landing on her stomach.

"Whatever you're comfortable with," she replied. "He seems to be taking it rather well." A little too well, the more she thought about it. Sirius had said he'd known for awhile; did that mean they weren't as careful as they thought they had been? Was there a chance that anyone else had started to suspect?

James nodded as he scrubbed at his chin. He moved away from her, inspecting the part of the floor Sirius had just wiped up. "He missed some."

"I can-"

"You stay put," he interrupted, shooting her a look that kept her in her seat. "I'll be right back," he said, heading upstairs to the laundry room so he could get a few more towels.

In his absence, Sirius returned. He shot her an apologetic look as he took the seat next to her at the table. "You don't have to give me details; it's not any of my business, but is it serious between you?"

She swallowed hard and gave a slight shake of her head. "It's barely anything," she whispered, watching the concern that flickered in the depths of Sirius' gaze. "Why?"

"I told you, Kitten," he said, giving her a smile that didn't really reach his eyes. "I've been noticing for awhile." He drummed his fingers along the edge of the table and sighed. "I haven't seen him look at anyone that way since Lily."

Nothing could have prepared her for that. All she could do was stare at him in awe, her lips parted, breath quickening. She was still staring at him, unable to say anything as James returned. She continued to stare at the space Sirius had been, even after he vacated it so he could help James not only clean up, but pick up where she left off in cooking breakfast.

* * *

_**Saturday, 7 November 2020; twenty-one weeks** _

By the time Sirius had left that morning after Halloween, they had told him the whole story. He knew that not only were they more or less involved, but that the baby she was carrying was his. She could tell that he was apprehensive at best when it came to the topic of adoption, though neither of them told him how that last meeting had gone. He expressed his concern for the two of them, but then assured them both that he would keep their secret to himself. As he officially parted ways, he reminded her if she needed anything, he was never more than a phone call away.

Shortly after he left, James suggested they go get her car. Since it wouldn't have felt right to go over to Harry and Ginny's and leave without saying hello, they went in for a bit. However, their intention of a quick visit turned out to last the rest of the day as they were roped into cleaning up. Granted, just like with the set up before the party, Hermione found herself on the couch watching everyone else mill about.

By the time they went home, it was well after dinner and Sirius' words in James' absence that morning had taken their toll. Whether James hadn't remembered she had said she was ready to talk or if he sensed that that was no longer the case, he didn't bring it up. Instead, he said nothing as she walked away to take a shower and go about her nightly routine.

They retained their silence when she came to him later that night, finding herself unable to sleep without him at her side.

And just like that, they had settled into their routine once more. The one where they were stuck in limbo. Where they had plenty of time to talk, but neither one could find it within them to start the conversation. But despite their inability to communicate, they still found it easy, if not strained, to coexist.

Despite Tuesday having been Sirius' birthday, the guys waited until the weekend to celebrate. She discovered this when Sirius and Remus had come over to James' as the meeting point and invited her along to dinner on Saturday.

"No thanks," she said, giving him a smile. "You guys go on and enjoy your guy time. Knowing you, I'm sure you'll go to a bar afterwards and I-"

"Exactly," he said, a wicked smirk on his lips. "Who else better to be a designated driver than one who can't drink?"

"You planned this all out, didn't you?"

"You know me so well," he said, tossing her a wink before looking around to see that they were alone in the hallway. "Have you two figured out what-"

"No," she interrupted, reaching for her jacket coat rack by the door. "There's nothing to talk about," she added, keeping her back to him. She heard him inhale and whirled around, her finger pointing at him, signaling for him to stop. "Don't."

He studied her for a moment and then nodded. "Fine, I'll leave it alone, but for the record, the two of you are being idiots."

"What would you know?" she asked as she moved passed him towards the living room where James and Remus were. "You're not exactly the best person to be doling out relationship advice."

His smile sent off a few warning bells deep within her mind, but she ignored them. "You're right. My apologize. I'll stick to what I know best then," he said, watching her as she poked her head around the archway and beckoned for the other two to follow.

"I can't believe you let him talk you into this," Remus said as they filed out the door so she could lock it behind them.

"It wasn't hard," she said, smiling at him. "Just say the word food and I'll pretty much do whatever you ask," she added. With that, she unlocked her car and they all piled into it. Once she turned the engine over and put her seatbelt on, she locked eyes with Sirius in the rearview mirror and asked, "Where to?"

* * *

Just as she predicted, as soon as they were done with dinner, Sirius suggested they go to a bar. And for as much as she would rather be in the silence that was her current residence, their time at the bar was proving to be much less awkward than dinner hand been. Sirius, being the sly little devil he always was, had taken the seat next to Remus before James could, putting her and James on the same bench for dinner.

But it was easy to pass off the awkwardness as it being her first real time hanging out with the three of them. Typically, before getting knocked up and moving into James' house, the only time she saw these three were around the holidays. Since they had been friends longer than she had been alive, it was hard to find her rhythm with them as a group, let alone individually.

She refused to think about the fact that the last time her and James had shared a meal outside of the house was when he had taken her on a very real date that was supposed to have been fake.

At the bar, it was easier to ignore all of that since other friends of Sirius' had joined them. For the most part, she was able to hold her own, conversing with anyone who paid any attention to her. James had tried to linger in the beginning, but she assured him she was fine and was quick to shoo him away. As the bar became more crowded, Hermione slipped to the outskirts, focusing on her phone rather than the people around her. There were only so many times she could answer baby questions without having a real answer to give and she was getting antsy with all the people around.

It was a good while later that she heard a laugh and did a double take upon finding the source. She wasn't sure how she had heard it or what about it that drew her attention, but the moment her eyes landed on the scene, her heart sank into her stomach. James was at the bar beside Remus, but he was turned away from her, facing a blonde on the stool next to him. It was the blonde's laughter that reached her ears and when her hand laid across James's forearm, Hermione was taken aback at the jealousy that roared to life inside of her.

"You know," Sirius said as he sank down into the chair beside her, his arm settling around her shoulders. "You wouldn't be feeling this way if you would just talk to him."

Her head snapped towards him, eyes narrowing in a glare. "He's free to do what he wants," she said, the tone of her voice surprising her as much as the jealousy. She forced her eyes back down to her phone, wincing as she heard the laugh again.

"If I were more qualified to give relationship advise, I might tell you you're full of shit."

She shrugged his arm off of her and leaned away from him. "Good thing you're not," she muttered.

He sighed, waiting a moment before starting to give more advice she didn't ask for. "Hermione-"

"What?" she asked, turning to look at him again, her eyes sliding over James and the other woman again. "It doesn't matter, Sirius. Just because you're handling it this way doesn't mean anyone else will. How do you think everyone else will react when they find out? Harry-" She pressed her lips together as she watched his expression harden from the way her voice cracked. "Just… Leave it alone. Please."

With that, she got up and took off through the crowd towards the exit. She wouldn't leave without them, but she just needed a moment to herself. Needed the crisp cold air of winter approaching to work its magic and calm her down. She paced in front of her car, muttering to herself about how stupid she was to feel this way. That she had no right to get jealous when he wasn't-

"Everything okay?"

She whirled around to the sight of James having followed her out into the parking lot. "What's her name?" The question tumbled past her lips before she could help it and she forced herself not to cringe at the pettiness in her own voice.

"What?"

"The blonde. Should I stay at Harry's tonight so you can entertain your new friend or-"

"Stop," he demanded, raking a hand through his hair. "It wasn't like that."

"Oh really? So she wasn't trying her hardest to get you to-"

"She was, but it doesn't matter. I was being polite."

" _Why_?"

His palm slid down his face in disbelief as he stared at her; the urge to yell plain as day in his eyes. "I didn't mean to do that with you there."

She snorted. "So if I wasn't around you would have, what? Brought her home?"

"No." The finality of his tone made her breath catch in her throat. "Remus was sitting right next to me. What would you have had me do?" He took a step forward, his jaw clenching as he stared down at her. "You backed out of the adoption, but you won't talk to me about what comes next. There's clearly something between us, but you're too scared to even have a simple discussion with me about it." Another step; she could feel the heat of him through their clothes now. "I'm scared too, Hermione, but I'd rather be scared together. Wouldn't you?"

Tears began to leak down her face, the cold air slowing the rate of which they flowed. "I don't know," she whispered, leaning back against the driver's side door of her car. "I know that isn't what you want to hear, but I really don't know, James." She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, thinking of the conversation she had had with Theo just that morning.

"Whatever it is, Hermione, talk to me. Please. I can't take this anymore."

"I've been talking to Theo."

His brow furrowed for a moment. "Nott? One of the-"

She nodded. "I think it was too soon after learning the gender to be signing papers. I've been rethinking the adoption. I told Theo I might want to meet up this coming week. I just wanted to talk to you first."

His lips parted to say something, but the blonde from earlier chose then to come out with a few others, their car parked far too close to Hermione's for her liking. "There you are," she said, smiling widely at James. "Hi, I'm Karina."

"Hermione," she returned, not trying in the slightest to sound friendly.

"Is this your daughter? You said you had a kid about her age."

Her laugh was bitter as she fished for her keys from her purse. "He has a son," she corrected before looking at James. "Which, coincidentally, has a house where I'll be staying at for the night," she said, wrenching the door open and locking herself in the car before he could even try to stop her. Without looking at him again, she drove to Harry's, leaving them to figure out how to get home on their own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise you, THIS WAS THE LAST HURDLE. Love you all!


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter was worth all the angst I put you through!!
> 
> .........and all the angst that hasn't happened yet lol

**TWENTY-THREE**

_**Sunday, 8 November 2020; twenty-two weeks** _

The closer she got to Ginny and Harry's, the more she decided against going there. If she turned up there in her current state of mind, nothing she said would add up. Ginny would be able to fill in the blanks and the last thing she needed was Harry being clued in to the truth. So she ended up turning into the parking lot of the first place with a vacancy sign that she came across and checked herself in for the night. And even though she knew it was wrong, she shut her phone off after watching James' name flash across the screen for the fifth or sixth time.

Just as she figured, the sleep that she got was not only minimal at best, but she felt worse when she woke than when she had gone to bed. After freshening up with the amenities provided to every guest in the bathroom, she made her way down for the continental breakfast. Only when she was full did she return to her room and turn her phone back on. Not only where there dozens of missed calls, voicemails, and texts from James throughout the night, but there were some from Harry, Ginny, Sirius, and Remus as well.

She deleted the voicemails without listening to them, already knowing exactly what they would say. She kept the messages unopened though, not wanting anyone to see that she had read them and try again. Her battery was nearly dead and she didn't have a charger as it was. After a small debate with herself, she decided to take her chances with the time; it was after nine-thirty on a Sunday, and made a call. She was glad when the receiving party not only answered, but sounded awake enough that she didn't feel guilty about disturbing them too early. After they made a plan of when and where to meet, she hung up.

Her phone died shortly after that.

She stayed in the hotel until it was time to check out. She passed the time by flicking through the channels, though she didn't really watch the one she ended up settling on. Her mind wandered, but she paid just about as much attention to it as she did the television. She had gotten rather good at ignoring her thoughts as of late and today seemed to be no different than that. Not even when the what-ifs popped up. The what-if she had conceived that first night. The wondering of whether or not they would have repeated their first mistake and tried to have a relationship. Or were they only going down that road _because_ of the child?

But she didn't let herself answer any of those questions. Not until she saw Theo when she met him for lunch. Not until she had laid that part of the equation to rest. Even when she got to the café and sat at the table, waiting for him to arrive, Hermione felt bad she wasn't including James in on this. That she wouldn't be able to tell him until after, but this was something she had to do alone. For herself.

Theo arrived shortly after her and gestured for her to remain seated as he took the seat across from her. "I thought it best to meet with you first before I told Draco anything," he said when he saw her look around for his partner. "I love him, but he can be a bit hot-headed sometimes without realizing."

She smiled and relaxed in her chair. "I really am sorry for leaving the meeting the way I did. I panicked."

"And you're allowed to, Hermione," he said, offering a warm smile. "This isn't a decision to be made lightly. You have to know without a doubt that this is the right decision for you or not."

"It was easier when he was, well, an it," she muttered, glancing down at her stomach, her hands resting on the top of it. "I liked you and Draco. From the moment I met you, I could tell you two had great parental potential." She looked up at him again, her head tilted to the side. "I even looked specifically for non-traditional couples."

"There will be other babies," he said; a touch of sadness in his voice. "Yours just wasn't meant to be ours." He studied her for a moment and then asked, "If it's not too personal, may I ask why you considered adoption?"

"My ex husband came from a large family. All he wanted was to have one just like it." Her lips curved into a smile talking about Ron. "He didn't care that we had only just begun our careers or that we had some rooms in our house still largely unfurnished. Or that our savings had been depleted fixing up the parts of the house that were. I wanted the security; the foundations of my life to be set before I even entertained the idea.

"And when things started to mellow out, I kept coming up with reasons to say no; that we weren't ready, but I think I was just scared. Being a mom was never something I dreamed about. It was more a fleeting thought, a _one day_. And then one day came and I was seeing my son on a monitor; hearing his heartbeat around me in the room. I just kept picturing what he would be like; what my life would be like with or without him and I just…"

Hermione wasn't able to keep the rug over that train of thought any longer. The emotions flowed out of her as she finally admitted the truth to herself. That she wanted her child. Wanted to take him home for the first time. To see his first steps; hear his first words. She wanted to see him off on his first day of school in Kindergarten and celebrate with him when he graduated college. She wouldn't get to see any of that if she gave him away.

"I'm sorry, Theo."

"I'm not," he said, reaching for her hand despite still being strangers. "You love him; I can already tell that you do. I wish you the best, Hermione, I really do."

Even though he didn't know her, he gave her comfort and as they continued to eat their meal together, Hermione was grateful for his pleasant conversation as it calmed her down enough that by the time she was back in her car to head home, she was ready to deal with the fallout.

* * *

When Hermione parked her car in the driveway, she didn't linger for long before heading inside. She had barely crossed the threshold of the front door when he appeared in the hallway, having come from the direction of the living room. The look in his eyes was equal parts worry, anger, and relief as they stared at one another.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, knowing it wasn't enough.

"You can't just take off like that, Hermione," he said, his voice clipped as he took a step forward. "You said you were going to Harry's, but you weren't there. Where the fuck did you go?" Her lips parted to answer, but he pressed on as he took another step forward. "You didn't answer your phone or return any of our messages. Do you even care that we went out looking for you? Or stayed awake all night hoping that when our phones went off it was you and not-"

"I'm sorry!" she repeated, the word coming out more akin to a sob than she would have liked. "I started to go to Harry's, but I couldn't think of a plausible reason as to why I would be there. I went to a hotel instead. I'm so sorry I made all of you worry, but I needed to think." She paused as her voice wavered. "I couldn't do that here; not after last night. I'm sorry that I panicked the way I did. That I left-"

He was there, wrapping his arms around and holding her so tight she thought he might squeeze the air from her lungs. She returned his embrace immediately, her fingers curling around the fabric of his shirt to anchor herself to him. "You can't do that, Hermione," he whispered into her hair. "You can't just up and leave. I couldn't stop thinking that the worst had happened."

She tightened her hold as she whispered, "I know," and "I'm sorry," over and over again at different intervals.

They stayed wrapped up in one another for what felt like an eternity. Slowly, their holds began to slacken, but still, neither of them moved. "I'm sorry about last night."

She nodded, having already forgiven him in her mind. He hadn't been hers and he had been in a position that would have made it hard to explain why he was turning someone down. Instead, she changed the subject.

"I had lunch with Theo."

She had been prepared for the sudden loss of his arms around her as he pulled back. "Hermione-"

"I told you last night I've been talking to him here and there, but this morning I asked him to meet me."

"Why?" he asked. He was quick to reach for her hands and lace their fingers together, his forehead falling against hers. "You once told me that you weren't sure if you could go through with an adoption. That you might come to regret it."

She nodded against him. "That's more or less what I told Theo," she whispered, a tear slid down her cheek at the way he tensed. "I apologized for running out the way I did and that I still couldn't go through with it." She drew in a shaky breath and reached up, her hands flattening on his chest. "I didn't realize how much I wanted him until I was there; how much I wanted _both_ of you."

"Hermione-"

She shook her head slightly, her fingers flexing against his shirt. "I'm terrified of what I feel for you; of how _much_ I feel for you. All of this was so unexpected that it still feels unreal. I know there's a lot to discuss; a lot to think about moving forward, but I'm tired of letting that fear try and chase me away from this. Away from you." His hands came up to cup her cheeks, his thumbs brushing away her tears as she continued to speak. "I kept asking myself if we're only doing this because of the child. That if we did go through with adoption, would we still be together. Maybe we work out, maybe we don't, but we'll never know unless we try. It doesn't matter what brought us together, so long as-"

His lips descended over hers, swallowing the rest of her sentence. Their kiss was an equal mix of give and take, one that was meant to show that he understood and he was ready to take that next step with her.

"I don't have everything figured out," she whispered when they pulled away for air. "I want to give us a real shot and I think the best way to do that is to keep this to ourselves for awhile."

"We'll tell people when we're ready."

"And if we never are?"

"That's our decision to make, Hermione. Not theirs. We can't control what people think once they learn something; can't make them see eye to eye on everything. All we can do is what's right for us." He kissed her again, keeping it brief this time before nibbling his way along her jaw until his lips found her ear. "So long as I get to call you mine, I don't care about the rest."

She shivered as his hands slid down her sides until they rested at her hips, pulling her closer. "Yours," she murmured, her arms winding around his neck, one hand diving into his hair. "All yours."

She wasn't surprised when he lifted her. It was that her belly wasn't getting in the way of her legs wrapping around his waist that surprised her. That he made her feel like she weighed nothing as he turned and made way for the stairs. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, peppering his skin with kisses and nips as he carried her to his room. A sigh escaped her lips when he set her down, but it quickly turned into a moan when he slanted his mouth over hers. Their kiss was slow and sweet, tasting and savoring each other as they took their time stripping one another bare.

He climbed onto the bed first, sitting with his legs folded beneath, thighs pressed together. She eyed him curiously as he extended his hand to her, beckoning her forth. She crawled across on her knees, stopping in a kneel before him. She leaned over to kiss him, but no sooner had her lips brushed across his did he reach for her hips and gently push until she took the hint and turned, putting her back to him.

She let him take the lead, unsure of what he intended. With her only having two partners in total throughout her life, the first one being largely unadventurous, the thrill of something new made her wetter than before. She relaxed despite the nervous tremble that took hold of her and drew her over his lap. She planted her feet on the outside of his knees, her thighs falling open as she settled her rear over his hardened length. Her hands automatically reached back, grasping at whatever part of him she touched first.

He hooked an arm under hers, his hand cupping her breast lightly so his fingers could pluck and tease at her nipple. She moaned and tilted her head to the side where he used his other hand to pull her hair to the side, exposing her throat for him to mark up, alternating between lips and teeth. She shuddered as his hand ghosted over her skin until it found its way down between them. He grasped his cock, coated it in her slick, and when he notched himself at her entrance, she lifted up just enough so she could sink back down onto him.

His hand stayed there, his fingers brushing over her clit as his other hand continued to fondle her breast. He moved his hips slowly beneath her, letting her find a rhythm that matched so they could pick up the pace. She leaned back against him, her nails digging into his flesh as he brought her closer to the edge.

"That's it, love," he murmured, his breath warming her skin as he kissed his way up her throat. She whimpered, drawing her bottom lip in between her teeth. His teeth tugged at her earlobe before he traced the shell of her ear with the tip of his nose. "Let me hear you."

Wanting to please him, she parted her lips, letting her moan sound around the room. He groaned against her skin as he increased the pace and pressure to her clit. She closed her eyes in time to see stars burst behind her eyelids. "J- _James_!" She continued to call out his name until her vocal cords refused to cooperate as she rode out her release.

He removed his hand from between their bodies in favor holding her the way his other arm was. With both hands on her breasts, arms tight to her side for leverage, he took over the thrusting from beneath her, setting a pace that quickly brought her to the edge of another release. She held off, wanting to come with him; not sure if she could handle a second, let alone a third.

"Say you're mine," he demanded, the gruffness of his voice signaling he was close.

She craned her neck to the side, his lips finding hers instantly. "Yours," she panted into his mouth as she started to crest. "Yoursyours _yours_!" she chanted, her words turning into a sharp cry as he gave one deep thrust before they came together.

As they started to come down from their highs, he continued to nuzzle at her neck, his lips ghosting over her skin in a way that made her shiver. "Don't take this the wrong way, Hermione, but you were the best mistake I've ever made."

Her arm came up to cradle the back of his head as she turned towards him the best she could. "I couldn't agree more, _Mister Potter_."

He shuddered at her back and nipped at her shoulder, sending her into a soft round of giggles before he guided her off of him so that they could both lie down. And with the afternoon light still finding its way in around the curtains, they spent the rest of the day in a way that had Hermione cursing herself for not coming to this conclusion sooner.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To answer your comments, the angst will come from others, not James or Hermione suddenly backing out :) I'm so glad you guys loved it and I can't wait for you got see the rest of their journey for these two!

**TWENTY-FOUR**

_**Monday, 9 November 2020; twenty-two weeks** _

With everything that had been going on, Hermione nearly forgot she had had a check up on Monday. It was already a week earlier than it was supposed to be due to the upcoming holiday and had she missed it, it would have been after Thanksgiving when she got in again. That would have put her two weeks behind. Not that there were any concerns, seeing as how her doctor repeatedly told her she was developing at standard, textbook rates. Either way, figuring it would be better to have the appointment early rather than late, she made arrangements with her boss to leave for it.

The downside to having forgotten about it was that it was too short of notice for James to meet her. She had called him on her way and was lucky that he answered given that she had called his cell instead of his office. He had let her go so he could find out, but by the time she arrived at the doctor's office, he had called her back, saying he wasn't able to slip away, but asked to keep him posted.

She was just glad that this appointment wasn't an ultrasound. She wasn't in the mood to deal with the gel; especially if she was going to back to work and not home where she could properly clean herself off. Based on that fact alone, she knew the visit would be a short one. That there would just be a few questions asked, vitals taken, and a series of assessments jotted down into her file. She asked a few questions, though most of what she wanted to know was answered when her doctor went over what to expect between now and her next visit.

So far, the appointment was going just about how she expected it to. Her diligent work of keeping track of her development at home was matching up to what was in her file. She was halfway through her second trimester already, something that boggled her mind. But even knowing that her third trimester was only a few weeks away, it was the reminder of her actual due date that set off a panic attack.

Currently, it was marked down for mid-February; the exact date being the seventeenth. Originally, the date had seemed so far away. Before she backed out of the adoption. Before she decided that she was going to embrace the new path of life that had been thrown her way; the path of motherhood. But now that she was taking that road, that date felt entirely too close for comfort. And as the day wore on, her panic increased.

She had barely been able to focus on work when she returned. So much so that her boss sent her home early. She thought about calling James, but she didn't want to interrupt his work day over a panic attack. Though most of her decision not to call him was that she wasn't sure if she would even be able to say anything when he answered. She definitely didn't want to give off the impression that something worse was happening and have him rush home for nothing.

By the time he did come home, she had curled into the corner of the couch as best she could, buried her head in her hands, and sat there in silence. "Hermione?"

She looked up in surprise. She'd been so lost in her own head that she hadn't heard him come in. Even if they hadn't made up their minds to a certain degree the night before, she still would have shot to her feet and thrown her arms about his neck the way she did. His arms wound around her automatically, giving her just enough pressure to relieve the tension in her body. She inhaled deeply, letting the scent of him calm her down even more.

"What's wrong?"

"We're doing this," she mumbled, her words a bit muffled from where her face was buried into his chest. She pulled away after a moment, returning to her earlier pacing up and down the length of the living room. "I'm more than halfway through this pregnancy and we have nothing." She paused to pull her hair from her face, tucking some of it behind her ears. " _Nothing_."

He crossed the room, taking one of her hands in his, his other hand coming to rest on the side of her stomach. "We still have time to get everything you need."

She shook her head and pulled away from him. "It's not just the stuff." She tried to take deeper breaths in effort to calm down, but her mind continued to race, making it near impossible. "It's my job. There's been rumors of it going bankrupt, but no one's going to hire someone about to go on maternity leave. It's the fact that despite that despite all you've done for me, I'm still just a guest here. I don't even have a place of my own."

"What if you weren't a guest here?"

She stopped in her tracks so fast that she nearly tripped over her own feet. Slowly, she turned so that she was facing him and stood there, staring, unsure of what to say.

"People are already used to the idea of you living here. As you said, the baby; _our_ _son,_ will be here in a few months and instead of trying to find a new job, settle into a new place, _and_ take care of a newborn on your own…" his voice trailed off as he took a step closer, a pleading look in his eyes. "Just move in."

"James-"

"I told you before; this house is paid for. Has been for awhile. We can turn the other guest room into the nursery. And I'm not-" he paused, taking a step closer to her, a nervous smile on his lips. "I'm not expecting you to move into my room; I get that we're not anywhere near even discussing that let alone-" He shook his head, cutting himself off. "I've never asked you for any monetary help, Hermione and I never intend to. I have plenty of space and it's my son. Our son. If you're planning on raising him, I want to be involved as much as possible.

"Even if we keep our relationship to ourselves, I don't care. Even if you never tell him I'm his father; so long as I get to be in his life…" He shrugged. "I don't care." He reached out for her hand again and the simple gesture send a shiver down her spine. "Even if this doesn't work out between you and I, I'd like to give it a shot." He leaned in until his forehead rested against hers. "I like having you here. _Both_ of you."

There were still so many things about saying yes that would make the road ahead far more difficult than necessary. Even if they managed to keep their relationship a secret for the duration of it, people would talk. Even though he spoke of never needing their son to know who his father was, she hadn't missed the flash of pain in his eyes. But the fact that he was willing to take so many risks for her had her feeling the need to do the same.

"Okay."

The word was a barely there whisper, but he heard it all the same. She could tell by the way he wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up, her legs wrapping around his waist as they always did. "Thank you," he murmured against her lips as she cupped his face and leaned in to kiss him.

She squirmed against him when he started to move towards the stairs. "Hey, you didn't bring dinner home. It was your night."

"We'll order in after," he said as he shifted her so he could see as they ascended the stairs.

"After?"

The grin he gave her ruined her knickers and she shivered in his hold. "We just hit a milestone and I intend to celebrate it properly." He paused outside his door, taking a moment to press her up against it and kiss her in a way that left her dizzy and breathless. When he broke the kiss, he did so with a nip to her bottom lip and then kissed his way to her ear. "I'd like to start with dessert first."

She moaned low in her throat and nodded vigorously as he finally carried her into his room where they worked up one appetite while trying to sate another.

* * *

_**Wednesday, 11 November 2020; twenty-two weeks** _

Hermione had returned to her office after going out to get lunch to find that that the company systems had crashed and everyone was being sent home for the day. It did nothing to ease her fears about the rumors that had started to get more traction over the past few weeks, but regardless, she looked forward to her spontaneous afternoon off.

However, her good mood was brought down a notch worry began to settle in her stomach at the sight of James' car in the driveway. Under normal circumstances, she would be more than happy to have a random Wednesday afternoon with him, but she was under the impression that he had left for work right after her that morning. The knot of worry grew a bit more as she wondered what could have happened to bring him home and after checking her phone, what would have had him keeping it from her.

Cautiously, she made her way to the front door, making the same amount of noise she normally would. She listened for a moment before closing the door. Upstairs she heard voices; one belonging to him and the other to Sirius. "James?" she called out, taking hesitant steps towards the stairs.

The voices went silent for a moment before a loud thud sounded, making her jump. A moment later, James appeared on the stairs as he made his way to her. "You're home early," he said, a sheepish smile on his face.

Her brow rose as she crossed her arms over her chest. "So are you." She took in the sight of him, her eyes raking down over his pair of dark wash jeans and heather grey shirt; far too casual for his work. "I thought you went to work today."

He raked a hand through his hair, his grin spreading. "That was my intention, but I decided to take the day off instead."

Her eyes drifted up towards the ceiling. "And Sirius?"

"I had a plan for today and I needed his help. He's never one to pass up a good excuse to use a sick day."

"What was your plan?" she asked, curiosity getting the best of her.

"First, tell me why you're home so early," he pressed, closing the distance between them, his hands resting on the on her biceps just below her shoulders. "Everything alright?"

"We're fine," she said, shivering slightly at the way one of his hands skimmed along the curve of her shoulder until his fingers lightly wrapped around her chin. "There was a company wide system failure at work so we all went home." She tipped her head to the side despite his hold on her. "What were your plans?"

He smiled as he leaned in, his lips brushing over hers briefly. When he pulled away, he dropped his hand from her face and sought hers, twining their fingers together before pulling her to the stairs. "It'll be better if I show you," he said as they began to ascend. "For the record, had you come home when you were supposed to, it would have been finished," he said, his voice nothing more than a gentle tease.

Hermione followed him up the stairs, their hands still twined together. Once they reached he landing, she withdrew her touch, nodding to Sirius as he lounged against the door frame of the other guest room. He might know about the two of them, but she wasn't comfortable flaunting it.

"Go on, take a look," James said from beside her, motioning towards the guest room. Sirius mimicked the gesture as he stepped out of the way.

She swallowed hard, giving them both a hesitant look before taking the first step towards the room. Her heart rate increased as she took the last few steps and she had barely crossed the threshold when she saw it. There were still pieces strewn about; the instructions more or less forgotten with the box off to the side of the room, but it was there.

There, in the middle of the room, was a half-assembled crib.

He had taken her panic from the other day and not only had he _listened_ to what it was she was panicking over, but he had actually gone and done something about it. He wasn't waiting for her to suggest they go shopping. He wasn't just there to be along for the ride. He was being proactive about it. He was doing this in the hopes of easing her worries and make her feel as though he really wanted her there. Wanted _both_ of them there.

She turned around slowly, tears blurring the edge of her vision. James was just inside the door, watching her with a smile on his face; his eyes bright with happiness. Sirius was outside, his chest against the frame as his head poked around it. His smile was one of amusement as he watched her take a step forward only to pause again.

"Don't stop on my account, Kitten," he said with a wink nodding his head towards James. "I think he's earned a proper thank you."

She gave herself to the count of three, not wanting to seem to eager. But even waiting those few seconds did nothing to slow down the steps it took to cross the room and wrap her arms around James' neck. His arms banded around her back as she lifted up on the tips of her toes and angled her head so he could slant his lips over hers. They both held back, keeping their kisses light and playful.

"Thank you," she murmured as she dropped her head against his chest.

"We'll have in finished before dinner and one of these weekends we can go shopping to get the rest." She nodded against him as he spoke, his hands smoothing over her curls that cascaded down her back. "Feel better now?"

"Much," she replied, pulling away from him begrudgingly, still very aware that they weren't alone.

As if he knew she was thinking about him, Sirius cleared his throat and grinned wolfishly at her. "I helped you know. Don't I get a proper thank you too?"

James chuckled as she rolled her eyes, but she still stepped forward, placing her lips against the cheek he stuck out for her. "Thank you, Sirius," she said as she stepped back. "And not just for this, but for being supportive. We both know it's weird."

"The heart wants what it wants," he quipped, looking behind her to James and then back at her. "Although I do have to warn you that my labor and compliance is not free."

James snorted as he came to stand beside Hermione, his hand warm as it pressed against the small of her back. "The beer and a spontaneous day away from work not enough for you?"

Sirius shook his head, his grin never wavering. "I was thinking more along the lines of a title."

"Title?" Hermione questioned.

The smile on James' face warmed exponentially "He means godfather."

Hermione's eyes widened in surprise as she looked from Sirius' nod of agreement to James who was already looking at her as if waiting for approval. She hadn't really thought about it. While it made sense, she wasn't sure how everyone else would take it given that he was already Harry's godfather. Though she supposed it wasn't that strange. It wasn't as if there were that many options and the thought of asking Harry to be godfather to his half brother seemed stranger than them sharing the same one.

"It's perfect," she replied, pushing the doubts aside and running with the gut feeling that this was right.

And as they went back to assembling the crib, Hermione went into her room next door to change. It was there that she realized for the first time since this started, she found herself looking forward to the possibilities this path had to offer. And when she joined them in the new nursery to partake in their conversation, she was surprised at how little doubt she felt at all.


	25. Chapter 25

**TWENTY-FIVE**

_**Friday, 13 November 2020; twenty-two weeks** _

Wednesday night, they had ordered pizza and ate together in the living room once the crib was finished. Hermione was pleasantly surprised at the ease the three of them felt around one another. She had expected some sort of awkwardness from Sirius knowing about them, but there wasn't much. If anything, it relaxed him around her and vice versa. Whereas they were once Harry's father and godfather, they felt like friends now. It set the bar high for if other people found out, but realistically she refused to let her hopes get that high.

When James and Sirius set about cleaning up before he took his leave for the night, Hermione had gone upstairs to get ready for bed. She didn't make it any further than the room they had allocated for the nursery. She was standing at the crib, staring down at the bare mattress; one hand on the white of the railing, the other on her stomach. The longer she stared, the more she could see _him_. Their son. By the time James found her, coming to wrap himself around her, his chin resting on her shoulder, she was imagining their son asleep in the crib, tucked in with a favorite stuffed animal for comfort.

It was such a vivid picture in her mind that, had she and James not decided to go forward with their relationship, would have terrified her. Instead, she simply relaxed into his embrace and hummed in approval. She wasn't sure how long they had stayed there, but when she was finally ready to leave, they went directly to his room where she spent the night thanking him for her surprise with more than just a kiss.

While they ate dinner together on Thursday, they discussed going out shopping that weekend. That night, she did what she did best and lost herself in hours of research, making sure she had an airtight list about what she needed to have before the baby arrived. When she felt as though the list was never going to end, James was there to keep her from entering a full blown panic attack. It worked for a little bit, until she realized that most women got what they needed from hosting a baby shower. _That_ was something she wasn't planning on broaching with anyone considering everyone was still under the impression she was going through with an adoption.

The only thing that shut her brain off was James taking her notebook away, tossing it out of reach and burying his face between her thighs. Even she had to admit defeat and give in to his methods of distraction.

As they settled into one another on the couch after dinner on Friday to relax, James received a call from Harry. On instinct, Hermione moved away from him, propping herself up against the arm one cushion over. She couldn't hear Harry; only James' responses to whatever her friend was saying on the other side. After saying something about meeting around ten, James hung up and looked over at her with a frown before pulling her back to his side.

"What was that about?" she asked, smiling at the way his arm tightened around her, as if to keep her there should she try to move away again.

"Harry got himself a new projector and sound system for the family room. We're going over there so I can help him install it properly."

"We?" she questioned.

"He said to bring you along to keep Ginny company and that once it was put together, he wants to have us stay for dinner and a movie."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Bet I know what he's going to choose."

James groaned. "What is it with you kids and the Avengers?"

She couldn't help but chuckle under her breath. "Well, I can't speak for Harry, but for me, it's Loki."

James twisted to look at her, his brow quirked, hazel eye sparkling with amusement. "Got a thing for the manipulative, self-serving bad boys?"

She sucked her lip between her teeth and released it slowly before turning and maneuvering herself to straddle his lap. "For fantasy purposes, yes." she muttered, ducking in to nibble at his bottom lip. "In real life, it's more the slightly older, protective dad types." She smirked against his mouth, a whine coming up from the pressure of his hands cupping her breasts, his thumbs brushing over her nipples beneath her shirt. "Like Ironman."

He laughed into her mouth as he lightly pinched her nipples before rolling them between his thumbs and forefingers. "If it gets you this worked up, feel free to call me Mister Stark tonight."

Her cheek slid against his, her teeth catching the lobe of his ear. His hips arched up, the feel of his arousal hitting against her already dampened core. "That won't be necessary, Mister Potter," she breathed against his ear before she traced it with her tongue. "When I come, I only want to be thinking of you."

His groan made her shiver, right alongside his breathy, _"Fuck_ , _"_ before he pushed forward, getting to his feet with her still in his arms. Her laugh turned into a moan as he carried her upstairs to his room and fulfilled her every desire for the rest of the night.

* * *

_**Saturday, 14 November 2020; twenty-two weeks** _

By the time James and Hermione had actually gotten out of bed the next morning, they were already late. Made even later by the shower he insisted they take together. One that lacked very little in the way of actually getting clean. And when they did arrive at Harry's, Hermione felt at odds with herself. It was the first time in all their years as friends that she didn't want to be there. It was hard enough to spend time away from James, it was bound to be worse spending time together while pretending he meant nothing to her. To have him so close and yet untouchable felt like asking her to do the impossible.

The only thing that gave her the strength to carry on was the squeeze of James' hand as they pulled up to Harry's house that morning. The way his darkened as he told her he understood and that they could do this.

They had to.

The fallout was far too risky.

Though it didn't stop James from throwing caution to the wind as he pressed her up against the closed garage door before they rounded the corner towards the front porch. Didn't stop him from cupping her face between his hands and leaning in to capture her lips for a searing kiss. Didn't stop him from whispering promises about making it up to her later so long as they just got through the day.

The day was made a little easier as Harry and James started right away, the two of them retreating to the family room. With them occupied, Ginny compiled her grocery list and commandeered Hermione to go to the store with her. With nearly half the day spent apart, it was easier to make it through the second half.

When they returned from the store, Sirius was there to help. Hermione had to bite back a smile when she learned that James had invited him over shortly after she and Ginny had left. While part of her felt bad that he found it too awkward to be around his son while alone, the other part found it somewhat amusing. And as Sirius came out to help carry the groceries in, he let her know that he shared the same sentiments.

It was later that afternoon when Ginny and Hermione retreated to the kitchen to start prepping for dinner. She was trying a new recipe she'd found online and it was a bit more complicated than she was used to. In true Ginny fashion, she wanted to take her time to make sure she got it right.

"If I can do this, I can do Thanksgiving," Ginny said when Hermione had asked why she'd picked that recipe.

With the holiday less than two weeks away, she knew how Ginny felt. Two years ago she and Ron had volunteered to host. Hermione had found out almost immediately that she was not cut out for cooking large meals. Then again, cooking in general had never been her strong suit. This year, Ginny had volunteered when her parents decided they were going to visit Charlie in Romania.

"I'd volunteer to help you with Thanksgiving, but-"

"You can pull your pregnancy card all you want, but you _are_ coming over to help me prep," Ginny said without even looking at her as she scrounged her kitchen for the ingredients.

"Ginny-"

"My parents and Charlie won't be here. Bill and Fleur are going to visit her family. Fred and George might come over, but they're making the rounds to their in-laws as well. Percy still hasn't given me an answer, but he never does and always shows up. You _know_ Ron will hit as many Thanksgiving's as he can. That just leaves you, Sirius, and James."

"My parents-"

"Are more than welcome, but you know they probably going upstate like they always do."

Hermione sighed, knowing there was no way of getting out of it. " _Fine_ ," she muttered, glancing down at the recipe again before measuring her first ingredient.

"Did you want to invite the adoptive parents?"

Hermione went still, the breadcrumbs dumping all over the counter. She waved off Ginny's attempt to help her and set about to clean up. She scanned the room, making sure Harry wasn't around to hear her say, "I'm keeping him."

Had Ginny not set down the casserole dish right before Hermione spoke, it would have been dropped, shattering all over the floor. " _What?"_ Her eyes were wide with alarm as she made her way to Hermione, taking her hands in hers. "When did you change your mind?"

She told her about the day she was supposed to sign papers and how she had spoken to Theo since. She also took the opportunity to tell Ginny that she wasn't just staying at James', she had officially moved in for the foreseeable future. She saw the flicker in Ginny's eyes as she absorbed the information, but wasn't quite sure what to make of it. Ultimately, she let it go and pulled Hermione into a hug.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" she asked. "We can go shopping."

Hermione smiled and shook her head, feeling slightly guilty. She and James were planning on going tomorrow since they had come over here instead today. "I'm actually going with my mom. It was her suggestion and I could use the alone time with her."

Ginny nodded immediately. "Of course! I'm sure there's a lot to get, so if you don't get everything, let me know and we can do another trip."

"I'd like that," Hermione said, trying again with the breadcrumbs.

In true Ginny fashion, she wasted no time in asking, "So, can I throw you a baby shower now?"

"I'll think about it," she answered, a smile playing across her lips as they went about making dinner.

* * *

Sure enough, Harry chose the first Avengers movie to christen the new home theatre system. Hermione couldn't help but seek James' gaze only to quickly avert her gaze as her thighs clamped together having remembered their conversation from the night before.

Hermione had been the first to sit in the family room after dinner, having been kicked out of the kitchen when she tried to help clean up. Ginny was soon to follow, the boys having done the same to her. She sat with Hermione on the couch, browsing through Pinterest for nursery ideas until they boys joined them. Then she moved to the loveseat across the way where she would eventually curl up to Harry.

James sank onto the cushion to Hermione's left and it took far more energy than she had not to scoot over and lean into his side. Both of them tensed when he slung his arm over the back of the couch, but relaxed after a moment when they both came to the same conclusion that this wasn't really out of the norm. James frequently sat with his arm on the back of the couch while he sipped at the beer he held in his other hand.

No one paid any mind to the action. In fact, it wasn't until Sirius made a remark for her to scoot that drew Harry's attention. He frowned when Sirius said she shouldn't be afraid; that neither he nor James would bite unless she asked nicely. She laughed and waved it off, trying her best to ignore the question in Harry's eyes that tightened the knot of guilt in her stomach.

If he wasn't happy about an offhand comment that appeared to be too familiar between her and Sirius, there was no way he was going to take the truth of her and James well.

The feeling of unease gave way to another form of discomfort once everyone was settled and the movie started. In the dim light of the room, James became bolder, his hand shifting closer to her so he could twine her curls around his fingers. The light touch kept shivers shooting up and down her spine continuously; the tingle at the base of her spine matching the one between her thighs.

When it got to be too much, she pushed herself to her feet, excusing herself to use the bathroom. She took longer than necessary as she tried to get her body to simmer down. When she did leave, she went to the kitchen for more water. The moment she reached for a glass, Harry was there, getting it for her.

"Thanks," she said, smiling before heading to the fridge to use the built-in water dispenser.

"Can I ask you something kinda weird?"

She hoped her moment of stillness went unnoticed before she nodded, glad that her back was to him. "Sure."

"Is there something between you and Sirius?"

The laughter started as quiet, but ended up being so loud she wondered if the others wouldn't pause it to check on her and Harry in the kitchen. She turned to him, tears in her eyes, hand over her mouth as she shook her head. "Why on earth would you think _that_?"

His cheeks turned beat red as he raked a hand through hair and averted his gaze. "You two have just… I don't know. You've never been that close and lately…"

"I don't know if you realize how often he comes over to see your father," she said, trying to keep her voice level. "If I didn't know Sirius was a serial womanizer, I would be the first to think the two of them-"

"Gross," he said, holding his hands up between them to get her to stop. "Don't put that image in my head."

She snickered again and took a sip of her water. "Well then don't put images of Sirius in mine," she chided before nodding towards the living room.

He followed her with an apologetic smile. He returned to his spot next to Ginny and Hermione between James and Sirius. Only this time, she let herself be a bit closer to James than before. She saw the grin he tried to hold back when she dared a glance his way. He wasted no time in returning his hand to her hair, this time letting his fingers brushing against her skin on occasion. And with a secretive smile of her own, she let him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, but really, I was on a Marvel kick when I wrote this and this chapter was 100% self-indulgent. But I'm sure you guys are okay with that ;)
> 
> Also...they're American in this so yes, there will be Thanksgiving.


	26. Chapter 26

**TWENTY-SIX**

_**Sunday, 15 November 2020; twenty-three weeks** _

Hermione was surprised that she woke up as early as she did the next morning. It wasn't that they had stayed at Ginny and Harry's all that late, it was that when they got home, the coil that had been tightening in her belly all night from having to restrain herself had all but snapped. They had spent the rest of the night and then some trying to sate everything that he had built up while sitting next to each other on that couch.

As per usual, she slipped out of his embrace in favor of emptying her bladder. Ever since she'd entered her second trimester she'd been unable to ignore the need to relieve herself upon first waking up. She knew it was bound to get worse; a fact that made her groan every time she thought about it. But regardless of the minor nuisance that development had become, it was more than made up for by the fact that she got to climb back into bed with James when she was finished.

In her absence, he had rolled over onto his back. The arm that she had been using as a pillow was now draped over his face, the other resting gently at his side, the tips of his fingers on his hip. The covers had also been moved in her haste to get up. They had fallen past his hips, leaving him exposed. Hermione knelt on the bed at his side rather than laying back down, her eyes raking over his nude form while she wet her lips.

In all the times that they had been together, she hadn't had the opportunity to really take in the sight of him. She'd woken to him ogling her once or twice so she figured he wouldn't mind. And while she knew that he took good care of himself, it was one thing to see the evidence of that. He was still rather fit for his age; his body still on the lean side of muscular from his former days as an athlete. He didn't work out nearly as much anymore; certainly not since she had moved in. At least, not that she was aware of.

Aside from the hard planes and angles of his muscles, there were other parts of him to admire as well. From the little scars here and there; some from being quite the troublemaker in his youth, some from his years on the force. He still worked for the police, but it had been years since he was a field officer. She couldn't name the department he was in, but she knew he had risen to a decent rank.

There was about a five second delay from the moment a thought popped into her mind to the time that she acted on it. Careful not to wake him, she slid one leg over his waist, straddling him before she leaned forward, bracing herself on the palms of her hands and her knees. She started by pressing her lips to his jaw, the stubble tickling her as she moved from one side to the other. He stirred slightly when shifted down, her lips finding his sternum.

She continued to take her time kissing her way over the expanse of his chest, enjoying the way he responded. Not only could she see his breath quicken, but his cock twitched against the swell of her belly. A grin took hold of her lips as her tongue darted out to circle his navel at the same time she brought her right hand between them to wrap around his cock. He hardened against her palm as she gave slow pumps of her wrist while she continued moving down. A moan fell from his lips as she kissed her way across his Adonis belt, nipping slightly as she went.

But it wasn't until she had settled into her final stance of one hand on the mattress by his hip, the other still wrapped around him, that she heard his hiss of pleasure. It was brought on by the fact that she had flattened her tongue against the base of his shaft and licked up until she was able to circle the tip. His body jerked and the arm slung over his face slipped down to his chest, but when she looked up, his eyes were still closed. She smirked as she returned her attention to his cock so that she could wrap her lips around the head and take as much of him as she could into her mouth.

Despite the fact that they had cleaned up before going to bed, she could still detect the faintest taste of herself on his skin. It made her moan around him, the vibrations making him twitch against her tongue. Once his length was sufficiently lubricated, she let her hand slip from around him so she could focus on using her mouth. Instead, she cupped him, gently massaging his sac. She hadn't ever been brave enough to touch Ron that way, but the moan of pleasure that fell from James' lips gave her the confidence to increase her pressure the smallest amount.

His hips jerked, causing him to slide further into her throat. She had been expecting that to happen and was able to keep herself from choking. She had been thinking about doing this again ever since the last time. She wanted a chance to try again, but he usually kept the focus on her. Not that she minded since his tongue did things that couldn't even fathom. But she wanted to know what it was like to have someone, to have _him_ come down her throat. Even if she didn't end up liking it, she wanted to try it at least once. And since she had failed the last time, she was determined to make it work now.

It was his fingers sinking into her hair, tugging ever so slightly, that let her know he was awake. As much as she wanted to look at him, she didn't want to break the momentum. He was already so close to finishing. She could tell from the way he writhed beneath her and the increase of his groans. And this time, when the first spurt of his release hit the back of her throat, she was ready for it. It tickled, but she fought the urge to choke. Instead she continued to hollow her cheeks, but at a much slower pace as his cock pulsed while he emptied himself inside her mouth.

When she had swallowed the last of his release, she lifted herself off of him and sat back, her legs folded beneath her. She wiped at her mouth, staring down at him with a smirk as he propped himself up on his elbows and blinked at her as though still trying to focus.

"Good morning to you too," he said after a moment, his voice gruff from sleep, yet relaxed from post-orgasmic bliss. He pushed himself into a sitting position, his back against the headboard, and beckoned her forward. She moved, straddling his lap without hesitation. He cupped her face in his hands and pulled her lips down to his, groaning heavily as he tasted himself on her tongue.

"That was okay?" she asked, pulling away to breathe.

"I'm all yours," he breathed, his lips brushing against her jaw as he worked his way up to her ear. "Feel free to do what you wish with me."

She laughed as her head tipped back, giving him easier access to mark up her throat. "I've always wondered what it would be like," she whispered, shivering as his teeth clamped around her earlobe.

"Which part?"

"Waking my partner up like that," she replied, a moan following her words as his hand slipped between them to strum at her clit. "And to…s-swallow. _Oh!_ "

He moaned right along with her at the discovery of just how wet giving him head had made her. His fingers pressed into her core with no resistance whatsoever. "What else have you wanted to try?" he asked, the words coming out as more of a grunt.

"I d-don't-"

He chuckled and the rumble of his chest against hers made her body arch and her hips buck against his hand, drawing him deeper. "Think about it, Hermione. Whatever it is, I'll give it to you."

She nodded, but there wasn't much thinking capability left in her mind at the moment. There was only one single thought that spurred her actions; her need for release. "J-James," she stammered. "I need you. Now, please, I-"

He rendered her speechless by snapping his hips against hers, his cock filling her with one powerful thrust. With how wound up she was, she knew it wouldn't take much to send her over the edge. Especially when his cheek slid across hers so he could whisper things into her ear; things designed to send her to the moon and back.

"You feel so good," he said, his teeth nipping at her lobe again. "That's it, love; ride it out. I want to feel you come all over my cock."

There was more. There was _always_ more. But all of her senses failed and everything went white.

When her senses began to return, it was his arms around her that kept her upright. Her head was still tossed back as she clung to him, one hand pressed between his shoulder blades while the other cupped the back of his head to keep his face between her breasts. He nuzzled the mounds of flesh, placing languid kisses to her skin as he waited for her to catch her breath. When her breathing regulated, she tugged at his hair until he pulled his head back. For what felt like eternity, they nipped at each other's lips, enjoying the playful sensation in the after math of their tryst.

It was when she began to squirm with the intention of getting up that he cupped her face and smirked at her, his thumb brushing across her lips. "I meant what I said, Hermione."

"Which part?" she asked, a smirk taking hold of her lips as a blush crept up her face. "You said quite a bit."

He smirked right back at her. "That if you want to try something, all you have to do is talk to me about it."

She cleared her throat and tried to look away, but his fingers slipped from her cheek to curl around her chin, preventing her from doing so. "James-"

"You don't _have_ to," he pressed. "But just know that if there is something you want, I'll never make you regret bringing it up."

She swallowed hard and gave a nod, leaning in to capture his lips once more before he helped her off his lap. "Can we go out for breakfast?"

He snickered. "Work up an appetite, did you?"

His stomach growled, earning a laugh from both of them. "Seems I wasn't the only one," she muttered as she got to her feet.

"Wherever you want to go, name it," he said.

"Deal," she said as she turned towards the door to the bedroom instead of the bathroom. "Give me twenty minutes," she added, trying to ignore the disappointment in his eyes as she slipped out of his room in search of hers to get ready for the day.

* * *

Between the extent of their morning exercise and the oh so filling breakfast, Hermione was exhausted by the time they made it to the first store later that morning. Especially when they had driven to a mall that was a bit out of their way so they would be less likely to run into someone that they knew. Once he found a parking spot, they sat in the car so that Hermione could dig out her lists and sort through them in order of importance.

"I think we should get the big stuff first," she said once they entered the store. "We can get clothes and whatnot later."

He chuckled his eyes darted around. "I don't think I've ever met a girl who hates shopping as much as you do."

"I like shopping," she said. "Just depends on what I'm shopping for."

"Yes," he amended. "I have seen you in a bookstore before."

Her lips parted to make a comment, but an older woman wearing an employee uniform approached them, cutting her off. Her smile was warm as she looked between the two of them, her gaze nothing but soft as she dropped her gaze to Hermione's stomach. "I know that look," she said, her voice just as soft as her expression. "First one?"

Hermione nodded, returning her smile. "That obvious, huh?"

Her laugh was melodic. "I've raised many a child and twice as many grandbabies over the years. I have a knack for spotting the new parents and grandparents." Hermione's heart skipped a beat as she realized what the woman had meant. "Is this your first as well?" she asked, looking at James.

James took it in stride, simply shaking his head, his smile never wavering as he brought his hand up to rest in the small of Hermione's back. The woman's eyes widened a bit, but she didn't say anything. "Second for me, though my first is a bit older. It might as well be my first though; there weren't this many options and upgrades the first time around."

Even the woman's snort was soft. "Tell me about it. Every year we get the 'new and improved' model and I swear the only thing that changes is the color and the price." She laughed again and nodded to another customer that walked in behind them. "Should you need anything, I'll be out and about on the floor. Don't hesitate to shout for me," she said, pointing to her nametag that read Hilda. "And I do mean shout, dears, I'm hard of hearing."

They all laughed at that before she nodded at them disappeared to greet another couple. James went to get a cart and when he returned, they stared at the store again. "Why don't we just look at everything?" he suggested, sensing her panic from being overwhelmed.

She nodded readily and they turned down the first section to the left. They took their time browsing section by section, making selections after Hermione referenced her lists more than once. Not once did he complain about her method of shopping and for that she was grateful. If she had been shopping with Ginny, her cart would have been full before they even made it out of the first section.

The furniture section was the easiest. They both agreed to get everything they could from one place so that it could all be delivered at the same time. They wrote down the product numbers of the ones they were interested in so that they could pay for them up front and set up delivery when they purchased the rest of their items. After furniture came gear. Things like strollers, car seats, and diaper bags. Hilda was more than eager to answer any questions they had about one model versus another. She didn't miss the smile on James' face when she only selected one set of baby monitors instead of two before they moved on to the next section.

The things needed for hygiene and diapering were what filled the cart the most. Hermione was nearly ready to call it quits for the day after turning out of the section. Especially when the next one catered to all things nursing and feeding the baby. She held up the first set of breast pumps; her eyes going wide. She hadn't paid much attention to them before and they were intimidating.

"Are you going to breastfeed?" James asked, earning an eye roll from her when his dropped to her chest.

"I don't know. I haven't thought about it," she said, putting them back on the shelf. "I think I'll do more research before I buy that."

Instead, she focused more on products related to bottle feeding and formula. Her stomach lurched at the sight of her cart, her mind already doing the math at how much she was going to tap into her savings just to take all of this home today. Especially when she factored in the furniture and the delivery fee. She just had to keep reminding herself that it was a need; not a want.

The last few sections of the store were bedding, décor, and clothing. Hermione inhaled deeply as she looked at the rows and rows of options available to her, wondering if she had hit her limit for the day.

"Have you thought about a theme?" James asked as they ventured into the bedding area.

"Theme?"

"For the nursery," he said, taking her hand in his.

"Oh, uh, Ginny and I were looking on Pinterest last night for a few ideas, but I was focused on what goes in a nursery rather than how to decorate one."

She felt him tense at her side and realized she had forgotten to tell him about her chat with his daughter-in-law.

"I told her that I wasn't going through with the adoption when she asked if we, well, I, wanted to invite Theo and Draco to Thanksgiving," she said, her voice timid. "It felt like a good time to come clean that we- _I_ \- was keeping it. Him." She sighed from all the corrections and squeezed his hand. "I also told her I moved in with you; that I wasn't just living there until I figured my shit out."

His brow rose at that; his eyes brightening immensely. "How'd she take it?"

"It's Ginny," she replied. "She suspects something. I could tell by the look in her eyes, but she was supportive." She gave a small shrug. "We both know that could change when she figures it out, but until then, I'll take what I can get."

"At least we have Sirius," he said as he pulled her to him, his lips brushing across her temple.

She couldn't help but laugh as she recalled her conversation with Harry in his kitchen. "Yeah, about that," she started, pulling away so she could see his reaction as she told him what Harry had confronted her about. There was amusement in his eyes, but it wasn't as much as Hermione had thought she would have seen. But he only snorted and shook his head before letting go of her to browse through the items on the shelves.

"To answer your earlier question, no. I have not thought about themes," she said, moving to stand next to him. "What about you?"

"With Harry, we did reds, golds, and safari animals," he replied.

Hermione nodded, her fingers gliding over the bedding set containing woodland creatures. "What about this?" she asked. "We could do a forest theme?"

James nodded, his hand sliding over hers atop a little fox face. "If you want, we can paint the guest room. You can do whatever you want to it, really."

"Oh, I don't think-"

He turned towards her, his other hand coming up to rest on the outside of her bump. She stopped talking when their son kicked against his hand; as if he had sensed James' touch. "I want you to start thinking of it as _our_ house, Hermione. Even if you don't choose to stay in the end, while you're there, it's yours too."

She smiled up at him, her eyes misting over as she nodded. "Okay, I'll think about it," she said, stretching up to brush her lips over hers before they went back to shopping.

Not that it had been their intention to get everything from one store, but since shopping wasn't an activity they were both keen on, they did it anyway. There were still a few items they would have to get; most of them being clothes. When she suggested skipping that for the day and having Ginny help her pick that out, James was all too ready to agree. That signaled they had done all that they could, so they made their way to the register to check out.

With each item that rang up, Hermione's heart rate increased. It wasn't that she didn't have the money; it was that she hated spending it. Especially this large of a sum all in one afternoon. But nothing was more of a shock than when James was faster on the draw and handed his debit card over before she had even pulled her wallet from her purse.

She didn't want to argue about it in front of the clerk ringing them up, so she stayed silent, waiting until they had everything loaded into their car, including themselves before she spoke. "James-"

"If I had talked to you about it first, you would have told me no."

"Then why did you?" she asked. "You've been letting me stay in your house for free and-"

"I did it because I wanted to, Hermione. Simple as that."

"You've already done so much for me. This was too much."

He stared out the windshield and Hermione noticed the way he shifted in his seat. "It's been a long time since I've had someone to spend my money on," he said quietly. "Since I've had someone to take care of and I…" his voice trailed off as he wet his lips. "I miss it."

Hermione took a deep breath, letting go of her need to argue when she heard the rawness in his voice. Instead of saying anything else, she reached across the seat and took his hand in hers. "Thank you," she said, her voice light. "From both of us."

He smiled and then turned to look at her. "You're welcome."

"I'm buying lunch though."

"Deal," he said with a laugh as he finally switched the gear in reverse and drove away from the store; his hand never leaving hers.


	27. Chapter 27

**TWENTY-SEVEN**

_**Saturday, 21 November 2020; twenty-three weeks** _

The following Saturday, the delivery of their larger items arrived shortly after breakfast. James directed them to unload everything into the nursery where he told her they could worry about sorting through it the following day. It worked, since earlier during the week, she had made arrangements to pick out clothes and things for the baby with Ginny on Sunday. And where Hermione had been keen on spending the day relaxing around the house, James informed her after they ate lunch that he had other ideas for the day.

She had been about to protest, but upon seeing the look in his eye when he said he wanted to take her out on another date; a real one this time, she got a rush of excitement and hurried upstairs to get ready. She had always considered their last date a real one, but this would be the first one with them having been a couple. Either way, if it was anything like the last one, she was sure she was in for a treat.

Since she had already showered that morning, she was able to put her effort into her outfit for the day. She chose one of the dresses she had let Ginny talk her into, but hadn't worn yet. She liked the way the dress fit; that it was adjustable because of the wrap style and that the skirt, despite being labeled as a maxi, wasn't so long that she would trip on it. It was the color that put her off the most. She had never owned anything in the yellow family that wasn't a scarf or some other minor accessory. The dress itself was a mustard color and though it did compliment her complexion when she had tried it on, she was still too scared to wear it. Even the little flowers that decorated the whole of the dress, including the long sleeves, still left her intimidated by the garment.

But as she reached for it then, she decided to just be brave and go for it.

She paired it with a pair of brown booties without a sliver of a heel; something that were far too hard to find and a wine-colored scarf that was threaded with a sparkling gold thread. Not sure entirely where they were going or how long they would be out, she grabbed her jacket as well as a cream open front cardigan that she could keep in the car in case she needed either. For it being so close to Thanksgiving, the days were still on the pleasant side. If they stayed out closer to dinner time, there was a high chance that she would need both.

She kept her makeup light, going for a more natural look with emphasis on blush. Most days it was all she wore anyway. And to finish everything off, she considered braiding her hair, but after the third attempt at taming her curls, she gave up. Instead, she pulled the front sections to the back in a lazy sort of twist and tied them with a hair tie to keep them away from her face.

James was in the nursery next door to her room when she emerged from the hall bathroom. She leaned against the door frame, watching him for a moment as he took stock of what all needed to be assembled. She smiled as she wet her lips, her libido flaring to life at the sight of him. He was wearing dark blue jeans tucked loosely into black boots and long sleeve flannel that was mostly navy, but had a plaid pattern made of grey and a lighter blue. He wore it open, revealing a plain white shirt underneath and as she watched him push up his sleeves, she cleared her throat.

If they didn't leave soon, they weren't leaving at all.

"Sirius said he'd come over and start building all of this with me tomorrow," he said as he turned towards her, eyes raking over.

"We still need to find a chair."

He nodded as he came towards her, his hand finding hers right away. "Next weekend?"

She snorted as they moved towards the stairs, pausing so he could close the door behind him. "Black Friday weekend? No thank you."

"Right," he muttered as he let go of her so she could hold onto the banister as they began their descent. "The following weekend then."

She laughed as she reached the bottom of the stairs. "It's a date." She turned towards him when she felt his hand at the small of her back. "Speaking of, where are we going?"

He hummed as her arms wound around his neck, one hand diving into his hair as she stared up at him through her lashes. His hand pressed tighter against her back as his other one found her hip. "Nowhere if you keep looking at me like that."

"Promise?" she asked, her voice dropping significantly as she brought his lips down to hers.

His lips were soft as they pillowed against hers and their mouths moved in a series of gentle tugs and sweet kisses. But even when the hand at her back dipped lower, cupping the rounded flesh of her backside, he pulled away before either one of them could deepen the kiss.

"Come on," he murmured, the hand at her back directing her towards the door. "It's a bit of a drive." She gave a soft sigh and began to move, ready for whatever he had in store for her.

* * *

The drive was indeed a long one; more than she was expecting. But if it meant they were free to do something as simple as hold each other's hands without looking over their shoulders, she didn't care how long she sat in the car for. The secret of where they were headed was revealed when she started to see signs pointing them towards event parking in makeshift lots. Soon after that, there were signs informing them that traffic was being detoured due to a major portion of downtown being blocked off for a local art festival.

She had always wanted to go to one of these, but Ron had never been interested in anything that wasn't sports or video games. Could she do anything crafty herself? Absolutely not, but she appreciated those that had the ability to create. And there were more than just artists selling their work; there was a stage for live music throughout the day, several food trucks all around the area with a variety of food, and plenty of hands-on activities available to keep them occupied.

The first thing she did was go to one of the drink vendors and get the largest cup of hot cider they had to offer. It was her favorite drink; one that she would drink all year round, but was especially when the weather chilled. She was surprised when James ordered one for himself instead of a beer, but he assured her he liked cider as much as she did. Her cheeks had flushed as she recalled how he had always made it for her instead of hot chocolate like Ron and Harry asked for when they were younger. How he had always made it extra special by adding caramel sauce and whipped cream.

They took their time walking around the festival. They stopped at every booth, spending extra time at the booths where something caught their eye. They even found someone who had done an oil painting of a forest scene, complete with all the animals. Hermione had barely laid eyes on it before she was paying the artist and having it set aside for them to pick up on their way out.

About the same time they had finished their drinks, they stumbled across a booth where they could paint their own small canvasses. There were a myriad of easy to follow designs if they needed inspiration or they were free to paint their own. It was James that suggested they sit and each pick a design to recreate. Hermione was the one to take it a step further and insisted they keep their projects to themselves and reveal them at the end. He rose to the challenge and they got to work.

Where Hermione had gone for the recreation of a blue-sky gradient, complete with clouds and elongated M's for birds, James had made a forest. And while hers looked like their unborn child itself had painted it, his looked rather decent. "Any other secret talents I should know about?" she asked as they began to clean up their areas.

He chuckled and rubbed at his chin. "I learned to play the guitar in college, but I doubt I remember any of the cords."

"What'd you do, learn it for Lily?"

His grin was lopsided as he took the paintbrushes from her hand and dunked them into the cup to rinse the bristles. "Not _for_ her," he started, turning his attention to the brushes. "But she did love to watch Sirius and I attempt play at parties."

"Weren't you already married by then?" she asked.

He nodded and she could see the slow grin on his lips even from his profile. "My father raised me with the notion that just because you have her, doesn't mean you should stop courting her."

Even if she had been able to think of something to say to that, the owner of the booth came over to collect their canvasses. Just as the piece of art they had bought for the nursery, they arranged to pick it up on the way out so it had time to dry and gave their information before leaving.

"What about you?" he prompted when she laced their fingers together as they resumed their stroll down the main road. "Any talents you have that I don't know about?"

She gave it a thought before shaking her head. "I don't really have any talents. Aside from ability to read insanely fast."

He chuckled at that. "I wouldn't say that, love," he said before angling himself so that his lips could brush across her ear as he whispered, "I'd say that thing you do with your tongue is _quite_ the talent."

Gooseflesh erupted over skin as she shivered despite the heat that coursed through her at his words. She curled into his embrace, her free hand coming up to grasp at his shirt, keeping him anchored so she could claim his lips. She knew there were people watching; that there were probably thousands of people around them, but she didn't care. Her libido had been awake and thriving since she'd seen him in the nursery earlier that morning and she couldn't take it anymore.

"I need you," she breathed against his lips.

He nipped at her bottom lip just before he pulled himself back from her, his eyes darting around. "Here?"

She nodded, her fingers twitching against his chest as she forced herself to let go of his shirt. "Please don't make me wait until we get home." If he ever brought it up later, she would have denied playing up the needy whine that accompanied her words.

But when it was clear that it did the trick, there wasn't a morsel of guilt to be found in her mind. He tightened his hold on her hand and led her through the crowd. They kept their pace as normal as they could, but both of them moved with purposeful strides. After a moment they parted from the crowd and he continued on until they were off the main road. They found themselves rounding a small alley that led to the back of several older buildings. Once they were sure the coast was clear, she found herself being pressed against the wall with his lips crashing down on top of hers.

She had never done anything remotely like this before. Ron had tried to initiate something while at a party once, but she hadn't liked the idea of being so out in the open. She wasn't sure if it had been her age at the time or if it was just a lack of trust overall in her partner, but she only felt more aroused by the thrill of getting caught now. A possibility made greater by the fact the sun had only just begun to set. Without the cover of darkness, they really were at risk of being seen.

Instead of lifting her up like she anticipated, he placed his hands on her hips and turned her until she faced the wall. He reached for her hands then and guided them to the wall. He coaxed her hands open so her palms could flatten against the cool concrete surface. Then he was reaching for her hips again, drawing her backwards until she was slightly bent over. From there, his hands slid down, gathering her dress until her knicker clad backside was exposed to the chill of the late afternoon air.

He wasted no time in drawing those down too, but only pushed them down enough to get them out of the way instead of letting them pool to the ground. She sucked in a breath as she heard his belt buckle followed by the unmistakable _zip_ of his fly. But instead of his cock filling her a moment later, it was his hand that cupped her from behind. She moaned as his middle and index finger sank between her folds and formed a valley beneath her clit. Her nails scraped at the wall as he worked up to the edge at a speed that stole her breath away.

But instead of letting her peak, he withdrew his hand. In the time it took to let out a breath and inhale another, he was palming her rear to spread her open and then slotting himself inside her entrance. They both let out stifled moans as he went right to it, thrusting away as if there were a time limit. She didn't care; she knew they could take their time when they got home later. Right now, it was about getting off without getting caught and she was already _so_ close.

Normally she would need the attention to the bundle of nerves between her thighs, but with all the excitement and his foresight to work her up, she crested without it. She bit her lip to keep her cries as quiet as possible and she could tell from the way his hips jerked that her release had sparked his. He shuddered against her back as he came inside of her and then relaxed as they took a moment to catch their breath.

It was the sound of laughter a little too close for comfort that had them both jumping to attention. He slipped out of her as he stepped back when she straightened and she felt the rush of their releases begin to slide down the inside of her thighs. Quickly, she bent to pull up her knickers and then plucked at her dress until it fell back into place. When she looked at James, he was staring back at her, having reassembled his clothes as well. His brow rose as his eyes flickered down for a brief moment.

She gave a small shrug and stepped closer to him, ignoring the way everything pooled into the gusset of her knickers. "I like the feel of having you with me like that," she whispered, her eyes dropping to the ground as her face flamed from having said that out loud.

His hands were cupping her face, angling it upwards so he could mash his lips over hers before she could finish her exhale. Her hands rose; fingers curling softly over his forearms as she kissed him back with equal fervor. "That is something I will happily oblige anytime, Hermione. All you have to do is ask," he said as he pulled away.

She nodded, words of any kind failing her, but they weren't necessary. He simply reached for her hand and led her back to the festival where they resumed walking down the main road, enjoying the rest of their night.

* * *

After the sun set, James and Hermione turned their attention towards the food vendors and trucks around the event. They let their eyes be bigger than their stomachs and indulged in many a dish before they finally decided they couldn't stand to eat anything else. A feat they both hadn't thought possible considering she was eating for two and he still had the appetite of a teenage boy at times.

They sat for awhile after they ate. Mostly it was because she needed the rest after their little workout and all the walking they had done prior to that. But also in part to the fact that they needed to digest everything they had eaten. Due to their not being much seating around, another couple asked to share the other side of the table and they welcomed them immediately. The four fell into easy conversation and it was better than she thought not having to hide their joined hands under the table or guard herself from looking at him when and how she wanted.

They bid the other couple farewell after some time and made their way back to collect their items and hit a few other booths that had been a bit too crowded before. One of them was an elderly couple who made jewelry together. Not really much for wearing anything, Hermione was surprised to find herself drawn to a bracelet. It was simple; made of varying materials and finishes from pink to bronze for a rose gold look. It even had a few pieces of rose quartz woven in and a white rose charm that dangled from the clasp.

She didn't even protest when James purchased it the moment he saw her stare linger. Once the sale was complete, he put it around her wrist and brushed his lips across the back of her hand. With that, they waved off the elderly couple and continued on their way. Knowing they still had a bit of a drive back home, they decided to collect their paintings and head back to the car.

She grabbed her cardigan from the backseat while he placed the items in the trunk and waited for him to join her on her side of the car. She leaned back against the door and wrapped her arms around his neck, drawing him with her. "Thank you," she said as his forehead found hers. "Not just for today; for everything."

"Hermione-"

"I know I said that if it hadn't been you that night, it would have been someone else," she rushed on, needing to get it out before she lost her nerve. "I'm glad that it was you, James," she whispered.

"I'm glad it was me too," he returned before his lips settled over hers.

The kiss that followed was simple. Their lips remained pillowed against one another's without the need for more. It was just meant to comfort and express what neither one of them was quite ready to put into words just yet.

"Come on," he breathed, pulling both of them back so he could open the door for her. "Let's go home."

She remained silent as she smiled at him and took her seat. She waited until he was settled into his seat and had pulled out onto the road before she reached over to place her hand in his where he held it in his lap. They stayed like that the entire way home and instead of closing their date with another round of sex, they simply stripped bare and crawled into bed where they drifted off snuggled into one another's embrace. As if it were the one place they both truly belonged.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have your wine ready!

**TWENTY-EIGHT**

_**Wednesday; 25 November 2020; twenty-four weeks** _

The morning after their date, they were both bummed out by the fact that they couldn't afford to laze about in bed all day. Ginny was due to arrive over shortly after breakfast which meant there was a lot of time for her to shower and get ready for the day. It didn't, however, stop them from showering together before she departed to her room for her clothes.

She had been putting the last of the dishes from breakfast on the little stand to dry while James had pressed himself against her back and wrapped his arms around her, his hands falling on either side of her stomach. Their son kicked happily; always seeming to know the difference between James' touch and hers. But it was just as he brought one hand up, pulling her hair off of one shoulder, his lips pressing against her throat that they sprang apart at the sound of the door being opened.

It was a surprise when they heard Ginny _and_ Harry's voice as they let themselves in and joined them in the kitchen. Harry had informed them he'd come over to help set things up in the nursery. That he was Hermione's best friend and he should be helping more. So as she and Ginny left, the last thing she saw was the two of them in the nursery. She silently wished James the best of luck, knowing it was hard for him. As Ginny drove away, she sent a message to Sirius, asking him to go and rescue James as early as possible.

For the better part of the day, the two women shopped for not only baby clothing, getting things in all sizes, not just newborn, but they got a few things for Thanksgiving too. Ginny had shopped for most it beforehand, but they picked up what remained. It was when she was being dropped off at home later that afternoon that Ginny had the _brilliant_ idea for Hermione to come stay over on Wednesday night. Her reason being that she was going to have to come over early on Thursday to help; she might as well just stay the night and not have to worry about it. With no reason to decline, she simply nodded and told her she would be there.

When Wednesday rolled around, Hermione told Ginny she would be over after dinner, saying it gave her time to go home after work, relax, and make sure she didn't forget something when she packed her overnight bag. And it was while she was packing said bag that James crossed the threshold into her room, distracting her from her task at hand.

"I don't want to go either," she said when she finally was able to extract herself from his arms to resume packing.

"Then don't. Tell her you'd rather stay in your own bed."

She snorted as she looked from the bed beneath her bag to him. "I don't even remember the last time I slept in here."

He rolled his eyes despite the smirk on his face. "You know what I meant."

She offered a small smile and then returned to her closet to select the outfit she had planned to wear for the holiday. He helped her pack up and walked her down to her car when everything was ready. And still, they lingered by the driver's side door, completely wrapped up in one another's embrace. Neither of them wanting to be the first to let go of the other.

"I'll be there in the morning," he assured her.

She sighed against his chest and nodded as best she could. "I know. It's just… It's technically our first holiday together and we can't even be together," she whispered. "Not the way we want to be, anyway."

His arms tightened around her, but he didn't say anything. He didn't need to remind her that there was a way to deal with that; that they could come clean to everyone. But the risks still remained and she could tell by his attitude that he was just as hesitant about disclosing their relationship to everyone as she was.

"We'll get through it," he said after awhile, his lips brushing against her temple before he pulled away and helped her into her car and waited in the driveway until she was out of sight.

* * *

_**Thursday, 26 November 2020; twenty-four weeks** _

The day started off fine, if not a bit earlier than Hermione would have liked. She and Ginny had prepped as much as they could the night before and Harry had washed the dishes before they all parted for bed. But as the morning wore on, Ginny became increasingly less fine and more of an absolute mess. Hermione felt bad, knowing that she wasn't much help and that Harry came to pick up her slack, but seemed to only make it worse.

But as the guests started to arrive and more hands began to help in the kitchen, Ginny calmed down. Still, there was something about the ordeal that struck Hermione as odd considering Ginny was never one to succumb to the stress over something like this. Whatever was going on with her friend, she seemed keen on keeping it to herself. Hermione was just glad that once the afternoon came about, Ginny went right back to being pleasant.

When there was nothing left to do but wait for the turkey to come out and get caught up on dishes, Harry handed Hermione a glass of water and sent her into the family room where Sirius, James, and Ron were watching the football game. They were using the new surround sound and projector screen that Harry couldn't get enough of. Hannah had stayed in the kitchen to help Ginny and Harry with the last few things so that Hermione could get off her feet. And when Sirius saw her enter the room, he casually slid closer to the corner of the couch, leaving her room to sit between him and James.

Ron nodded at her from the loveseat across the way. "Your parents coming?" he asked her.

She shook her head. "They went upstate after all." It wasn't a surprise; they had done that nearly every year since Hermione was younger. There were years where she had convinced them to let her stay at Harry's house so she could spend the holiday with them, but there weren't many where they had caved. "They said to say hello."

Ron laughed quietly as he sipped at his beer. "I'm sure they didn't, but thanks all the same."

She smiled and then turned to look at Sirius before daring a glance at James. "Tonks and Remus?"

"Visiting her side of the family," Sirius answered, an amused glint in his eye.

She hummed in response and sipped at her water, her eyes moving towards the screen. She could feel James at her side; as though half of her was standing near the mouth of a volcano and she was burning alive. But just as she felt herself about to cave and look at him, the front door opened and Percy walked in with his wife, Penelope. Starting a new round of distracting conversation; one that they both welcomed with open arms.

* * *

The rest of the afternoon went about the same. She could tell wherever James was in a room without having to have him anywhere in her line of sight. Every time she did catch a glimpse of him, it made it harder to remind herself what the risks would be. Especially when all she wanted to do was be near him; to show him affection as well as have him show it to her. It was extremely hard not to think about when they sat to eat and he ended up across the table from her.

Her only reprieve came after dinner was eaten. The men cleaned up, sending the women into the family room so they could relax and catch up by themselves. It was a little later, right before Ron started asking about dessert that Fred, George, and their significant others came in. With nearly a full house, it was easier to lose herself in conversation. And of all the in-laws she had, she missed Fred and George the most. They spent a bit of time fawning over what they dubbed their nephew no matter if they shared blood or not.

It was after dessert that everything changed.

Ginny stood in front of the screen as Harry turned the projector off and then joined her. Everyone's attention focused on them and the chit chat of everyone in the room died down to nothing as they waited. "We have an announcement," Ginny said, her eyes turning glassy as they flickered over everyone's faces. "I wish everyone could have been here for this, but oh well. I'll tell them later."

Hermione's heart skipped a beat and she placed a hand on her stomach as the baby kicked hard when it did. It was as though time were slowing down and things began to click into place before Ginny's lips moved again to deliver her news.

Ginny looked back at Harry over her shoulder, the two of them smiling like love-struck fools for a moment before they both blurted, "We're pregnant!"

There was a brief moment of silence before Ginny's four present siblings were shouting and rushing forward to hug their sister as well as congratulate Harry. While they occupied the couple's time for a bit, Hermione tried to get her breathing under control. When it felt like the ground had been ripped out from beneath her, she sat on the arm of the loveseat where she had been standing and swallowed hard.

Sirius gave her a look from his spot at her side, asking if she was alright. She simply nodded and hoped that the hand she waved at him was enough reassurance that she was. Whether it was true or not was a whole other story. Yet she sat there, watching as James stepped forward to congratulate them as well.

"I hope you're ready to be a grandpa," she heard Ginny laugh as they embraced.

It made Hermione shudder.

It was also that moment that Harry took notice of her. He smiled as he cut through the crowd of Weasley's, stopping only when he was at her side. She forced herself to her feet and wrapped her arms around him when he pulled her close. "Can you believe it, Mione? Now our kids can be best friends like we were. They'll grow up together too and who knows. Maybe I'll have a girl and they can-"

She tore herself away at that, the suddenness preventing him from finishing that sentence. "I have to-"

"You okay?" he asked when she tried to push past him in desperate need of a place to catch a solid breath.

"Fine," she said, forcing a laugh. "Happy for you, really," she insisted. "Just when I get excited, the baby kicks my bladder and…" she shrugged. "Congratulations, Harry. Really. I'll be right back," she said, her words rushed as she slipped out of the living room and into the guest room she had slept in the night before.

She paced the length of the room, trying to get a grip on her emotions so she didn't lose herself to the panic that was trying to swallow her whole. But she was only alone for a minute, maybe two before the door opened and James stole inside. Her protests fell on deaf ears as he pulled her to him and held her as tight as he dared.

"He said he hopes he has a girl," Hermione whispered, her voice on the verge of breaking with each word. "So that way they can…" she swallowed hard and shook her head, burrowing her head into his chest. "This is- James…"

"It'll be okay."

She yanked herself away from him, staring back at him with wild eyes. "Your _grandchild_ will be the same age as your _son_ , James!" she rasped. "None of this is okay."

He reached up to rub the scuff at his chin and nodded. "You're right. This is bloody strange, but it is what it is." He strode forward, his hands cupping her face to tilt it up so she had to look at him. "We will get through this just like we have been with everything else."

" _How_?" she sobbed, her hands coming up to his sides as she gripped the material of his shirt. "We've barely been managing so far, James. I don't… I can't…"

His thumbs stroked her cheeks, brushing away tears of panic as he leaned and laid his lips over hers. "I don't know, Hermione. We'll figure it out together, but I need you to not panic. Can you take a deep breath for me?" He watched as she inhaled a shallow, shaky breath and let it out just as unsteadily. "Good," he murmured. "That's good."

She wasn't sure who moved first or if they had moved at the same time, but a moment later, their lips were melding together. She kissed him as though he was the air she needed to breathe. All of their mixed emotions fueled every brush of their tongues; every tug of their lips. And the need for his touch; the need that had been building all day from not being able to not even look at him the way she wanted gave way as his hands slid down her sides and curled around her waist.

But just as her panic began to ebb, it was brought back tenfold when the sound of the door opening had them springing apart. A cry escaped her lips as she caught sight of Harry staring at them with disbelief in his eyes. He looked back and forth between the two of them, unsure of what to say. Hermione stood there, one arm over her chest, her other hand covering her lips as tears streamed down her face. Her entire body trembling as she waited for his outburst.

"Please tell me this is some kind of nightmare," he said after a moment, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Harry-" she sobbed, her eyes jumping up to his.

"Is _that_ why you decided to stop looking for a place to live?" Harry cut in, the look in his eyes cutting her like a knife in her heart.

She shook her head vigorously and took a step forward, stopping when he took one away from her. "Harry, it's not… This isn't-"

"What it looked like?" he snapped. "Then what _is_ it?"

"Harry-" James started, warning in his tone.

"She's half your age!" Harry interrupted. "You've known her since she was in Kindergarten! _With me_!" Harry's eyes widened and he took a step back, his spine straightening. "Just how long _has_ this been going on?"

"It was never like that," James said, his voice gruff. "It's recent."

There was still disbelief in his eyes, but Hermione's shoulders sagged as she saw a hint of relief there too. "How recent?"

Hermione and James glanced at one another before she turned back to Harry and whispered, "Since my divorce."

She knew that by saying that, Harry would be able to piece everything together for himself. She stood there and watched as realization dawned on him; saw it the moment it clicked. His eyes dropped to her stomach where they rested for some time before dragging up to hers. "It's… _yours_?" he asked, his gaze sliding over to James.

James nodded, but as his lips parted to say something, Harry was crossing the room until his fist collided with James' face. It took a moment for Hermione to realize the shout she had heard was her own as she rushed to James' side where he fell backwards, catching himself on one hand on the edge of the bed. His other hand went to his face and when he pulled away, there was blood everywhere. Harry moved back, shaking out his hand and cursing under his breath as he left the room.

Hermione followed him, unsure of what to say, but knowing that she needed to make it right. But she had forgotten about the rest of the people in the house until she rounded into the family room only to find herself confronted by all of them.

"What's going on?" Ron asked, looking from Harry to Hermione.

"Turns out I'm not just going to be a father. I'm going to be a big brother too," he snapped, not bothering to stop as he shouldered his way through everyone on the way to the kitchen.

It was silent enough in the room that Hermione could hear the tick of the clock on the wall as the seconds passed. Sirius went to move towards her, but stopped short. Everyone's gaze shifted to over her shoulder and she didn't need to turn to know that the presence at her back was James. Ginny was torn between watching everything and going after Harry, but she ultimately chose the latter.

She wasn't surprised when Ron stepped forward to break the silence first. "Is that true?"

Her tongue felt glued to the roof of her mouth. All she could do was nod and flinch when she saw his telltale signs of his temper flare.

His eyes flickered back over her to James and she could see the disgust rising in the depths of his gaze. "Is this why you left me? For someone twice your age? For someone who's been like a father to you all your life?"

"Ron…" she whispered, shaking her head. "That's not it. It's not like that. I-"

He recoiled just as Harry had done a few moments ago, but where Harry's stare had been full of hurt and betrayal, there was nothing but rage in Ron's. "You should go. I'm sure Harry would agree you're not welcome here anymore." He paused to look at James again. "Either of you."

"That's not your call to make," James said, his fingers curling around Hermione's wrist to tug her back behind him. "This is my son's house; not yours."

Ron took a step forward, but as his lips parted to speak again, Sirius was there between the two of them. James let go of her wrist and she took another step back, stumbling a bit when she collided with a chair. Her nails dug into the arm of it as her other arm came up to rest low on her belly. She wasn't sure if she hadn't noticed it before with all the commotion or if it had only just begun, but there was definitely cramping. A sensation that only intensified now that her attention had been brought to it.

Distantly, she could hear raised voices and that each time someone spoke, the situation had escalated. But try as she might, she couldn't actually hear the words, instead, she tried to focus on her breathing and getting the pain to stop. When it did nothing but worsen, she called for James. She called several times, but it took someone else shouting her name to break up the fight.

It was when James turned around, his eyes wide with panic as he took in the sight of her, that Hermione lost it. He ignored everything else as he strode towards her only to pick up her as though she weighed nothing. As he carried her towards the door, she caught sight of Ron wiping blood from his nose and Sirius shaking out his hand as Harry had done after punching James. But instead of going to the kitchen, he followed them out. He took James' keys and hopped into the front seat as James crawled into the back with her in his lap and a moment later, they were on their way to the hospital.


	29. Chapter 29

**TWENTY-NINE**

_**Thursday, 26 November 2020; twenty-four weeks** _

The closer they got to the hospital, the less pain Hermione felt. By the time they arrived, the urgency to be seen was nearly gone, but she stayed to make sure all the same. The wait itself at the emergency room was a long one seeing as how it was packed. It seemed that their holiday dinner wasn't the only one interrupted by a family brawl. And as they waited, each time she saw James' face with dried blood, blackening eye, and split lip or Sirius' bloody knuckles she felt guilty all over again.

It was when her name was called nearly an hour later that she and James followed the nurse into one of the triage bays. The nurse took her vitals, jot down the reason for her visit onto her roving computer station, and then told the to sit tight; that the doctor would be over to see her soon. Neither she or James was surprised that it took nearly another hour for the doctor to get there.

She could already tell that she was fine, but hearing the doctor say that her exam checked out was still a huge relief. And when her lips had parted to decline his suggestions for an ultrasound just to be sure, James beat her to it and asked for whatever diagnostics the doctor wanted to run. In order to do that, the doctor explained that she would have to be admitted for the rest of the night and there would be a bit of a wait due to the sole machine on property. But with how the night had progressed, she wouldn't mind the chaos of the hospital as opposed to dealing with her thoughts at home.

It took another hour and a half before a room became available and then another fifteen minutes for her to be moved into it. No sooner had she settled in did the nurse inform her that she was going to take some blood samples. That since being admitted, the doctor would like some other tests done just to be sure. She was surprised and worried at the same time when the doctor returned in a rather short span of time, but he came with good news. He said that there was nothing wrong, just general dehydration which he had ordered some IV fluids to be started until discharge. That her blood had been rushed because she was pregnant.

As the nurse came in to start a line, James got a call from Sirius and excused himself to go meet with his friend in the lobby. She was glad the nurse was there in his absence as she was not ready to be alone with her thoughts. It was already hard enough not to drown in the sound of Harry's pain laced voice or the look of despair in his eyes when he'd found out the truth.

"Is it always this busy on Thanksgiving?" she asked the nurse as she pulled the band around her lower bicep.

She chuckled. "Should have seen it earlier. It's usually about the time that people go to check on their over oiled turkeys or their makeshift keg oven explodes that we get a bit backed up." She tapped the crook of Hermione's elbow in search of a vein. "Christmas is worse."

"That's depressing."

The nurse nodded and Hermione looked away as she reached for the needle and tapped her vein for the fluid line. "It can be, but some of my best memories around here come from holiday times." Hermione kept her attention focused the other way until the nurse stood up to adjust the machine. "Did you at least get to eat before you came here?"

Hermione nodded as she looked over at her.

"That's good," she said after a moment and flipped through her chart. "Doc didn't say anything about not eating before the ultrasound. Did you want anything?"

Hermione shook her head and gave a smile. "Thank you, but I'm alright."

"If you change your mind, just press the button and I'll see what I can get for you. It shouldn't be too long for the machine," she said, checking her notes again. "Looks like you're fifth on the list."

"Thank you," she said again, not sure what else to say.

Hermione was glad that James returned just as the nurse was stepping out. She was surprised to see her overnight bag and purse slung over his shoulders as he entered. "Sirius went and got your stuff when you got called back a bit ago."

She nodded, clamping down on her tongue before she could ask about anyone over at Harry's. She wasn't sure she could handle knowing how things had gone after her departure. It was why she shook her head when he offered her her phone. He held it out for a moment before giving a stiff nod and slipping it back into her purse. He then gently put everything in the corner of the room and moved to stand beside her, taking her hand in his.

"Is he getting looked at?"

James chuckled as his thumb swiped across her knuckles. "Not the first time either of us has taken a punch or given one. We'll both be fine."

"James-"

"He took a cab back to Harry's so he could get his car while he was there. I have my keys so as soon as you're discharged we can go home right away. If there's anything you need, I can let him know and he'll bring it to our house so it's there when we get home. I'll get your car sometime this weekend."

Our house.

It sounded so foreign, yet so natural that she wasn't quite sure how to feel about it. So instead of digesting it, like everything else that night, she just nodded and pushed it to the back of her mind.

James moved the chair in the room closer to her bed and continued to hold her hand as they turned the television on for background noise. They both drifted in and out of sleep as they waited for the ultrasound technician to arrive. When they did show up, it was coincidence that the doctor came in a moment later, meaning they didn't have to wait long for results.

As per usual, Hermione uncovered her stomach; something that left her a bit more exposed that time since she had been wearing a dress and knickers, but she was too tired to care. The gel was slathered over her stomach and then the wand was there, roving over her skin. The doctor and the tech stared just as intently at the screen as she and James did. It wasn't as clear a picture as the one in her OBGYN's office, but seeing her son and hearing his heartbeat was still enough to bring tears to her eyes.

James helped her wipe off the gel as the doctor made his final assessment with the technician. A few minutes later, he was telling her them good news. That there was nothing wrong, just a bit of stress related scares and that she should get as much rest as she could over the long weekend. Not much longer after he left, the nurse was back to disconnect her from the fluids and finally discharge her for the night.

Though as she finally saw the time instead of just glazing over the clock, she discovered just how much time had passed since she'd left Harry and Ginny's. It was still a bit too early for the sun, but she knew it wouldn't be long before it began to rise. Meaning it was still dark outside. when they walked out of the hospital in search of wherever Sirius had left James' car. When they found it, she was more than ready to crawl into bed and sleep until her eyes refused to stay shut any longer.

James' hand covered hers when she reached for the handle on the passenger side door, preventing her from opening it. He laced their fingers together and then used his other hand to guide her towards him and then cupped her face. His thumb pressed against her chin, tilting her face up towards him, forcing her eyes to meet his.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her lashes fluttering against her cheek as tears blurred her vision. "I'll understand if-"

"Whatever you're thinking right now, Hermione…" he started, his hand squeezing hers. "Don't."

It was as though her tongue froze to the roof of her mouth. Whatever she wanted to say was gone. Instead, she just stood there, shaking like a leaf as he leaned in and placed a kiss to the center of her forehead.

"It was a big shock to everyone and with time, they'll get over it. I know it might not feel that way right now, but they're family." His thumb brushed away her tears and he brought their joined hands up between them so he could kiss her knuckles. "I'm not going anywhere. Harry can be mad at me all he likes, but I'm not abandoning one son for another." She inhaled sharply as he leaned his forehead against hers and dropped his voice even lower as he whispered, "You're my family too, Hermione. Always have been…" His lips brushed over hers once before adding, "Always will be."

She reached for him then, her fingers curling around whatever part of him she touched first. When his lips brushed over hers again she stretched up to capture him for a deeper kiss, one that she hoped conveyed how much he meant to her. Had she been in a better frame of mind, she might have been able to use her words, but in the meantime, she would have to settle for this method. And when he pulled away to open the car door for her, there was a look in his eyes that told her he'd gotten the message.

Their drive home was silent. They hadn't even bothered to turn on the radio. Hermione leaned against the window, wondering how she was still awake. The closer they got to home, the more the exhaustion from the emotional and physical drain was getting to her. But just as they rounded the last corner, she saw a familiar car parked on the street next to their driveway.

James looked over at her when she sat up, suddenly more alert as a splash of panic began to creep its way to the surface again. "They were trying to get ahold of you," he said as he pulled into the driveway. "But you didn't want your phone."

"Did you-"

He shook his head. "It wasn't me."

She swallowed hard and let out a shaky breath, but decided it was better to just get it over with. Quick, like a BandAid. She didn't wait for James to open the door for her this time. Instead, she went around the car to where her parents were getting out of her father's car, leaving James to get her things from the backseat.

"Are you alright?" her father asked as he and her mother pulled her in for a tight, yet careful embrace.

"I'm fine."

"Ginny called and said that you'd left abruptly and that James took you to the hospital, but no one had heard from you," her mother said, eyes roving over her with worry. "And then neither one of you answered so we thought it best to just drive home. We just didn't know what hospital you might have gone to so we waited here."

"I'm sorry I didn't return your calls, Mom. It was just a really long night. But the baby and I are fine."

"What happened?" her father asked, looking over her at James as he came to stand behind her. She could tell from her father's expression that he was sizing up the way James' face was evidence that something not so pleasant had gone done earlier that evening.

"We should get inside," James said, ignoring the question. "It's cold."

She started to move, but her father placed a gentle hand over her bicep, keeping her from taking more than a half step towards the porch steps. "I think you've been taking advantage of Mister Potter's hospitality enough. You should come home, Hermione. Your mother and I will take care of you from now on."

She pulled herself out of her father's grasp and shook her head. "Until I mess up again and you tell me to leave. Again."

"We never told you to leave, Hermione," her mother said, voice stern. "You left on your own volition."

She shook her head again and stepped back, closer to James. "I appreciate the gesture," she said, voice tight. "But I'm fine here."

"I'm sure Mister Potter-"

"Mister Potter," James interrupted, his presence so close at her back she could feel the warmth of him despite the cold night air. "Has no issue whatsoever with his house guest. Hermione's welcome here for as long as she wants to stay."

"This is a family matter," her mother started. "I think-"

"James _is_ family," Hermione corrected, thinking of what he had said to her in the parking lot of the hospital. She sighed, knowing that it was now or never. Everyone else already knew; she might as well just get it over with. "It's his child I'm having," she said, trying her best to keep her voice steady.

She wasn't surprised in the slightest at her parents' reaction. Of how her mother let out a startled gasp and brought a hand up to cover her mouth. Or how her father's eyes darkened in anger as his gaze bounced back and forth between the two of them. "You're walking the Devil's path, Hermione. First a divorce and now a child out of wedlock with a man twice your age." He took a step forward as he looked at James. James stepped forward too, putting himself in front of her as he had at Harry's. "All those times she stayed in your care when she was little-"

"It was never like that, Russell," James insisted. "I swear on my life, I never touched her until six months ago." There was a pause as the two of them stared one another down. "And I've been there for her this whole time when you've looked the other way because the choices she made didn't follow your beliefs." He took a step back, his hand finding hers. "And I'll be there to support her until she tells me she doesn't want me in her life anymore."

The silence that lapsed around them was thick with tension. Almost thick enough to block out the cold entirely. Almost. But it was her father's words that allowed the chill to permeate her skin once more and settle all the way down to her bones.

"I hope you come to your senses and ask the Lord for forgiveness soon. If not for you, then for the sake of your child. Until you've earned it, you're no daughter of mine."

Hermione just stood there, too numb to feel anything else that point. She watched as her parents got back into their car and drove off into the night.

James' hand tightened in hers once their car disappeared and he tugged her towards the front door. Silence still surrounded them as he continued to lead her up the stairs and into his room at the end of the hall. He deposited her things by the foot of the bed and then helped her out of her clothes before shrugging out of his. She wasn't even aware that he had guided her to the bed or that they were laying down until she felt him settle in at her back after drawing the covers around them.

Being far to drained to process everything that had happened in less than twelve hours, Hermione closed her eyes. As she drifted off, she heard James promise, "We'll get through this, Hermione," over and over again. Her last thought before exhaustion claimed her was that she hoped he was right.


	30. Chapter 30

**THIRTY**

_**Sunday, 29 November 2020; twenty-five weeks** _

Between the emotional rollercoaster that was Thanksgiving and the physical strain that had led to a hospital visit, both James and Hermione had slept all through the following day. They had woken up just before the sun set that night and stayed up long enough to eat a light meal. But soon after that, they were crawling back into bed and falling asleep in each other's arms once more.

Taking it easy over the course of the weekend was extremely easy. James had woken up early on Saturday morning and by the time she was belting a robe around her waist, he was bringing breakfast up to her so they could eat in bed. Afterwards, they had lazed about; talking, reading, or playing games. For dinner, they ventured downstairs where they decided to order in instead of cook and settled in on the couch to watch movies until they couldn't keep their eyes open any longer.

It wasn't until Sunday morning that Hermione decided to check her phone.

She hadn't touched it since she'd been at Harry's and Ginny's for the holiday. It had lost its charge in her purse, but she had plugged it in right after waking up on Sunday and by the time it was done, she was ready to see what, if anything, she had missed.

There were more missed calls and unread messages than she thought. She started with the calls. A few of them were from Ginny, but most were from her parents. From the time stamps, once they had started calling her, Ginny had stopped. There were voicemails, but she deleted them instead of listening.

It had taken her another hour to decide if she was ready to look at the messages.

Just as with the calls, the majority of her messages were from her mother. They were all along the same topic of conversation; asking if she was okay, to call them back, what hospital they were at. They also let her know that they were driving back that night. The last one was that they would be waiting outside of James' and they would be calling him too try and get answers.

There were a few from Ginny as well. The first couple were her telling Hermione that she hoped she was okay. That she was sorry she had to leave so abruptly. One was of her telling Hermione she had notified her parents that she was going to the hospital. That she hoped Hermione didn't mind but she already knew Ginny's intentions were from a good place. The last one was from Friday night, saying that she hoped all was well and that Hermione was welcome to reach out to her still. That Sirius had told her she'd gone home that morning.

It reminded Hermione that they had to get her car still so she could make it to work the next day.

After staring at the phone, she opened a message to Harry. The last one they had exchanged was a random one talking about the show they had been watching. She sat back against the headboard, her legs curled under her as best she could get them and started typing. It took far longer than it should have, most of which was spent mashing down on the backspace button and having to start over. But when she had something she wasn't sure could get much better, she pressed send before she could second guess herself.

 _I'm so sorry you had to find out like this, Harry. I'm sorry that it took so long for me to tell you at all. I'm sorry it took_ _something like this to tell you. I hate that we left it like we did and I don't know if you'll ever forgive me, but I would love the chance to talk to you. I'm also sorry that I ruined your announcement. I'm so happy for you and Ginny. Whenever you're ready to talk, I'm here._

She stared at the screen for a moment, rereading the words until they started to blur together on the screen. Just as she went to put her phone down, she saw the tag change from _delivered_ to _read_. She waited with bated breath for the little bubble with the dots to appear, signaling he was writing her back, but after several long minutes, it became clear he had no intention of responding.

Though she refused to cry any more tears, her heart still sank into her stomach.

Her plan to put the phone down and go about her day changed after that. It was as if her fingers refused to unfurl from around the device; her eyes glued to the screen where it displayed her and Harry's chat thread. Even when James called for a Lyft that afternoon so he could drive her car back home, she sat on the couch and watched her screen. And later that night, she felt James pry it from her hand when she was too tired to prevent it from happening.

* * *

_**Thursday, 3 December 2020; twenty-five weeks** _

When Hermione returned to work on Monday, she kept to herself. Her coworkers had learned very quickly that she wouldn't be answering questions about her own holiday weekend, but they were more than welcome to talk about theirs. In fact, she encouraged it. She needed the distraction that their stories would provide. Especially when she had woken up that morning to discover that there was still no reply from Harry. She kept telling herself it was nothing; that he might just not be ready, but it hurt regardless.

And she continued to check it throughout the week, but as each passing glance revealed nothing had changed, she found the longer she was able to go without looking.

Thursday afternoon, just as she was wrapping up her morning duties, she was interrupted by the sight of Ginny striding into her office. She sat there, too stunned to do anything but gape; her fingers poised over the keyboard.

Ginny gave her a light smile and a casual nod of her head. "You free for lunch?"

"Y-yeah," she stammered, clearing her throat. She shook her head and turned back to the computer, saving her document mid-sentence before clocking out a few minutes early. "Is everything okay?"

"We're all fine, Hermione," she assured her. "Things are just a little…"

"Yeah," she whispered, gathering her things. Neither of them spoke until they were outside again. The café across the street was their usual go-to spot when Ginny swung by for lunch. If she had somewhere else in mind, she never said. Before they approached the crosswalk, Hermione grabbed hold of Ginny and pulled her into a tight a hug as she could manage. "I'm so sorry."

"You didn't-"

"I ruined your announcement," she said, pulling back to smile and gesture towards Ginny's stomach. "It should have been a day you look back on and smile about." She sighed heavily and blinked back tears. "Now you'll just…"

"Don't start crying," Ginny begged, her own blue eyes turning glassy with unshed tears. "I've never been this fucking weepy in my entire life."

"It gets worse," Hermione said through a sob as her resolve faded, though a laugh slipped past her lips.

Ginny barked out a laugh as well as she wiped a tear away. "I blame you for this."

"How?" Hermione asked as they approached the crosswalk.

"Harry couldn't stop talking about your tits and wondering if mine would balloon up like yours. He doubled his efforts trying to find out and well," she pointed down at herself, "it paid off."

Hermione dissolved into laughter as Ginny linked their arms so they could cross the street. They continued to laugh as they entered the café and took a seat at one of the tables near the window. Ginny continued to tell her how she had been feeling since discovering the news and asking Hermione all sorts of questions as they glanced over the menu. After they placed their order, Hermione felt the shift between them and braced herself.

" _James_?"

Hermione snorted as she sipped at her water. She had been expecting it; it _was_ Ginny's style. Direct. To the point. But if there was one person she told things to like she did with Harry; sometimes more so, it was Ginny. Not that she was sure how this would work since the gritty details Ginny thrived on would not include her father-in-law. So Hermione did her best and dove right in.

She told Ginny about the night her divorce had been finalized. How she had just gone to the bar, intent on drinking until she couldn't. That even though she had known her marriage to Ron had been over _long_ before they even broached the subject of splitting up, she was hurting. How she had intended on being alone that night and how James had shown up out of the blue. How an accidental slip up on the way to the bathroom led to… _everything_.

She skipped the details even before Ginny wrinkled her nose, causing Hermione to nearly choke on her water as she laughed. She then told her how she had found out about a week prior to Harry's birthday and that she hadn't seen James since then. How she was planning on telling him, but could barely wrap her head around it all herself. By the time they were done with their meal, she had told Ginny all there was to know, including how her trip to the hospital had been more precautionary than anything else.

"So…" Ginny started as she snatched the tab from the table before Hermione could. She even slipped her card into the slot and handed it back to the waiter before Hermione even had the chance to protest. "Are you and James…"

She nodded, her fingers plucking nervously at the skirt of her dress. "I know it's weird, unconventional, unexpected; whatever you want to call it, but it's…" she shrugged as she tried to settle on the right word. "It just feels right."

Ginny's look was scrutinizing and Hermione shifted in her seat. But after a moment, she shook her head and leaned back in her seat. "Did you really think you could keep it a secret forever?" she asked, her voice quieter than Hermione had ever heard it before.

Hermione chewed on her tongue for a second and then shook her head. "No," she said, the word tumbling past her lips in a puff of air. "We both knew what would happen when everyone found out, but we wanted to pretend for as long as we could."

She could tell there was so much that Ginny wanted to say, but that she was holding her tongue. It made her wonder if Harry knew she was here, having lunch with her. Hermione didn't ask. Just as she didn't ask whether or not Harry had said anything about the message he had read, but never replied to. Instead, they both held their silence and made their way back to Hermione's office after the waiter brought back her card.

"How'd your parents take it?" Ginny asked.

Hermione snorted at that as she draped her coat over her chair. "Whatever you're imagining is probably pretty close to the truth. I thought they were mad when I nearly went through with an abortion," she said, giving off a low whistle. Her attempt at humor elicited a small smile from Ginny, but nothing more. "We'll see if they change their tune when the baby's born. Maybe they just need to see a healthy, happy grandchild to soften them up."

She came over to stand in front of Ginny, knowing it was about time for them to part ways. "I hope they do," Ginny said, drawing her in for a hug. "I'm sure time is all everyone needs."

"Even Harry?" Hermione asked before she could stop herself.

Ginny stilled for a moment and nodded as she pulled back. "I'm here for you, Hermione, I am. And I know Harry will come around, he just needs time. You've always been his family and that's true now more than ever." She reached over and grasped Hermione's hand firmly in hers. "He misses you just as much as you miss him. Just…"

"Give him time," Hermione finished, giving a nod.

Ginny cracked a smile and then placed a hand on Hermione's stomach. "So…this makes me his, what? Sister-in-law?"

The pair stared at each other for a moment before Hermione nodded. They both shuddered as they laughed. Hermione reached up to place her own hands on her stomach and shook her head. "Not as strange when you think about how he'll be your kid's uncle."

Ginny's nose wrinkled as she laughed again and stepped back. "On that note, don't be a stranger, okay?"

"Same goes for you."

Ginny left with another nod of her head and once she was gone from sight, Hermione returned to her chair and smiled to herself. For the first time in a week, the breath she took actually felt deep enough.


	31. Chapter 31

**THIRTY-ONE**

_**Thursday, 3 December 2020; twenty-five weeks** _

Hermione's mood continued to improve throughout the day. So much so that when she got home, she marched right up to the nursery. She hadn't stepped foot inside the room or so much as glanced at the door since Thanksgiving. She went over the crib where the single set of baby monitors were resting atop the blanket. They were still in their package as she hadn't felt the need to open them with her due date still a few months away.

But she threw that plan out the window in favor of the one she had come up with on the way home.

Package in hand, she went back out into the hall and straight into James' room. She knew he would be home soon. Lately he'd been leaving a tad early so that they would get home at nearly the same time. With that in mind, she worked fast. She wanted to have them set up before he walked through the door. It was just as she was plugging the receptor into the wall that she heard the front door open from down stairs. He called her name and she told him where she was as she picked up the packaging she'd had to destroy and chucked it into the bin in the bathroom.

"Everything okay?" he asked, his brow quirked as she emerged from the bathroom the moment he crossed the threshold.

She nodded, giving him a smile. She saw the moment the blinking green light indicating the monitor was on flashed and drew his attention. He did a double take at the sight of the monitors on her side of the bed. Slowly, he looked back at her, his brows furrowing slightly as he met her gaze once more.

She swallowed hard and made her way to him, taking his hands in hers. "Tell me if I'm overstepping," she pleaded, her voice trembling slightly despite how hard she fought to keep it from happening. "I couldn't have done any of this without you and I can never thank you enough for that."

The pause she took to inhale was enough to make her lose her nerve.

James picked up on it though and rubbed his thumb over her knuckles as his other hand came up to rest beneath her chin. This thumb resting against the bottom of her lower lip. "Last I checked, we only had one pair of monitors."

She nodded and squeezed his hand as she found her voice. "I know I've been sleeping in here while still having a room down the hall. And I never want to come across as presumptuous, but what you said at the hospital-"

"Is this your way of asking if you can move in?" he asked, one brow lifting just a tad.

Her nod was meek. "Yes, but I understand if you don't-"

He cut her off by slanting his mouth over hers. He let go of her hand in favor of laying it on her waist as his other hands flattened along her jaw and slid back into her curls. "I wasn't sure how you would feel about it," he murmured against her slips. "That's why I never asked. I was waiting until I was sure you were ready for that step."

"I just never wanted to intrude on your memories of Lily," she said, her voice dropping significantly at the mention of his late wife.

He stilled against her for a moment before pressing his lips to hers again. "I've never once thought of you as a replacement for her," he said carefully. "I don't want her memory to get in the way of us. Not now, not ever."

She smiled against his lips and nodded. "Then I guess I'm moving in. Officially."

"This weekend we can transfer all your stuff over."

"Not now?"

He chuckled as he dropped his hand and moved them towards the bed. "No," he replied, his gaze darkening as he reached for the hem of her dress to draw it up over her head. "There's something much more exciting I'd rather be doing right now."

Hermione didn't even try to protest as he stripped her bare and helped her onto the bed before shucking his clothes and joining her there. A laugh turned moan left her lips when she reached for him, thinking he was going to hover over her. She was pleasantly surprised to find that he decided to settle his face between her thighs instead and they spent as long as they could celebrating their new milestone until the pangs of hunger could no longer be ignored.

* * *

_**Saturday, 5 December 2020; twenty-five weeks** _

They were both late for work the next morning. Hermione wasn't sure if it was James' fault for keeping them up late or hers for keeping him pinned beneath her long after their alarms went off. Either way, that same spark of desire they both had ignited from their decision to move all the way in with one another was still there when they met for her doctor appointment later that afternoon.

And instead of going back to the office, James called in and told them he would be out the rest of the afternoon. Had Hermione not already requested the time off for after the appointment, she would have called in as well. When they both got home, they spent the rest of the day picking up where they had left off that morning. They paused only to eat and stopped when their bodies refused to do anything other than sleep.

Saturday after they both finally dragged themselves out of bed for breakfast, they began moving her stuff. Most of it was clothes since her other items were still tucked into plastic tubs. Those they left in the closet as they were trinkets leftover from her years prior to college. The things she didn't want on display, but didn't want to get rid of either. The few items she did have to decorate her room with, James was quick to up in his room.

He had a knack for finding the perfect spot for everything without needing to rearrange his things. And when it was done by the end of the day, it looked as though she had been living in his room all along. There was a brief moment where he had grabbed the photos containing Lily on his dresser, but she laid her hand over his and told him to keep them up. That it didn't bother her.

And it didn't.

She'd even found herself staring at Lily's face as she held Harry in her arms late that night and promising her that she would do her best to take care of her boys. That she always had and always would.

Late Sunday morning, Hermione had walked into the kitchen as James was hanging up the phone. She quirked a brow at him as he stared at her, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. "What?" she asked.

"Nothing."

"Who was on the phone?" she asked, rummaging through the fridge for whatever peeked her interest first.

"Sirius," he muttered.

She smirked into the fridge before grabbing the flat of raspberries and turning to face him. "If you want to go out, go," she said as she walked over to the table and sat. "I'm definitely passed the age of needing a babysitter," she said with a smirk as she popped a berry into her mouth.

He narrowed his eyes at her for a moment before he rolled them and moved towards her. "He wants to go catch the game at the bar."

"Have fun," she said, watching his eyes darken as she sucked the drop of juice from the tip of her finger. "Take a cab if you plan on drinking please. I'm not playing DD today."

He leaned over her chair from the back, his hair falling into her face as she tilted her head back so their lips could meet in an upside down kiss. "You sure?"

"Please go. I could use some alone time," she teased.

He stole a raspberry and slipped it between her lips, her teeth nipping at his thumb before he pulled away. "This means I'm going to miss bath time, doesn't it?"

She laughed as she swallowed and shook her head. "If I get in the tub, I'll be stuck there until you get home." She grabbed another berry and watched as he took one for himself too. "I read that they can hear us sometimes and recognize our voices."

"Ah, so a read out loud to your stomach day," he said. "Lily did the music thing with Harry."

She nodded, trying not to let the mention of Harry bring either of their moods down. "I might do that too. I heard it's good for brain function and development."

He smiled and pulled out his phone to call Sirius back. She listened fondly to them set up plans to meet up shortly as she finished off the little flat of berries. James tossed the container in the bin and returned to kiss her, making sure to do a thorough job of tasting the burst of raspberry juice still on her tongue.

"This gives me an idea for later," he murmured against her lips.

She laughed and playfully shoved him away from her. "Tell Sirius hello for me."

"I will," he said, ducking in for one last kiss before taking his leave.

* * *

James had only been gone for two hours when her phone rang. She was upstairs in their room leaning against the headboard with a slew of books spread out around her. She had grabbed a variety of topics in the hopes that some of this did take, her son would have a good head start in his academic career. She hadn't even bothered to look at the screen before she swiped the answer button and lifted the device to her ear.

"Hey."

Hermione froze for a moment at the familiarity of the voice. While it was similar to the one she had expected to hear, that wasn't who was calling. "H-hey," she returned, lifting her phone away to see the screen.

Sure enough, Harry's name and picture were on display.

For a moment, there was nothing but silence. It prompted her to check her phone again, thinking maybe he decided to hang up, but the call was still up. "How are you?" she asked, careful not to push, but desperate to keep him talking.

He didn't answer her, but he didn't maintain his silence either.

"I got your message and I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner," he started. "I just didn't know what to say." A pause. "I still don't."

She nodded into the empty room and looked at her screen again for the time. "Do you…" she began, pausing to inhale slowly. "Do you want to come over for lunch? O-or maybe meet somewhere?"

His hesitation gave her an answer before he spoke. She hadn't really expected him to accept the offer, but it still stung. "I can't," he breathed. "Not yet."

She understood; she really did.

But her heart broke anyway.

"Harry, I'm so sorry," she said, unable to hold it in any longer. "I never meant to hurt you or ruin your relationship with your father. It was an accident and we just-"

"What if you hadn't… If you weren't…" She could heard the frustration in his tone from being unable to say the words, but she knew him well enough to figure it out. "Would you still be…"

"I don't know," she said, the words coming out on a breathy exhale. "I wish I had a different answer for you, but I don't."

She heard his sniffle and her lips curved into a sad smile as she pictured him sitting there, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose as he leaned forward on whatever it was he was sitting on. A tear cascaded down her cheek as she heard the anger in his tone when he spoke next. Especially upon hearing it accompanied with the pain of betrayal.

"What hurts the most out of all this is that neither one of you were going to tell me. That I was going to go through life never knowing I had a sibling out in the world. Whether you decided to go through with the abortion in the beginning, adopt him out, or keep him and never tell me; he would have always been my _brother_ , Hermione."

"I know, Harry. I _know_."

"This wasn't some random guy at a bar. It was my fa-"

The noise that came from his end of the call made her think he had either dropped the phone, thrown it, or hung up on her. Tears flowed a bit more freely and she tried her best to keep him from hearing.

"Harry-"

"I love you. You'll always be my best friend, but this is fucking weird," he interrupted, his voice less agitated and more exhausted than she had ever heard it before. "I always thought of you like a sister and now-"

Her eyes squeezed shut and tears slipped through her lashes.

"I just need time."

She nodded again and placed a hand on her stomach where the baby started kicking mercilessly. "Okay."

Neither of them spoke for several minutes before Harry ended the call without even saying goodbye. She pressed the phone to her chest and let herself cry it out. While he had still been angry at the whole ordeal, she was hopeful that with time, he would come around. The hard part was just wondering how long before she had her best friend back in her life. She hadn't realized how much she needed him until he wasn't there. Regardless, she would give him the time and space he deserved and move on with her life until he came around.

After wiping the tears from her face, she reached for one of her books and cracked it open to a random page. And that was how James found her a few hours later; still on the bed, reading to their child with dried tears on her face and hope in her eyes.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear readers! I will be updating this every day for the next nine days until complete! Enjoy this wild ride ahead :) I can't wait to see what you think!

**THIRTY-TWO**

_**Saturday, 12 December 2020; twenty-six weeks** _

Sunday night, James had done his best to try and cheer her up, but when Hermione woke on Monday, she still couldn't shake the funk Harry's phone call had left her in. And her mood only worsened after she got to work. She had walked into her office with a feeling of gloom washing over her the moment she sat down. That feeling had grown exponentially when her boss called her into his office shortly before lunch.

After weeks of hearing the rumors buzzing around the office, Hermione was having them confirmed. And she wasn't the only one laid off that day. By the time she had her office cleared out and all her personal items piled into the back of her car, half the people on her floor were doing the same. Even though she knew it had been coming, there was a part of her that still felt blind sighted by it.

Had things been different, she might have panicked over it. Realistically, she knew she still would, but it wouldn't be nearly that bad. Had it been some stranger at the bar, had she moved out into a place of her own… She shuddered at the thought. But none of that was the case. She had James. She wasn't _expecting_ him to take care of her, but she knew he took pride in doing that.

It put her at odds on how to feel. She knew she was lucky to have that kind of support, but she never wanted to feel as though she were taking advantage of him or become a burden. Then there was the fact that she hadn't really ever thought of herself as a mother let alone a stay-at-home one. She wasn't sure if that was what she even wanted for herself.

But instead of giving in to the panic that rose, she closed off her thoughts and got in her car. She didn't go home right away. She made a pit stop at the store and grabbed the biggest tub of the chocolatiest ice cream she could find. With her single purchase in tow, she went home and devoured as much of it as she could while trying to figure out just what she was going to do with her life.

She knew she could still apply for jobs and that people would hire her with her work history and her degree. That they couldn't discriminate because she was about to go on maternity leave, but she wasn't sure. For all she knew, the moment she held her son for the first time, she might not want to go back to work. She might want to be a stay-at-home mom after all. Then she would have felt bad about wasting everyone's time by not going back.

That was how James had found her when he came home from work, dinner in hand. His smile had faded as he took a look at her on the couch with her laptop out and notebooks scattered among torn, balled up pieces of paper. She told him what happened as he cleaned up the area around her so he could pull her into his lap. After wiping chocolate from the corner of her lips with a smile, he kissed her until she relaxed. He told her what she knew he would; that he would be happy to take care of her and she was free to take her time. That her sole focus could just be on being happy and healthy while their son continued to grow. He even said he would add her to his insurance and eased her fears about the premiums costing too much with soft kisses and gentle caresses.

It was when he left for work the next morning that Hermione felt strange. It was the first time since she had entered the workforce that she had found herself without a job. Even when she was in college, she worked. It might have been as a volunteer or as a tutor, but there was always _something_ she'd had to occupy her time. Faced with endless amounts of time, Hermione was forced to accept the reality that aside from reading, she didn't actually _have_ any hobbies.

Coupled with the fact that the only person she wanted to talk to about all of this with had asked for space.

It sent her into a downward spiral.

For the rest of the week, she just existed. She'd fallen into a sad routine of falling back to sleep once James had kissed her goodbye and not waking up again until her stomach growled for lunch. After grabbing whatever needed the least amount of preparation, she moved to the living room, ate, and then wrapped herself up in a blanket to watch movies. That was how James had found her each night and as the week progressed, their conversation seemed to dissipate as she felt she had nothing to contribute since her days were the same.

By Saturday, James seemed to have had enough of watching her wallow. He made her breakfast in bed that morning and then dragged her into a shower with him afterwards. Instead of letting her dress in her lounging clothes, he directed her towards the closet and made her pick out something else for the day. Something warm because they were going out.

She tried to argue, but realized very quickly that he was in no mood to let her carry on as she was. For as much as she continued to complain and try to change his mind, the minute they were out of the house, she started feeling better. Just putting on normal clothes had done to trick and made her feel more like herself again. And after a few stores of helping her decide on a hobby or two, she thanked him.

As the sun began its descent towards the horizon, Hermione had expected them to return home, but he surprised her. Instead, of their driveway, he pulled into the parking lot smack dab in the center of downtown. She glanced around nervously as he opened the door for her and helped her to her feet. "The people we cared about finding out already know," he reminded her as he wound a scarf around her neck.

She smiled, took the arm he offered, and walked with him through the side alley and onto the main road.

Much like the art festival they had gone to a few weeks prior, a large portion of Main Street was blocked off for holiday festivities. It happened every year and would be like this until the season was over. The tree lighting had been last weekend, but there was still a decent crowd out and about. Food trucks lined the outskirts and there were plenty of little booths strewn about with activities, though most were geared towards children.

The main activity, aside from Santa for the children, was the ice-skating rink. They reminisced about the few times over the years that he'd seen her attempt it and she teased him about the fact that he had never joined them on the ice. It was then that he declared they would be joining the others next year. It was the first time either of them had said anything in regards to the long term for their future and instead of panic, Hermione's heart soared. She told him she couldn't wait and then the two of them moved along.

But her favorite part, the whole reason why Christmas was her favorite in the first place, was the lights.

The main attraction their city boasted during this time of year was the amount of lights it used to decorate the street. Multicolored strands were wrapped around tree trunks where they were accompanied by fiberoptic ones in the in the branches. A multitude of other lights decorated the buildings as well as the sidewalk, taking the shapes of all things that represented winter.

She could sit on a bench and stare at the lights for hours and be perfectly content.

Mostly they walked around hand-in-hand, indulging in whatever appealed to them at various food trucks, sipping cider, and taking in the sights. He even hummed along to the holiday music playing in the background. It had always amused her how different he and Harry were about this holiday. Where James shared her penchant for listening to Christmas songs any given day of the year, Harry would sooner go deaf than hear any of them at all.

It was when they went to the tree that the snow started to fall; the first of the season. The moment the first tiny white flake drifted down into her line of vision, she tilted her head up to the sky. When she looked back to smile at James, she did a double take to find that he was watching her instead. She said nothing as he pulled her close and kissed her in a way that warmed her better than anything else ever could.

They were broken apart by an elderly couple asking if they wanted their picture taken. Hermione queued up her camera on her phone and handed it to the man. He snapped one of them with James' arm around her back and her head on his shoulder. Then he told them to do what they were doing before; something James was all too eager to oblige. They thanked the couple as they returned the phone. The couple responded that they were happy to do it, that young love deserved to be immortalized.

James and Hermione had stood there, staring after the couple as they walked away. It was James who cleared his throat and moved first, taking her phone from her hand to pull up the photos. "I think these are the first ones we have of us."

Hermione swallowed hard as she stared at the screen while he scrolled from one photo to the next. After viewing them all and returning the phone, Hermione looked up at him, tongue darting out to wet her lips. "Take me home."

She could tell by the look in his eyes that she really hadn't needed to ask. That that was going to be his next course of action regardless. Even so, he took her hand, gave her a nod, and led her back to the car at a rather brisk pace.

They didn't even bother to grab the things they had purchased earlier that day from the trunk. Hermione didn't even wait for him to come around to her side of the car and open the door for her. Instead, he waited for her to round the hood and grasped her hand before leading her up the path. He had barely unlocked the door before he'd pulled her close, lips descending over hers. He kicked the door closed behind them and stooped to pick her up before climbing the stairs with her in his arms.

The moment he set her down beside their bed, they were quick to strip each other bare. He was the one to get on the bed first, situating himself so his back was against the headboard. Hermione was there a moment later, straddling his waist and placing her hands on his shoulders to brace herself. Just the feel of his cock sliding through her nether lips was enough to make her cry out. He hissed in response to discovering how ready she was from raw need alone.

He didn't make her wait long. After a few rolls of her hips and incoherent pleading from her lips, he was reaching between them and lining himself up at her entrance. At the feel of his head notching its way inside of her, Hermione took over, sinking her body down until he was buried to the hilt within her.

His hands slid up from her hips, his fingers ghosting over the ladder of her ribs. She leaned back slightly, dragging her lower lip between her teeth. He took the opportunity to lean in so he could pay attention to her breasts. Her head tipped back, her hair cascading down her back as she kept her hips moving in a rhythm that alternated between circular motions and rocking back and forth.

His groans with his lips firmly sealed around her nipple; tongue flicking at the taut peak was what pushed her over the edge. It wasn't the kind of orgasm that had stars bursting behind her eyelids or her vision going white. It was the kind the felt like fire spreading through her veins, melting her into a pile of lava. The kind that had her mouth hanging open in silent ecstasy, unable to do anything more than breathe as she clung to him, pressing his face tight against her chest as she rode it out.

He wasn't far behind her. The heat that pooled between her legs ignited his fire too. He whispered sweet nothings against her skin, most of which fell on deaf ears as a second release began to build before the first had even run its course. By time he had emptied himself within her, she was finishing her second one.

Slowly, she tipped her head forward, her chin resting atop his head. As the sweat they'd worked up began to cool, he pulled back enough so that he could see her face. His hands trailed up and down her back, making her shiver as hers cupped his face. There were words on the tip of her tongue; words that had been there for awhile now, but were demanding to be said, tired of waiting. Yet there was still something that held her back. Instead, she leaned in, capturing his lips with hers. Where she couldn't say it, she decided to show him in other ways and as the night wore on, wrapped up in one another, she was certain he was trying to deliver the same message to her.


	33. Chapter 33

**THIRTY-THREE**

_**Friday, 18 December 2020; twenty-seven weeks** _

Sunday was spent as a quiet day in. Most of the day was spent curled up with James on the couch under a pile of blankets. They watched Christmas movies with the curtains open so they could see the snow fall, dusting the ground in white. Each time a movie ended, she offered to change the channel, but he declined which made her even happier to watch the next one.

Monday she had woken in a bit of a panic to find that he was still laying beside her. After calming her down, he explained that he had called out because there were other things he wanted to do with her that day. The first one he showed her right away, taking time to kiss every square inch of her body before sliding into her until she shattered around him.

When they finally got out of bed, they showered and dressed before taking leave of the house. She had tried to protest when he told her the plan was to buy a tree. Her main argument was that Christmas was already less than two weeks away, but he didn't care. By the time they went home, they had a new prelit tree; white with multicolored lights and far more ornaments than necessary. When she asked him what happened to all of the decorations she _knew_ he had stored in the garage, he had simply shrugged and told her there was always room for more memories.

They picked dinner up on the way home and spent the night putting up the tree and decorating it. He told her that the following year they would do the holiday right and go all out on the exterior. Neither one of them spoke about what they were planning on doing for Christmas. Traditionally, that holiday was spent at the Burrow with Ron's family. It was always the central hub and Molly loved hosting it. It had never bothered her that she spent more time with them as her parents made it a habit to travel the Sunday before Christmas every year, returning a few days after the new year.

Though Hermione doubted either she or James were going to be invited anywhere this year.

At least she wasn't alone in all of this. So long as she got to spend the holiday with James, it would be a good one. She was sure they would make the most of it. She doubted it would be worse than Thanksgiving.

Before heading up to bed that night, Hermione shut off all the lights except for the tree and stripped off her lounging pants and knickers before straddling James' lap. She held his gaze, watching the burst of technicolor reflecting back at her as they came for one another.

Tuesday, with James at work, Hermione decided she didn't want this week to be like the last. She wasn't going to spend her days wearing the same clothes and wallowing in despair. Instead, she took a shower shortly after he left, made herself breakfast, and set out to work. She started in the nursery, putting things away and rearranging what she could. It took her two days before it was all settled. The only thing left was to find a chair they actually liked and the baby itself.

Thursday she went through the Christmas boxes in the garage and rummaged until she found the ornaments she knew held a lot of importance to him. A few were ones that Harry had made when he was little, the one he and Lily had purchased to commemorate his first Christmas, as well as the one they had had made for their own first one together. He didn't say anything when he came home and saw that she had added them. He had just stood there, staring at the tree, his eyes misting over as he ran the tips of his fingers over them.

"You didn't have to do this, Hermione," he said as she came to stand beside him, his arm winding around her as she curled into his side.

"I know," she replied, turning her head to stare up at him. "But she'll always be a part of you and it doesn't bother me."

He had turned then, his lips crashing down on hers as a single tear rolled down his cheek, flavoring their kiss. The dinner he had brought home with him lay forgotten atop the table in the kitchen as he picked up her up and carried her upstairs to thank her.

And on Friday, when he came home a little later than usual, he had a surprise for her. She watched as he approached, taking his hand when he held it out, and followed him to the tree. His other hand came up to the tree, placing something on a branch. Right above where his and Lily's first Christmas ornament hung was their own. She broke away mid kiss to drop to her knees, not even the least bit shy about the fact she wasn't able to wait to get him upstairs.

The next morning, as they lay in bed watching the snow fall outside the window, they finally spoke about the holiday. "I don't want to make a big fuss over it," she said, watching his fingers dance across her swell of her belly. "You got the ornament for us already. I think that's good enough for me."

"You don't even want one gift to open?" he asked, his breath warming her skin from where it was buried in the crook her neck from behind.

"All I want is you," she said, reaching one arm back to thread her fingers through his hair.

He stilled from behind her, his hand flattening over her middle. "Is it okay that I already invited Sirius over for Christmas Eve?"

Hermione chuckled and patted his cheek before dropping her arm, her hand coming to rest over his on her stomach. "I suppose that means we'll have to get him something."

"We don't _have_ -"

"We do," she insisted. "He's been nothing but supportive and he right now, he's the only one still willing to talk to us."

He smiled and pressed his lips to her skin. "We should go shopping today then. If you're up for it."

"Maybe we could go see a movie?"

"Whatever you want," he murmured. "But first..." he added, his hand sliding lower until he found her core.

* * *

_**Saturday, 19 December 2020; twenty-seven weeks** _

It wasn't hard to find something for Sirius. They had gotten it out of the way in one stop. They had gone into a large chain liquor store, one that boasted a sizeable humidor with a range of cigars. James picked out a few along with a new box to keep them in. While he made that selection, Hermione found a bottle of his favorite whiskey.

She laughed as she picked it up, remembering one of the few times she and Harry had stayed the night at his place. They had been in middle school and decided to try it. It was the foulest thing she'd ever put in her mouth. In fact, she hadn't even tried another alcohol until she was of age. The most memorable part was the next morning when they woke to Sirius sitting at the table with the bottle in front of him; a grin on his face as he asked them how it tasted.

Even James had made fun of them when he picked them up later that day. Of course, the humor faded as he pulled up to her house, begging her not to mention that to her parents.

The bottle tucked under her arm, she moved to the aisle with all the boxed sets and found a set of four glasses, whiskey stones, and tongs for them. She knew mostly drank straight from the bottle, but she was determined to make him civilized at some point in his life. Something James laughed with her over when he saw what she had selected.

"Are you sure you don't want to exchange gifts this year?" he had asked once they were back in the car.

"I'm sure," she replied, reaching over the seat for his hand. "You said next year we're going all out with the decorations so we'll go all out with presents too. I promise."

He had brought their joined hands up so he could kiss the backs of her knuckles and then they were off towards the movie theatre.

After nearly buying half the concession stand, they found their seats and settled in. She was glad he was fine with seeing something on the lighter side. Something that wasn't going to wreck her already frazzled emotions she had been working diligently to keep in check. When the movie was over, she still wasn't quite ready to go home. James picked up on it and decided to take her out to dinner, choosing one of his favorite restaurants.

With it being the last Saturday before Christmas, neither of them were the least bit surprised that there was a bit of a wait. Putting their name down with the host, they stood off to the side. Hermione declined an older gentleman's offer for her to take his seat. It was as she scanned the establishment for the restrooms, her eyes did a double take at the sight of a familiar face. She tugged at James' sleeve and nodded in the direction of the bar where Remus, Tonks, and Sirius had a drink while they waited for their table to be ready.

James hadn't said if Remus had found out about them yet. Whether he had and it didn't matter or he had and he didn't accept it, she wasn't sure. He hesitated for a moment, but without a word, took her hand and pulled her towards them. Sirius smiled when he saw them approach, but it was very clear after one look where Remus and Tonks stood when it came to their relationship. The way Remus' eyes flickered to their joined hands had her want to let go, but James squeezed her hand, refusing to give in.

"Fancy meeting you two here," Sirius said, tipping his beer towards them.

"We didn't know you'd be here," James said, his voice light, but Hermione heard the strain.

It was Remus' words that made Hermione flinch. "That's because you weren't invited."

Sirius frowned at his friend. "Oh come on now, Remus. There's no need for that." He then looked James and Hermione again. "You're welcome to join us."

"If they're staying, we're leaving," Remus interrupted, his gaze settling anywhere she and James weren't.

"Remus-"

He did look at James then and shook his head as he slid off his chair. "It's not the age difference, James. It's who she is." His gaze flickered over her for a second, almost as if he couldn't stop himself. "She's always been like a daughter to you and I'm sorry, but I'm not okay with that." He turned to his wife and held out a hand for her to take. "Have a nice holiday."

They watched the pair leave and only when they were out of sight did James press a kiss to her temple and then let go of her hand to pull out the chair Tonks had been in for her. "I suppose that's why I'm godfather," Sirius said, giving her a wink. "Also, I'll need a ride home." James nodded at that, but Sirius was still looking at Hermione. She narrowed her eyes at him when his foot nudged hers under the table. "Cheer up, Kitten. He'll come around, just like the rest of them."

She smiled back at him, grateful to have at least one person wholly in their corner. "Thanks, Sirius."

"What were you two up to today?" he asked.

"Did a bit of shopping and then caught a movie before this."

"Does that mean my gift is in your car?" he asked, a glimmer of mischief in his eyes.

James chuckled under his breath as he leaned back in his chair and placed an arm around the back of hers. "Maybe."

"If you see it before I have the chance to wrap it, it goes back to the store," Hermione teased.

Sirius' bark of laughter startled a few of those around them. "Sounds like a true mom already!" Hermione rolled her eyes and kicked him playfully under the table. He laughed again and looked at James. "Your woman's playing footsie with me, old man."

"Quit calling me that," James said with a shake of his head. "You're older than me."

"You both sound like children," Hermione groaned.

"Sorry, mother darling," Sirius drawled, making her laugh. "There," he said, pointing with his beer. "That's all I wanted."

She nudged him one last time with her foot and smiled. "Thank you." He inclined his head at her, but she pressed on. "For everything. Your support means a lot to me." She turned to James, his lips brushing over hers a moment later. "To both of us," she said, turning back to Sirius.

"It's going to cost you," he replied, sending another wink her way.

Her eyes widened at that as she tipped her head to the side. "We already made you godfather."

"Yes, but I think Sirius makes a wonderful middle name, don't you?"

She froze at that, watching as the humor faded from his gaze as he looked to James. His hand curled around her shoulder, squeezing for comfort. "We haven't talked about names yet."

"Oh," Sirius mumbled, but broke out into another grin anyway. "Then I call dibs."

Hermione couldn't help the laugh that bubbled past her lips as she told him she would consider it. And just like that, the incident with Remus and Tonks was forgotten as the three of them carried on with their night.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is your one and only warning for the rest of the fic: please have your wine at the ready.

**THIRTY-FOUR**

_**Sunday, 20 December 2020; twenty-eight weeks** _

Hermione woke the next morning bathed in a cold sweat. Despite how the past week had been a decent one, she couldn't shake the feeling of dread that had settled in her bones. James woke with her, asking her what was wrong, but there was nothing to tell him. It was just a feeling; one she couldn't quite put her finger on. In an attempt to ease her worries, James suggested starting the day off with a soak in the tub. Having not had one in awhile, she found herself readily agreeing and watched as he went to draw one up for her.

While she waited, she glanced over at her phone. She had no doubt that her parents were still going on their annual trip this year. If she remembered correctly, it was the Bahamas that they had chosen over the summer. Back when she still lived with them. Even if they were still mad at her, it was still a holiday, and they were still her parents. So before she slipped out of bed, she dialed her mother's cell and waited for her to answer or send her to voicemail. She wasn't surprised when it was the latter and after listening to the greeting, Hermione left one anyway.

"Hey, Mom. Dad. You might be at the airport already or on the plane or ignoring my calls. I just wanted to let you know that I still love you even if you're mad at me. That I hope you have a great holiday in the Bahamas. Maybe when you get back we can talk? I would hate for you to miss out on the life of your grandchild because of this." She paused for a second so she could take a deep breath. "Have a safe flight. Love you."

She wiped the lone tear from her lower lashes, set the phone on the nightstand, and left the bed. She inhaled deeply at the warm, comforting smell of the oils James was putting into the water as she stepped into the bathroom. "You bought so many different scents, I wasn't sure which one you actually wanted," he said, doing a double take when he looked up at her. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she said with a nod, smiling back at him. "I just left a message on my mom's cell. They can be mad all they want, but I'd still like to know they had a safe flight."

He stepped closer to her, his lips brushing over her cheek, before he ducked to open the cabinet beneath the sink. When he stood up, he held up the little bin she'd placed her bath stuff in. "Pick one of your fizzy things."

"Bath bombs," she corrected with a sigh.

"Whatever," he replied with a grin. "Preferably one without all the glitter."

"It's biodegradable," she said, reaching for the mostly white one with gold glitter veins.

He frowned for a moment before returning the bin to the cabinet. "It doesn't matter when it sticks to places on my person it has no business sticking to," he groused.

"If you don't like it, you don't _have_ to join me," she said, turning towards the water to shut off the tap.

He scoffed as he moved to stand behind her, his hardened cock pressing against. "You're wrong, love," he breathed, pulling her hair over one shoulder and kissing her skin. "The day I don't want to hop right in at the sight of you naked and wet for me is the day I demand to be taken out. I assure you, I won't be fit for life."

She laughed with him and turned so he could take her hand and help her into the tub. She never had to check the water, knowing he had a knack for always getting it to the perfect temperature on the first try. She stood there, back to the tap as she continued holding his hand while he stepped in, facing her. He lowered himself first and then watched with narrowed eyes as she let go of the bath bomb. It splashed into the water and immediately started fizzing.

She laughed as she reached for his other hand so he could help her sink down to straddle his lap. She hadn't been sure if it would work the first time, but he had assured her there was more than enough room for two. She decided it was better not to ask how he knew that and just let him guide her into position instead. This time, as she settled into his lap, they both moaned as the heat of the water chased away the winter chill.

His hands roamed over her skin as hers cupped his face, tilting it up so she could kiss him. His lips parted right away, his tongue there to greet hers a moment later. She nipped at it with her teeth after a moment, earning a growl from him, low in his throat. She smiled against his mouth as her hips rolled over his cock. "We should remodel the bathroom," she murmured, kissing her way along his jaw until she was able to take his earlobe between her teeth.

"I just had it done less than ten years ago," he said with a laugh. "What did you have in mind?"

"Turn the whole thing into one big tub," she suggested, nibbling her way down the column of his throat.

His hands slid down her backside, squeezing her flesh as he pulled her hips closer with a moan. "Somehow I doubt that would hold up."

She pouted, rotating her hips again. "You're taking all the fun out of my fantasy, _Mister Potter._ "

"And you, _Miss Granger_ , are creating a slew of news ones," he groaned as he thrust up, his cock sliding along her clit, making her whine in his ear.

"Tell me one of yours and I'll tell you one of mine," she purred, tongue tracing the shell of his ear.

His hand sank beneath the surface of the water and grasped his cock. He lined himself up with her entrance and moved his hands to her hips to guide her down. Her head tilted back with a sigh, giving him access to the column of her throat. Access he took advantage of right away.

"I want to come home to you without a stitch of clothing on," he whispered against her skin. "I want to hear you moaning from the base of the stairs. I want you to get louder as I approach."

His fingers dug into her hips to keep her from taking over in her search for friction. It brought forth a strangled cry as he continued thrusting in and out of her at a tortuously slow pace. When he trusted her not to do it again, he let one hand dip, his fingers stroking her clit as he hit hard had deep with each thrust.

"I want to open the door to the bedroom to find you on the center of the bed." She moaned loudly as he built her up with his ministrations and his words. "I want to see you with your legs spread wide as you get yourself off."

"James…"

He nipped at her flesh as he picked up the pace slightly. "To see those slim fingers of yours disappear as you cry out for me, begging me to touch you."

She did cry out then as her body spasmed with the beginnings of her release.

"But I won't. Not until you come so hard your thighs shake." Another nip. "Before you're even done, I'll be there, making you come again with my tongue."

Water splashed over the edge of the tub on all sides as her hips jerked while she repeated his name like a mantra when she came. But he never stopped his thrusting, prolonging her high.

"Your turn," he breathed as her forehead came to rest against his.

She nodded and ground her hips against his, taking control as her face flushed. She knew half of it was from the warmth of the bathroom, half from being nearly too embarrassed to say what she really wanted.

"I want you to…" she swallowed hard and bit at her lip for a moment. "To be rough with me."

He shuddered beneath her as they both moaned from him hitting deeper than ever before. "How rough?" he asked, the gruffness of his voice telling her he was definitely intrigued.

The words came out in a rush so she wouldn't lose her nerve. "Bite me, spank me, pull my hair; anything."

She shivered as his right hand skimmed its way up her body. He followed the curve of her shoulder, up the side of her neck, and sank into her mass of curls. Slowly he wrapped her hair around his fist and tugged. "Like this?"

"H-harder," she moaned, her hips rolling at a much faster pace.

He obliged and her scalp tingled from the pull of her hair.

"Yesyesyes!" she whined as he increased the pressure again. He even tugged her head back so she was staring up at the ceiling as he leaned in, his lips against her flesh. He didn't bite her, but she felt his teeth graze the length of her throat. " _James_!" she cried out as gooseflesh exploded over her body from head to toe. He gave a gentle nip to her skin and while it wasn't exactly what she had meant, it did the trick. She came again, dragging him along with her that time.

When their panting became manageable, he cupped her face between his hands and pulled back to look at her. Her skin heated beneath his touch and he told her to open her eyes when she tried to close them. "I told you there's no reason to be embarrassed about that stuff, love," he said, kissing the tip of her nose. "I will happily give you what you ask for."

A thrill went through her and she clutched at his cock still lodged inside her, making him groan. "Same goes for yours," she whispered. "Once I'm able to reach, that is."

He chuckled and kissed her again, this time on the lips. Neither of them said anything as they held each other until the water started to turn cold. After a quick wash, they got out of the tub and dried off so they could start their day.

* * *

Hermione wasn't all that surprised to find no response as she checked her phone throughout the day. Though each time her screen lit up, the feeling of dread she had woken up to only increased. Even with the relaxation the bath they had shared earlier had provided. Regardless, they carried on with their day.

Since they had already decided they were going to cook something for Christmas Eve, one look in the fridge told them they needed to go shopping. So after eating bowls of cereal for breakfast, they dressed warmly and braved the snow to head to the store. They took their time, browsing up and down all the aisles, even the ones they know they didn't need anything from. The end result was a ton of things they didn't need, but things she would consume either way in her current state.

It wasn't until they got home and were halfway through putting the groceries away that she thought about the date. James did a double take at the sight of her standing with her hand in a bag, the other on her stomach.

"Hermione?"

"Tomorrow's my first official day of my third trimester."

James let out a faint whistle as he came to stand beside her, his hand resting next to hers. As usual, the baby kicked wildly beneath his palm. "We probably should talk about names."

She nodded, but didn't comment. Instead, she asked, "Was it like this with Harry? Did time move so incredibly fast, but also slow as molasses at the same time?"

He nodded and pressed a kiss to her cheek before going back to putting groceries away. "It was exactly like that."

She sighed. "Probably because we don't even find out we have a tag-a-long until the first trimester's nearly over. And then the second trimester we're too busy fighting hormones to notice the time." She smiled at the laugh that came from him. "Was her third trimester the worst one?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

She groaned. "I'll take that as a yes."

"We'll get through it," he assured her. "Just like with everything else. I think we've done a pretty good job so far, don't you?"

"Aside from the fact that no one will talk to us aside from Sirius and the occasional text from Ginny?"

"I wasn't talking about them, Hermione," he said, voice tight. "I was talking about us."

She laid her hand on his forearm and gave a light squeeze. "I know, I'm sorry." She let go to unpack a bag and then added, "And yes, so far it's been great. All thanks to you."

"I am something, aren't I?"

She snorted. "Don't get cocky."

A yelp left her lips as she found herself being whirled around by the hips and then pressed her back softly against the counter. His lips brushed over hers as he murmured, "I thought you loved it when-"

 _Knock, knock, knock_.

Both of them froze for a moment before he pulled back. "Were you expecting anyone?" she asked.

He shook his head and pushed himself away from her to go answer the door. Hermione inhaled sharply, the air pulling between her teeth. She took a few cautious steps towards the archway as her body began to tremble with nervous energy wondering who it could be. Just as she was about to peer around the corner to see, she heard a voice she didn't recognize.

But it was the flashing red and blue lights that danced around the hallway that made her blood turn to sludge.

"Is this the residence of a Miss Hermione Jean Granger?"

"It is," James said, his voice worried.

"Is she home? We need to speak with her."

She swallowed hard as she stepped into view. "I'm Hermione," she said, her eyes bouncing back and forth between the two police officers in the doorway. "W-what's wrong?" she asked, moving slowly towards them as though her feet were about to turn to stone at any second.

"For the record, are you the daughter of a Russell David Granger and a Jean Anne Granger?"

"Yes," she said, her voice not much more than a whisper.

The pity in both officer's eyes told her that this was it. Whatever they were about to say next was what that feeling of dread that had been building was preparing her for. But as the officer began to speak, the blood began to rush past her ears. She heard him, she did, but her mind refused to acknowledge the weight of what he said. Instead, she just stared at them until she couldn't even do that.

Her legs gave out a second after their lips stopped moving, but she never hit the ground thanks to James' arm preventing her fall. He was calling her name, but it sounded as though he were yelling it from down the street. As if he were anywhere other than right next to her, holding her tight. For a second, she thought she heard a scream and after a moment, she realized it was her own.

As though she were underwater, she heard James speaking to the officers and them communicating with their dispatch calling for an ambulance. And as James' voice adopted a more urgent tone as he called her name, she wondered if she hadn't lost control of her bladder from the news. Her thighs pressed together at the sudden warmth between them and from the way James was holding her, she knew he felt it too. Only, when he lifted his hand, she saw red stained skin.

And then, she saw nothing at all.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates in less than twenty-four hours?!?!
> 
> You're welcome :)

**THIRTY-FIVE**

_**Sunday, 20 December 2020; twenty-eight weeks** _

Everything passed in a blur.

Lengths of time seemed to go so fast, Hermione wasn't sure if they were memories or dreams. Others stretched on in never ending bouts, making her long for the quick bursts of time.

She could recall having woken in the back of an ambulance, but only for a second. Aside from the two paramedics, she was alone. And terrified. One of them spoke to her, trying to keep her conscious, but the panic hadn't run its course yet and all she could do was call out for James. Whether or not his name was coherent on her lips or not, she never knew.

The next bit that she remembered was being in a hospital room; the stark white walls causing her headache to worsen when she tried to open her eyes. There was a pain, most of it concentrated in her stomach, but through it, she could feel a hand twined with hers, squeezing tight. Her eyes couldn't focus, but she knew it was James. His presence was the only thing keeping her from being pulled asunder when the panic rose again and threatened to swallow her whole.

When she came to again, it was to James stroking the hair from her face and asking her to wake up. He was telling her that the doctor needed to talk to them about the baby; that they had a decision to make. She had managed to open her eyes, but when she saw the tears in his, the news of the officers at their door replayed in her mind and chaos erupted again.

As she faded out, she felt James' hand slip from hers. She heard doctors and nurses scrambling and a moment later, she was in motion; her destination unknown.

It was when she came too next that seemed to stretch on for eons.

At first, she woke with a start, panicking when she moved her hands to her stomach instinctively only to find a soft, deflated middle where there should have been a strong roundness. She had cried out, but James was there a moment later. He took her hands in his and pressed himself as close as possible to her from where he stood at her side. His own sobs joined hers before he could explain much, but upon hearing their baby was alright, she relaxed just a fraction.

The doctor had arrived shortly after they had both calmed down and explained it all to her. With each word that he spoke, Hermione felt herself getting more numb. The more time seemed to stand still and refused to move. He told her that while uncommon, emotional trauma could sometimes be severe enough to cause labor. That the news of her parents' death had done just that for her.

He told them that they had tried everything they could to keep her from delivering prematurely, but her body refused to cooperate. That they had ended up performing an emergency Caesarian and the baby had been immediately rushed to the NICU. At only twenty-eight weeks, he was considered extremely high risk, but as of right now, he was healthy. As he started to explain the game plan, Hermione's mind tuned him out. The last thing she heard was that typically premature babies would be kept in the NICU until their due date. Sometimes longer depending on what happened while they were in intensive care. Rarely did they go home early.

While he hadn't mentioned how long Hermione would have to stay, she got the impression it would be longer than anticipated.

A nurse had come in a few moments before the doctor left to take her vitals and check her IV's. She tried to engage Hermione in conversation, but all she could manage was a simple shake or nod of her head. The nurse seemed to understand, thankfully, and began to direct her questions to James. He answered what he could, which was far more than she thought he would have been able to. Finished, the nurse gave her a pat on the arm and told her that she was just a press of a button away if she needed anything.

When it was just her and James, she closed her eyes and settled back into the pillow behind her head. She winced when she shifted her hips to try and get more comfortable. The pain that followed brought tears to her eyes and before she knew it, she was sobbing again. James was there, as he always was, wrapping himself around her as best he could. His hand sought hers and she clung to him as her emotions poured out of her in an uncontrollable storm.

* * *

_**Monday, 21 December 2020** _

Hermione hadn't even known when she'd drifted off to sleep. For all she knew, it could have been smack dab in the middle of her outburst. As for how much time had passed since then, she wasn't sure. The only thing she was aware of was that there was still a hand in hers and she was still wrapped up tightly in someone's arms.

The problem was that the hand in hers wasn't quite right and while the scent of the person's shoulder she was leaning on was familiar, it wasn't James'. She pulled away slowly, her eyes going wide as her vision focused to reveal Harry. He was sitting on the bed with her, his arm slung around her shoulders so he could play with her hair while she rested up against him, her head on his shoulder.

"Harry?" she questioned, blinking as if this were a dream she had yet to wake up from.

"Sorry, I know I probably wasn't who you were expecting or even wanted to see, but I sent Dad out a bit ago. Sirius took him to get something to eat." He reached up with his other hand to push his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. "Should be back soon."

She swallowed hard, her throat still raw from having nearly sobbed her eyes out. She wanted to say something, to ask questions, but her tongue felt like cotton in her mouth, refusing to cooperate. Instead, she laid her head back onto his shoulder and closed her eyes against a few more tears. Between them, his hand squeezed hers for reassurance as his lips brushed over the crown of her head.

"I'm sorry, Hermione," he whispered, anguish in his voice. "I'm so sorry that I wasn't there sooner." He shook his head above her, her hair catching at the stubble of his beard, making her head tingle. "It's still going to take some adjusting or whatever," he said, pausing to clear his throat. "But you're my family. More so now than you were seven months ago and I'm here, Hermione. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

She felt him shake at her side as they cried together. Hermione was surprised that she had anything left in her system to cry at all. They sat there, wrapped up in one another. Even after the tears had subsided, neither one of them moved.

"I saw him earlier," Harry said after the nurse had come in to check on her at the top of the hour. Hermione still couldn't find the will to speak, so she nodded against him, though her stomach clenched at the mention of her child. "Sirius and I stopped outside the NICU once we knew you were…" He trailed off and Hermione tried not to wince at the fact he had almost said she was okay. He cleared his throat and said, "He's small. And pink."

Had Hermione not been so numb, she might have laughed. As it was, she couldn't do more than force air through her nose and blink as she continued to stare straight ahead.

"Right now, they're calling him Baby Boy Granger-Potter," he said, talking in the hopes she would respond to something. "That's quite a mouthful, don't you think?"

She pulled away from him then and looked around the room. "Where's my phone?" she asked.

"Not sure," he said, watching her, reaching for her as she flipped the covers off her legs. "Hermione…"

"I need my phone," she breathed, panic blossoming in her chest. "I need to check it. See if my parents-" she stopped short, nearly choking on the word. Her mind was trying to tell her something, but she refused to listen. "I need-"

"Hermione…" he said again, his voice breaking. "Please don't- Just stay-"

"I need my phone, Harry!" she snapped, shifting her legs over the side of the bed, ignoring the sharp pain that followed the action. "And my…my clothes," she added, the cold of the linoleum floor making her breath hitch when her feet made contact.

"That's not…" Harry was on his feet too, staring at her with panic in his eyes. "You can't… I'm just gonna get a nurse. Just don't… Don't get up," he said and dashed out of the room.

Hermione's jaw clenched as she shifted forward on the edge of the bed again. With her feet firmly planted on the ground, she tried to push herself onto them, but her legs refused to hold her up. She growled in frustration and tried again. This time her elbows buckled mid push and she cried out as she nearly slid off the bed and to the floor.

But it wasn't luck that kept her from falling, it was a strong pair of arms banding around her, holding her tight. "What are you doing?" James asked, his voice stern.

"I need my phone," she whispered into his chest. "My parents…"

"Hermione…they're-"

"NO!" she bellowed, trying her best to push herself out of his grasp, but he only held on tighter. "I don't… They c-can't be. They… _James_!"

"I'm sorry, love," he whispered, his tears spilling into her hair. He continued to hold her tight as he repeated the words over and over again until she was calm enough to lay back down. He stayed bent over her though, his forehead against hers as he rubbed whatever part of her that he could.

It took a moment for her to realize the pain was gone and when she turned her head to the side, it felt as though she was weightless. "Something to help you sleep," the nurse said, patting her arm again before removing the syringe from the port in her IV line.

"Don't leave," she begged, her fingers grasping at James as her body relaxed.

"I won't," he promised, lips brushing over hers as her eyes closed. "I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

_**Saturday, 26 December 2020; five days old** _

It was the day after Christmas, six days since being carted off in an ambulance, that Hermione was being released. The doctor had come by early that morning to deliver the good news and that the paperwork would be brought by for discharge before lunch. Hermione tried her best to pay attention to the instructions, but found it hard to focus.

The numbness that had presented itself following her attempt to get her phone at the start of the week had stuck around, refusing to let go. When the mild sedative had worn off, she'd simply opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling. Even as Sirius, Ginny, and Harry came to visit here and there, she said nothing. Not that she said much to James either; saving her words for answering the doctors and nurses instead.

From what she was able to piece together, she was supposed to remain on bed rest until cleared by her OBGYN. They gave her medications to take for the next month and promised they would keep the two of them apprised of their child's condition and that they were welcome to visit as often as they wanted. The last part was directed more at James than at her; at least until she was cleared. Though from what she'd heard him say, their idea of visitation was staring at him through a window.

Last she had been told, he was stable, but he wasn't out of the woods yet. He had been intubated upon being taken away and still wasn't able to breathe on his own. His brain hadn't fully developed yet, but it was responding well to treatment as was the rest of him. Each time they had come to her and James about a decision on one test or another, she averted her gaze, leaving James to make the call.

Silent tears streamed down her face as James helped her into the wheelchair the nurse said she had to be in to leave the hospital. She hugged the bag of her belongings to her chest. Not only did she no longer have her parents to turn to, but she didn't have her child either. But she wasn't sure which was worse; that she was leaving him behind or that she didn't want to stay with him.

The car ride home was silent and Hermione kept herself turned towards her door. She rested her head against the window, her eyes focused on the panel as the world blurred past her as James drove. She barely registered the two cars parked outside the house, having figured they would be there upon her release.

James reached for her as they walked up to the door, but when he went to brush his lips over hers, she turned her head, causing them to ghost over her cheek. He lingered behind as she pushed the door open, not hesitating in the slightest to leave him behind as she crossed the threshold and dropped the bag in the entryway. She didn't want anything inside of it now; not even her phone.

Sirius, Harry, and Ginny all stood up to greet her the moment she rounded the corner and stepped into the living room. One by one, they pulled her close and told her they were happy to see her home. She tried to smile, but her lips did nothing more than a brief twitch. James joined them a few moments later, watching as she went through the motions of being fawned over.

No one said anything when she began to retreat. They simply watched her go with sad, helpless eyes as they told her Merry Christmas and to get a good night's rest in her own bed.

She paused at the top of the stairs, but she refused to spare a glance in the direction of the nursery.

With a tight throat, she forced herself forward and crossed the hall in a few more steps until she was in the room she shared with James. She didn't even step out of her shoes before she sat on her the side of the bed she always claimed as her own. Without even peeling back the covers, she laid down on her side, her body curling into the fetal position. She closed her eyes at the emptiness she felt when, out of habit, her hand drifted to her stomach, only to find nothing there.

She hugged her pillow so she could bury her face into it and focused on her breathing until she began to drift off. It wasn't until much later when she woke for a moment that she realized James had come in at one point. He had taken off her shoes and draped a blanket over her before curling around her back like he always did and held her tight to him. She was awake long enough to push herself back into his embrace, drifting off again when she felt him tightened his hold. It was almost enough to chase the numbness away.

Almost.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: You guys are amazing. I am blown away by how many people have gone through this scenario as either the mother or the child. I'm glad everything worked out for you (from all I've heard anyway) and that I'm doing justice to the emotions surrounding premature birth brought on by trauma. I myself have never been pregnant so I did a LOT of research beforehand and I'm glad it's paying off.
> 
> I love each and every one of you :)

**THIRTY-SIX**

_**Thursday, 31 December 2020; one week old** _

The morning after Hermione had been home, James had coaxed her into a shower with him without saying a word. She tried to be strong for him, knowing that he needed her too, but she was too numb to attempt it for long. As it was, most of their time in the shower was spent huddled together as the water sprayed down around them, surrounding them in warmth. When they did wash up, she found herself relaxing ever so slightly at the way his fingers felt against her scalp as they massaged her while he washed her hair.

It was when he helped her towel dry her hair after she slipped into her robe that she realized she hadn't shed a single tear. She wasn't sure if it was a relief or not.

The first words they exchanged were later that morning in the kitchen when he mentioned going to the hospital to check on their son and asked if she wanted to come with. She had declined the offer, saying she wasn't ready to go back. But she saw the look in his eyes; the one that told her he knew that wasn't the only reason. Yet, he nodded, kissed her on the cheek, and promised to be back soon.

She wasn't really surprised when Sirius showed up shortly after James' departure. He just walked in without so much as a knock on the front door and plopped himself down on the couch next to her. She offered what she could in terms of a smile to him to which he inclined his head and plucked the remote from her hand. Neither of them said a word during his visit as they fixed their attention to the television. Whatever they had been watching, she couldn't recall, but she took comfort in his presence all the same.

It was like that for the rest of the week; of which, James had taken off of work. He spent his mornings and evenings with her and his afternoons at the hospital. And each time he left, it wasn't long before someone else had joined her at the house. She knew it was James asking them; his way of trying to help her. She appreciated the efforts, but after a couple days, she just wanted to be alone.

Wednesday she had retreated up to their room after James left for the hospital. Sleep had come surprisingly easy the moment she laid down and when she woke, the presence curled up at her back was too small and lithe to be James. Confused, she forced her eyes open and turned her head only to see a sea of red hair fanning the pillows, mixing with her own curls.

It was the first time she smiled.

That night, Ginny had stayed for dinner. Mostly it was because James had brought Harry with him upon his return from the hospital. It was strange to have them around and they did their best to carry on like normal, but Hermione sat there for the most part; half listening, half staring off into space. When they brought up New Year's Eve the following night, Hermione excused herself and went upstairs to lie down.

But even if she had felt like celebrating the holiday, a call from the hospital shortly after waking up Thursday morning would have had her changing her mind anyway.

She could tell by the panic in his eyes as he listened to whoever spoke on the other end, the strain in his voice as he answered questions, and the frantic way he dressed once the call was over that it wasn't good news.

His jaw clenched when he had finished getting ready only to see that she still hadn't moved from her spot on the bed. She knew he wanted to say something and that he needed her help, but the thought of stepping back into the hospital already had her heart pounding extra hard in her chest. "I'll call you," he said after a moment, leaning in to give her a quick kiss on the forehead before bounding away.

He called her several times. She answered each one, but as he tried to explain what was going on, she couldn't focus. Instead, the only thing she managed to say was that she trusted him and whatever decision he made, she would support. After that, he didn't call.

That night, when he came home with less than an hour to go before the new year, he broke down. He was sitting on the edge of the bed when she emerged from the bathroom; his head buried in his hands. Without even looking up at her, he told her that their son was still alive, but it wasn't looking good. The doctors had changed his prognosis to guarded, but they were doing everything they could.

He had barely finished speaking before he pushed himself to his feet and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. The moment he buried his face in her curls, he lost it. She wrapped her arms around his shaking form, but there wasn't anything left in her to cry with him. Somewhere amidst the sobs he told her that he needed her too and she could only respond with, "I'm sorry."

* * *

_**Monday, 4 January 2021; two weeks old** _

That following Monday, two weeks after giving birth, James took Hermione to her OBGYN. Her doctor told her that she was healing quite nicely; that typically women recovered within four to six weeks. Since the stitches placed at the surgical site were dissolvable, there was nothing to worry about removing. When asked about the baby, Hermione's answer was comprised of the least amount of words possible. The doctor knew where he was, but it was the polite thing to do. But based on Hermione's reaction, the doctor looked between her and James before asking if she was okay. As she brought up post-partum depression and ways to cope, Hermione declined the information despite the look on James' face and they left, making an appointment a month out.

Instead of going straight home, James drove them to his office. He had called in that morning to say he would be out for the day and inquired as to how much sick time he had. Since he had been with the force for quite some time, he had more than half a year of sick time saved up. Given the situation, he was stopping in long enough to sign some paperwork and then working every day would be the least of his concerns for awhile.

When he came back to the car, he asked if she wanted to go to the hospital with him. She averted her gaze from him so she wouldn't see the disappointment and heartbreak in his eyes when she shook her head. He stayed long enough to make sure she was settled in at home and then took off. He came back well after dinner which suited Hermione fine as she wasn't hungry.

During the course of those two weeks, the routine they had set up before the holiday remained the same except James didn't send someone over to sit with her in his absence. He called her a few times when he was at the hospital; some she answered, some she didn't. For the most part, she saw him in the morning until he left after making sure she ate breakfast. Whether or not he came back for dinner or returned after she was already asleep was fifty-fifty.

It was the second Wednesday of the new year that James came home in the middle of the afternoon with tears in his eyes and a bittersweet smile on his lips. He ignored the startled look on her face at the sight of him as he gently pulled her to her feet from the couch and held her as tight as he dared.

"He took a turn for the better this morning," he informed her, his face buried in her curls. "Still not out of the woods completely, but…" his voice trailed off as he pulled back and cupped her face. "He might do better if you came to see him."

She swallowed hard and closed her eyes when he refused to let her slip away. "I can't. I'm sorry."

"Hermione-"

"Not yet," she whispered as he released her.

She heard him sigh and saw the way he continued to stand where she'd left him when she sat back down on the couch. He was biting his tongue, but she was still too afraid. He said nothing as he nodded and carded a hand through his hair. Instead of sitting with her, he turned and made his way for the stairs. She didn't blame him one bit; if the situation were reversed, she wouldn't want to be around her either.

* * *

_**Saturday, 9 January 2021; two weeks old** _

It was the following Saturday that Hermione woke up later than usual. She wasn't surprised that James was no longer beside her or that his side of the bed was cold. She was, however, surprised to find him downstairs considering the time of day and that he wasn't alone. Ginny, Harry, and Sirius were sitting around the kitchen table, eating bagels, cream cheese, and an assortment of fruit they must have brought over with them.

They gave her warm, but tentative smiles when they saw her approach and Sirius insisted she take his seat. Before she could even decline an offer for food, Harry was shoving a cheesy bagel with extra cream cheese into her hand. She ate as she listened to them continue their conversation from before she had walked in.

For awhile, it almost seemed normal. As if nearly a month ago her parents hadn't died. As if the news hadn't been so devastating it had forced her into premature labor at barely twenty-eight weeks. For a second, she even reached for James' hand and gave him a smile; one that caught him completely off guard, but he latched onto for as long as she offered.

But as she had learned the hard way, Hermione soon learned that there was always another shoe to drop.

When their guests retreated to the living room, James squeezed her hand and held her back. "We need to talk." He didn't give her the option to get out of it before adding, "About your parents."

She hesitated for a moment, but finally gave a curt nod. "What about them?"

He wet his lips in effort to search for the best way to say what he needed to without scaring her off too soon. "The morgue keeps calling to ask about your plans. They won't… They'll keep them until we figure it out, but-"

Hermione's jaw clenched and she looked away, but she didn't move away from him. "Okay."

His grip tightened in hers and she heard the breath he released ever so slowly. "I assume, given their religion, they wanted to be buried instead of cremated?"

She nodded, but her throat constricted, preventing words.

"If I can arrange it for next weekend, would you be okay with that?" She nodded again, prompting him to say, "I can handle it if you can't, Hermione. I'm sure they'll help." He nodded towards the others in the living room at that.

Despite not wanting to deal with it, being their sole child, their lawyer had already stopped by to read the will. They had left her everything; mainly their house and their money. Whatever debt they did have, which wasn't much, was taken out of what they had. Even so, it still left her with more than she would ever know what to do with.

She pulled her hands from his and took a step back. "I don't want you paying for anything. Whatever it costs, I can use the money they left me."

He nodded, not willing to argue about it. Nor did he say anything or try to get her to stay when she started to leave.

She stopped at the entry way and looked over her shoulder, but not at him. "If you plan a wake, it would be better to hold it at their house."

"Consider it done," he said, rubbing at his chin. "We're going to the hospital if-"

He stopped when she shook her head and turned the corner to mount the stairs. She closed the door behind her when she entered their room, but no sooner did she sit on the edge of the bed was there a light knock on the door. Harry stepped in a moment later, not bothering to wait for her invitation.

It took one look at him as he came to stand in front of her to know what he was going to say.

"I don't remember my mom," he began. "So I don't know what it really feels like to lose a parent, let alone both of them at once."

"Harry-"

"I can't even imagine what you're going through, Hermione," he persisted, "but _y_ _ou_ are a parent now and you haven't even gone to see your son once. My father can't do this alone. He can't take care of you and your child by himself. You're not the only one grieving and he needs you. I know you know that."

She winced and dropped her gaze to the floor, her hands curving over the edge of the bed.

He dropped to his knees before her, filling her vision with him unless she closed her eyes. "I'm sorry, Hermione, I really am. I _know_ you're not okay, but I don't know how to help you. The only thing I can do is be here for whatever you need. But you're drifting away from all of us and we're scared." He reached up to brush away the lone tear that tracked its way down her cheek. "If not me, then at least my dad, okay? He needs you more than any of us; just as much as you need him."

She nodded against his palm, but refused to speak. She knew that if she opened her mouth now, more tears would follow and she would fall apart. She wasn't ready to deal with the storm of emotions.

But Harry accepted her nod. He pushed himself up, his lips pressing against her forehead as he rose. "If you decide you want to see him while we're gone, call us. We'll come back for you."

There was no doubt in her mind that that was true, but even as she found herself reaching for the phone later that afternoon, she changed her mind. Instead, she laid down, closed her eyes, and waited until James returned with dinner.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I've been putting your emotions through the ringer, but there's one more chapter that hits hard and then we're out of the woods.

**THIRTY-SEVEN**

_**Saturday, 16 January 2021; three weeks old** _

Hermione was amazed that James had been able to accomplish so much in a week's time. Though he had assured her he had help from not only Harry, Ginny, and Sirius, but her parents had contingencies already in place for this sort of thing. They had already had their headstones made and their plots picked out at the cemetery. They'd already made the arrangements for what they wanted to wear and what flowers they wanted to have. For the most part, it was a matter of ticking things off a checklist and paying to appropriate people.

The wake, however, was not something her parents had made a plan for. Ginny had taken the lead on that one, so while Hermione, James, and Harry went to the cemetery to bury her parents, she and Sirius went to her parents' house. That way, it was only family that attended the actual funeral. Hermione had spoken up at that, telling Ginny she was family, but when Ginny teased about leaving the planning of the wake to Sirius, Hermione almost laughed.

The funeral itself was a grim affair, not that she had thought it would have been anything but. And from what she understood about the stages of grief, she was cycling back and forth between denial and depression without ever having touched on the others. While she was saddened by the fact her parents were buried with so little around them, she also thought it was too many. Especially when, before it started, she had to continuously answer the same five questions she didn't want to answer at all.

James and Harry did their best to redirect, but by the time they moved outside into the frigid January air, Hermione was ready to be done for the day. In the end, it was her aunt on her mother's side that gave the speech when Hermione shook her head to decline. And after both coffins were successfully lowered into the ground, Hermione couldn't seem to move away from the spot before them.

As the small group of her extended family began to head back to her parents, were they were staying for the time being anyway, Hermione found herself still standing there. Even with one hand holding tight to James' and the other to Harry's, she couldn't bring herself to move. When it began to snow, she let go of their hands and sank to her knees, not caring in the slightest that it soaked her leggings. Behind her, she heard James and Harry whispering about the hospital so she turned and offered James as much of a smile as she could and told him to go. That he would see him at the wake.

He crouched at her side, dropped a kiss to the top of her head, and bid them both goodbye before going to check on their son. When it was just the two of them, Harry sat beside her. The two of them stayed there until the cold grew to be too much. Only then did she rise on shaking legs and take comfort in the hand he offered before walking back to his car and driving to her parents.

With everything that had gone down prior to the car accident, she hadn't been expecting to see so many cars that crowded the street when they arrived. When he parked, she stared out, gaping while making no move to get out. She recognized the cars too; they belonged to the family of her former in-laws and other friends she hadn't seen much of since she found out she was pregnant anyway.

"If it's too much, I can-"

"It's fine," she said with a quick shake of her head. "Just…"

"Gin's already warned them to not overwhelm you. If you need a minute, take it. Grieve however you need to, Hermione. No one's judging."

They only stayed in the car a bit longer before heading inside. Just as she was afraid of, even though she knew would happen, everyone stopped their conversations and stared at her. To get it over with, she gave a general nod as she scanned their faces. "Thanks for coming," she murmured and slipped away to find the least inconspicuous spot to sit down at.

For the most part, people did leave her alone. She just sat there, making herself as small as possible as she kept her gaze rooted to the ground so she wouldn't be confronted by all the memories that hung around the walls of this place. Occasionally someone would take notice of her, but they kept their conversations limited. Most just offered a hug or a squeeze on the shoulder.

At some point, Ginny thrust a plate of food in front of her and demanded that she eat. Upon her lips parting to protest, her friend not so nicely threatened to force feed her in front of everyone if she didn't comply on her own. Hermione stared after her as she walked away with a smile on her face. She had eaten half of her plate before her stomach threatened to revolt. Not wanting to just set it down on the table and forget about it, she got up and made her way to the kitchen.

Not surprisingly, Ron was there, picking at one of the meat trays. Of all her former in-laws, her ex husband and his mother had been the only two that had not come over to directly offer their condolences to her. But unlike Molly, Remus, and Tonks, Ron hadn't so much as sent a passing glance her way.

Until now.

"Hermione-"

"Don't," she interrupted, though it came out as more of a sigh.

"Don't what?" he replied. "Care about you? Worry about you? You know I'll always-"

"Where was this level of caring from all of you after Thanksgiving?" she snapped, setting her half-eaten plate down on the counter rather roughly. Had it not been a paper plate, it would have broken. "How can you say that when you stood there and accused me of cheating when you found out I was pr-" Her throat constricted as if her mind refused to say the word, lest it make her think of her son in the hospital. "Or how you kicked me out of a house that wasn't even yours when you found out about James and I?"

"Hermione-"

"No!" she continued, taking a step forward, tears blurring her vision. It was the most emotion she had felt since the nurse had sedated her at the hospital a month prior. "Had I not had to bury my parents you wouldn't even be here! You wouldn't be able to look at me and you certainly wouldn't be calling yourself my friend!"

She clutched at the counter as a sob tore up her throat.

"It's not like we expected this to happen or that if affects any one of you, but _none_ of you would be here talking to me if my parents hadn't died on their way to the airport!"

She jumped at a tender touch of someone's hand at the small of her back and she whirled around to see Harry. Behind him, everyone was watching, though they were staring at her as if she were a train about to wreck. Panic began to bloom in her chest as she scanned the crowd, but the closest thing to what she wanted to see turned out to be Harry. Even if her outburst had been partly directed at him, her need for anything close to James was too great to push him away.

His arms were around her as she clung to him. She buried her face in chest and sagged against him. Had he not been holding her up, she would have fallen into a heap on the floor as damn finally burst open and a month's worth of emotions began to flow.

"I'm sorry," she whispered over and over again through her tears. It wasn't necessarily an apology towards him, but mostly at her outburst in front of everyone. Yet one more thing they were going to stare at her for.

"I'm sorry too," he whispered back.

But her mind refused to hear him. It was stuck in an endless cycle of self-deprecation. It caused all sorts of words to flow past her lips. Words that blamed herself for her parents' deaths and for having put James in a position to choose between them.

As people continued to watch her fall apart, Hermione only clung to him tighter. She sobbed until her throat was raw and her eyes stung and puffed up. Until there was no moisture left in her body to keep her cheeks glossy. When she had been reduced to swollen eyes, a snotty nose, and hiccups, she pulled away from him and marched through the crowd. They all gave her a wide berth as she made her way upstairs. She had intended on going into her old room and holing herself up until further notice, but when she stopped, she found herself in her parents' room instead.

She rested against the wall that contained the on suite bathroom and slid down until she was on the ground, hugging her knees to her chest. She was surprised to find silent tears stream down her face as she stared around. Photos littered the walls around her; from their youth to hers and even up until her college graduation. And just when another round of sobs began to start at the fact they would never get to know their grandson, the door opened and James walked in.

He said nothing as he sat beside her and pulled her into his lap. She angled herself so her legs were perpendicular to his and she could loop an arm around his neck and bury her face in the crook of his shoulder. Her breakdown didn't last nearly as long as the previous one had and when it was over, he produced a tissue from the box he must have brought with him and she wiped at her face.

When she was as snot free as she could manage, she cupped his jaw with one hand and brought his lips to hers. He melted beneath her as he tightened his hold, savoring the moment as he wasn't sure when the next one would be. Their mouths moved as one; lips nipping at the others as her tongue danced along his. It lasted until she could no longer survive on shared air and pulled away with a sigh before settling back into his hold again.

"How is he?" she asked, her voice nothing more than a croak.

He stilled from surprise and tucked her hair behind her ears with a smile. "Getting better every day," he replied, his lips brushing over her temple. "They're going to take him off the ventilator this week and see if he can breathe on his own." There was a silence between them that stretched on for ages as she reached out for the hand he had splayed across her thigh. "Will you come?" he asked, linking their fingers together.

"I don't know," was all she could say.

He nodded and she felt his smile against her forehead. It wasn't a no; she knew he understood that. She knew that she had to pull herself together. That James needed her. Her _son_ needed her, but that irrational fear of seeing him wasn't going to go away over night. Being in this room, however, was helping. There was a solid reason her parents would never get to know her son, but she was alive. Her heart was still beating. _She_ had no reason to miss out on her son's life just because her parents would.

Thinking of that, she kissed James on the cheek and closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth of his embrace as a smile played at her lips. It was small, but it was a start.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't normally put a TW on things, but there's been a few intense chapters and this one takes the cake. For those of you that don't want it spoiled, I have it in the notes at the bottom.

**THIRTY-EIGHT**

_**Sunday, 31 January 2021; five weeks old** _

Things were looking up during the last few days of January. Not only was Hermione cleared from bed rest by her OBGYN, but their son had been taken off the ventilator. Hermione had wanted to be there for it, but despite her attempts to leave with James, she couldn't find the inner strength to actually go. As usual, he called her from the hospital when there was news. It had happened the day after her clearance and James had stayed at the hospital far longer than he normally did.

It was the morning after, the last day of January, that Hermione woke with herself curled around James' back. He hadn't been there when she'd gone to bed, nor had she heard him come in. Either way, she sighed and tightened her hold on him, glad that he was there now. It was rare that she was up before him and in this position. Once he had a hold of her during the night, there was no getting out of it. But if he felt half of the comfort she did, she was content right as she was.

In the week that followed the burial of her parents, Hermione had begun to feel a little more like herself again. She didn't spend her time in the house just existing. She showered and dressed for the day. She texted people back instead of ignoring her phone all together. James had even gotten her to laugh the other day. Immediately after he had pulled her close and kissed her senseless and as out of place as her mind tried to tell her it was, the rest of her body disagreed.

She pressed a kiss to the space between James' shoulder blades as her hands began to roam. She enjoyed the way his skin felt beneath her fingertips as she explored the hard planes of his chest and the slightly less defined stomach. As her hands dipped lower, she frowned. She had been so stuck in her own head that she hadn't noticed the change in his physique. His hip bone jutted out more than it usually did and when she ran her hands back up over him, she took note of the differences. She hugged him tighter, making a silent promise to him and to herself to do better. She couldn't allow him to run himself ragged on her account. Harry had been right; James needed her too and she was failing him.

As her hands continued to roam, she thought of one thing in particular that would make him feel better. A smile made her lips twitch as she remembered the last time she had woken him up this way. Only time, she was planning on staying right where she was, using her hands instead of her mouth. With her mind having been made up, she slipped her hand beneath the waistband of his shorts and wrapped her fingers around him.

She felt him twitch in her grasp as he began to grow. He had been half hard when she'd first made contact, but after a few strokes and a swipe of her thumb across the weeping head of his cock, he was completely hard. When he thrust against her for the first time, she released him long enough to work down the waistband of his shorts, freeing him from them entirely.

When she took hold of him again, she increased her pressure and alternated between rotating her wrist and stroking back and forth. With each move she made, she felt him stir and before long, he was moving with her and moaning. Even without being able to see his face, she knew he was awake and lost in the pleasure of her touch. She pressed herself tighter against him, continuously pressing her lips to his skin.

The closer she brought him to his release, the more he wept from the tip of his cock. Once he was thoroughly coated in his own slick, she picked up the pace of her ministrations. She heard him mutter name under his breath as he thrust his hips in time to her strokes. With a few more rotations of her wrist, she felt his body tense and then relax. She slowed her movements as he emptied himself into her hand. He shuddered and groaned until there was nothing left and without a word, she let go and went to the bathroom to wash her hands and returned with a towel for him to wipe up with.

She laid back down on her side, facing him, settling beneath the covers once more as he cleaned himself up. Finished, he tossed it onto the floor on his side of the bed until he got up, and then turned towards her. He propped himself up on one elbow and leaned over her, his other hand cupping her cheek as he closed the distance and laid his lips over hers.

"What was that for?" he murmured.

She shrugged at first before offering a small smile. "A thank you," she breathed. "For putting up with me and taking care of everything." Her hand came up to rest at his hip and she felt the gooseflesh rise to the surface of her skin at her touch. As his gaze searched hers, she felt tears begin to gather. She closed her eyes to say, "I'm-"

It wasn't just a simple kiss that he cut her off with. It was one where he loomed over her. He was careful not to put too much weight on her so as not to hurt her as his hand slid up from her cheek to bury itself in her curls. His mouth was hot and heavy on hers as their tongues clashed and danced together in the space between their lips. Tears did spill down her cheeks, but they fell back into her hair. They only made him hold her tighter to him; even as he broke away so they could breathe. With is forehead resting against hers, he said, "There's nothing you have to apologize to me for, Hermione. None of this is easy."

"I know, but-"

"There's no time limit on grief; no set rules for how long it should take someone to get over it. I'll do whatever you need me to do to help you heal, but nothing will work until you're ready." His lips brushed hers again, causing more tears to wet her hair. "Take all the time you need, Hermione. I'm not going anywhere."

Despite the tears that continued to stream, she was the one to kiss him again. This time keeping it slow and sweet, leaving no part of their mouths untasted. Slowly, his hand left her face and began to travel down. She shivered at the featherlight touch of his fingertips across her skin. She gasped into his mouth as his palm flattened over her breast causing her nipple to pebble. But as his hand began to skim across the skin of her abdomen, cautious of her scar, she shifted away from him, shaking her head in the process.

There was heat pooled between her legs; her core pulsing with the need, but she wasn't ready. She wasn't ready for the complete release of emotions an orgasm would release. She knew a lot of that stemmed from fear. She had only just begun to work her way out of depression and she knew there were things she had to navigate through, such as her son, but she wasn't ready. Not yet.

Without having to say any of that aloud, she could tell that he understood. It was the look in his eye that he gave her. The nod of his head and the tender way his hand slid back up to cup her face once more. After another docile kiss, he rolled onto his back, drawing her with him until she was settled against his side with his arm around her, her head on his chest. They stayed there for awhile, neither of them speaking, until they couldn't stay any longer. Only then did they rise from the bed, take a shower, and get ready for the day. He didn't ask if she wanted to go with him, knowing she would tell him when she was ready. When he left for the day, she texted Ginny, asking if she wanted to come over for lunch later that afternoon.

And instead of dreading the company of others, she found herself looking forward to it.

* * *

_**Wednesday, 3 February 2021; six weeks old** _

It was after James had left for the hospital on the third of February that Hermione realized what day it was. She had finished cleaning up after her lunch and went upstairs, debating if she wanted to take a bath or not as she sipped at a glass of water. It was when she reached for the tap that she remembered. The thought hit her hard enough to make her take a step back and lean against the counter for support.

It was her father's birthday and she had nearly forgotten about it.

She swallowed hard and slipped her phone from her pocket. With tears in her eyes, she pulled up her contact list and scrolled through for _Dad_. She stared at his picture, wiping away a few tears that had dropped down onto her screen. She would have liked to think that things would have resolved between them by now. That once the shock had worn off, they would have been on the fast track to repairing their relationship. Her due date was just around the corner and she wouldn't have wanted to bring her son into a world where there was any potential that he wouldn't know their grandparents.

Now she would never get to know that and as much as it still stung, to know that if she were to call him, he wouldn't be on the other end. But a part of her wanted to call, to hear his voice on the other end, and leave a message she knew he would never hear. It was a way for her to heal; a start in her process of letting go and saying goodbye. She could wish him a happy birthday and try to move forward.

With trembling hands, she pressed the call button and brought the phone up to her ear. The first ring made the butterflies in her stomach swirl around like a tornado, but it was the second ring that made her heart sink like a stone and her breath escape her lungs. She had been prepared to do this; to say goodbye, but she had _not_ been prepared for the automated voice that said,

"We're sorry, the number you have dialed is no longer in service."

Time seemed to stand still for a moment. The words repeated in her ear a few more times before they were replaced with the beeps of a line having gone dead. The phone dropped from her hand and bounced across the tile floor. Whether it was damaged or not was something she would worry about later. In the meantime, she was more concentrated on the way her legs gave out. She clutched at the counter to try and keep herself up, but it didn't work.

The glass of water she had set down to turn on the water for her bath landed on the floor a few seconds before she did. She heard it shatter, but it sounded distant; as if it were coming from another room. She leaned back against the counter and tried to focus on her breathing, but as she moved her hand up to wipe away her tears, she did a double take.

There was a piece of glass sticking out of her wrist, surrounded in blood from where she had landed on it. It wasn't a very deep cut, but it was enough to sting the moment her brain realized what she was looking at. Slowly, her brought her hand up to remove the shard and whimpered at the slight pain she felt from the action. As she watched the crimson droplets track down her skin, she felt her breathing slow.

She couldn't help but wonder if her parents had experienced this in their crash. If they had watched themselves or each bleed out and been unable to do anything except sit there and feel the pain. Or if their deaths had been quick and painless.

She wasn't even aware that her hand was moving, tearing her flesh with that shard of glass in a vain attempt to feel connected to them in some small way. It was the first time she was feeling something other than numbness since before Christmas and with each drag of the glass across her skin, the feeling intensified.

It wasn't until the strength of her grip began to fade, the shard of glass slipping from her fingers, that she realized what she had done. Her breathing had slowed considerably and her vision began to swam. As she looked around, eyes landing on her phone near the tub on the other side of the room, she heard herself whisper, "I'm sorry." It was a mantra she repeated until the sound of her own voice faded and her vision went dark.

* * *

When Hermione regained consciousness, it was her eyes that opened before the rest of her body moved. They were quick to snap shut, blinded by the bright lights and sterile white walls. She blinked a few times until she adjusted to the light and looked around. Recognition flooded her brain as she took in the sight of the hospital board on the wall with her information and the monitors she was hooked up to; their beeping steady in the background.

She noticed James at her side a moment before she shifted, the action causing him to sit up. He blinked around too and upon seeing her eyes open, he launched forward, drawing her against him as best he could with all the cords. She felt his tears wet the top of her hair as he trembled around her. She lifted both arms to hold him back, but only one responded.

Like a freight train slamming into her, the memories of what she had done in the bathroom came back to her. She cried out in shock as well as pain in her wrist. He pulled back and her gaze dropped to her left arm. The blood was gone, replaced with bandages and stopped mid-forearm. The longer she stared at it, the more pain she felt.

Little snippets returned to her as she stared. She had woken for a brief moment when James had found her on the bathroom floor. The sound he made as he dropped to her side to check for a pulse made her flinch even now. The next thing she knew paramedics were there, taking her vitals and moving her out to the ambulance on a stretcher. She barely remembered being admitted and having nurses and doctors mill about the room to keep her alive.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her gaze flicking up to meet his only to find his just as teary as her own.

He didn't have time to say anything as a nurse entered the room. James was reluctant to let go of her hand, but he remained at her side while the nurse asked her some question and made sure everything was in order. She administered an additional pain medication and left, saying the doctor would be in soon.

The moment they were alone again, James' hand was back in hers and he bent so he could put his forehead against hers. "I love you, Hermione," he whispered. She could hear the strain in his voice as he tried to keep himself from truly falling apart. "I love you and I need you with me. I can't do all of this by myself. I need you, but I can't take care of you and our son at the same time." His voice did crack at that and she sobbed right along with him.

"I love you too, James." And she did. It wasn't something either of them were saying because of what happened. They were saying it because they had almost lost the opportunity. It had been a long time coming, but with everything happening; one incident after another, they had been too afraid to say it.

"I can't lose you."

"You won't," she said, her voice ragged and raw. She hadn't meant to do it. She had been fine up until hearing the automated voice. She had spiraled far too quickly afterwards that she was having a hard time believing it was even real. Now, faced with the reality of what she had almost done, she didn't want it to ever happen again. For either of their sakes.

It wasn't long after that that the doctor came into speak with her and when she mentioned treatment centers, Hermione squeezed James' hands and asked for more information. Alone again, she looked at him and he gave a nod, giving her the strength she needed to make the decision and get the help she desperately needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TRIGGER WARNING FOR SELF-HARM / ATTEMPTED SUICIDE
> 
> Please take care of yourselves and know that my inbox is always open if you need anything! *hugs*
> 
> Also... this will be 100% HEA...we're out of the darkness now.


	39. Chapter 39

**THIRTY-NINE**

_**Saturday, 27 March 2021; thirteen weeks old** _

Hermione stayed in the hospital for two nights and was released on her third morning there. James had brought a change of clothes for her and then took her out to breakfast. But instead of going home, Hermione asked to go straight to the facility. She knew Ginny, Harry, and Sirius were all at the house, waiting to see her since she had asked James to keep them away at the hospital. She just didn't want to face them; not like this.

Not yet.

He stayed with her until she was completely checked in and the staff was nice enough to wait for them to say goodbye since she wouldn't be able to have visitors for the first two weeks. Both of which flew by despite the fact that she was confined to a solitary room without much to do. She knew it was for her safety, that she had chosen two weeks of suicide watch instead of one when they offered both. And both weeks she met with her team of caregivers around the clock.

By the time she was moved into the in-patient treatment side, she had been diagnosed with postpartum depression, complete with a psychotic break. That had been the first day and shortly after that, they had started her on an anti-depressant and brought in a counselor twice a day to talk. The medicine made her nauseous for the first few days which made her just want to sleep it off, but once they adjusted her dose to one that didn't make her feel that way, she was ready to talk. It was hard to do, but she had already seen what would happen if she kept it in any longer.

Hermione had no intention of ever repeating that mistake.

Her third week there was spent integrating her into the second phase of her in-patient therapy. She was moved to a room that she shared with another girl a few years younger than herself. It was an adjustment at first. She hadn't shared a room with a stranger since college and even then, it was only for a year. The following year Ginny had joined them and they did everything they could to make sure they were put on as roommates.

By the end of that week, she had adjusted well to her medication and settled into the routine that would remain until she checked out. They woke up at the same time every morning; early, which she preferred. Her and her roommate would take turns going first in the shower before breakfast. Afterwards they would split off for whatever activity they were scheduled for. Each day was filled with meals, activities, and group therapy sessions. While the lack of alone time drove her nuts, she understood the need to keep people in a group setting.

The only time she was "alone" was when she had one-on-one sessions with her therapist. She met with her every other day for the remainder of her stay there. It was there that she had two breakdowns. The first one happened before getting her roommate and the second one happened after her first visitation from James. He was the only one he allowed on her visitation list and he assured her that the others understood. That they wanted her to get better and would do whatever they could to make that happen, including giving her space.

It was the first of March when she was allowed visitors and he had shown up to have dinner with her. He was in a happier mood than she had been expecting; one she knew was just from being able to see her after three weeks apart. Two of which she had no contact at all. She had been able to call him once a day, usually after lunch, and every time, it was the fastest fifteen minutes of her life.

But he spent the majority of their visit listening to her talk. He watched her with bright eyes as he ate with one hand and held one of hers with the other. She felt better and he saw it. The happiness in him reaffirmed her decision to get help. They both knew that as much as she was counting down the days to go home, she would stay until she felt that she was a hundred percent ready.

It was just before his visitation was coming to an end that he told her what the real reason for his good mood was. Apparently their son was being released from the hospital the next day. That when she called him next, they would both be at home. It hadn't sunk in until they exchanged a round of "I love yous," and she watched him leave that evening. That her son, the son that she had never seen despite being two and a half months old, despite not having ever been given a name, would be there when she got home.

She would be a mother.

Instead of her activity, she had tracked down her therapist and asked if there was a way they could squeeze in a session. She had barely sank down onto her chair before the fears were spilling past her lips one after another. It was bigger than her breakdown in solitude. That one she had dealt with the death of her parents. Until that second one, she had refused to acknowledge nearly anything that had to do with her son. But once it was out there, she was able to work through it.

The following three weeks went by just as fast as the first three and by the end of it, she was more than ready to go home. She was eager to see her family again; no longer did she consider them friends. She was ready to meet her son for the first time, especially when James did a great job at hyping him up. At first, it was hard to hear him talk about the baby, but she refused to let him stop. The more he carried on, the more excited she became. The only thing she didn't allow was for him to show her pictures. She wanted the first sight of him to be in person and not on a screen.

And every time he came to visit, which was nearly every day, she fell more and more in love with him. The way he would speak about how things were going. The strength she knew it took to raise yet another child on his own, though she would be there to help him soon enough. And most of all, that no matter how worried he was, he never lost sight of what was important. He never got angry with her for being absent. Never made her feel ashamed of how she handled everything thus far. All he did was support her where he could and love her back through it all.

When the day came to leave, it started like all the others. She woke up, took a shower, and went to breakfast. It was after her meal that she returned to her room with her doctor and her therapist. But instead of her roommate, James was there. He had brought her something from her own wardrobe to change into and assured her that Ginny picked it out, not him. She changed into it after getting her discharge instructions and setting up an appointment for the following Monday to continue out-patient therapy, both group and solo.

He had even brought her the bracelet he had brought for her when they went to the arts and crafts fair. She had never thought a piece of jewelry would ever make her feel so loved and comforted in her entire life. She hadn't even realized she had missed it until it was back on her wrist.

Getting in the car felt surreal. As did the drive home. She had expected the anxiety the closer they got, but when he parked in the driveway, he sat with her until she was ready to go in and face who she knew was inside. He had already assured her it wasn't going to be everyone she knew. It was just Harry, Ginny, Sirius, and their son. That if she needed a minute to herself, they would all gladly grant her that space.

With that in mind, she gave him a nod and he came around to open her door for her. After he closed it, she wrapped her arms around his neck and stretched up on her tiptoes until she could pillow their lips together. "Happy birthday," she mumbled against his lips.

He held her tight, smiling into their kiss before he deepened it, pushing her up against the car. "Having you home is the best gift I could have asked for," he whispered back, his hand sliding down over the flesh of her rear.

Knowing there would be time for that kind of reunion later, she gave him a gentle shove and detached herself from him before taking one of his hands in hers. He held her it tightly while they walked to the front door and stepped over the threshold after a quick pause.

It was the sound of a baby's laughter that reached her ears first, followed by the sound of Harry gasping and playfully saying, "Hear that little guy? Momma's home!"

It brought tears to her eyes and she tightened her hold on James' hand to the point where he furrowed his brows and clenched his jaw. She shot him an apologetic look to which he puffed out his chest and shrugged his shoulders. He let her take the lead, willing to stand there in the entry way for as long as needed.

She found that she had waited long enough; that this was all long overdue. That thought had her placing one foot in front of the other at a quick pace and before she knew it, she was rounding the corner into the living room. The three of them were standing there, just an arm's length away. Their faces were lit up with smiles despite the tears that made their eyes shine like glass.

It was Sirius that moved for her first, pulling her from James and wrapping her in a hug so tight she thought she might choke to death. Instead of complaining, she held him back, hoping it was just as tight if not more so. "We missed you, Kitten," he whispered against the top of her hair. When he finally did let up, she saw that a few tears had escaped. "You look good."

"Thanks," she replied, smiling as her own tears glossed her cheeks. "So do you."

He grinned as she turned her attention to Ginny, her eyes glossing right over Harry and the baby where they stood in the middle. Her gaze dropped immediately to her stomach and her eyes went wide. "Despite what it looks like, I'm only seventeen weeks. Turns out not all of us are so lucky as to look all cute and skinny like you were," Ginny said, her voice sour as she pouted.

Hermione laughed and stepped forward to hug her anyway. "Tits are coming in nicely though," she whispered so only Ginny could hear. Ginny's bark of laughter brought a bout of one from the baby and Hermione pulled away from her friend and slowly turned in that direction.

For the first time since he had been taken too early from her womb, Hermione's eyes fell upon the face of her son. It was startling to see how much he looked like carbon copies of both his father and his brother in all the pictures she had seen of them at that age. Yet the more she looked, the more she saw herself in him too. His eyes were an equal blend of them both; amber on the outside and hazel leaning blue on the inside. There was a bit of light brown hair on the top of his head, but not enough to say if it would be unruly like James' or curly like her own.

He made a noise at her, one that resulted in a few spit bubbles slipping past his lips. Harry wiped them up with the cloth slung over his other shoulder and smiled at her when the baby reached his arms out towards her. "You recognize her, don't you, Kiddo?" he said, giving Hermione that look; inviting her to take him whenever she was good and ready. "That's your mom."

She swallowed hard and blinked back the tears that had gathered in her eyes. Her arms felt like lead weights, but she did manage to lift them and after a moment, Harry transferred him over to her. For one second, she felt terrified. Terrified that she was going to drop him, squeeze him too hard, or not hold him properly at all. But her motherly instincts seemed to have taken over a second later and before she knew it, he was perfectly snuggled up against her chest. His head rested on her shoulder while his little fingers played with her curls.

"You know, I can't keep referring to my brother as Baby Boy Granger-Potter forever," Harry said, smiling as he watched her hold him for the first time.

"I know," she said, her cheek coming to rest softly atop the thick thatch of hair on her son's head.

Harry moved forward, kissing the top of her head before taking Ginny by the hand and leaving the room. Sirius squeezed her forearm as he followed them out, leaving her alone with her son and James. She loved them all for recognizing that she needed a moment without having to ask for it.

James was there the moment they disappeared from sight. He stood with one hand at the small of her back, the other coming to rest under her arms where she held their son. He leaned his head against hers and pressed his lips to her temple.

"I take back what I said earlier," he whispered, watching as their son continued to play with her hair. " _This_ is the best gift I could have asked for."

"I love you," she breathed, placing a kiss to her son's head and then tilting her face up for one from James.

"I love you too."

They stood in silence for a moment before Hermione sighed and shifted the baby in her arms. "Harry's right, he does need a name."

James chuckled and his hand dipped a fraction lower, bordering on inappropriate, making her smirk. "We have time."

She shook her head. "I think he's waited long enough, don't you?"

"Did you have one in mind?"

She gave a small nod and took a deep breath. "I've been thinking about it for awhile, but feel free to tell me if you hate it."

"I named Harry; this one's all yours."

She kissed him again before brushing her fingers over her son's cheeks. "What do you say, little guy? Does Thomas Orion Potter sound good to you?"

She felt James stiffen for a second, just like she knew he would. "Just Potter?"

She tilted her face back up to his and smiled. "You told me you weren't going anywhere and unless you've changed your mind-"

His lips claimed hers with the restraint of a saint and the small amount of the hunger he tried to keep at bay made her wild with need. "Never. Not even if you told me to go."

"Then Potter it is," Hermione said again, vision blurring more at the pride that shone in his eyes.

And when he held her and Tom in another tight embrace, she had never felt more at home than in that moment. For the first time in a long time, she knew everything was going to be okay.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, Tom Riddle had to make an appearance somewhere lol

**FORTY**

_**Friday, 24 December 2021; one years old** _

Adjusting to her new role as a stay at home mom was both the most frustrating and the most rewarding thing Hermione had ever done. James was there with her until the first Monday of May, having wiped out three-quarters of his sick time. She was grateful that she wasn't doing this alone. She wasn't sure she would have been able to do that. She was convinced she would have had another breakdown if that were the case.

It took some time to settle in and find a routine that worked for everyone; especially after James went back to work and she had to adjust the routine all over again. She had thought, given the months she had spent avoiding the thought of her child, that she would have been terrible at it, but that was far from true. In fact, it turned out she was one of those mothers that almost never put him down. The first three months had been that way and it was something she was working on in her therapy sessions. She worked extra hard to ensure that she didn't go from one extreme to another.

A lot of her worry stemmed from the fact that he was considered a high-risk premature birth. Since there had been struggles in the beginning, the doctors had warned her and James that Tom's development would most likely be delayed. That he wouldn't hit the milestones at the times listed in the books she had read. All the while, they made sure to get her to understand that that was okay; so long as he was making progress, the timeline didn't matter.

And as time went on, there were scares, but for the most part, Tom was perfectly healthy. So far, every single one of his checkups put him right in the average zone. Considering everything he'd been through during the first three months of his life, Hermione would take average any day. But as his first birthday approached, he started getting stronger and surprising even his doctors.

At nine months, he started rolling onto his stomach; only two months later than the average child. And a month later, he had already taken his first steps. His motor skills were on the weaker side and he had started physical therapy shortly before Halloween, but he was getting stronger every day. Soon he would be able to walk without support of any kind and Hermione feared the day he would figure it out and never stop moving.

Thanksgiving found the new family enjoying a quiet dinner in. Ginny and Harry went to the Burrow to be with her family. Having only just started talking to Ron again, Hermione declined the invitation. It was that night, after polishing off the last of the mini pies Hermione had successfully made, Tom had said his first word. It wasn't Mommy or Daddy like Hermione and James had been trying endlessly to get him to say; it was Harry.

They had video called him right away to let him hear it and Hermione couldn't stop laughing as she saw him pumping his fist in the air repeatedly. He had been sour over learning that Sirius was not only the godfather, but shared a middle name with Tom, but that Hermione had asked Ginny to be godmother the day they'd named him. Something she had asked of Hermione in return when their daughter Lily Elizabeth Potter arrived in early September, later that year.

_"Oh, stop pouting, Harry!" Ginny said. "You're his big brother. That is going to be the hardest undertaking if he's anything like you were growing up."_

_"Hey!" came a duo of both Harry and Hermione, earning a laugh from Sirius, James, and Ginny_.

Needless to say, he was quite smug when he learned his name was his little brother's first word.

It was after Thanksgiving that Hermione started to feel the depression settle back in. Despite that her parents had always spent the holidays elsewhere, even when she was younger, it was the first one where she didn't have the option to see them at all. But her loved ones were determined to make sure this one was nothing like the previous one.

Especially James.

True to his word, James had gone all out when Christmas rolled around. No corner of the house was without decorations; inside or out. In fact, they were the most elaborately decorated house in the entire neighborhood. Even Harry had remarked on the fact that he had never seen the house look the way it did when it was finished. There was even so many decorations that they had started to put things up the day after Halloween.

On the twentieth, James took her and Tom to the cemetery. It was the first time she had been there since the funeral. She was surprised at how little tears she shed that day, most of which were bittersweet as she introduced them to their grandson. By the time she got home, the sadness still lingered, but it wasn't pressing down on her like it had been. And the next day, to celebrate Tom's first birthday, everyone gathered around to watch Tom make a right mess of a small cake and turn himself green with the frosting.

A few days later, everyone returned for Christmas Eve. She had even invited Ron and Hannah as a show of good faith for their friendship. He had been going out of his way to prove how sorry he was and let her know that he messed up. As part of her healing process, she forgave him. The last thing she wanted was to lose more people while they were mad at one another. The same went for Remus and Tonks as James forgave him the moment he came to apologize.

Even Sirius had brought someone with him, making it one of the best holidays to date. Her name was Marlene McKinnon and it was Hermione that had introduced the pair. She was a volunteer in one of Hermione's group therapy sessions and the more she went, the more they hit it off as friends. Her parents had also died in an accident when she was younger, but being that Marlene was closer to Sirius' age, she'd had time to heal and helped Hermione more than anyone else. It hadn't been long before she introduced her to Sirius and the pair had hit it off almost immediately. It was the first real relationship Sirius ever had and everyone knew it was the only would he would ever need.

The house wasn't used to having that many people in it at one time and while she was happy to have her loved ones around, she was more than happy to see them all go. Harry, Ginny, and Lily had been the last to leave and once their car was out of sight down the road, Hermione sighed into the silence.

"I'll be up in a minute," James said, kissing her cheek before heading into the kitchen.

"I can-"

"I'm just putting the food away. We can clean up tomorrow," he interrupted.

She sighed again, but nodded before climbing up the steps. Even though she had just been in Tom's room helping Harry get Lily out of the crib to go home, she went back in anyway. He was still passed out, snuggled up to the stuffed lion Harry had got him for his birthday. Keeping her touch light, she reached out and tugged his blanket up a bit more. Afterwards, she brushed the tufts of hair away from his face. The jury was still out on whether or not it would be curls or unruly. Though, it was starting to look like the latter.

Hermione remained there, staring down at her son while the little tree on the nightstand by the chair spun round and around. James had even decorated the bedrooms; theirs and Tom's anyway. Tom always did better with some sort of soft light and since putting the tree in his room, he had never slept better. And Hermione loved the way the lights would dance across the walls and over Tom's skin.

Just as she enjoyed seeing the lights would shimmer in James' eyes when he came for her. She wasn't sure she was going to let him take down the lights once the holiday was over. The jury was still out on that too.

Her lips curved upwards as a pair of arms wrapped around her from behind; a chin resting on her shoulder. She settled back into his embrace and hummed in approval when he turned and placed a brief kiss to the side of her throat.

"There was a time when I wasn't sure I'd get a moment like this," he murmured.

She nodded and folded her arms over his, squeezing tight. "Me neither," she whispered, letting her head drop back on his shoulder.

"But now that it's here, it's missing something."

"Like what?"

He pulled one of his arms from her waist for a moment and when it returned, she stilled as he held up his hand, displaying a ring between his thumb and forefinger. Tears misted her eyes as a gasp left her lips. It was a slim silver band that was crusted with crushed diamonds; each one of them catching the multicolored lights and sparkling in a way that stole her breath.

"James…"

"I wanted to do this earlier with everyone here, but I didn't want to overwhelm you."

A small laugh escaped her throat. "Thank you."

"I know we haven't been together long and that none of this was what either of us expected our lives to be like, but I wouldn't trade what we have for anything, Hermione. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Yes," she answered, though he hadn't exactly phrased it as a question. "I want that too, James. More than anything."

She held out her hand then and watched through blurred vision as he slipped the ring onto the correct finger. The moment it was placed, she turned to face him and slung her arms around his neck. His lips found hers and she was glad that he didn't waste any time in reaching down to hoist her up. Her legs locked around his waist as he carried her from Tom's room to theirs.

After a gentle tap of the door with his foot, sealing them in, James set her down on her feet. As they began to undress each other, her lips slid from his in order to nibble her way across his jaw and then latch to the spot behind his ear that made him groan her name in the most sinful of ways. She only pulled away from his skin for the few seconds it took to remove both their shirts. She smirked against him once she dove back in, kissing her way along the curve of his shoulder, making him shiver. All the while they continued to undress one another.

When they had stepped out of the last of their clothes, he placed his hands on her hips and guided her to the bed. She laid down, reaching for him immediately once she had settled and watched as he crawled his way over her. She brought her knees up, creating a valley for him to nestle into as he braced himself on his forearms on either side of her head. Her nails raked up and down his back as he claimed her lips once more.

As she curled one hand around his shoulder, she let the other drift down and slip between their bodies. He groaned into her mouth as she wrapped her fingers around his length and began to pump at a leisurely pace. Knowing she was more than ready for him; her eyes not the only thing that had wept earlier, she ran him through her slit, lined him up at her entrance, and lifted her hips so he could slide inside of her.

They swallowed each other's groans of satisfaction and her body bowed up, pressing flat against his as he took his time in stretching her out and filling her completely. He enjoyed the way her inner walls adjusted for him and clutched, drawing him in almost as much as she loved to feel every ridge of him. She took control by moving her hips at a slow pace, determined to feel every inch of him with every push and every pull.

When she tossed her head back, she turned it to the side, allowing him to bury his face into the crook of her neck. His breath warmed her skin with each shallow pant and soft grunt between gentle presses of his lips. When her hand slid out from between them, she moved it back over the bare flesh of his rear and squeezed, anchoring herself to him to widen her hips and draw him in deeper.

She could feel her release building. Every time she lifted her hips to take all of him again after dropping them to where only his head was notched inside of her. With every nip of his teeth, flicker of his tongue, or suction of his lips against the column of her throat, her legs began to shake. And when she wasn't able to maintain the control, he took over by leaning on one side while stretching his arm down her side and hooking itself under her knee. When he pushed it towards her chest, giving him leverage, he picked up the pace.

James, always being able to tell when she was close, lifted his head. Long gone were the days where he had to ask for what he wanted. She knew that he wanted to see her come; to keep their gazes locked so he could see her soul when she shattered for him. She brought both hands up, one cupping his neck, the other finding the back of his head. And she wanted it too; finding nothing more satisfying when the lights in the room brought out every color lurking in the hazel of his eyes as he came with her.

Panting hard from exertion, he collapsed on top of her, their bodies still joined together. She welcomed the weight of him pressing down on her as she let her hands roam over whatever part of his body she could touch. "I love you," she whispered over and over again, matching the same mantra that fell from his lips as he continued to place languid kisses to her skin.

They continued to whisper the declaration through the night and when she woke up on Christmas morning, she told him she didn't want to wait. That they had both already been married and she didn't want to make a large deal of it. That he was her forever; a sentiment he returned in kind.

They spent the holiday planning the details amongst themselves and the next day went out to get what they needed. The only other person they involved was Sirius who got himself ordained on the internet. Once that was done, they waited until Harry, Ginny, and Lily came over for New Year's Eve. Instead of watching the ball drop on television, they gathered round to watch James and Hermione exchange vows in front of not one, but two Christmas trees in the living room.

As not only the people in their living room cheered them on for their first kiss, the sound of those in Time's Square did as well. They smiled into the kiss and when she dropped her head to his chest, Tom playing with her hair in her arms between their embrace, she couldn't think of anything more perfect.

The way her life had turned out had been the furthest thing from what she planned. But with James at her side, she knew there was nothing they couldn't handle together, even the unexpected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe this is the end of this story! Thank you all for reading along with me and sharing your thoughts along the way!!!

**Author's Note:**

> For more content, feel free to join my FB group at: madrose_writing


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